Post Pomp (20/22)

[amberfocus]

A/N:  Okay, um...don't kill me. Please don't kill me. I promise you a happy ending. Just remember that when you read this chapter. You might want to have a box of tissues handy, too.

Chapter Twenty:  Two Hundred Sixty Days - Hour Three

When Rose landed in the conservatory and the room stopped spinning she looked around her for Jack and the Doctor. The Doctor sat on a bench, looking dejectedly at the floor. It took everything she had in her to not go straight to him and try to comfort him. Jack was leaning against the wall, one leg bent at the knee as his foot rested behind him, arms crossed, glaring at the Doctor.

They’d both tried tracking Rose through her locator but Cassi had done something to screen Rose from the device while she’d talked to her. She walked over to Jack, reaching up and kissing his cheek. “I have to talk to him, okay? Let me do this right. It has to be this way,” she said her mind reeling at the revelation that Cassi had made. “But I…” She swallowed and tears came into her eyes. “I’ll be back, yeah?” Jack nodded at her, tenderness in his eyes. He squeezed her hand then let her go.

She closed her eyes and steeled herself, beginning the long walk over to the Doctor. Never had half a room seemed like such a vast distance to cross. It wasn’t fair. She’d figured it out, finally. She still loved the Doctor. She loved him with all of her heart. Staying with him was the choice she had come to back in the other room. His hand in hers, nothing had ever been more right than that in her life. Her hand in his, racing into the future or the past, or standing still in time. It was right. It had always been right.

They would have had to work at it. For a long time, until she could trust him again. She’d known that. She’d been willing to do it, because she knew that never in her life could she love a man the way she loved the Doctor. And then Cassi had said what she’d said. With a bone-chilling truth she knew who Cassi’s father was. Knew it could only be one man. Time Lords were not genetically compatible with humans. There was no way the Doctor could be Cassi’s father. She had to be Jack’s daughter.

And if Rose chose the Doctor after learning of her daughter’s existence she knew what it would mean. The woman would cease to exist. Cassi hadn’t tried to convince her one way or another. She hadn’t begged for her life. She had done everything to make Rose follow her own heart and make the decision she thought would make her mother happy. She couldn’t sentence her own daughter to death. Rose swallowed back her grief at what she had to do.

She sat down beside him, her Doctor, and she placed her hand in his. “I love you,” she said softly. He turned to her, hope flaring in his eyes, but it faded rapidly when he saw the expression on her face. She raised a hand, stroking his face softly, running her hand through his hair and watching him tilt into the caress like a cat. “I love this hair,” she whispered.

She bit her lip then continued, forcing out words she so desperately did not want to say.  “I can’t choose you, Doctor. And I can’t tell you the reason why. But I love you. I will always love you. And I’m so sorry.” A tear spilled out from each of her eyes. She turned his head to look at her. “I can only tell you good-bye.”

“But why, Rose?” His eyes pleaded though his voice did not.

“Some things, some people, they’re just not meant to be.”

“But I love you, too,” he protested.

“I know. And I wish I’d known it sooner. Because we wasted so much time. So much precious time. And now it’s just too late.” More tears spilled from her eyes.

“I can live with this, Rose. I can if I have to, but I need a reason. Please tell me your reason,” he begged.

Rose closed her eyes again. If she told the Doctor it was because she had a child with Jack, a child who would never be born if she stayed with him, it would hurt him too much. He didn’t need to know that, didn’t need to know the reason why he’d lost her if that was what it was.

“I love Jack, too, Doctor.”

His eyes darkened at that. “You can’t stay with him too long, Rose. If you do, it’ll cause a paradox.”

“I know that. But I’ve figured it out. I’ll have a decade at the least. And then I’ll leave him. But he knows that. We’ve talked it through. And I can be happy with him,” she said.

“Weren’t you happy with me, Rose?” He asked softly.

“I was,” she stressed the past tense.

“You could be again,” he said.

“I don’t think so, Doctor. You see, what you did destroyed my faith in you. I don’t trust you anymore,” she told him, trying to find a reason he’d believe.

“Trust can be rebuilt, Rose. I swear I’d do everything in my power to keep you safe.”

“And what if keeping me safe means leaving me again?  Or sending me away?  Because that’s losing you all over again. And I don’t think I could survive it. Better to make the break now, while it’s clean,” she told him.

“But what’ll I do without you, Rose?”

“You have the TARDIS. Same old life. Last of the Time Lords,” she told him tearfully.

“On my own?” His eyes still begged for her to say no, that she’d change her mind and come with him. She nodded, barely moving her head, but she knew he saw it. “But who’s going to hold my hand now?” he asked. Those words hurt her, cut through her like an icy wind on a freezing beach.

