Thank You

[amberfocus]

Thank you to everyone who offered prayers, thoughts and condolences on the death of my father. It has been a rough couple of days and I have spent most of it talking with my mother or when I can't bear it anymore with my nose buried in The Hunger Games trilogy. It provided a good distraction from real life for me when it just got to be too much to think about. I imagine the ending is considered to be quite controversial but I liked it. It fit.

My emotions are all over the place. I kind of resent the fact that my father didn't want to have a funeral or a memorial service. Those sorts of things are not for the dead, they are for the living, as a way of finding solace against grief. My mother doesn't want one either, but since I'll be in charge as her power of attorney in her later days, she may just get one anyway.

I have whole hours where I am okay and then I get hit by the loss and I leak tears and I wallow for a bit and then I get on with things. And then I realize I've gone a few hours without thinking about it at all, and then I get mad at myself for that.

The kids are doing all right. Rose is the one I expected to break down and she's being very strong. Tobias fell apart twice. Otherwise he seems like he is handling it okay. I need to call my MIL. I had Chris tell her on the day, but I couldn't bear to talk to anyone other than him on the phone so I haven't touched base in person. I couldn't handle the sympathy.

I had a hard time at physical therapy today. Not with the exercises, just, I had to keep swallowing back my emotions. I had an evaluation today and I've increased strength levels in all categories, my gait has improved (no trending to one side) and the speed at which I walk is faster. I get one more pool session and then I'm on dry land again. Most of the pain is gone, so that is a good step forward. I'm sitting at around a 2 on a scale of 1 to 10. When I started I was at an 8 so that's a pretty good improvement there.

It's ironic how life just goes on even when someone else is no longer living it anymore, isn't it?

Comments

[emraldeyedauter.livejournal.com]

I'm glad to hear that things health wise for you are improving. That is good news even though I guess it doesn't feel as good as it probably normal would.

You mentioned that your dad didn't want a funeral or memorial service. Could you not hold your own private one with your husband and children. Maybe that might help give some closure.

My continued thoughts and good wishes

[yavie-namarie.livejournal.com]

It's ironic how life just goes on even when someone else is no longer living it anymore, isn't it?

It's really the strangest feeling. It feels like everything is supposed to come to a screeching halt, but instead the current of life just keeps sweeping you along.
Still keeping you in my prayers, dear.
*hugs*

[scifiangel.livejournal.com]

I'm sorry to hear about your loss. I lossed my Mom in 2002 and my Dad in 2005.

It does get better, but I never stop missing them. I will take some time, but someday you will think of him and smile instead of cry.

Hang in there.

[bloose09.livejournal.com]

You will find your own way to grieve for your Father. You and your family need that closure. Maybe discuss, with your children, what they would like to do.

Great news on the health front. You are making wonderful progress. Keep that up.

I continue to keep you and your family in my prayers.

[jer832.livejournal.com]

It's wonderful that your physical pain is less and you're getting stronger. The other--everyone is different, but in my experience it's as if you've been moved out of the physical world; things happen around you but don't touch you, except for the pain.

When my mom died, my best friends, who knew her, and I had an Irish wake, told stories, and toasted her. Only one of them was Irish. I'm not. It helped. It was very personal, and I didn't have to "be strong" for the rest of the family.

My thoughts are with you and your family.

[valiant-queene.livejournal.com]

I'm so glad that your pain is decreasing so much and that it sounds like you keep improving.

My deepest sympathies for you and your family. The only piece of advice I feel like I can give is don't let anyone else tell you how you have to deal with your grief. Listening to those people causes much more pain than it helps heal.

[rosewarren.livejournal.com]

I am so sorry for your loss. My father died eight years ago. Most of the time it's okay, and then something will happen and the hurt is there again. Just know that eventually the grief won't be so painful.

((hugs))

[susanb03.livejournal.com]

You are more than welcome. I've been there. My dad passed away suddenly in 2000. I'm so glad to hear your pain is decreasing and your movement is improving!

It is funny how things even years later will trigger that.. feeling of 'you're supposed to be remembering.' And going through it with my husband all over again........

[develish1]

I'm pleased to hear your own health is improving.

as for the rest..... *hugs*