amberfocus | Leap of Faith: Chapter Nine

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Title: Leap of Faith (9/?)
Author:

amberfocus
Characters/Pairings: John Smith (alt!Nine)/Rose Tyler, Toshiko Sato, Jake Simmonds, Mickey Smith, Ianto Jones, Jackie Tyler/Pete Tyler, Tony Tyler, various original characters
Genre: Romance, Angst, Hurt/Comfort, Action/Adventure, Alternate Universe
Rating: Adult
Betas:

amyo67,

jeprdyfrndly
Summary: Hiding from the Family of Blood, the alt!Ninth Doctor turns himself into John Smith via the chameleon arch and with his companion Toshiko Sato, takes a job at Torchwood. He clashes with everyone he meets and Rose Tyler, the beautiful young director of Torchwood Field Operative Training and the daughter of his boss, is no exception. AU after season 2 and based mostly, but not completely, on my short story Third Time's the Charm: http://amberfocus.livejournal.com/319447.html, but it is not necessary to have read that.

Previous Chapters: http://amberfocus.livejournal.com/327895.html

Chapter Nine: Secrets and Revelations

When Toshiko’s doorbell rang at seven o’clock she frowned. Rose was incredibly punctual. It wasn’t like her to be so early. She put down the lime she’d been cutting and washed her hands quickly before going to answer the door. She stared at the Doctor in surprise, blinking for a moment because she hadn’t expected it to be him.

“What are you doing here, Dr. Smith?” she asked.

“Thought you were going out with Rose tonight,” he said.

“No, actually, we’re—.”

“Good,” he said pushing his way into her flat and barging into the living area. He plopped down on her sofa. “Heard the telly on and thought I’d keep you company. Got anything to eat?” he asked. “All I have in is noodles and—.”

“Doctor, Rose is coming over here,” Tosh interrupted right back. She moved in front of him. “We’re not going out, we’re staying in,” she said. “You need to go.” He looked so crestfallen that she felt like she’d kicked a puppy.

“We can’t spend every evening together, Doctor,” she said more gently. “We spend all day at work together and then you’re over here nearly every evening. It’s not healthy. You need to make some other friends.” She sat down beside him on the sofa.

“I’m too old to make new friends,” he said.

“You are not. If I can do it, you can, too,” Tosh encouraged.

“You’re young and brilliant and friendly,” he said. “Everyone likes you.”

“People would like you too if you wouldn’t be so…” He raised an eyebrow when she trailed off.

“What?”

“Honestly?” she asked.

“Always.”

“So arrogant and insulting. You can’t get away with that sort of behavior in the work place, Doctor. Not at a place like Torchwood. You need to be friendly and try to get along with people. Other than me.”

“You don’t make me be who I’m not,” he said sullenly.

“You’re different with me than you are with other people, Doctor,” she said.

“I suppose.” He paused for a long time and then asked quietly, “How come you never call me John?”

Tosh blinked, surprise crossing her face. After he’d changed she’d just kept on calling him Doctor. “You’re my boss,” she finally said. “I’ve always called you Doctor. You never said you wanted to be called anything else.”

“About time you did, don’t you think?” he asked.

“I guess,” she said doubtfully.

“Well, if you don’t want to…”

“Just, it feels weird,” Tosh said.

“Just say it,” he said.

“John,” she said, the word feeling unfamiliar in her mouth.

“Was that so hard?” he asked with a slight smile.

“It’s going to take some getting used to,” she told him. "I don’t really think of you as John. I always think of you as Dr. Smith, or usually just the Doctor,” she said.

“Well, if my best friend is that formal with me, how is anyone else going to think they can approach me?” he asked.

“Anyone else in particular?” she teased.

“Just anyone,” he said waving that away with his hand like it didn't matter, but his ears had turned pink. “It’s not easy for me, set in my ways and all. You accept me for what I am.”

“I know what you’re really like under all the lack of tact and brusqueness. You saved my life and I’ve saved yours and I will always look out for you, same as you will for me. And I’m doing that right now by telling you that you have to be nicer. Rose said if you’d just been kind—.” Toshiko stopped slapping a hand over her mouth.

