amberfocus: (Donna Sparkles)
[personal profile] amberfocus

Title:  Fades to Black
Author:  Amberfocus
Characters:  Donna Noble, Eleventh Doctor
Genre:  Angst, vignette
Rating:  G
Beta:  JeopardyFriendly
Summary:  Memory is a dangerous thing.
A/N:  I'm not exactly sure where this one came from.  I'm a bit blocked on the usual so I just sat down to write and this is what came out.

Fades To Black

 

It’s odd what she remembers and what she doesn’t. Sometimes she sees it all so clearly, more than a memory, as if he could step out of her mind and walk along these shores in front of her. The sky is dark and the sand is always cold beneath her feet; cold, wet, sad. A tragic loss occurred here and she doesn’t know what it was, can’t remember if the loss was to her, to him--what him?--or to someone else. What compels her to come here, to save all of her money and visit this place year after year, she doesn’t know.

It’s almost like she can taste it in the wind, the remnants of a life fantastic, on this bitter shore. She often imagines an imprint in the sand and a harsh grating noise almost, not quite, lost in the crashing of the ocean’s waves, and a blue light that slowly fades away. It’s meaningless to her, snatches of something less than reality but more than nothing at all. It always is and yet she comes here, walks in the whipping wind, avoiding what she can of the chill, tucked into her thick brown leather coat, and tries to find meaning.

 

She thinks there was heartbreak for someone that stood on this beach, tearing and painful heartbreak that clenched at stomachs and throats. She thinks that the air echoes with screams that did not come, but had they sounded they’d have been heard all the way to London. She thinks that something ended here and she doesn’t quite know if it was for her or for someone else or both. For some reason, in the biting wind she also feels hope, though it does not reach inside her to fill that cold and empty gap. That hope does not belong to her.

 

She removes a strand of ginger hair from her mouth and turns her back on the image that isn’t there. A man catches her eye a little way off and she thinks for a moment that he is watching her, but as she gets closer to him, she can see he’s simply watching the beach. His face is sad, melancholy, like he lost something amazing and he’ll never get over it. Much like she feels some days.

 

“Hello,” he says when she meets his eyes.

 

She swallows thickly, feeling as if she’s on the cusp of some brilliant revelation. “Hello,” she says guardedly. She looks him over. He’s young and his hair could do with a good cutting. His features are interesting, the nose wide and the cheekbones high and strong. She can’t make out his clothing beneath the heavy, black wool coat. There is absolutely nothing familiar about him.

 

“Do I know you?” she asks.

 

The man shrugs at her, a small smile playing for just a moment at the corner of his mouth. “Maybe in another life,” he says and suddenly his eyes look very old.

 

She shrugs her shoulders and inclines her head and walks away. When she reaches the car she has hired for this excursion she pauses for just a moment, looking back the way she came. The beach is deserted. The man is gone. And then she hears it, the sounds of what was silenced and what was lost, as it all comes rushing back into her head.

 

The word comes to her from nowhere and it falls from her lips, the most beautiful syllables she’s ever heard.  “TARDIS.” She remembers. The beach, what was found and what was lost again. What was given and what was taken. The pain rushes in and then she hears it again, coming back, finally coming back to her, and he—and she knows it's him even though he doesn't look the same—is rushing out and catching her as she falls to the ground.  It's all going to be okay now.

 

“Doctor,” she whispers.

 

“Donna,” he says.

 

Everything fades to black.

Date: 2009-05-27 02:01 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] wiggiemomsi.livejournal.com
Oh, what a lovely, bittersweet ficlet! You expressed the feeling of loss of something unknown beautifully!

Now, I'm going to assume that Donna didn't just die here, right? Right? Huh?

*Hugs*

Date: 2009-05-28 08:05 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] amberfocus.livejournal.com
Thank you. It's just an idea that's been rooting around in my brain looking for a home for a while now. You may assume whatever you like, dear. The ending is open to interpretation.

Date: 2009-05-27 02:07 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] melnay13.livejournal.com
Wow. I need a more serious Donna icon for this. Brilliant. Beautiful.

Date: 2009-05-28 08:05 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] amberfocus.livejournal.com
Thank you. What happened to Donna just breaks my heart. Guess I was in the mood to have it broken just a touch more with this.

Date: 2009-05-27 02:24 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] mkejenkins.livejournal.com
That's just lovely

Date: 2009-05-28 08:06 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] amberfocus.livejournal.com
Thank you.

Date: 2009-05-27 02:39 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] flapamingo.livejournal.com
Wow, that was great! I've never read a story yet about Donna in that perspective. It was so sad but brilliant.

Date: 2009-05-28 08:06 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] amberfocus.livejournal.com
Thank you. I like to think she'd be haunted but wouldn't know why.

Date: 2009-05-27 03:06 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] crimedoc1.livejournal.com
Oh goodness, that was lovely.

Um... please say Donna doesn't die here. Please?

Date: 2009-05-28 08:07 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] amberfocus.livejournal.com
Thank you. You may choose to fill in the blanks however you like. I left the ending ambiguous for just that reason.

