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Thank you to everyone who offered prayers, thoughts and condolences on the death of my father. It has been a rough couple of days and I have spent most of it talking with my mother or when I can't bear it anymore with my nose buried in The Hunger Games trilogy. It provided a good distraction from real life for me when it just got to be too much to think about. I imagine the ending is considered to be quite controversial but I liked it. It fit.
My emotions are all over the place. I kind of resent the fact that my father didn't want to have a funeral or a memorial service. Those sorts of things are not for the dead, they are for the living, as a way of finding solace against grief. My mother doesn't want one either, but since I'll be in charge as her power of attorney in her later days, she may just get one anyway.
I have whole hours where I am okay and then I get hit by the loss and I leak tears and I wallow for a bit and then I get on with things. And then I realize I've gone a few hours without thinking about it at all, and then I get mad at myself for that.
The kids are doing all right. Rose is the one I expected to break down and she's being very strong. Tobias fell apart twice. Otherwise he seems like he is handling it okay. I need to call my MIL. I had Chris tell her on the day, but I couldn't bear to talk to anyone other than him on the phone so I haven't touched base in person. I couldn't handle the sympathy.
I had a hard time at physical therapy today. Not with the exercises, just, I had to keep swallowing back my emotions. I had an evaluation today and I've increased strength levels in all categories, my gait has improved (no trending to one side) and the speed at which I walk is faster. I get one more pool session and then I'm on dry land again. Most of the pain is gone, so that is a good step forward. I'm sitting at around a 2 on a scale of 1 to 10. When I started I was at an 8 so that's a pretty good improvement there.
It's ironic how life just goes on even when someone else is no longer living it anymore, isn't it?
My emotions are all over the place. I kind of resent the fact that my father didn't want to have a funeral or a memorial service. Those sorts of things are not for the dead, they are for the living, as a way of finding solace against grief. My mother doesn't want one either, but since I'll be in charge as her power of attorney in her later days, she may just get one anyway.
I have whole hours where I am okay and then I get hit by the loss and I leak tears and I wallow for a bit and then I get on with things. And then I realize I've gone a few hours without thinking about it at all, and then I get mad at myself for that.
The kids are doing all right. Rose is the one I expected to break down and she's being very strong. Tobias fell apart twice. Otherwise he seems like he is handling it okay. I need to call my MIL. I had Chris tell her on the day, but I couldn't bear to talk to anyone other than him on the phone so I haven't touched base in person. I couldn't handle the sympathy.
I had a hard time at physical therapy today. Not with the exercises, just, I had to keep swallowing back my emotions. I had an evaluation today and I've increased strength levels in all categories, my gait has improved (no trending to one side) and the speed at which I walk is faster. I get one more pool session and then I'm on dry land again. Most of the pain is gone, so that is a good step forward. I'm sitting at around a 2 on a scale of 1 to 10. When I started I was at an 8 so that's a pretty good improvement there.
It's ironic how life just goes on even when someone else is no longer living it anymore, isn't it?
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