You Reap What You Sow (40&41 of 45)

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Chapter Forty:  It's Christmas Time in the City

The Doctor and Rose were both surprised to walk into the Tyler mansion and see it all done up for Christmas. “Wow,” Rose said softly, staring at the nine foot tall Christmas tree that looked like it had come out of a home magazine and noting all the presents stacked under it. “I thought we’d missed Christmas.”

“Me, too,” the Doctor said. “What with all that Phobos business.”

“Next time we decide we want a tree, maybe we should just hop back to Earth and buy one off the lot,” Rose said.

“Or get an artificial one,” he suggested.

“The last artificial one I saw tried to take out my mum,” said Rose.

“Erm, yes, good point,” the Doctor said on a sigh. He was making uncomfortable small talk with his wife. Things were still a little off between them. It didn’t help that she was still wearing that stupid coat.

“Rose, Doctor?” called Jackie’s voice. “We’re just in here.”

They followed the sound of the voice into the main living room. A large blanket was spread out on the floor with Dare and Daisy lying in the middle of it. Johnny sat on one edge building a tower of blocks with intense concentration.

“Hello, Mum,” said Rose, going over and leaning down to drop a kiss on her mother’s forehead. Rose knelt down close to the babies and said, “And how’s my little man this morning?"

Dare grinned up at her and then turning his body in her direction suddenly found himself having rolled over all the way onto his stomach. “Doctor, did you see that? Dare rolled over!” Rose called out delightedly, forgetting the tension between them.

“I did,” he said excitedly. “Who’s a clever time baby?”

“Oh, please,” said Jackie. “Daisy’s been doing that for weeks.”

“Mum! It’s his first time. Let us be a little excited about it. Besides, Daisy’s quite a few weeks older than Dare. Of course, she has been doing it for awhile,” said Rose, slightly irritated. “How long ago did you feed him?” Rose asked.

“A couple of hours. He’s probably ready.”

“Good,” said Rose. “After that many hours in the Zero room I feel like I’m going to explode.” She picked up the baby and Jackie stood up and closed the door to keep any of the help from coming in while Rose settled him in to nurse. Rose discretely draped a light blanket over the two of them. She had no qualms about nursing in front of the Doctor or in front of her mother but in front of them both at the same time felt odd to her.

“How’s he been?” the Doctor asked.

“Good as gold. He’s been staring at Daisy most of the day and babbling. Every once in a while he’ll give her a really intense look of concentration and then she’ll giggle,” Jackie said. “Is he talking to her in her head?”

“Well, talking I don’t know about, but he could be projecting his emotions to her. If being by her makes him happy, he could be letting her share in his happiness,” the Doctor said.

“He doesn’t get the opportunity to be around other babies,” the Doctor said. “Course that’ll change within the next year. Then he’ll have a constant companion in his new sister.”

“Speaking of which, how are you feeling, Rose,” Jackie asked. “How’s the baby?”

“I’m…alright,” said Rose. “And the Doctor says Cassi will be.”

“What day is it?” the Doctor asked abruptly.

“Christmas Eve,” said Jackie. “Why?”

“In all the…craziness I haven’t had time to get gifts for Rose and Dare,” he said.

“Me, either,” said Rose.

“Well, I can take you into the city to do some shopping if you like. I’ll just have Bertrand bring the car around.” By car Jackie meant limousine and by shopping she meant at the poshest stores in London town. She handed them each a credit card and sent them off while she managed the babies in a double stroller that Johnny helped push along.

She took the children down to have them photographed with the jolly old man himself and waited the ten minutes for the pictures to be processed. Then she headed over to a bookstore that was having readings of children’s Christmas stories all day. Johnny sat happily on the carpet listening to a young woman tell the tales and the babies had both fallen asleep. She hoped that her older daughter would end up sleeping as peacefully that night as her youngest one was doing right now.



