Leap of Faith: Chapter Five

[amberfocus]

                                                                              banner by seduff 

Title:  Leap of Faith (5/?)
Author:  amberfocus
Characters/Pairings:  John Smith (alt!Nine)/Rose Tyler, Toshiko Sato, Jake Simmonds, Mickey Smith, Ianto Jones, Jackie Tyler/Pete Tyler, Tony Tyler, various original characters
Genre:  Romance, Angst, Hurt/Comfort, Action/Adventure, Alternate Universe
Rating:  Adult
Betas:  amyo67, jeprdyfrndly
Summary:  Hiding from the Family of Blood, the alt!Ninth Doctor turns himself into John Smith via the chameleon arch and with his companion Toshiko Sato, takes a job at Torchwood.  He clashes with everyone he meets and Rose Tyler, the beautiful young director of Torchwood Field Operative Training and the daughter of his boss, is no exception.  AU after season 2 and based mostly, but not completely, on my short story Third Time's the Charm:  http://amberfocus.livejournal.com/319447.html, but it is not necessary to have read that.
A/N:  John and Rose finally meet.  It does not go well.

Previous Chapters:  http://amberfocus.livejournal.com/327895.html

Chapter Five: Tyler and Smith
 

Although there was a flicker of surprise in his eyes at being treated to Rose’s dazzling smile, the man in her chair only stared at her solemnly. He had to be the Doctor…only there was absolutely no sign of recognition in the man’s too familiar blue eyes as he met her gaze. And he…well, he wasn’t quite the same, she realized, as her eyes raced frantically over him. The smile faded from her face.

They said every person had a doppelganger, even without having them come from a parallel world. Throw in the parallel world and she had double the chance of being hit by something of this sort. She knew from experience that almost everyone she had known in the old world existed in the new one. There were differences, of course, some of them quite drastic, and that had to be the case here. He wasn’t really her Doctor. Her Doctor had told her Time Lords only existed once, after all. So that meant her Doctor was wrong or the Doctor’s double was a human. She knew which was more likely. He was a simple human being who looked almost, but not quite, like the man she’d first run away with years ago.

She noted the differences rapidly as she pushed down her sudden, bitter disappointment. Long hair for one. Well, longish. It nearly touched his shoulders. And he was scruffy. She couldn’t tell if he’d simply forgotten to shave one day and just let it go for a couple of weeks or if the beard was actually something he nurtured. Either way it was in desperate need of a trim. Or a shave. That beautiful face should never be covered like that. Stop it! she told herself. Focus on what’s different.

There was a relatively new, long, thin white scar splitting his left eyebrow. It immediately reinforced that he couldn’t be the Doctor she’d known. His biology would have healed a cut like that cleanly, not left a prominent scar. It ran in a jagged line diagonally towards his hairline. There was even a touch of gray in his hair. The high cheekbones were the same, the face virtually identical, down to the mole on the side of his cheek. He dressed differently. Jeans, yes, but a long-sleeved button down shirt and a blazer instead of a jumper hugged his torso. She wondered idly if he had a leather jacket somewhere down in A&R.

She looked back up into his beautiful blue eyes and the sheer want of him hit her like a brick wall. Had he always been so attractive? But no, it was not him she was wanting here. He wasn’t the Doctor, that was clear, and the attraction wasn’t real because of it. She wanted the man she had loved, not an identical package with different contents. It had never been the package that mattered. It had always been who he was inside that drew her to him. Her mind knew that, but both her body and her heart were insisting he was who she had spent all this time mourning, all this time longing for, and he was now in front of her, close enough to touch. She took a deep breath. How was she going to get through the next few minutes? She had to make it go away. She had to make him go away.

