You Reap What You Sow (3&4 of 45)
Jun. 5th, 2008 04:40 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
amberfocus
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Chapter Three: A Lullaby and A Bedtime Story
Donna left them alone and the Doctor went over to Rose and held out his hands for the baby. She handed him to his father, being careful to cradle his head and neck as she passed him off. The Doctor carried him over to the changing table in the corner of the room. Rose stood up and followed him. “Can you…” She hesitated until he turned to look at her, one hand holding Vandarian firmly in place. “Can you teach me how to do that?”
“Change a nappy? You’ve never…?”
“Not that I remember,” she said and then continued disparagingly. “Right useless mum I make.”
She stepped to his side. “Now first thing you do is put a blast shield in place. He’s a fountainer and if you don’t want to get caught in the crossfire you’ll cover your bases.” Rose laughed and the Doctor shot her a soft look at the unexpected sound. She tilted her head at the table and he continued. “It’s simple. Just unfasten like so, use the wipes like this, pull out the old one, put down the new,” he paused, then added, “Be careful when you lift him up. He doesn’t weigh much and you might end up holding him in the air by the ankles unexpectedly. Not that I’d know,” he said, his expression all innocence.
She gave him a disbelieving look. “Just thought you’d mention it, all casual, like?”
He gave her a wide grin and suddenly her heart skipped a beat. Actually, it did an odd double beat skip, more accurately. She realized in that moment just how gorgeous the man was. She swallowed it down and tore her gaze from the Doctor. “Then what?”
“Okay, new one fastens like so and the old one and the wipe go into that flap there for the TARDIS to recycle.” He pointed to something that looked like a cat door at waist height in the TARDIS wall next to the changing table.
He lifted the baby up off the table. “All done, easy peasy, pudding and pie.” Rose raised her eyebrows. “Don’t know where that came from and hope I never say it again,” the Doctor muttered. He sat down in the rocking chair with Dare and gently started it in motion.
Rose sat on the bed and watched him as he began crooning a song to encourage the child to sleep, though his eyes never left her face while he sang it. A deep Scottish burr came into his voice as he began the traditional Scottish ballad.
Twilight is softly falling as the sun sinks in the West,
The one I love is calling, "Shepherd, come home to rest."
At hush of even-tide,
O'er the hills beyond the Clyde,
I go roaming to my heaven,
Down in the Glen
Though humble it may be,
There an angel waits for me,
In that lonely little heaven,
Down in the glen.
Across the moonlit heather,
My lassie calls as I roam,
'Tis soon we'll be together
In that heaven we call "home".
The sheep are in the fold,
And there's peace worth more than gold,
For that shepherd in that heaven,
Down in the glen.
Rose sighed softly as the Doctor finished singing. “He’s asleep,” the Doctor told her. Rose stood up and collected the baby, taking him to the crib and lying him gently down.
“That was beautiful,” Rose said sitting back down on the bed. “Your singing was lovely.”
“Thank you,” he said his eyes searching hers for a moment. He came over and sat down on the end of the bed, not next to her, but on the other edge. “You can have the bedroom,” he said, the hand closest to her clenching the coverlet up. “The TARDIS will find me another room to sleep in.”
“Why don’t I just stay in my old room? I don’t need to chase you out of your own bedroom.”
“It’s your bedroom, too, Rose. And your old bedroom’s gone. That’s where Donna stays. Besides, you need to be with the baby. He nurses every two to three hours and you’ll need to have him at hand,” he said running his hands through his hair, making it stand on end. She swallowed as that gesture caused a funny little flutter in her stomach.
“I don’t sleep much anyway,” he said. “Though I’d gotten rather used to…well, it’s not important.”
“Gotten used to what?” she asked before she could stop herself.
“Gotten used to holding you at night while you slept,” he said sheepishly. Again her heart did that strange double beat skip and she put her hand to her chest in response.
“Doctor?”
“What?”