He suddenly looked very alert. “Rose said what?” he demanded.

“Nothing. Never mind. It’s none of your business.”

“If you’re talking about me to Rose it’s my business,” he said irritated. “What were you talking about?”

“Just…stuff,” she said.

“Tosh, we don’t keep secrets. We never have.”

Tosh bit her lip hard. John Smith might not keep secrets from her, but the Doctor certainly did. His origins, what had caused him to shut down so many of his emotions, even his real name were all a secret. And she was keeping a doozy of a secret that he could never know about. Not until a year had gone by. She glanced in the direction of her spare room. Behind that locked door was the TARDIS; this man’s home, and in many ways his life, but he couldn’t know that. “What Rose told me…”

“Did she tell it to you in confidence?” he asked.

“No, but…it’s sort of implied. You don’t go blabbing people’s secrets just because they didn’t swear you to secrecy,” she said.

“Who am I going to tell, Tosh? I don’t have any friends besides you. I want to know what Rose said about me,” he persuaded.

“I don’t think it’s fair to her if I tell you.”

“Look, I like her,” he said.

“Yeah, I know,” she said with a wry grin.

“If you want me to make more friends…”

“I didn’t mean make friends with Rose. That’s a very bad idea,” she said.

“I think it’s a good one. And I need every advantage I can get. I put my foot in it with her that first day and if I’m ever gonna get anywhere with her I need to fix it,” he said. “I’m not young and beautiful like you.”

“Oh, please. Rose thinks you’re gorgeous!” She slapped her hand over her mouth and stared at him with very large eyes before she got up and moved away from him. “How do you always do that? Get me to spill everything?” she demanded, hands on her hips now as she glared down at him.

“Rose thinks what?” he asked incredulously.

“She thinks you’re gorgeous, okay?” she repeated throwing up her hands.

“Tosh, that’s not even funny,” he said. “I know what this ugly mug looks like.”

In for a penny, in for a pound, she thought. “You’re not ugly, Doctor. And Rose definitely doesn’t think so. She said you had beautiful eyes and wonderful bone structure, great cheekbones and nicely shaped lips. And if you dare ever repeat a word of this to her I will smack you from here to next Tuesday. I am such a rubbish friend.”

“Not to me.”

“That makes me feel so much better,” she said sarcastically. “I meant to Rose. I shouldn’t be telling you how she feels,” Tosh said. “It gives you inside information.”

“But if she likes me I should know about it,” he said, a suddenly hopeful tone to his voice.

“I didn’t say she likes you. I said she’s attracted to you. I don’t think she likes you one bit,” Tosh replied.

“Still,” he said thoughtfully, “I can work with that.”

“Don’t you dare play on her emotions,” Tosh said. “She’s been hurt. She lost someone.”

“I won’t, I won’t,” he said holding up his hands, fingers splayed wide until Tosh stopped glaring at him. “I’d kind of figured that out. So what are you two doing tonight?” he asked.

“Just watching a couple of films, drinking margaritas and pigging out,” she said.

“Mind if I stay?” he asked.

“If I said I did, would you go home?” Tosh asked.

“No,” he told her.

“Didn’t think so. Look, I’ve got to finish preparing the food before Rose gets here. Just…if you’re gonna stay, don’t make an arse out of yourself, okay? Rose has been really good to me and I don’t want to lose her because you do something stupid,” Tosh said.

“I solemnly swear,” he said raising his right hand.

“And take off your boots. You’re going to wreck my carpet,” Tosh said, and grumbling loudly she headed to the kitchen to finish her prep work.

“You don’t happen to have the makings for a banana daiquiri, do you?” he called after her. When Tosh flung a banana at his head, he took that as a yes.

Rose arrived at Tosh’s flat promptly at 7:30 and Tosh gave her a welcoming hug and said sheepishly, “I’m sorry, Rose. I told him we were staying in tonight instead of going out and he’s insisting on joining us.” She waved over her shoulder. Rose glanced into the main living area and saw John Smith sprawled on the sofa.

Rose sighed. “Let’s go out after all then,” she said quietly.

