amberfocus | I Got Wanked and You Know What? I'm Laughing

So I got wanked here: http://community.livejournal.com/who_anon/2358.html?thread=9327926#t9327926 Obviously it's so not me, which anyone who knows me realizes. So in the spirit of shining the light into all the dark hidey-holes, this is my response:

*rolls eyes* Oh, for goodness sake. You know, that really, really actually made me laugh. Yes, I whine about Teaspoon. I freely admit I whine about Teaspoon. I tag my posts as whining. Hello, people. I'm human and I whine. I also usually say its still the best archive on the web, but obviously the out of context gods and godesses don't care one iota.

I don't for one minute think the mods are oppressing me. Okay, I may have had one or two paranoid moments where it felt like I was being buried but everyone is getting their share of being buried and yes, it's just paranoia, and I've admitted that too. Freely. Of my own accord. Because I'm human. And so I freaked out when the page counts on Nine stories went down by over 100 stories in a week's time, because I've had too many people tell me too many things about stuff that's happening to them. I've actually had a story deleted once (not a chapter, a story) with no explanation until I asked for one. I know someone else who has, too. Someone I trust. And I wasn't the only one who was freaking out. Believe me.

Honestly, people who can't put a name to their behind the back complaining are simply being immature. This is junior high and high school stuff. And you know what? I don't care. If I cared I wouldn't whine in public posts about Teaspoon, which someone is obviously taking the time to read. Because they do care. *snorts* And I'd get all up in arms about fandom wankers if I cared. But I don't. And sometimes I think that's what bothers people the most. When you spend three years of your life just fighting to be alive, and succeeding, mind you, what other people think really ceases to be of any importance. I'm a survivor. That's what I do. And I'm happy with my life. Extraordinarily, blessedly happy. Because I fought for it and I'm still here.

I'm also happy with what I write. And no it's not all epic shippy fests. I write short smutty one-shots, too. *giggles* And the occassional crack. I'm happy with my fanbase. I'm happy with the 286 people who have favorited me at Teaspoon in the one year that I've been there and the 160 people who have friended me on LJ in the eight months I've been here.

So if you don't like me and you don't like my shippy little stories, then you don't have to read them. Simple as that. I don't read what I don't like and I don't say nasty things in public or in print about individuals. I don't run cliques and I am inclusive of and welcoming to anyone who comes to my LJ or my Teaspoon account. I look out for talented newbie author's who are descended upon by vultures and encourage them along. I'm nice to people and they're nice to me and that's how my life works. That's who I am. I wish it were that easy for everyone. It's not.

So if you don't like the fact that my star rose so fast? Get over it. If you don't like that I didn't have to pay dues in fandom, which I freely admit I didn't? Again, get over it. It's just not that important in the grand scheme of life. I'm not getting sucked into the politics of it. So there's some jealousy because of it. Yeah, I'm aware of it. Have been for some time. You think I haven't been jealous of other writers? Of course, I have. No one's the best, and I certainly don't claim to be. But green-eyed monster totally threatened jealous? What's the point? The fandom's big enough for all of us and in the end it's just not important. Bullies are bullies the world over and cowards are cowards. Guess what? I don't put up with it in real life, either.

I enjoy what I write. I write fast. I have a lot of time to write because I don't have a full time job, both my kids are in school full time, my husband is away a lot for work, I live in the mountains away from civilization, and I don't watch much TV. This is what I do to fill my time. And I'm lucky. I'm very, very lucky to be able to do it and do it so easily. I get that. I'm grateful for it. I wish it were this easy for everyone because there'd be a whole lot more enjoyable fic out there.

I love the back and forth with my fans. I appreciate their comments and I tell them so. I don't ignore them and I don't make fun of them. I've made so many great friendships with them. So yeah, people can go ahead and talk about me behind my back all they want. It's not like I can stop them. But the people who take the time to get to know me know it's not the truth.

For the record, I'm stating:

A. I'm just blowing off steam when I whine about Teaspoon when they don't follow their own rules and it annoys me

B. I still think Teaspoon is an amazing place

C. I don't think the mods are evil. I do know they work hard. I appreciate it.

D. I do know they get overwhelmed and then let through lots of stuff with typos and errors five pages at a time

E. I still love the site despite everything or I wouldn't still be using it

In the end, Life's Too Short, so if you care, I forgive you. And if you don't...eh, oh, well. *grins* Still aren't going to bring me down because I'm secure in and of myself and that's really all that matters in the end. And you know what? Despite everything, I certainly hope you can find that kind of security in your own lives, because in the end that's all this sort of behavior is about. Insecurity. Think about it.