Rose wandered through the shops. Buying a few small things for Dare was easy enough. He didn’t need much of anything at this age, but she found a few developmental toys that were a little above his age range. The Doctor said his mind would be moving faster than human children so as long as it didn’t have parts he could choke on, she felt it was fair game. She picked out a couple of cute little outfits and then turned her mind to buying something for her husband.

The first thing that struck her fancy was a cerulean blue tie. It was made out of silk and for some reason the pattern on it reminded her of travelling through the Time Vortex. In the antique store she happened to find an old copy of T.S. Elliot that had the poem her husband liked so much about the world ending not with a bang but a whimper. Still, she wished she could find him something else that was a bit more…meaningful.

She sighed. Really it was hard shopping for him when things still weren’t quite right between them. She had high hopes that everything would turn out all right but the fact that they had fought like that at all worried at the edges of her hearts. She wandered about for another hour before she happened upon a novelty shop. She didn’t expect to find anything there, but was pleasantly surprised to find the perfect gift. The employee looked at her a little strangely when she personalized it, but Rose knew the Doctor would love it. As the girl in the shop wrapped the gift, on impulse she picked up a box of Christmas crackers, thinking of the Doctor with his silly red paper crown all those years ago, and the pink one that had ended up on her own head. Maybe remembering her first Christmas with this version of the Doctor would help, too.

Finding gifts for her mum and dad and Johnny and Daisy was much easier and she whizzed through the rest of her shopping. She hoped her mother was having an easy time with all three children



The Doctor was not having much luck finding anything for his wife. He felt a tremendous amount of pressure to find something that would help smooth the way between them again. He found a lovely pair of silver and fire opal teardrop earrings that he went ahead and bought for her and an elaborate makeup and skin care kit from the boutique she favored, but it wasn’t until he found himself in front of the leather goods store that he felt he had the perfect idea.

Perusing the racks of women’s jackets he found the perfect red leather jacket for his wife. It was gorgeous, the color would light up her face, it would show off her figure to advantage, the bottom could be left open to accommodate her expanding belly, and best of all, it would give him an excuse to throw out his old leather jacket. If Rose had one of her own, she could get the old one off her and bury it somewhere in the TARDIS where she’d never find it again.

He knew he was being slightly underhanded but it was really a lovely gift and he knew Rose would like it. On his way back to meet up with his wife, mother-in-law and the babies he bought a box of Rose’s favorite chocolates. Those he’d give her tonight. Maybe it would help to soothe whatever tender feelings still remained.



They met back up with each other, Jackie, and the children and she had the car take them to a child friendly restaurant. Rose nursed the baby in the parking lot, while Jackie fed Daisy a bottle before heading inside. The Doctor picked up Johnny and fastened him into a high chair and the babies stayed in the stroller. Dare was wide awake and looking around him at all of the brightly colored tables and chairs. Daisy had fallen asleep.

The Doctor didn’t even complain once about sitting on chairs made out of characters from a popular, long-running children’s show. In fact, when Johnny was done eating the Doctor took him around to some of the various play stations. Johnny was quite fond of crawling through the tunnels and going down the slides.

“He’s gotten quite domestic, hasn’t he, Rose?” Jackie said.

“I suppose.”

“What’s wrong, sweetheart?” Jackie asked sympathetically.

“I thought he was going to leave me, Mum,” she said softly.

“He’d never.”

“I used to think so, but…well, he says he won’t. But why do I still feel like he might?”

“I imagine that your hormones are all out of whack with the pregnancy and with the nursing. You are getting enough proper nutrition to still be nursing while pregnant, aren’t you?” she asked.

“Yes. The Doctor’s been feeding me up right and proper ever since we found out. This,” and she gestured to the remains of their meal, “doesn’t count. I think it’s more than that, though.”

“This the first time the two of you have fought since you got married?” Jackie asked.

“Yeah.”

“And the world didn’t come crumbling down.”

“It’s just…we used to fight all the time. When he was all leather jacket and big ears. And he used to say he was going to take me home and leave me all the time. He never did, but…well, I always felt insecure because of it. I mean I knew he wanted to keep me around but…” She sighed. “So when we argued it really brought back all of those emotions.”