While she’d been studying him, he’d been watching her intently. She hadn’t missed the way that his eyes had moved over her curves or the look that had come into them. No matter how quickly he’d veiled it and replaced it with a detached and disinterested air, she had seen it. Desire, attraction, lust on the most visceral level. He might not be who she wished him to be, but he was damn well interested in her. And despite all of the emotional turmoil going on in her head, she liked it. The fact that he wanted her brought so much to life inside her. He might not be her Doctor, but if he was anything at all like the man he looked like he was worth knowing. She met his gaze challengingly and held it until he broke the impasse.

“Rose Tyler, I presume?” And yes, he had the voice that still sometimes haunted her dreams. No. She had no time to fall apart. Not with the man sitting in her chair. “I’m John Smith,” he said

“Oh.” She must have looked horribly disappointed because one corner of the man’s lips quirked upward for a second.

“My reputation precedes me, I see.” He swung his feet down off her desk to the floor and leaned forward on his elbows, studying her intently.

She smiled and tried to crack a joke to stop the roiling in her stomach. “You don’t look like an inhuman bastard to me,” she said lightly. He started and frowned at her. “Your reputation,” she explained. “The one preceding you?”

“I can assure you, I’m one hundred percent human.”

“Funny that’s the part you choose to defend against,” Rose said trying not to grin. He cracked a smile. Maybe this was going to be okay after all. Maybe he wasn’t the jerk that everyone kept telling her he was. She leaned across her desk and held out her hand and he took it, not shaking it, just sort of holding it there while he looked in her eyes. She could get lost in those eyes, so damn familiar, so beautiful to her heart. Where the palms of their hands connected she felt the beginning of a rush of tingling warmth that slowly spread up her arm.

“What’s with the special interest in me?” he asked.

“What?” Her eyes widened. How could he know? She yanked her hand back, blushing hotly.

He sat back and turned around her computer monitor and indicated the screen that still showed his personnel file. “There a reason why you were snooping through my file, Miss Tyler?”

She tensed up again, her slight ease disappearing at his question. One hundred percent human, he’d said. No chance of him being her Doctor. No hope. No future. No—stop it. She forced down all of her emotions and let the small bit of warmth she’d felt fade out of her, finding instead that safe and icy place in her core where she couldn’t be hurt and where nothing and no one could reach her. It was time to be that Rose.

She eyed him warily, before switching over to the smooth, false personality that she’d used far too often in dealing with the paparazzi when Pete Tyler had first introduced her to the world as his long lost daughter and again whenever they still turned up from time to time to snap photos to pair with inappropriate captions. The last time it had happened her icy resolve had broken and she’d told the photographer where he could put his camera and if Mickey hadn’t been there to stop her she would have demonstrated just how he should do that.

She didn’t answer the man’s question, asking one of her own instead. “Can I help you, Dr. Smith?”

His eyes flashed at the sudden change in her tone and her demeanor, as if he sensed her forcing her attraction for him away and he was taking it personally. He rose from her chair, gesturing for her to take her seat back. She moved towards it, but he didn’t step out of the way. There wasn’t enough room to squeeze by him without touching him and as her arm brushed his body, desire flushed through her system. She hadn’t wanted a man that way since losing the Doctor and to have it hit her now was downright unfair.

She collapsed into her chair, fighting to ignore the attraction, fighting to hold back tears. Whatever she was feeling, she couldn’t let it break her. It was for the memory of another man he just happened to look like. If she could remember that, she’d be fine. As she had sat down he had moved around her desk and remained standing, clearly using his height to give himself a psychological advantage. “I’m told you’re the one to speak with to get out of the mandatory Torchwood field training.”

She had wondered when this mess would finally come down to her. “Everyone who works for Torchwood must participate, Dr. Smith. That includes you,” she said automatically.

“I don’t want to, and I’m sure that lot in the training center doesn’t want it anymore than I do,” he said with a dismissive wave. “So take me off the roster, or whatever it is you need to do.” The last bit sounded too much like an order for her liking.

“Oh, well, now, that’s different. If you don’t want to,” she began sarcastically. His eyes narrowed. She bit back further sarcasm and continued in a calmer voice. “What part of mandatory don’t you understand, Dr. Smith?” she asked.