“He’s lonesome, Rose,” Tosh said in a soft voice.

“But it’s my night,” Rose said petulantly.

“I know, but…just a minute.” She grabbed her jacket, shrugged into it, and pushed Rose gently out the door, closing it most of the way behind her. “Rose, I just can’t kick him out. Not when he’s like this. He gets so sad sometimes and he hasn’t got anyone. Just me,” she replied.

“Well, he better be on his best behavior or I’m out of here,” Rose allowed begrudgingly.

“He’s promised. You should understand being lonesome,” she said.

“I do, it’s just…Tosh we don’t get along. We just…it’s like sparks flying all over the place.”

“Yeah,” Tosh said knowingly.

“That’s not what I mean. All we do is fight.”

“All you do? You’ve been around him what? Exactly twice?” Tosh asked.

“Believe me, that’s all it takes. Get us in a room together and the ornery comes out,” she said. “I gotta work with him, but socialize? I don’t know if I can.”

“He’s my best friend in the world, Rose. The two of you are going to need to get along sooner or later,” Tosh said.

“You gonna stand there all day chatting or are you going to come in?” John called loudly from the sofa.

Tosh nudged the door open a bit with her toe. “Keep your shirt on,” she groused at him. She turned back to Rose. “Just this once, okay? I won’t let him horn in on one of our Friday nights again unless you’re the one inviting him.”

Rose nodded. “Not bloody likely.”

“I see how you look at him, Rose.”

“That’s me looking at a ghost. Not him,” Rose said gruffly. “All right. I can handle one night. I only wish he didn’t look just like—.”

“Just like who?” asked John curiously. He’d opened the door behind them. Rose blushed furiously.

“Eavesdropping is rude,” Rose said caught out.

“So is talking about people behind their backs. You coming in or what?” he asked. He turned abruptly from the door and headed back to the sofa. Rose watched him walk away. A thin black t-shirt hugged his torso, and his faded blue jeans fit as if they’d been made for him. He seemed to have the same runner’s legs and firm arse as her Doctor had had before the regeneration. He was barefoot and for some reason that tiny bit of nudity made her swallow hard. Double or not, he could still take her breath away and that scared her very much.

Rose sighed and stepped over the threshold. She put her purse and keys down on the little table by the front door, slipped her shoes onto the set of shelves Tosh kept for that purpose just above John’s boots, and hung up her jacket on Tosh’s coat rack. Unlike John she kept her socks on. They were bright purple slipper socks striped with magenta and they clashed with her outfit but she didn’t care.

She padded into the living room and looked for a place to sit. It was either on the sofa next to John or in the big overstuffed recliner that was full of pillows and Tosh’s briefcase. She’d have to move everything out of it to sit there and then John would think she’d rather sit anywhere but next to him. Which was true, but not for the reasons she told herself over and over again. She perched warily on the far end of the sofa from him.

“Something smells good,” Rose said breaking the awkward silence. “I thought we were just having popcorn and drinks,” she said.

“I was in the mood for nachos,” Tosh said with a shrug. “Doctor, why don’t you come and help me in the kitchen a moment?”

With a frown, John got up and followed her into the kitchen. Rose couldn’t hear what they were saying, but she settled more comfortably into her corner of the sofa after retrieving one of the pillows and a small afghan, one of the many that Tosh had crocheted, and waited for them to return. She put the blanket over her lap and hugged the pillow on top of it. It was her armor. Her big, fluffy armor, she thought ruefully.

John came out of the kitchen with a huge platter filled with nachos. The tortilla chips were loaded with cheese, spiced meat, tomatoes, and olives. Tosh had three plates and little bowls of sour cream and guacamole on a tray she carried. They put everything down on the coffee table and then Tosh went back into the kitchen to retrieve the pitcher of margaritas, sugar, limes, and some glasses. John had his own pitcher filled with something yellow.

“What’s that?” Rose asked him curiously.

“Banana daiquiri,” he said.

“You like bananas?” she asked surprised.

“Good for you, bananas are, full of potassium,” he said.

Rose’s heart fell into her stomach. “Always bring a banana to a party,” she said softly.

