I Got Wanked and You Know What? I'm Laughing

[amberfocus]

So I got wanked here:  http://community.livejournal.com/who_anon/2358.html?thread=9327926#t9327926  Obviously it's so not me, which anyone who knows me realizes.  So in the spirit of shining the light into all the dark hidey-holes, this is my response:

 

*rolls eyes*  Oh, for goodness sake.  You know, that really, really actually made me laugh.  Yes, I whine about Teaspoon.  I freely admit I whine about Teaspoon.  I tag my posts as whining.  Hello, people.  I'm human and I whine.  I also usually say its still the best archive on the web, but obviously the out of context gods and godesses don't care one iota.

I don't for one minute think the mods are oppressing me.  Okay, I may have had one or two paranoid moments where it felt like I was being buried but everyone is getting their share of being buried and yes, it's just paranoia, and I've admitted that too.  Freely.  Of my own accord.  Because I'm human.  And so I freaked out when the page counts on Nine stories went down by over 100 stories in a week's time, because I've had too many people tell me too many things about stuff that's happening to them.  I've actually had a story deleted once (not a chapter, a story) with no explanation until I asked for one.  I know someone else who has, too.  Someone I trust.  And I wasn't the only one who was freaking out.  Believe me.

Honestly, people who can't put a name to their behind the back complaining are simply being immature.  This is junior high and high school stuff.  And you know what?  I don't care.  If I cared I wouldn't whine in public posts about Teaspoon, which someone is obviously taking the time to read.  Because they do care. *snorts*  And I'd get all up in arms about fandom wankers if I cared.  But I don't.  And sometimes I think that's what bothers people the most.  When you spend three years of your life just fighting to be alive, and succeeding, mind you, what other people think really ceases to be of any importance.  I'm a survivor.  That's what I do.  And I'm happy with my life.  Extraordinarily, blessedly happy.  Because I fought for it and I'm still here.

I'm also happy with what I write.  And no it's not all epic shippy fests.  I write short smutty one-shots, too. *giggles*  And the occassional crack.  I'm happy with my fanbase.  I'm happy with the 286 people who have favorited me at Teaspoon in the one year that I've been there and the 160 people who have friended me on LJ in the eight months I've been here. 

So if you don't like me and you don't like my shippy little stories, then you don't have to read them.  Simple as that.  I don't read what I don't like and I don't say nasty things in public or in print about individuals.  I don't run cliques and I am inclusive of and welcoming to anyone who comes to my LJ or my Teaspoon account.  I look out for talented newbie author's who are descended upon by vultures and encourage them along.  I'm nice to people and they're nice to me and that's how my life works.  That's who I am.  I wish it were that easy for everyone.  It's not.

So if you don't like the fact that my star rose so fast?  Get over it.  If you don't like that I didn't have to pay dues in fandom, which I freely admit I didn't?  Again, get over it.  It's just not that important in the grand scheme of life.  I'm not getting sucked into the politics of it.  So there's some jealousy because of it.  Yeah, I'm aware of it.  Have been for some time.  You think I haven't been jealous of other writers?  Of course, I have.  No one's the best, and I certainly don't claim to be.  But green-eyed monster totally threatened jealous?  What's the point?  The fandom's big enough for all of us and in the end it's just not important.  Bullies are bullies the world over and cowards are cowards.  Guess what?  I don't put up with it in real life, either.

I enjoy what I write.  I write fast.  I have a lot of time to write because I don't have a full time job, both my kids are in school full time, my husband is away a lot for work, I live in the mountains away from civilization, and I don't watch much TV.  This is what I do to fill my time.  And I'm lucky.  I'm very, very lucky to be able to do it and do it so easily.  I get that.  I'm grateful for it.  I wish it were this easy for everyone because there'd be a whole lot more enjoyable fic out there.

I love the back and forth with my fans.  I appreciate their comments and I tell them so.  I don't ignore them and I don't make fun of them.  I've made so many great friendships with them.  So yeah, people can go ahead and talk about me behind my back all they want.  It's not like I can stop them.  But the people who take the time to get to know me know it's not the truth.

For the record, I'm stating:

A. I'm just blowing off steam when I whine about Teaspoon when they don't follow their own rules and it annoys me

B. I still think Teaspoon is an amazing place

C. I don't think the mods are evil.  I do know they work hard.  I appreciate it. 

D. I do know they get overwhelmed and then let through lots of stuff with typos and errors five pages at a time

E. I still love the site despite everything or I wouldn't still be using it

In the end, Life's Too Short, so if you care, I forgive you.  And if you don't...eh, oh, well. *grins*  Still aren't going to bring me down because I'm secure in and of myself and that's really all that matters in the end.  And you know what?  Despite everything, I certainly hope you can find that kind of security in your own lives, because in the end that's all this sort of behavior is about.  Insecurity.  Think about it.