“My heart feels funny,” she said. “It’s skipping oddly. Is there something wrong with me? Something that happened during the time I’ve forgotten?”
“Oh,” he said. He looked away from her. “Yes. You’ve got two hearts now, Rose. Like me.”
“What?” This had been the last thing she’d expected to hear. “How the hell did that happen?”
“It’s a really long story, Rose. But it’s something that you went through to make us biologically compatible so that we could have children together. You’re brain works differently now, too. It processes faster and you’re aware on many different levels that you weren’t before. At least before the neural cluster crash. I’m not sure now.”
“Anything else I should know?” Her tone was an echo of the one she’d used earlier that day when she’d asked the same question of her mother.
“Your lifespan has increased exponentially. You should live another 500 years,” he admitted.
“How did you manage that?” Rose asked impressed despite her trepidation at her suddenly altered life.
“It was the TARDIS. She figured it out. So we could spend more than just one lifetime together, Rose.” He reached out a moment as if to pick up her hand and then drew his back. “I’ll go find that room now.” He stood up, but was stopped by her quiet voice.
“Don’t go,” she said. He turned back to her in surprise. “I’m…I’m not ready to just…be your wife, Doctor, but…you don’t have to go. I’m not sure I can be alone with the baby just yet. Can you…just stay with me?”
“Of course, I can, Rose.” He went over to the rocking chair.
“Thank you,” she said.
“I’d do anything for you, love,” he said. She blushed at the heated look he turned on her.
She climbed into bed and the Doctor said, “Lights off, please.” The TARDIS dimmed the lights until there was only a soft glow coming from the crib area.
Rose’s voice drifted over to him in the dark. “Why did you change?” she asked him.
“You mean regenerate?”
“Yes.”
“That’ll take some telling,” the Doctor said.
“I’d like to know.”
“Then I’ll tell you. Once upon a time there was a big Bad Wolf…”
Rose was in tears as he came to the end of the story. “And there you were, beautiful and golden, the Time Vortex burning out your mind. You’d saved me and saved the world and I knew you were dying. The only way to save you was to take the vortex out of you. So I did. I took you in my arms and I kissed you. Our first kiss. I could have done it another way but I…wanted to kiss you. Thought it might be my only chance. I knew what would happen and I didn’t know if you’d fancy the new me. Anyway, it drew the vortex out of you and into me, and then I put it back into the heart of the TARDIS.”
He sighed. “No one’s meant to do that. To hold the vortex within themselves. I was dying.”
“I killed you,” she gasped. “It was me.”
He rose from the chair and came over to her, sitting on the edge of the bed next to her. “No, Rose. No. You saved me. You saved my life from the day I first took your hand and said ‘Run.’ You have been my salvation. My reason for living. And then you saved me again when you came back with the TARDIS. I did what I had to do to save you.”
He reached out and touched her hair before quickly pulling his hand back. “Time Lord’s have a way of cheating death. We change every single cell in our bodies, but it’s still us. Our physical make-up is completely different and it can cause personality changes, but we have all the same memories. We’re still the same person, just…different. So I changed.”
“For me.”
“Yes, Rose, for you. I couldn’t let you die! I needed you. You were my life, my savior, my reason to continue forward.”
“I still killed…him.” She was sobbing softly.
“He loved you enough to die for you, Rose. And I loved you, still love you, enough to live for you.”
He gathered his devastated wife into his arms and she let him hold her against him as she cried. Her grief came out in huge, wracking sobs. He held her until she was done, until her body tensed, and then he let her go. He stood up and returned to the rocking chair. “I love you enough to wait for you,” he said.
He heard Rose sniffle and then she said, “Good-night, Doctor.” It was the first time she’d said his name as if she actually believed he was the Doctor. He smiled in the darkness.
“Good-night, Rose.”
A/N: The traditional Scottish song the Doctor sings to Dare and Rose is called Down in the Glen and was written by Harry Gordon and Tommie Conner. Best sung by Robert Wilson.