Date: 2009-05-27 03:21 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] maniacalshen.livejournal.com
Melancholy and well-done.

Date: 2009-05-28 08:08 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] amberfocus.livejournal.com
Thank you.

Date: 2009-05-27 03:29 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] hazelwho.livejournal.com
Achingly beautiful. I've missed your angst!

Donna's fate in JE bothered me so much that I've mostly been reading fix-its and avoiding angst. But this is just gorgeous, and I'm glad I read it. ...And now I have to stare at my happy Donna/10 icon a while to make it better.

Date: 2009-05-28 08:09 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] amberfocus.livejournal.com
Thank you. Oh, I do get in my moods from time to time and the angst just spills out. Mostly I've just been so happy. I like your happy icon. I think it would make just about anything better.

Date: 2009-05-27 04:41 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] doctor10-crazt.livejournal.com
NO! BAD CAT! NO READING ANGST!

Very good, now I must find something to cheer me up. *mutters* I really have to stop reading this stuff.

*runs off to read fluffy end of manga*

Date: 2009-05-28 08:10 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] amberfocus.livejournal.com
Sorry. Angst bunnies bit. I think the next thing I write will be...no, it's gonna be angsty, too. *sighs*

Date: 2009-05-27 06:04 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] honorh.livejournal.com
Sad and beautiful. The Doctor lost so much that day, and so did Donna. Of course the beach screams its sadness.

Date: 2009-05-28 08:11 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] amberfocus.livejournal.com
Thank you. Yeah, I think there is an imprint on that beach that crosses all parallel worlds. Not just from that day, but for the one that came before after Doomsday as well.
Edited Date: 2009-05-28 08:14 am (UTC)

Date: 2009-05-27 06:51 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] ageless-aislynn.livejournal.com
ZOMG, you can't end it there! Well, yeah, you can but let's just say a *coughhappiercough* follow-up would be very welcome. ;)

A really nice look at Donna's feelings of loss, a loss made even more profound by the fact that she's not even sure what she's lost. :( Poor, poor Donna... :( The Doctor must fix this, he simply must! *nods* ;) ♥♥♥!!!

Date: 2009-05-28 08:14 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] amberfocus.livejournal.com
Dunno. I've got some really angsty Donna bunnies running around in my head. One is dealing with the first time she gets blood on her hands (literal blood) during an adventure. I miss happy Donna, she is not in my brain.

I can't imagine Donna not feeling some kind of loss after Journey's End even if she can't remember. Just something there, vague and under the surface. I do hope there is some way of fixing Donna in the final special. Like his outburst of regenerative energy when he turns into Eleven heals her or something ridiculous like that. (Hey, if the TARDIS can tow the Earth...)

Date: 2009-05-27 06:57 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] othermewriter.livejournal.com
How sad, but it wouldn't it be glorious if she could remember and not be destroyed by that remembering.

Date: 2009-05-28 09:17 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] amberfocus.livejournal.com
Yes, it would be a beautiful thing. Don't think we'll ever see it on the show, though.

Date: 2009-05-27 11:26 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] doctorsdiva.livejournal.com
I wonder if she'll be there to see our wonderful Ten turn into Eleven? She is such a fabulous character there has to be more for her to do. You capture the dichotomy of her enforced amnesia so beautifully, to remember but not to remember...so sad.*divahugs*

Date: 2009-05-28 09:19 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] amberfocus.livejournal.com
I kind of hope that she is and that somehow the regenerative energy he lets off at the time manages to heal her so she can remember being fantastic. But that's never gonna happen because the currents Who writers like their angst too much. I don't think they're gonna let the Doctor die happy.

Date: 2009-05-27 02:07 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] amyo67.livejournal.com
Beautiful. That was so heartbreakingly gorgeous.

Date: 2009-05-28 09:20 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] amberfocus.livejournal.com
Thanks, hon. *smiles*

Date: 2009-05-27 02:57 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] kholly.livejournal.com
The language in this is beautiful. I love your writing.

Date: 2009-05-28 09:20 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] amberfocus.livejournal.com
Thank you.

Date: 2009-05-27 03:48 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] silencing.livejournal.com
....this was incredibly bittersweet. Well done

Date: 2009-05-28 09:21 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] amberfocus.livejournal.com
Thank you. Everything about Donna's ending feels bittersweet to me. This felt like an appropriate tag to that.

Date: 2009-05-27 06:30 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] dragonmom64.livejournal.com
Awesome indeed! And heartrending....

Date: 2009-05-28 09:21 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] amberfocus.livejournal.com
Thank you.

Date: 2009-05-28 05:24 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] dreximgirl.livejournal.com
Awww that was lovely - in a really angsty sad way :-)

Thank you

D x

Date: 2009-05-28 09:21 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] amberfocus.livejournal.com
Thank you. She breaks my heart, does Donna Noble.

Date: 2009-05-29 06:40 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] sycamoregirl.livejournal.com
So poignant and beautiful.

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