Comments

[irishlullaby.livejournal.com]

::gives you a "I got wanked and all I got was this tshirt and a good laugh" tshirt::

XD

Edit: BTW, being wanked is apparently a "right of passage" for fandom. So, you are now a man!! erm... woman!! fandomly speaking.

[amberfocus.livejournal.com]

I suppose so. Thanks for the support.

[ravenclaw-devil.livejournal.com]

Don't let them get you down. The people who wrote that are a bunch of idiots who couldn't write if someone put a pen in their hands a spoon fed the words onto the paper - in other words, fuck 'em. They are entirely unimportant and their only claim to fame is to decrease the oxygen count on the planet. Again, I say fuck 'em. They're not worth your time and are prime examples of why inbreeding is bad and why some people shouldn't be allowed to contribute to the gene pool. You are a fantastic writer and deserve all the praise that can be sent your way. Your writing is a gift, whether you've paid your dues or not. Life's not fair and some people are better than others at some things. Writing is clearly your thing. Being assholes is clearly theirs.

Additionally, whining is something we do to make life bearable, to vent in a safe manner the things that piss us off to no end. Again I say they are idiots if they cannot understand that. I'm sure they've whined at some point, too. Should they be harassed for that whining themselves? I think they'd complain if someone did to them what they've done to you, so again I say fuck it and fuck them.

Don't let the morons get to you and keep up your wonderful writing. I, for one, cannot wait to read more!! (sorry for the mini-rant ;D)

[ravenclaw-devil.livejournal.com]

Btw, I'm really glad you're laughing over it and not taking it to heart. That's exactly the way to handle it! :D

[simplyn2deep.livejournal.com]

I have a problem with people who criticize anonymously. and over something trivial and stupid. I understand that's what the comm is created for, but still.

I just think it creates a lot of two-facedness (is that even a word!?)

[amberfocus.livejournal.com]

Me, too. I put my LJ identity on everything I say, because I'm willing to back it up. When you hide behind anon, it means you don't have the courage to back up your convictions and what kind of way is that to live?

[amyo67.livejournal.com]

Rock on. Good for you. I'm glad you are laughing about it. And you are right. There are lots of us who love you and are grateful for your work. *HUGE HUGS*

[amberfocus.livejournal.com]

Thanks, dear. You're the best.

[ravenclaw-devil.livejournal.com]

Just want to send hugs your way. HUGS!!!!! WARM WISHES!!!! HAPPY THOUGHTS!!!! (now all you need is the pixie dust to fly...lol) ^grins^

[amberfocus.livejournal.com]

Thank you so much.

[ageless-aislynn.livejournal.com]

...and this is how you know when you've achieved fame: people anonymously wank about you. *eyeroll of massive proportions*

*borrows Donna's mallet*

Seriously, sour grapes, much? Sounds to me like that was written by somebody who's just jealous because their epic shippyfics (and did they say "dubcon" Nine? o_O ) have gotten 0 comments.

And Jiminy Christmas, this is your LJ, you're freakin' allowed to talk about whatever you want, whether it's to vent, rant, moan, groan, gripe, complain, throw rotten tomatoes, sing off-key, or post nothing but pictures of bananas. ;) The last time I looked, nobody was getting a gun held to their head to read something they didn't want to. *throws up hands*

It's really, really good that you're secure enough to let this wash off of you! Of all of the things I admire you for, that's got to be pretty much the top of the list. Back when I was selling short stories, I had another author tell me something along the lines that my story made his IQ drop a few points and it took me years to get past that (okay, so I still haven't really gotten past it ;) ) and even though I knew I shouldn't take it to heart, I did anyway and it really damaged my confidence. And what good did that do? It just let some jerk who had no reason to be mean to me win and it took something that had always been fun for me and just drained the life out of it.[/end life story] Ahem. Sorry, didn't mean to take off there! *blush*

Anyway, like I said, this is total confirmation that you've Made It in fandom (if you weren't quite sure if you had yet or not, lol! ;) ), though it's a seriously crummy way to find out! :S *big hugs* ♥!