Chapter Four: Spending Time
The Doctor set down a tray on the little stand next to Rose’s side of the bed. She opened her eyes sleepily at the little clatter and yawned. “What’s all this, then?” she asked him, confusion in her eyes.
“This is breakfast in bed, oh-mother-of-my-child,” he said lifting the lid off a plate with a flourish and smiling at her softly. She couldn’t help but give a little smile of her own back. His smile was infectious, really. She sat up and he set a second tray over her knees and placed her plate and a large glass of orange juice on it.
“That looks amazing.”
“Tastes even better,” the Doctor said immodestly.
“When did you learn how to cook?” she asked.
“I’ve always been able to cook.”
“More than toast,” she added.
The Doctor scratched the back of his neck. “Well, Donna mostly. Oh, I’ve picked up a few dishes that I’m quite good at here and there, but yeah, Donna mostly. She’s very good. And we had a lot of time between journeys. She’s not really the board game type.” Rose wondered why the Doctor shot her a lusty glance when he said the words board game. What on Earth could be lusty about board games? “So, cooking classes it was.”
Rose put a bite of food into her mouth and her eyes closed at the delicious flavor. The little involuntary moan she let out had the Doctor scrambling away from her to go over and check on the baby. He did not want her to see the effect that noise had had on him. Not that they’d have been able to do much at this stage of her birth recovery if she’d been in her right mind, but he did not want her feeling in any way pressured to resume any kind of physical relationship with him until she wanted it. If she wanted it.
He sighed, his eyes glued to Dare’s sleeping face. “Is he still sleeping?”
“Yes,” the Doctor said, his voice gruff as he reined in his emotions. “If you’re fine with him, I’m going to go do some research in the library. I want to see if there’s anything that can be done to repair your memory loss.” He strode from the room without waiting for a reply.
Rose watched him go, not understanding his sudden flight from her. Slowly she ate the breakfast he’d obviously gone through great pains to make for her. It was wonderful. When she was done, she set it aside. The first stirrings of Dare’s infant mind infringed on hers and she hurried into the bathroom before he was fully awake.
That done, she retrieved him as his thoughts turned to hunger and fed him, then changed his nappy. Tucking him into one arm she opened the bedroom door and ventured out into the hallway. She walked along for a bit, feeling a soothing presence in her mind that seemed to be directing her. As her arm brushed the wall she realized it was the TARDIS.
She stopped outside a pair of intricately carved white doors and felt the presence giving her a little nudge. She opened the doors and took a step inside. Her breath caught as she saw the riotous beauty of the garden before her. Her feet made their way along the shell pathway and eventually she found herself at a waterfall that fed into a stream and eventually a pond.
She sat by the pond, her eyes on the waterfall and felt an overwhelming sense of peace and belonging. The baby’s mind touch was a comfortable hum as his big eyes took in the view. She didn’t think human babies were so aware at this stage of life, though she knew little about human babies, but Dare seemed much more aware of his surroundings. He seemed contented and she felt a sudden pulse of infantile love suffuse her.
Her hearts warmed and she focused on radiating that intense emotion back at her child. One day in her life and this little man was changing it completely. She felt sad for a brief moment that she couldn’t remember his first week of life, his birth or her pregnancy, or his conception for that matter, but then she decided to focus on what she did have. The rest of her life to feel this mother love for him.
Eventually, Dare fell asleep again. She knew human babies slept a lot. Did Gallifreyan ones do that, too? Where did he fall on the scale as a hybrid? How human would he be and how much like his father? She supposed she’d have to wait and see.
She mused on the events of the last twenty-four hours. How would things have been if she’d woken up to all the same circumstances, only the Doctor had still been the man she remembered? Rose didn’t think he’d have had near the patience with her that his current self was displaying, but she’d have probably accepted things easier.
