Post Pomp (7&8 of 22)
Apr. 19th, 2008 02:50 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
amberfocus
Chapter Seven: One Hundred Sixty-Nine Days
A/N: The last of the really dark chapters and not an easy one, but the light at the end of the tunnel comes next chapter.
I’m sorry I haven’t written in here, Cara. I haven’t had time. The cooling unit in the storage freezer stopped working sometime around day 130. Everything I butchered was lost. No more protein. I went to Storage Unit Twelve to hunt but…they must have run out of their own food supply because all I found were corpses. I don’t know what I’m going to do now.
I’ve already lost more weight than I can afford. All of my clothes are too big. My belt can’t go any smaller and my jeans are barely staying above my hips. I’m going to make a trip to the TARDIS wardrobe room and see if I can’t find something to fit me better. I’m cold all the time now. The thermostat in Hydroponics is set high and yet I don’t feel it. I’m not really sure I remember what warm is.
I’m scared. I’m really, really scared. This is the first time that I’ve even allowed myself to think ‘What if I don’t make it?’ He couldn’t have wanted this for me. He couldn’t have been this heartless. Something must have happened to him. Something to keep him from coming. He’d come for me, if only to take me home.
I’ve wanted to hate him. I’ve wanted to hate him so badly but…I’ve gone so numb now. Numb enough to know that hate isn’t what I ever felt. Just hurt. Still feel hurt. Still feel betrayed. All I have now that every minute isn’t a struggle to survive is time to think.
I wish I could go back to struggling to survive, but there’s little I can do. Harvest vegetables and fruits as needed and hope it’s enough. But even I can see harvest is winding down. Food is running out. I have to be careful. I’ve cut my intake in half. I know I can’t be consuming more than 800 calories a day. Yet that probably isn't safe either.
I’ve started feeling muscle weakness this week. I think it’s the lack of vitamin D. Maybe the protein lack as well. I don’t know. I don’t want to be alone anymore. I long for companionship. Cara comes sometimes. Not every day but a lot. She sings to me. I miss music. I miss Mickey. I miss Mum. Mostly, I miss the Doctor.
Why did he ever leave me? Why doesn’t he come back? I want him back.
Rose flung the diary across the Hydroponics chamber. She had promised herself she wouldn’t lose control if she allowed herself to write in the diary today. But her tears had flowed all over the pages. Oh, it was still readable but if she weren’t careful she’d ruin the paper and she didn’t have enough paper left to do that.
She hauled herself to her feet and hitched her jeans higher up her hips. A useless movement as they just fell back to hang too loosely from her bones. There was nothing for it. She would have to visit the TARDIS today. That meant a five deck climb down the ladder. She tightened her left hand, testing if it was strong enough to hold on well today. It still wasn’t working right and she worried about it giving way and letting her fall.
It seemed to be gripping well enough, but she’d have to make this her last visit to the little blue box for a long while because after all the climbing she’d been doing lately she hadn’t had time to rest it. Spasms shook that hand more often then not these days.
It took her longer than it should have to get down the ladder even with the partially lame hand. By the time she hit the proper deck plates both arms and legs were shaking. She leaned her head against the wall and then slid to the floor. She’d rest for awhile before continuing.
When the shakes had died away half an hour later she got herself up and moving again. Her steps were clumsy and she had to shake her head a couple of times to clear her eyes. Her vision seemed to be a little bit blurry. 800 calories was not going to be enough. Well, maybe she’d have to up it to 1000, maybe that would be enough to stop the trembling and the…other thing…what had she been thinking? She stopped, confused.
The TARDIS. She crept along the corridor, hugging the wall until the familiar blue box came into view. She opened the door and was greeted by a blast of cold air. It was really too bad she hadn’t found the meat before it had spoiled because it was so cold in the console room she probably could have stored it there.