John looked at her oddly. “What? Why?”

“Just something a—a friend of mine used to say.” She must have been staring off into space for longer than she thought because when she refocused both Tosh’s concerned brown eyes and John’s steel blue ones were on her. “Sorry,” she said gripping the pillow a little more protectively.

“Here you go,” Tosh said, handing her a plate. Rose leaned forward and dished up some of the piping hot nachos. Meanwhile John stood up and popped the DVD into the player. Tosh unceremoniously dumped everything that was in the recliner into a pile on the floor next to it, put her plate of nachos on a TV tray and poured drinks for her and Rose while John got his own. They settled back to watch the film and for the next two hours the three of them totally picked apart the science fiction epic that they’d chosen to watch first.

Rose found she was enjoying greatly, much to her dismay, John’s acerbic comments about the technology and Tosh’s snide asides that she’d seen plenty of aliens while working for UNIT but she’d never seen aliens quite like that before. Rose complained about the scenery of all the alien planets always looking like Carnforth Quarry or Red Rose Forest up in Manchester, or the American badlands. They never ever looked completely alien.

“And what’s completely alien mean to you?” John asked her curiously.

“Oh, I don’t know,” she said wistfully. “Maybe purple beaches made out of diamond sand with yellow waves lapping the shore. One thousand foot high waves that have frozen in place on a planet where the sun’s gone out. Bright orange cliffs with dragons that mate for life soaring through the pink sky. Scarlett grass and trees made of crystal that shines silver under a binary star system.”

“You’ve given it a lot of thought,” Tosh said.

Rose shrugged, losing the daydream like quality that had come over her. “Got a good imagination. You have to if you work at Torchwood. What else have you got?” she asked gesturing to the stack of DVDs that were setting under the television.

Tosh named off a few titles and they overruled John when they settled on a supernatural romance that involved time travel. John huffed his way through the first several minutes until Rose stretched out her leg and kicked him lightly in the thigh. “Quit complaining, you. You can always go back to your own flat if you don’t like the girly entertainment. Just be glad we aren’t dressed in PJ’s and braiding each other’s hair. Yours is long enough to put in a small plait, you know.”

John looked completely horrified at the thought and Rose had to laugh. When she did his whole expression softened. “You have a lovely laugh, Rose Tyler,” he said to her.

Rose shivered just a bit at the tone in his voice. She’d left her foot against his thigh and when his hand came down to cover it gently she swallowed loudly. Tosh stood up abruptly. “Before we get started on the next one, I need to go soak this platter before the cheese sticks on it forever,” she said.

Rose blinked and pulled her foot away from John. “Yeah, I need to use the loo. Where’s it at, Tosh?” she asked. She’d never been in Tosh’s flat long enough to need it.

“It’s the door at the end of the hall,” she replied.

“Thanks,” she said and got up. She could hear Tosh and John talking quietly as she headed past Tosh’s bedroom. There were two rooms at the end of the hall on either side. She put her hand out to try the one to the left.

She had just started to open the door when Tosh yelled, “No!” and Rose jumped. “Sorry, didn’t mean to scare you.” She came down the hall and pushed Rose gently away from that door. “I thought I’d locked that. The bathroom is over there,” she said pointing across the hall to the right. Rose gave her an odd look at her overreaction. “It’s just that that’s my darkroom,” she said. “I’ve got some stuff developing in there.”

“Ah,” Rose said. “I didn’t know you were a photographer.”

“Just a hobby,” Tosh said. She took out a key and carefully locked the door to the darkroom.

Rose nodded, still a little shaky from being surprised by Tosh’s shout and went into the bathroom. A few minutes later she rejoined John on the couch and Tosh came back from the kitchen a moment later. By the time the film was halfway through Tosh had fallen asleep and Rose was yawning mightily.

“Tired?” John asked her.

“A bit, yeah.” A second even wider yawn betrayed that sentiment.

“Come on. Let me walk you to your flat,” he said.

“But the film—.”

“Is boring,” said John. “I’ve got Tosh’s spare key. I can lock up after us.”