She’d never fantasized about marrying the Doctor or having a family with him. She had fantasized about him taking her to bed, however. Come to think of it, there hadn’t actually been a bed involved, but…and she smiled at the memory, it had been a good fantasy. She’d pictured him a little bit rough, extremely enthusiastic, and very, very consuming. She’d imagined him shouting fantastic as he’d finished. Even now revisiting the fantasy made her pulses race. She’d wanted him then. There was no doubt of it, even though she’d only been with him a few months.
Rose sighed and shifted the baby into a more comfortable position. It was so hard for her realizing she’d never see that version of the Doctor again. She didn’t think she ever would have domesticated him. Not like he seemed to be now. A wife, a child, breakfast in bed? How had that happened?
She made a fist with her free hand and pounded it against her thigh. There was so much she had forgotten. But she’d obviously loved him in his new form. She’d married him and babies didn’t just spring from nowhere, so obviously there’d been a physical relationship. Or had there been? Maybe there was some strange Gallifreyan way of conceiving children that had nothing to do with sex.
She fretted on that for a moment, but…she remembered the heated look he had given her at one point, and the lusty glance when he’d mentioned board games, really she’d have to find out what that was about, and she was pretty sure Dare had been conceived the old-fashioned way. They slept in the same bed; he’d said he held her as she slept. He had pulled himself back from touching her several times.
She was physically attracted to this man when she let herself think along those lines. His eyes were easy to get lost in. His intensity when he looked at her made her wonder how that intensity would translate into sexual contact. She was a bit ashamed of herself for thinking those thoughts when she’d only met him a day ago. But she hadn’t, had she? She’d met him five years ago. She could go mad with the complexities of why it was or wasn’t wrong to be attracted to her own husband that she didn’t remember.
Rose didn’t think it would be a bad thing, being married to this new Doctor. He was so kind to her, so gentle and he was so patient. Not that it had been long, but she’d have never expected that kind of patience from the Doctor. He’d said the personality changed when Time Lords regenerated. So how did that make them the same person, really? Round and round she went with these thoughts and nothing ever really became clearer.
“There you are,” said a quiet voice behind her and she jumped. “Sorry, didn’t mean to scare you.” The Doctor dropped down onto the grass beside her. “Do you like it in here?”
“It’s beautiful.”
“It was your favorite room,” he said. “We spent a lot of time in here. Picnics and…other things.”
She turned to him. “Other things?” she prodded.
He blushed and gulped. “Well, the wedding was in here. And…and the bonding ceremony.” He reached out and fingered the necklace she wore around her neck. “That,” he said, “is the Gallifreyan wedding pendant. It matches mine.” He held out his hand so she could see his ring. Then his finger dropped to her left hand to tap the ring she wore. “And that is the wedding ring I bought for you in Paris.”
“It’s lovely,” she said. “Did you learn anything?”
“What?”
“You said you were going to research my memory loss. Did you learn anything?” she asked.
“Sadly, no. I think if we’re lucky it’ll come back with time or we won’t be lucky and,” he shrugged and looked away from her steady gaze, “you’ll have lost those years forever.”
He sounded so sad that she reached out and covered his hand with hers. She was shocked by the intensity of the tingles that shot between their skin and the silver link in her mind flared brightly. She snatched her hand back, staring down at it like she’d never seen it before.
“It’s part of the bonding, Rose,” the Doctor explained softly. “It happened right here, on this spot. You let your guard down long enough for it to surge. The link between us wasn’t broken when your memories were wiped.”
“What was the bonding ceremony like?” she asked curiously, covering the turmoil she’d felt at touching his skin. When he’d held her the night before as she’d cried, their skin hadn’t actually touched. Seconds later it still sizzled. “How different was it from the wedding?”
“Very different,” he said tightly. “And I…” He ran his hands through his hair again in that way she found made her stomach flutter. “It was very personal, Rose. And I don’t want to make you feel embarrassed or scared by the intensity of it. So maybe, it’s best we don’t talk about that now. But when you’re ready, I can share the memory with you telepathically. It’ll be my memory of it, but it’s something.”