She stumbled into the console and worked her way around it. Emergency lighting lit her way and the TARDIS welcomed her with a low, lonesome sounding hum. She had hoped that the TARDIS might be able to rearrange itself and bring the wardrobe room closer as it had often done with the infirmary in times past, but it must not have had enough power or been able to pick up from her mind what she wanted.
She made the long trek to where she needed to be, pausing to rest once along the way. She was able to find what she needed quickly, though she felt like the 1960’s clothing she put on were those of a young teen girl, maybe fifteen and not a young woman. But she couldn’t find anything more mature that fit. How much weight had she lost?
She stuffed a bag with clothing and then grabbed a full length fur coat that she put on immediately. She would have once worried whether or not it had been real fur, but a conscience was for folks who didn’t have to worry about keeping warm enough to live. She told herself it was fake fur and if it was a lie, she’d never know it. Mostly it only mattered that she felt marginally warmer.
She got lost twice trying to find her way back out of the TARDIS. She didn’t think it was the fact that it was a complicated route, either. She was pretty sure it was her mind. Just when she was about to give up, Cara Mia appeared and took her hand and led her from the ship.
Rose didn’t remember how she got back up to the garden. She awoke hours later, wrapped in the coat, Cara still holding her hand. “You’re losing your mind,” Cara told her.
“I know,” whispered Rose.
“You’re body is starting to shut down.”
“I know that, too,” she acknowledged.
“Do you think he’ll come for you before you die?” Cara asked her.
Rose didn’t say anything for a long minute. She turned her eyes away from the compassionate face before her. “He has to.”
Chapter Eight: Two Hundred Days
A/N: You were expecting someone else?
“Rose?” The soft voice whispered in her ear. “You’ve got to wake up now.” Rose shifted in her sleep. She didn’t want to wake up. She was having a wonderful dream. Everything was light and warm and she felt such peace, such overwhelming peace. Waking up would mean a return to pain and at the moment she didn’t think she could bear pain.
“Rose, please wake up.” She felt a hand brush the matted hair back from her face. “I need you to wake up.”
“Let me sleep, Cara Mia,” she murmured. “It’s not cold here.”
“Rose!” She started awake, sitting straight up and the headache that was always present crashed back into her awareness. Every joint in her body ached dully and she was surprised when the ever present cold didn’t seep back through her in an instant. She felt strangely warm, almost hot. Her eyes searched as best they could in the dark for Cara but she didn’t see her.
She stumbled to her feet, holding the wall until she could retain her balance. She moved slowly towards the plants, reaching out blindly and plucking a cucumber. She tore into it viciously with her teeth and nearly screamed at the pain in her mouth as one of her teeth bit through her tongue. This woke her fully. She rubbed at her mouth, smearing a bit of blood on her face in the process.
She ate more slowly, barely tasting the vegetable. She knew in the beginning they had been flavorful but now they all tasted the same. Her taste buds weren’t functioning properly. She moved over to the window as she finished her meager breakfast. She climbed up into the seat and her head pressed against the cool glass as she stared out into the vastness of space. The stars used to comfort her but now they only reminded her of what she had lost.
She thought she heard the faint echo of boot heels in the corridor but she heard so many noises these days and none of them had ever proven to be real. When the sound of muffled voices reached her ears, she wondered carelessly if Cara had brought friends around. “Hello?” The voice was masculine.
Rose couldn’t quite smile as she thought of Cara having a boyfriend she hadn’t known about. It seemed odd to think of her imaginary friend having a social life. She’d have rolled her eyes if they hadn’t ached so much. She had really cracked up.
“Life readings are coming from behind this door, sir. One survivor. Human.” The hiss of hydraulics filled the room. Rose gazed serenely at the stars. She wondered if she’d ever been to any of the planets that orbited the ones she could see. She wondered if she just closed her eyes, she could slip into the dream again, the one of her on a warm, bright, safe beach, the Doctor bringing her back something delightfully fruity to drink and smiling at her like she was the only woman in the world. She missed him.