“The part that explains why a busy man who’s never going to see any action out in the field has to waste his time on it,” he replied, exasperation creeping into his tone.

“Because unexpected things happen in this line of work, Dr. Smith. Things that you should be well aware of. Things like the Cyberwar. People die.”

“I’m damn well aware of that!” he snapped as if she had struck a nerve.

“This is a dangerous job,” she began again.

“I don’t need anyone telling me the world’s a dangerous place. I can protect myself,” he interrupted.

Rose pushed her fingertips together. “Perhaps, but can you help protect others?”

He waved that away. “If everyone else is as trained as you say I have to be, they can take care of themselves and any others there might be. They’re not my responsibility.”

“What about Tosh?” Rose asked starting to get angry. “What if you had to defend her? You cared enough about her to bring her with you when you sought employment here.”

“She can’t rely on me because I won’t always be there,” his voice had gotten dark, almost pained. “Toshiko can protect herself. I’ve made sure of it. I always make sure of it now. I knew that she could protect herself before someone forced her into that stupid session today and probably screwed up an important experiment we had running. Who knows what damage you could’ve done watching it?”

“Wait a minute. You knew I was down there and you just let me sit there?” Rose asked. He shrugged. “If the experiment was so bloody important why didn’t you come in immediately and take it over then, soon as you knew a stranger was in there?” she demanded. Another thought occurred to her. “How did you know I was even down there? Nobody came in while I was there.” He shifted a little uncomfortably.

“Didn’t know who it was until I met you, did I?” he asked defensively.

Suspicion dawned and she glanced at the small open window in the corner of her monitor. It showed a live feed of A&R. “Did you hack into the CCTV feed and watch me? Because I know you weren’t there.”

“Might have done. What of it?”

“You’re not authorized for one thing.”

“So.”

“And you knew someone was waiting for you and you left me there,” she said.

Again he repeated a petulant, “So.”

“So, it couldn’t have been too important of an experiment if you were willing to do that for one thing. And for another, it’s extremely rude. I actually have important work to do and I wasted an hour and a half on that damn experiment that did absolutely nothing, I might add.” She was starting to fume.

“Important work? I’m sure your Daddy lets you think it’s important,” he said in a condescending tone that made her want to introduce him to the Tyler slap right quick. “But just how important a job can it be if it’s held by Torchwood Barbie? Are you even out of your teens? I’m pretty sure the important work is left to the grownups around here.”

Rose was stunned. Where the hell had that come from? “Torchwood Barbie? I’m not a damn toy! I’ve had more experience with aliens in the last five years of my life than most people at Torchwood have in an entire career here!”

Dr. Smith rolled his eyes. “Yeah, I’ve seen your experience,” he said. “Didn’t know modeling counted at Torchwood.”

“What?” Rose was thoroughly confused. “What the hell are you talking about?”

“I’m talking about that nice little poster in Mickey Smith’s office. Expected a bit more here,” he said waving his hands to indicate a larger bosom, “but they certainly got the face dead right. I imagine those pouting lips brought the men here in droves.”

Rose glared at him. “How dare you? Where the hell do you get off?”

He bit his lower lip hard, like he was tempted to tell her just exactly where and how he got off, and went on the defensive. “Oh, come on. If you posed for that thing you should be willing to have a sense of humor about it. I shouldn’t think your Barbie days were that far behind you.”

“I never posed for the damn thing! Jake just…drew it. I’d burn it if I could get past Mickey long enough to get it off his wall. And I’m twenty-four!” she snapped. “I haven’t played little girl games in a long time. I’ve worked hard for this position!”

Again he seemed caught off guard, but quickly recovered. “How hard could you have worked?” he asked. His tone had gone completely reasonable, innocent even. “You’re a Tyler. Born with a silver spoon in your mouth, never had to lift a finger your whole life, everything always handed to you on a silver platter, getting by on your beauty. Little girls like you—.”

