Post Pomp (19/22)

[amberfocus]

 

A/N:  Jack and the Doctor argue over Rose and Cassi whisks her mother away so Rose can have time to think things through in peace.

Chapter Nineteen:  Two Hundred Sixty Days - Hour Two

Rose froze. Everything but her heart. It thudded painfully in her chest, almost a physical ache at those words. She had longed to hear them, longed to hear them for such a very long time, and never had she thought she would. She had thought hearing them would make her happy. But she couldn’t describe the emotions racing through her as happy.

She mainly felt anger. Anger that it had taken this to make him say it. Confusion was next. Because she wasn’t sure she could believe him; that this wasn’t just some contest of possession he was getting into with Jack. Pain was next, because if he loved her then how could he ever have left her behind to rescue Reinette? And hope? Hope was absent. She frowned. Why?

“Are you okay?” Jack strode into the room, three agents behind him as backup. His arms encircled Rose and he glared at the Doctor.

“I’m fine, Jack,” she said with just a hint of irritation in her tone. She shook him off and turned to face him, hands on her hips. “I believe I told you I’d be out in a minute.”

“I just…I didn’t want him to hurt you,” he said, raising a hand to cup the side of her face. Rose turned her lips into his palm and kissed it, then stepped away from him.

“I’d never hurt her!” protested the Doctor.

“That’s not exactly true,” said Rose. “Because you have done. And I’m not going to just forgive you because you say a few pretty words to me, Doctor. It’s going to take a lot more than that.”

“But you will?” He grabbed on desperately to the exact wording in her sentence. “Eventually, you will?”

Her head hung down for a moment and then she stiffened her backbone and stood up straight. “I don’t know. Right now, I need to spend some time with Jack.”

“I don’t think so,” the Doctor said his voice hardening.

“If she wants to spend time with me, Doctor, you can’t stop her,” Jack said hotly, stepping in front of Rose.

“Oh, you’d be surprised at exactly what I can do.”

“Is that a threat?” Jack’s fists clenched as he advanced on the Doctor. “Because I’ll do whatever it takes to protect her from getting hurt again. And if that means taking you on, then so much the better,” he ground out.

“What are you going to do, Jack? Hit me again?” the Doctor said. The time for playing fair was over.

“You hit him?” Rose said, shocked.

“I didn’t give myself this bruise,” the Doctor said gesturing to his face.

She turned to Jack. He shrugged, completely unrepentant. “He deserved it.” He advanced on the Doctor again. “You hurt her. You hurt her more than anyone has ever hurt her before in her life. You don’t deserve her after what you did. You didn’t even appreciate what you had! Rose is too special for the likes of you. She’s sweet and clever and strong and beautiful and utterly brilliant. And you reduced her to nothing!”

“It was an accident! I would never, ever harm Rose on purpose. Never. She saved me, saved me from myself, saved me when I had nothing to live for. She has been by my side much longer than she has been by yours. I see her for who she is. You know nothing about Rose Tyler!  Nothing!” he said vehemently.

“Rose is light and hope and a hand to hold in the darkness. She is faith and loyalty and trust. She is fire and ice and a smile across a crowded room. She is more than you could ever even begin to imagine, the most amazing, fantastic woman I have ever met. She’s everything!” The Doctor’s voice boomed out, filling the chamber.

With a strangled gasp, Rose turned and fled the room. Just outside the door a hand reached out and grasped her arm, Rose smelled the ozone as it crackled through the air, and the corridor swirled around her. When the world stopped spinning and she no longer felt as if she would vomit, she looked up.

She was in a different room and she wasn’t alone. “Sorry about that,” said the brunette woman who was standing close by. “Matter transmission without a capsule can be a little unnerving. You looked like you needed to get out of there.”

“Who are you?” Rose asked. There was something vaguely familiar about the woman but Rose couldn’t put her finger on what. Perhaps she’d seen her around the ship.

“My name’s Cassi Harper,” the woman told her.

“I’m Rose Tyler.”

“I know.” Cassi’s grin was a little odd, but she seemed harmless enough. “I’ve been following your story.”

“Story?”

Cassi shrugged. “Some of us get bored on these long haul voyages,” she lied. “And your saga has been quite…interesting. Everyone’s rooting for you, you know. We all want to know how it turns out.”