[amberfocus.livejournal.com]

I had to look up dubcon. Dubious consent in case anyone else was wondering. I found that funny because I think there's only been one story where he didn't get her consent, she gave in to his advances without giving it and then later she yelled at him about it and made it clear he needed to respect her no from then on which was the point, but in every other story he did get her consent before taking her to bed. The Boundaries of Consent was borderline, but he did get a yes from her before it progressed to that point. So really, don't where that's coming from as all I write. Must have missed all the Ten fic and Ten2 fic, none of which has ever had dubcon.

It's hard to take people seriously when they're just wrong. I'm sorry that happened to you. What I've read of what you've written I've enjoyed a great deal. And thanks for your support. *hugs you*

[wiggiemomsi.livejournal.com]

You've got the right attitude, good for you! Anyone leaving such mean-spirited tripe, and as a cowardly "Anonymous," yet, deserves to be laughed at! (And spat upon and trampled flat!!)

*Hugs*

[morgaine-nicely.livejournal.com]

oooh i love your angry ten icon :)
haven't seen that one!

[angelfireeast.livejournal.com]

You my friend have a very heathly reaction to this. I'm glad you not too upset, I'm upset enough for the both of us.

Honestly, people who can't put a name to their behind the back complaining are simply being immature. This is junior high and high school stuff.

WORD!

[amberfocus.livejournal.com]

Yeah, you are. *hugs you* But I wouldn't like it from your angle, either. They took stuff from your journal after all. I'm more annoyed they were pretending to be us then at what they said, because what they said was so patently faked and anyone who saw the originals knows this. False impersonation is fraud and is illegal, even on the internet. But I don't care enough to do anything about it. Oh, well. Again, life is too short for that kind of pettiness.

[yenly-gozal.livejournal.com]

Tons of us here are in love with your stories. Don't let a few anonymous people get under your skin. They're just trying to make you miserable because they're miserable. It's good that you responded with laugh. It shows them that you know who you are and that you're secure with yourself and a bunch of anonymous wankers won't make you budge. Well done! *thumbs up*

[amberfocus.livejournal.com]

Thank you for the support. I won't. I've got too sunny a natural disposition and too strong a sense of self-confidence in my writing now.

[morgaine-nicely.livejournal.com]

LOL it's AMAZING the type of SHITE people will type when they are *holds fingers in air and makes gesture* "anon"
lol :P
i read that whole thing and laughed, that's just jealousy or whatever...anyone can type the HTML and be you or me or whatever lol I love you and your work so F em all :P
and yeah you did get wanked for sure hehe...
btw, people really write fic about Three? *chuckles*
not that i dont like those shows, i've seen em, but it's just wierd to think that there's fic out there about a bunch of old guys :P
oh and one more thing...
As to 2, she says she has a RL and a family. Wonder where she gets the time to write so much shitty dubcon Nine, then.
what the FRICK?
i wonder seriously if that person has all their marbles, either that or they're 16, still living at home with their mum, and has no boyfriend....because sorry, RL is busy shit. add in a family? and as i've told you before girl, i dunno HOW you get so much good stuf written when you've got a family and more (i'm married, no kids, and work two jobs, there's no way i could do what you do! lol)
so...
*thumb snaps* for you delta phi girl :) lol
*hugs*

[amberfocus.livejournal.com]

Yeah. Although I quite liked Three and Jo. They had a great dynamic that I've thought about maybe one day doing a multi-era with.

As for then wondering about how I can write so much and have a life, well...they may be coming at it from the perspective of how long it take them to write anything and how hard it is for them. Writing is not hard for me (most of the time) and it goes very quickly, and I type 70 wpm. I can usually do 1000 words in an hour. 1.5 to 2 hours is a standard chapter. That's like an episode of Bones and House or whatever tv shows they could give up watching if they wanted to do the same thing. That's if they can write 2000 words in 2 hours. Some people might take a whole week to do that, even if they had the time to devote to it. It's all about how hard or how easy it is for the individual.

Anyway, thanks for the support. *hugs back*

[morgaine-nicely.livejournal.com]

of course it leaves the whole "anon" thing open to those who'd love to go wank em back :P
not sayin i would but....i'm just sayin' heh
why? because you're "anon" hehe *finger gestures again*
true i just contradicted what i said below but..

[amberfocus.livejournal.com]

Nah, that just gives them the satisfaction of knowing they've annoyed people. Not worth it, really.

[ehmi.livejournal.com]

That's so random. How'd you even come across that post?

I don't understand people. I'm a compassionate person and all, but I really just don't understand people, and I'm glad that we don't have to literally walk in other people's shoes, cause I'd get lost and confused really fast. They don't make sense. (And when I say "people" and "they", it's just in reference to the ones that do bizarre and stupid things, not, like, the whole world. Some people are quite lovely. Like you, for instance.)