"It can't be me," she said looking away from the hurt she was causing him.

“Rose, I meant it when I said you saved me. I didn’t want to live after the Time War. Until I found you I was just existing. How do I go back to just existing when I’ve seen what life is like with you?”

“Please, Doctor,” she said. “You’re making this too hard.”

“Good,” he said. “Because it shouldn’t be easy. I won’t make it be.” His hand shot out and grabbed the back of her neck, pulling her to him and his lips met hers. Electricity shot through her as he pushed his tongue into her mouth. There was no quiet conquest or request for admittance. It was barging in brashly and taking what he wanted, showing her what he needed, demanding back from her.

And it burned. It set a fire that raged through her nerve-endings so intensely that it hurt for a moment. And then it settled into an ache that consumed her. She felt everything he was feeling for her, and desire warred with what was right in her head. For the moment desire won and her hands crept under his suit jacket. She could feel the heat of his skin through the thin blue fabric of his shirt and wondered for a moment at that, as usually his skin was cool to the touch.

The reason for it flared through her, that it was her touch that heated his skin. She wanted him desperately or was it that he was wanting her? She couldn’t tell at the moment which were her thoughts and which were his. She only knew that leaving him was going to destroy her heart. And yet, she had to. She would not murder an innocent woman, flesh of her flesh. She couldn’t.

She broke from him. “I love you, Doctor. But I’m choosing, Jack. I’m sorry.” She ran from him, across the room, and into the open arms of the man she had no choice but to choose.

Cassi stood stock still in the middle of the room, her eyes rising to the ceiling. The Doctor stood up as an intense ripple of energy filled the air, turning the false sky red. His eyes shot around the room watching as the leaves and flowers on all the plants crumbled to dust and they died. And then it appeared, from the center of the bright rip in reality, the black beast with the glowing red eyes and a scythe for a tail.

It spread its wings and screamed, and Rose turned around to see its gaze centering directly on Cassi. She stood there waiting to be cleansed from time, knowing she no longer belonged there. “Cassi!” shrieked Rose. But it was the Doctor who moved first. And as the oldest thing in the room, it was the Doctor who now drew its attention.

“Daddy,” screamed Cassi as the Reaper dove for her father. She ran at him, her body hitting him and sending him sprawling across the room. The Reaper screeched out its rage and soared back up towards the ceiling before turning to regroup. In shock, Rose watched the scene play out and realized her mistake. Somehow, some way, Cassi was her child with the Doctor, not with Jack, and her sacrifice in leaving the Doctor had been wrong. She ran towards the man she loved and the inexplicable daughter that somehow existed.

Attracted by the movement, the Reaper dove. Rose screamed as its appendages closed over her and it disappeared, the rip sealing behind it. Cassi blinked out of existence. The Doctor and Jack were left staring at each other in horror across an empty room.

17.  http://amberfocus.livejournal.com/44235.html 

Comments

[fiducia.livejournal.com]

Oh.

My.

GOD!

First her choosing Jack and now THIS!!

Okay...it's okay. I trust you. Happy ending. It'll be okay.

*sniff*

Damn it. :)

[amberfocus.livejournal.com]

Well, she was going to choose the Doctor until she thought it meant her daughter would die. She only chose Jack to protect Cassi (wrong, but still). And it'll all be okay in the end. Promise. *smiles*

[wiggiemomsi.livejournal.com]

*GACK!*

*GACK!*

*GACK!*

*GACK!*

(Withholding *Hugs* until Doctor/Rose happiness is assured!)

[amberfocus.livejournal.com]

LOL. It's okay, it's okay. *grins*

[ageless-aislynn.livejournal.com]

AHHHHH!!!!! *runs at warp speed to next chapter* ♥!

[amberfocus.livejournal.com]

*laughs*

[maniacalshen.livejournal.com]

Knew it could only be one man. Time Lords were not genetically compatible with humans.

HEAD, MEET DESK.

He didn’t need to know that,

Yes he does! Aaah! You made me tear up. That's saying something.

[amberfocus.livejournal.com]

Oh, sorry if I made you teary. But if he had known...well it wouldn't have been nearly so dramatic, would it? *smiles*

[bluevolvic.livejournal.com]

Oh no!Rose was taken by the reaper :(. Gonna keep reading on :D

[amberfocus.livejournal.com]

Yep. There's a reason why I posted all the chapters at once, so you all could read on and not panic too much. *grins*

[azriona.livejournal.com]

*eyes extremely wide*

Well, shit. Holy shit, even.

Cassi said siblings - did the Reapers get all of the siblings, too?

Still reading.

[amberfocus.livejournal.com]

LOL. Some answers revealed, others not.