She gripped the edge of the desk to keep from hurling herself across it and forced down her anger at his quiet accusations. “If you knew the truth,” Rose interrupted in a calm voice filled with so much pain that it caused him to rock backwards on his heels, “you would never speak that way to me. Not you.” She rose to her feet and came around her desk. He turned to face her defiantly as she barged into his personal space and poked him in the chest with her finger. When she spoke again the pain was banished and only anger remained.

“You will report to your mandatory training session tomorrow afternoon, Dr. Smith.” Another poke. “If you do not I will go down there and drag you to it myself, by your damn ears if I have to. And you will never, ever speak to me in such a disrespectful manner again. Is that clear? And if you do—.” He caught her hand before she could jab him a third time, holding her wrist easily between his thumb and index finger.

“What? What’ll you do to me, Rose Tyler?” he asked. His voice had grown low, husky, and very intimate. Her anger seemed to be turning him on. When he said her name like that, for a moment she forgot everything else. She forgot he wasn’t the Doctor, forgot he was being a total jerk, forgot everything but the very real feeling of adrenaline and fire pumping through her body, making her feel more alive than she had felt in three years. Her eyes skipped up to his, saw them focused on her lips, saw him moisten his own. If he leaned forward just a bit their lips would meet and—no! What the hell was she thinking? His gaze leapt back up to her eyes and she realized he knew exactly what he was doing to her, if not why.

Rose’s eyes narrowed and she yanked herself free of his hold. “My father is going to be the least of your worries. Trust me on this, Dr. Smith. You don’t want to play my big girl games. Now get the hell out of my office.” She tried to catch her breath, chest heaving. He stood there glaring at her, but his lips were twitching. If he was going to laugh at her she just couldn’t take it. “Now!” She pointed sharply at the door.

He took two steps back from her and smiled. Despite her anger her stomach flipped over and her breath hitched. “Nice meeting you, Barbie,” he said then casually sauntered out of the room as if he had absolutely no cares in the world.

“It’s Rose!” she yelled. She picked up a heavy glass paperweight and flung it at the door just as it shut, imagining it was his head as it bounced harmlessly off the oak and thudded heavily to the thick carpet. She thought she heard a chuckle from the hallway. “Damn you,” she muttered.

Rose sank back down into her chair, shaking and furious. Every little bit of hope she’d ever had with her first suspicions had been extinguished on meeting Dr. Smith. Everything she’d heard about him was true. He was an arrogant man. He’d spoken to her rudely and insulted her without justification. And he was a chauvinist on top of it all. And ageist and sexist, and half a dozen other –ists she couldn’t think of at the moment because she was too angry.

She never wanted to see him again. She wanted him out of Torchwood where she wouldn’t have to think of him again, but damn it all if she was going to give him the satisfaction of running to Pete or Ianto over this. It wasn’t the first time she’d been teased over how she’d gotten her job, but she’d proven herself time and time again to anyone that mattered. And John Smith didn’t. He didn’t!

It was the first time anyone at Torchwood had disrespected her to her face about her family connections. She knew there was always scattered talk, but it had never really cut so deep before. She had always managed to handle it and people came around quickly when they saw how hard she worked. She knew that she could handle John Smith, too, but that didn’t mean she wanted to have to. Not when he wore that face. Still, she was a big girl and she’d learned how to take care of her own problems a long time ago growing up without a dad. John, she refused to think of him as any kind of a doctor right now, was a problem. It was her job to solve it and if she couldn’t then she’d find a way to kick him out of Torchwood on his arse, firmly letting the door hit him on his way out.



When Mickey finally found Rose he knew just by looking that she’d met John Smith. She hadn’t been crying, there were no telltale puffy red eyes or mascara tracks. Her expression was simply blank, like she’d pulled all the way inside herself. Rose had been like that after Norway for a whole month. It had been a mask, set to hide her anger at the unfairness of life. Mickey had always been able to see behind that mask and he could see behind it now. Her anger was there, bubbling just under the surface.