[amberfocus.livejournal.com]

angelfireeast brought it to my attention. Yeah, I don't get them either. I think people who do that must be terribly unhappy with their own lives. Every bully I've ever known was. Thanks for your support!

[salimali.livejournal.com]

One of the seven sins- jealousy!! You've got a great attitude to silly, childish, immature behaviour and don't you ever let it get to you. You write GREAT fics, I love them all (and thats saying something because I don't ship Nine/Rose at all!!- you are one of only 2 writers that I read Nine/Rose fics from).
Please don't let these "anon" people get to you and keep motoring out these fics because we all love reading them.
x

[amberfocus.livejournal.com]

Yeah. It is. It's also a tremendous time waster. I mean what good does jealousy do anyone? Thank you so much. Only one of two writers you read Nine of, hmm? Is the other one lostwolfchats by any chance? *laughs* Yeah, they won't get to me. I'm happy with what I do. And the fics will keep on coming.

[solarflar3.livejournal.com]

You know something, they haven't got the balls to identify themselves, that is why they hide at Who-anon. That in itself speaks volumes to me. Your crits about Teaspoon are valid; new fic's do get buried under dozens of updates so people who are looking for them, who might not have favourited them, miss them. It is worrying when fic's disappear and the fic counts vary. Not everyone catches the mod updates so quite often we don't know why.

I did think at first the changes at Teaspoon would be for the good. For the most part they are, or would be IF there were enough mods to deal with the amount of fiction being posted each day. I am starting to get the impression that the place is becoming elitist too.

You are human, you whinge, we ALL do. It's part of life. So yeah, Who-anon, whinge about me if you wish. Frankly I do not care, all I ask is if you do, at least have the balls to use your user name and not hide like a child behind an anonymous ID.

[amberfocus.livejournal.com]

Yep. My husband said, "So it's okay to whine about me whining about Teaspoon, but it's not okay for me to actually whine about Teaspoon?" That puts it into pretty clear persepctive right there. *laughs* Yes, exactly, I agree with you about the mod changes. They are mostly good, really. Annoying, but good. When they work.

[mkejenkins.livejournal.com]

You go girl!!!! Just remember...Success is the sweetest revenge!!!!

[amberfocus.livejournal.com]

*laughs* Yep. Thank you.

[lillibetm3.livejournal.com]

It's jealousy, pure and simple. If you were a no-rate writer they wouldn't know who you were in order to wank over you, but you're not, you're an amazingly talented and popular writer - and they're not. That's what pisses them off.

Ignore them, they don't matter. Write because you enjoy it. Write for those of us who read you. Your fanbase will continue to grow, and there's nothing those childish, immature, jealous anons can do about it.

[amberfocus.livejournal.com]

Thanks, Lilli. I have great joy in what I write and they won't spoil that for me. I've got a tremendous support system here, of which you are a wonderful part.

[adoringheart00.livejournal.com]

Go you! You have such a brilliant attitude towards such a silly situation. So you're brilliant writer and a sensible person, too! :P There's no sense in getting upset about it, as you say. *supportive hug* Keep writing, don't let anybody stop you! :D

[amberfocus.livejournal.com]

Thank you very much for the support. It certainly won't stop me.

[angel932.livejournal.com]

Fuck 'em, I love your stuff. End of story!

[amberfocus.livejournal.com]

Thank you. *laughs*

[katydidto.livejournal.com]

Just remember, for everyone who read 'Pride and Prejudice' and fell hopelessly in love with it, there was someone else who declared it worthless drivel.

You have an incredibly large group of people who love your work.

But seriously, someone writes stories about Three? eww!

[mysticalchild_isis]

Sorry, don't want to sound rude or attacking. I was just passing through and saw this and was a bit surprised. A lot of people (myself included) like all of the Doctors, and Three and Four were a lot of people's "first" Doctors.

Again, don't want you to take this as angry or attacking. Just wanted to make a gentle point.

[ramblinsuze.livejournal.com]

*big giant eye roll*

First, what they said was ridiculous. Everybody bitches in their own LJ and you are FAR from the only person who has complained about Teaspoon. Faaaaar from. You don't like it? Don't read it.

Second, anyone who doesn't have the balls to put their name to shit like this isn't worth a second's thought. What are they, two???

Glad to see the bastards aren't getting you down. ;)

[amberfocus.livejournal.com]

That's my point, too. *laughs* Thanks for the support.