“All right,” Rose agreed. She stood up and carefully laid the afghan she’d been snuggled under over Tosh and joined John in retrieving their shoes. “You don’t really have to walk me to my flat,” she said. “I’ve got my gun in my purse and it’s not exactly a dangerous neighborhood.”

“I don’t mind,” he said. “I’d—I’d like to.” Rose chose not to argue with him. Maybe she could get to the bottom of things in the short walk back to her flat. She shrugged into her coat and then waited for him out on the balcony while he finished locking up. She was leaning against the railing looking up at the stars.

“I miss them,” she said on a soft sigh.

“The stars?” John asked. Rose nodded. “How do you miss the stars? They’re right up there.”

“They’re just…different here; different from where I grew up.”

“Shouldn’t think they were all that different in Oxford,” he said.

“How’d you know about Oxford?” she asked him pointedly.

“Tosh must have mentioned something.”

“No she didn’t, because I’ve never told her anything about Oxford. There’s only one way you found out. You stole my files from Torchwood, didn’t you?”

“What?” he blustered.

“Someone hacked into the database and took things very specific to me. My medical file, my psych evaluations, my peer reviews and work reviews, and all of my case files. So what I want to know is why did you take them?” she asked.

“What makes you think it was me?” he asked.

“I checked the security feed,” she said hands on her hips. “You gonna keep denying it?”

“I didn’t, actually,” he said.

“Didn’t take them?” she asked incredulously. “I saw you in playback.”

“No, I mean I didn’t deny it. I took them.”

“Why? Why would you do that? Why would you invade my privacy like that? Why would you risk your job at Torchwood going after Pete Tyler’s daughter?” she demanded.

“I wasn’t going after you. I was just…curious,” he admitted.

“Curious? You did all this because you were curious?” she asked.

“Yeah, that’s right. I was curious about you. You said some stuff and I wanted to know what you meant by it.” She turned her gaze on him and held his eyes steadily.

“And you thought the best way of doing that was to hack my files?” She shook her head.

“Seemed the easiest way,” he said.

“You could have asked,” she said.

“Would you have told me?” he asked.

“Probably not.”

“I didn’t think so. It’s clear you don’t like me,” he said.

“No, it’s not,” she contradicted.

“You act like you can’t stand to be in the same room with me,” he said.

“I do not.”

“Yes, you do,” he said.

“Well, you were quite mean the day we met, you know. Can’t say as how I like being treated that way.”

“I know,” he said on a bit of a sigh. “I was on a bit of a tear getting sent from one person to the next and no one giving me what I wanted. Made some assumptions about you that I shouldn’t have made. And after what you said, I wanted to know why I was wrong.”

“Well, you smashed one of my assumptions. Admitting that you’re wrong is even possible.” She offered a hesitant grin and he met it with one that almost melted her where she stood. She turned abruptly from the power of his smile, reminding herself yet again that he wasn’t her Doctor.

“Why do you do that?” he asked.

“Do what?” she asked tightly.

“Turn away from me when I smile at you,” he said.

“Because it hurts to see it,” she admitted.

“Hurts? How can my smile possibly hurt you?” he demanded.

“It just…it does, okay?” she said biting down on her lip to keep back the sudden wave of emotion that threatened to swallow her whole.

“Look, if we’re ever going to be friends, I think we need to make a fresh start here. I’m sorry I was such a jerk to you,” he said on a rush of air, as if trying too desperately to get the words out before he lost his courage.

“I—thank you for apologizing, John. I really do appreciate it, but you and me, I don’t think we’re ever going to be friends.”

“Why not?” It was his turn to be hurt.

Rose took a deep breath and turned back to him. What she was about to say wasn’t truly a lie. The version of him that this man looked like was dead, replaced by his next incarnation. Death really was simply the easiest way she had of explaining it to this man who she couldn’t tell about parallel worlds or Time Lords, but clearly had to tell something. “Well, I guess you’ll find out sooner or later. Being around you, seeing your smile, sometimes it hurts me because you, John Smith, look almost exactly like my dead lover.”

Ch. 10: http://amberfocus.livejournal.com/333809.html