“Then why on Earth are you wearing that coat?” Jackie asked. “I’d think it would remind you of the old him and how you fought.”

“But it doesn’t. The old coat was something I could hold onto. It reminds me of the best part of him, too. I can’t explain it. Just…when I wear it, I feel secure. Like I’m near the man I first fell in love with.”

“Rose, you do realize they’re the same person? I mean deep down? You differentiate them in your mind so much, but big ears and leather is the same man as pinstripes and big hair,” Jackie said earnestly.

“Of course, I know they’re the same man. I watched him change, didn’t I?” she asked.

“Does he know that?” Jackie said.

“Sure he does,” said Rose.

“I’m not so sure. I think the fact that you’re wearing his old coat might be bothering him,” she told her daughter. “Thinking that maybe you want the other him more than you want the current him. I think you’re hurting his feelings. He’s given that coat a couple of hard looks just since we left the shops.”

“Oh, don’t be silly. He’s the Doctor. He’s not going to be jealous of his own self,” Rose said. But for the rest of the afternoon, Rose had to wonder if what her mother said was true.


Chapter Forty-one:  Not So Silent Night

The Doctor watched his wife with troubled eyes as they packed up their gifts to lug back to the TARDIS. Although Rose had ooed and awed over the beautiful jacket he had given her, she had tucked her arms back into the jacket of his old one as they prepared to exit Jackie’s home. Jackie had volunteered to keep Dare overnight so that the two of them would have time to themselves.

He felt like telling his mother-in-law that there wasn’t much point to that. The night before Rose had feigned sleep when he got into bed, not responding to his quiet use of her name. He could tell she wasn’t asleep by the speed of her respiration but hadn’t pursued it. He hadn’t expected her to feel up to any intimacy, her emotions were still too raw, but he had hoped to talk to her about the stupid jacket.

He’d hoped for the best, that he’d have a chance to talk to her some time during the day, but the hustle and bustle of Christmas had pretty much prevented him from having any chance of it. The walk back to the TARDIS was quiet. He watched as his wife put away all the new things and then she disappeared into the loo.

When she emerged not only was she wearing a full-length, long-sleeved flannel nightgown, but she had put the jacket on over it. He lost it. “Give me the coat, Rose,” he said, his voice full of anger.

She looked at him startled. “What?”

“My jacket. The one you’re wearing. Give it to me.”

“Why?” she asked puzzled.

“Give me the damn coat, Rose!”

She looked at him in shock. The Doctor almost never swore and she didn’t think he’d ever sworn at her before. Slowly she let it slip from her shoulders and slide to the floor. He came over and retrieved it and trotted off down the hallway.

It was twenty minutes before he returned. Rose was sitting on the end of the bed biting her lip. “What was that all about?” she asked him.

“Rose, you know what it’s about,” he said. “It’s about you not accepting me for who I am today. It’s about you wishing the old me were still around. But he’s not. He’s dead. He died for you, if you’ll remember. But he’d never tell you he loved you, would he? He yelled at you all the time and he made you cry all the time. So what is it about him that makes you prefer him to me?”

“I don’t prefer him to you.” Her voice was quiet.

“Then why are you throwing it in my face? That coat--.”

“That coat makes me feel safe! It’s the one thing I have left and it makes me feel safe! You scared me. You made me think you were leaving me and I sought comfort with a piece of the past. But it’s not because I loved him more than you! And he is you. So what’s it matter?” 
she asked.

“It makes me feel like you want me to change back, like you asked me to do--.”

“When you first changed!” she protested. “And you hadn’t told me you could do. It was a huge shock. Yes, I loved you as you were. But it was this you that made me feel so much more than I ever believed possible with him. It’s this you I’m married to, this you that I have a child with, this you that I’m pregnant by, this you that is constantly shagging me senseless. And yeah, maybe once in a while I miss the old you, but…I wouldn’t trade back now if I could.”