[blackcat-1.livejournal.com]

Oh, really. It's pathetic, isn't it? I don't know why people have to be so nasty. As you say, life's too short. Your fic is great and you only have to look at the number of responses you get to each chapter of your work to see that many others agree.
Jealousy, is what I think.

[amberfocus.livejournal.com]

Yeah, it is. Oh, it's totally about jealousy. It's certainly not about the writing. That makes it easy enough to deal with. Thanks for the support, hon.

[mysticalchild_isis]

I just meandered over to who_anon, as I hadn't really seen it before, and I was rather appalled at the extreme misogyny and bitterness that fills it.

I'm sorry that you and angelfireeast got mentioned there, but glad to see you aren't letting it bother you too much. Apparently, liking Rose is horrible crime. ::rolls eyes::

[amberfocus.livejournal.com]

Yeah. I'd never have gone there at all if this wasn't brought to my attention by one of my oldest LJ friends. And I won't go there again. I avoid wank like the plague. It's not a healthy place to begin with, certainly not for Doctor/Rose shippers. That's why I stick to the shippy comms. Thanks so much for your support.

Um, Hi. . .

[aranel-te.livejournal.com]

Um, hello, This has nothing to do with your post, but I felt I needed to say it. . . I hope that's ok.

I feel like I’ve lurked and read your fics for too long. I don’t review often, like a dozen times in the years I’ve been reading fic, but sometimes I read a fic or author that makes me want to respond. I’ve been reading your work for months, and I feel I should tell you how wonderful your writing is. Not that you’ve no idea considering all the reviews you get, but one more can’t hurt right?

Ok, on to business.

Your lj is the first thing I check when I get on the internet most days – partly because you update so often, but mostly because your fics are just so brilliant. I love your epic Time Eternal series, the plot is so complex, but not at the risk of the character development. And although you’ve deviated from cannon, I never felt the characters weren’t themselves. I love the timey-wimey-ness of the character interaction, the Doctor and Rose so often interacting with their children and grandchildren. I also love how your other stories are all connected, Time Eternal, Andromeda Rising, and Jack’s Path. You’ve crated your own universe, where everything in all interconnected – and it blows my mind!

I can’t believe that not only have you written those amazing stories — with their own universe—but you’ve written other fics!

When I started reading You’re What I thought it would be fun and a bit cracky, but you proved me wrong! It’s so deep and just lovely. The Doctor and Rose’s insecurities over getting married were so frustrating but wonderful.
I didn’t want to read Zepplins when you first wrote it—I hadn’t fully accepted Journy’s End yet, but I’m glad I decided to give it a try. And you didn’t let me down! You, along with a few other authors, have helped me come to terms with JE—a bit. . .

I’m not terribly fond of alt!Nine fics, but I do love Wolf and Hunger Moon. You rectified having an alt!Nine and there being only one Gallifrey. I loved how deep the plot is, going back to before the war. I love the difference between Nine and alt!Nine. And I love the interaction between him and Rose.

What else. . .Of course, smut!! Your smut is so hot, and varied—always appropriate for the fic, sweet and romantic, or hot and steamy. I’m reminded of when you re-wrote a chapter of Hunger Moon so that the smut had to make room for the plot—I don’t think all authors would’ve done so.
Well, as long as this is it still doesn’t give full justice to your writing. And please forgive my rambling.

Lurker, but trying,
Sarah

Re: Um, Hi. . .

[amberfocus.livejournal.com]

Oh, certainly, of course it is. And welcome to my LJ. Your words are wonderfully supportive. I am so glad you like the way I write the characters, even in AU sitautions. Hope to see you around, but it's okay to lurk if you're not comfortable talking much. *smiles*

[doctorsdiva.livejournal.com]

I just want to say that I wouldn't still be writing my fic if I hadn't found you. You have been supportive, encouraging and one hell of a role model. Your writing is Epic in the true sense of the word and I look forward to every posting. People like them make newbies like me scared to put our hands up and say "here's my fic", people like you make it exciting and fun.

Thank you *big Brit hugs*

[amberfocus.livejournal.com]

Thank you. And one day I might actually finish going through it. So glad you're not in a hurry.

Some people are short story folks and some people are novel type writers and I think I mostly fall in the latter category. I guess that makes it epicy.

Thank you, *hugs back*

[yummytimelord.livejournal.com]

That's just nasty (not your post but the one on teaspoon) *goes off on a hunt for a really bit stick to beat bitchy anonymous commentators* glad you're laughing, don't know if I could in your position, nasty gits.

[amberfocus.livejournal.com]

Thanks for the support. What else can I do? Getting upset would just make them happy. Not getting upset probably annoys them even more. *grins*