“So you’re a time agent?” Rose queried.

“Something like that.” The woman smiled and the nagging sense that Rose should know this person continued to nudge at her memories.

“Do I know you?” Rose asked.

“No. You don’t. But you will. One day. Maybe.”

“Anyone ever tell you that you’re textbook enigmatic?” Rose asked.

“Yeah,” smiled Cassi. “My mum does it all the time.”

“Smart woman, your mum,” Rose said.

“You’ve no idea. Look, I know you don’t know me from Adam, but sometimes it helps to have another woman around. Someone who sees things from a similar perspective. Someone you can talk things through with. I just thought I’d offer an ear, if you’d like it.”

It was odd how comforting this woman’s presence was to her, how instantly she felt she could trust Cassi. “I don’t know what to do,” said Rose.

“Hearts are a funny thing, Rose,” Cassi said. “Sometimes they take us places we never expected to go. Sometimes it breaks us when we follow them and sometimes it makes us stronger. I think you have to think about what will make you stronger in the long run.”

Rose sighed. “I loved the Doctor. Almost from the moment I met him, I loved him. He changed my life and he brought me places I could never imagine. I’ve seen things someone from my time could only ever dream of without him. And it’s been a fantastic life up until all this happened. But if I went back...I don’t think I’ll ever feel safe with him again.”

“And Jack?” Cassi asked gently, an odd light rippling through her eyes.

“I love him. It’s in a different way than how I felt about the Doctor, but it’s there. He rescued me, he took care of me, he’s not afraid to show me how he feels and I’d be happy with him even if it can’t be for the rest of my life.”

“And why can’t it be?” Cassi asked softly.  She reached out and pushed a strand of hair back from Rose's face tenderly.  The gesture didn't even strike Rose as odd.  It felt right that this woman would offer her comfort this way.  Cassi felt right.

“Because I know Jack’s future. It’s my past. And if it doesn’t happen things will go horribly wrong in the universe. Everything will die. So I can’t have Jack forever. I can only have him for now,” Rose said.

“And is that going to be enough for you?” Cassi wanted to know.

Rose bit her lip. “I don’t know.”

“Think carefully, Rose. I think if you listen to your heart you’ll know what it is you have to do.”

“It’s not that easy.”

“Who do you want? Who is it that you want to see in the bed beside you when you open your eyes every morning?”

Rose frowned. The Doctor might claim to love her, but he’d never act on it. She knew that. Not that way. Not the human way. There would never be a waking up in bed beside him, even on the nights he did sleep, unless for some reason they got thrown into bed together for innocent reasons. Was that something she could cope with? Would it be enough just to be with him, knowing that he loved her? Or at least trying to believe he really did?

And Jack? Waking up in bed with him every morning? Knowing that he’d act? Knowing that he’d certainly act the human way and their relationship would be on a physical level and not just an emotional one? He loved her. She was sure of that. Every action he had made in her regard had shown her this.

She closed her eyes and she pictured their faces, one at a time, trying to imagine which one she wanted next to hers. Faces were wrong though. Faces were completely wrong. She pictured their hands instead, each one wrapped around her own. There was only one that truly fit. Only one that had ever been completely right in her own.  Only one choice when it came down to it no matter how much it hurt.  She opened her eyes and looked at Cassi. “Thank you,” she said. “I’ve made my decision. You can take me back now.”

The woman reached forward and hugged Rose and Rose found herself holding her tightly, that strange familiarity welling up from deep within her, as if she'd known Cassi her entire life.  “Who are you?”  Rose asked.

And then Cassi said something that threw her into a complete tailspin. “No matter what happens now,” Cassi told her. “I just want you to know that I understand your decision. And I love you, Mum.” She tightened her arms and then quickly pulled away.

“Mum? What?” Cassi nodded but wouldn’t meet her eyes. “Cassi,” Rose said in her best imitation of her own mother, “Who is your father?” Cassi didn’t answer. “Who is your father? Answer me, young lady!”

“I’m sorry, Mum. I can’t tell you. You have to make this decision on your own!” Cassi reached out and grabbed her arm and triggered the matter transmitter.

16.  http://amberfocus.livejournal.com/43711.html