“Oh, really? And if we were to ever run across his path and you had the chance to see him again, don’t tell me you wouldn’t consider it!”

“But I’d be with him, wouldn’t I? I mean a younger version of me? I couldn’t mess with the time lines. So what’s the point in the question?” she asked him.

“The point is, if you could, would you?”

“Well, to be honest, no, because it would probably hurt too much. I loved him with all the infatuation of youth. And those feelings were crazy strong. But they changed. They changed into what we have now. It’s better and deeper and stronger. Seeing him now…well, it took me a long time to get over the old you and not feel guilty about being in love with you as you are now. Felt like I was cheating somehow.  And it’s still all so stupid because he is you!” Rose burst out. “But now, no, I don’t want you to change back. I love you as you are.”

“You do?”

“Yes. But I don’t want to be afraid that you’re going to leave me off somewhere or send me away every time we argue,” she said.

“I never threatened to leave you. I don’t know where you got that idea.” He sounded hurt.

“Oh, maybe from the fact that you’ve done it before. You left me when I saved my real dad. You sent me away from the game station. You left me to go save Reinette with no plan on how to get back and you sent me away to this universe.”

“But I came back and you came back and Reinette was the biggest mistake of my life. You have no idea how big a mistake she was. I almost lost you forever for that,” the Doctor said.

“You were only gone five and a half hours, Doctor,” Rose said. “And you found a way back. Stop being so melodramatic.”

The Doctor swallowed hard. Now wasn’t the best time to tell her the truth about that particular incident, though he hated having that secret still between them. That he hadn’t left her for five and a half hours, he’d left her for 260 days. She just didn’t remember any of it. He knew one day he’d have to tell her. Especially since he’d recently become aware that Jack had knowledge of those events now, though he did not know how Jack could when the timeline had been thoroughly overwritten. Still…

“Just don’t wear the jacket anymore, okay?” he said.

“Fine, I won’t wear it, but promise me you won’t throw it away, either. It’s a piece of you and I think when Dare’s grown he should have it.”

He nodded his agreement. “I wish you’d just told me earlier that my wearing it bothered you.”

“Rose, we were barely on speaking terms when I found you in it,” he said.

“How did things get so far off course?” Rose asked softly.

“Because we weren’t talking to each other.”

“I was talking,” said Rose. “You just weren’t listening.”

The Doctor frowned. “I was listening. I was just…dismissive. But that’s going to stop. I can’t be treating you like the kid you were when I first met you. You’ve had so much life experience and then there’s your power…but I look at you and I still see that girl I fell in love with, not this woman you’ve become.”

“I want to learn,” said Rose. “I want you to start educating me. About the Time Vortex, about spacial manipulation, about Gallifrey. And I want to know anything else you can teach me. About the medical bay and everything in there, how to operate all the equipment, how to use the lab. I need to know. If I had known then what I know now, this accident with Cassi regenerating never would have happened.”

“That’s going to be a lot of work,” said the Doctor.

“I’m willing to put in the time. I was promised 500 years with you. I think we’ll have time,” she said.

“Okay, then. We’ll start tomorrow.”

“Sounds good to me. Now,” and she gave him a telling look, “What are you going to do about Donna?”

“Do we have to talk about that now?” he asked her.

“Yes. We need her on board this ship. She’s important to our family and I don’t like having her gone,” said Rose. “You’re going to have to apologize to her and you’re going to have to make it really good.”

“She was awful to me.”

“I’m sure you were awful to her right back. But Donna’s got a good heart. And she’ll know if you mean it or if you don’t. So you’d better mean it,” Rose said.

“I do want her back,” he told her. “She’s difficult and she makes me crazy, but she’s been a gift. She came into my life when I really needed someone to be my friend and to make me laugh again. I just…well, I don’t know if she’d even accept an apology after what happened.”

“Of course she will. She’ll just make you work really hard for it, is all.”

“Why do I have the feeling that’s the understatement of the century?” 

Ch. 42&43:  http://amberfocus.livejournal.com/95189.html