She nodded. “Okay.” She looked down at Dare. “How was Dare conceived?”
“You’re not pulling any punches today, are you?”
“I don’t want the details,” she said. “I was just wondering if it was in a test tube or if we…did we…?” She trailed off, unable to finish the question.
“Our relationship is fully physical, Rose,” he told her matter-of-factly.
“Yeah?” she asked blushing from head to toe as she glanced at his body, realized what she was doing and looked away again.
“Fully.” And this time the word was imbued with so much sexual energy that she felt it generate a shiver and goose bumps rose up on her body.
The Doctor leapt to his feet and took a few big strides away. He picked up a large hamper and brought it back to Rose. Hoping to change the subject he said, “I brought lunch.”
“How on Earth did you ever get so domesticated?” Rose blurted out before she knew what she was saying. For a moment the Doctor froze and she wasn’t sure how he was going to react to that question. Then very slowly a sensual smile took over his mouth and his eyes blazed intensely at her.
“I’d say,” he said in a dangerous voice that said he knew he might be crossing a line but that he wasn’t going to stop himself anyway, “It was a side effect of the mind-blowing sex.”
Rose gaped at him. “Mind-blowing?” she squeaked.
He nodded gravely at her. “And that, love of my life, is the greatest tragedy of all. You don’t remember any of it.” He sighed and put out his lower lip in a pout that had her thinking of catching it between her teeth. Rose licked her lips unconsciously, before pulling herself up sharply. Dare started fussing and the strange moment lost its tension. “He’s hungry, too,” she said.
“Why don’t you feed him, while I set up the picnic?” the Doctor said in a perfectly normal voice, as if he hadn’t just said what he’d said. Politely he turned his back to her while she put Dare to the breast. When he was finished setting up he waited patiently for their son to finish. Once he had, the Doctor took him from Rose, lay him down on a little blanket to sleep, and put out his hands to help Rose to her feet.
Again, that little tingle that arose from their skin touching raced through her body and her eyes rose to meet his. She saw his desire, quickly hidden, but not quickly enough. He pulled her over to the picnic blanket and they sat down.
“So what’s on the menu?” she asked. The way he was looking at her made her think he wished it was her. Another slow blush made it’s way across her body.
“Oh, fried chicken,” he said, “potatoes, greens, fruit, and lemonade.”
“No coleslaw?” she asked hopefully.
He shook his head. “Cruciferous vegetables give Dare tummy aches. It’s passed along when you feed him. We found that out last week.”
Rose took the plate she handed him and began to eat it. They sat in silence then, except for the occasional twitter of birdsong, just enjoying the environment around them. When they had finished and the Doctor had packed everything back into the hamper, he lay on his back, propped up on his elbows and looked at her.
She didn’t turn away from his studied gaze. “I wish I could remember you,” she said softly after awhile. “Were we very happy?”
“Oh, yes, Rose.” She stretched out onto her side and propped her head up on one elbow. “And we will be again, I promise you. No matter how long it takes. You’re everything to me. You and that little guy there.”
She smiled at him and nodded in acceptance of his words. “Tell me about us,” she said.
“What do you want to know?” he asked.
“Everything. Everything you remember from the time you regenerated.”
“Well, it’s obvious you’ve forgotten what a gob I have," he joked, for some reason nervous to start at the beginning.
“I want to know.” Trusting her instincts she reached out and cradled the side of his face with one hand, her stomach jolting as he leaned into her touch and closed his eyes. “I need to know.”
His hand came up and covered hers for a moment. Finally she withdrew it and he opened his eyes. “It all went a bit wrong,” he began. “Regeneration sickness isn’t a pretty thing. Having it in the middle of an alien invasion on Earth was even less pretty. But Jackie took all that in stride. No, it was when the Christmas tree attacked, that your mum really lost it.” Rose settled back with a grin as he painted a picture for her that was missing from the empty part of her mind.
Ch. 5&6: http://amberfocus.livejournal.com/80261.html