The first thing he did was pull her up from her chair and into his arms, overwhelming her in a huge bear hug. She was going to need it. It was time for some of her festering emotions to come out and this was when she might be vulnerable enough to let them. If he pushed just enough maybe she would allow them to escape. “I’m sorry,” he said. “I tried to find you, to warn you…” He trailed off as Rose pulled back and raised her eyes to his face.

“You knew?” she demanded. “How could you know and not tell me?”

“I just found out today. I’ve been running all over trying to find you. I didn’t want you to face this alone, Rose. I—.”

“I’m all right, Mickey. I’m not a fragile flower despite my name,” Rose said. There was a sharp, rough edge to her voice. She’d put out the protective thorns that went along with her name. She sat back down in her chair and Mickey plopped into one of the spares on the other side of her desk. “I can deal with it.”

“Rose.”

“I’m fine.” But her tone conveyed the exact opposite. Mickey knew she had to face her emotions and the sooner, the better.

“He looks just like the Doctor,” Mickey tried again.

“I’ve got eyes, Mickey,” she didn’t quite snap. “But looks don’t count for anything. He’s not the Doctor. Not even close.”

“I don’t know. The Doctor, especially before he changed, was rude and arrogant and a know it all. Seems to me, he’s exactly the same as the Doctor,” Mickey replied.

“Just because he had no use for you—,” Rose began.

“He had no use for anyone who wasn’t you,” Mickey said flatly.

“That’s not fair!”

“Isn’t it?”

“He changed. He got better. Even before he regenerated. He told me, you know, after our Downing Street. He told me he asked you to come and that you said no. If he hadn’t changed he never would have asked you that and you know it!” Rose said.

“Well, we aren’t talking about the Doctor,” Mickey said.

“Aren’t we? Because it sure sounds like we are,” Rose replied.

“Well, we’re not. We’re talking about Dr. Smith and the similarities and how it’s upsetting you.”

“It’s not upsetting me,” Rose protested. “You’re upsetting me with all this nonsense. I told you, I’m fine,” she insisted again. Mickey gave her a look, the one that said he knew she was full of it. She took a deep breath and he knew she was forcing her emotions back down. “I will be fine,” she amended. “I just need to get used to it. And find a way to get that rude, awful man out of here.”

“That’s not a good idea,” Mickey said.

“What? Why?” Rose asked a little bit of her anger coming back into her voice.

“Because Ianto says we’re going into a spending freeze, which means an automatic hiring freeze. If John Smith goes, Toshiko will go with him—.”

“She’s ridiculously loyal to the man. Can’t for the life of me see why,” Rose muttered.

“There’s probably more to him than meets the eye. Toshiko strikes me as a good judge of character, Rose. If they go there won’t be anyone to take their place. We’re already understaffed and over budget. Dr. Smith is good at his job. He might be a pain, but he does the work of three people all on his own and Tosh does the work of two. Torchwood needs them,” Mickey replied.

“Well, Torchwood might need him, but I don’t,” she said.

“You need Tosh.”

“I—I don’t need her,” said Rose.

“Yeah, I really think you do. Do you have any idea how you’ve changed since becoming friends with her? You’re opening back up, Rose. Sometimes I even see the girl you used to be. And as for thinking you don’t need Dr. Smith, don’t be too sure about that,” Mickey said.

“What’s that supposed to mean?” Rose asked.

“It means that this is the first time I’ve seen you in three years with any kind of fire in you. This is the first time in three years that you haven’t been feeling sorry for yourself,” Mickey said bluntly. Rose gaped at him. “Pain in the arse or not, I think John Smith might be exactly what you need.” Leaving a dumbfounded Rose sitting there, he went back to work.

Ch. 6: http://amberfocus.livejournal.com/329772.html