“Over here!” The voice boomed through the room and if Rose had had the strength she would have covered her ears.
“Not so loud,” she whispered hoarsely, wondering when she’d forgotten how to use her voice. She heard the clang of boots again approaching her.
“Miss?” She didn’t respond, just kept her eyes fixed on the stars. “Miss?” Such a gentle voice, something almost familiar in it. She felt a hand on her jaw gently turning her face in his direction.
She looked up into vivid blue eyes, and she dropped her gaze to take in the rest of the features of the handsome, uniformed man before her. He was young, couldn’t have been more than twenty-three or twenty-four and had amazing cheekbones. A cleft split his chin and when he smiled at her gently she saw dimples.
She managed a weak smile. Cara’s boyfriend looked like a very young Jack Harkness.
“I’ve got you, sweetheart,” the man told her, lifting her up into his arms. “What’s your name?”
“Rose,” she mumbled. The feeling of being carried by him was familiar, too. Her mind began to put together the fact that the man holding her was not a hallucination. She remembered when she tried, that Jack had said he’d been from the 51st century. In the voice of a very young child she asked, “Are you my Jack?”
She felt his body tense and his voice thickened. “My name is Jack.”
She rested her head against his shoulder, suddenly trusting. “You came back for me. I thought you died in the future but you came back for me.”
His arms tightened around her and he strode quickly out of the room and down the corridor. She let her eyes fall shut, feeling safe for the first time in two hundred days, and let the rhythm of his footsteps lull her into sleep.
“I don’t know,” said Jack. He tried not to raise his voice as the medic put a butterfly IV needle into the back of the woman’s hand, the kind that normally was used on babies or very young children. But her veins were so badly stressed it had been decided not to use anything larger. “She said my name. She said something about me dying in the future. I think she’s a time traveler.”
His commanding officer looked at him. “She’s not agency.”
“Well, maybe she’s something to do with that box we found. It’s radiating Vortex energy all over the place. And we’ve determined it’s where the signal is coming from.” He didn’t move his eyes from Rose’s face. Jack cursed suddenly. “How long was she alone in that place?”
“Long enough to very nearly die of starvation,” the medic said. “She only weighs 86 pounds. 35 to 40 less than she should. She’s extremely malnourished. She’s got some Devaluon carris poisoning. We found carris bones so she must have resorted to eating those at some point…”
Jack drew in his breath sharply. “If the solitude didn’t drive her crazy, that certainly would do.” He looked at Rose’s face again. The woman was staring blankly into space and he couldn’t tell if she was aware of the conversation or not.
C.O. Braxton looked at him. “Well, she’s your responsibility. You’re assigned to her until further notice.”
Normally Jack would have bristled at being given baby-sitting duty like that. He might be young but he’d paid his dues at the agency and this kind of thing would have been unheard of on a regular field assignment but this was nothing like a regular field assignment. None of it had been.
Jack gave a curt nod and the C.O. left the infirmary. Jack moved to the sink and pulled a soft cloth out of the top drawer. He ran warm water onto it and moved over to Rose, gently washing the blood and dirt from her young face. She couldn’t have been more than nineteen or twenty. How had she come to be stranded the way she had?
For a moment her eyes focused on his. “Can you find him for me, Jack?” She whispered. “Please? Promise me you’ll find him?”
As he looked into those amazing, trusting amber eyes he found he would have promised her anything. She brought up a fierce need to protect her and he was at a total loss to understand why. But it didn’t matter. “Sweetheart, if I can find whoever you lost, I promise you, I’ll bring him back to you.”
She sighed and reached for his hand with her unencumbered one. “You always were the best, Jack.” Her eyes fluttered closed.
As she drifted into sleep Jack promised himself he’d find whoever this person was that this girl Rose had lost. And when he did, the man better have the best reason in the world for abandoning her to die. Because if he didn’t, well, Jack didn’t give the guy very good odds of survival.
6. http://amberfocus.livejournal.com/39983.html
