You're What?: Chapter Five

[amberfocus]

Chapter 4:  http://amberfocus.livejournal.com/72397.html

Making Decisions

 

Jack eyed the machine Rose was currently inside. All he could see of her was her feet and he didn’t like not being able to see her face. He scooted his chair closer and rested a hand on her ankle, finding the pulse there. It helped to reassure him that his friend really was going to be okay. At least, well, physically. He wasn’t so sure about her emotional state.

 

He didn’t understand what the Doctor’s problem was. Here he had this amazing young woman that was utterly head over heels in love with him, would do anything for him, and yet he didn’t seem to know how special she was. He’d been jealous when the Doctor had finally given in to his desire for the girl and taken her to his bed, but he’d known by then that Rose was utterly in love with the alien.

 

He was not a man in the habit of seeking conquests in other people’s bedrooms or interfering in committed relationships, though if he’d have been invited in by both of them he certainly wouldn’t have turned them down. Now he wished he’d done something to discourage Rose’s gentle pursuit of the Doctor when he’d seen her advances beginning to be successful. He’d worried that it would only end in heartache, though this sort of heartache was not what he’d envisioned.

 

Jack had been pretty sure that sooner or later the Doctor would do something monumentally stupid to push Rose away. Something like take away her choices or lock her up in the TARDIS to protect her from danger or keep up with his diatribes about humans being nothing but stupid apes. It had surprised him really that the Doctor had seemed to be on his best behavior the last few weeks, taking Rose’s opinions seriously and not brushing her away when she came up with her rather crazy but often brilliant and workable plans in exchange for one of his own. He hadn’t even used the term stupid ape, at least not in Jack’s hearing, since the two had become lovers.

 

He’d really thought that Rose had made a change in the Time Lord, a definite change for the better, but now his sullen little boy persona was firmly in place and he was deciding things for both of them again. Jack knew that the Doctor had said that Rose had chosen to go home to have the baby, but if he knew the alien like he thought he did he was pretty sure that Rose’s “choice” was based on something stupid the Doctor had said or done. For a genius the man could often be an idiot when it came to relationships.

 

Jack sighed and stroked Rose’s foot. He liked Rose. It was even safe to say that he loved Rose. He wasn’t in love with Rose, though he could easily have let himself be if he hadn’t seen the writing on the wall weeks ago and shut that possibility completely out of his heart and mind. She’d become family to him. He’d made himself think of her as a sister, or maybe an overly friendly cousin, but he’d been serious when he’d told the Doctor he’d stay with Rose and raise the baby if the Doctor didn’t step up.

 

He’d even been serious about changing his relationship with Rose, when she was ready of course, to more than friends. He’d marry the girl if she’d have him, and he was surprised that the thought of settling down like that didn’t even scare him, because it was Rose. It sure scared the hell out of the Doctor, though. He was torn between wanting things to work out for Rose because he wanted her to be happy and he knew she’d be happiest with the Doctor, and imagining his own future with her by his side.

 

What was wrong with him? It was not like him to want someone else’s woman for himself. He didn’t want to want Rose. He didn’t want to see her hurt so badly by the Doctor. But more than that he didn’t want her to have to be alone. She deserved so much more than that and if the Doctor wouldn’t give it to her, than there would be no holding Jack back.

 

 

The Doctor sat with his head propped in his hands staring up at the seal of Rassilon. He had broken so many rules by falling in love with Rose. Not that he’d been a follower of rules anyway, even before he’d killed all of his kind to end the Time War. He had always spent far too much time with humans before the war for the liking of his people. But he’d never before even thought of having a romantic relationship with one of them. Oh, he’d kissed a companion before but it had only been exuberance and joy at being alive. It had never been with romance in mind. It had certainly never been with sex in mind. The few times he’d wanted that he’d always found a stranger. He’d never cared.

 

Rose had been different from the start. He’d fought against it every step of the way, or at least his mind had. His body had had its own agenda from the day she’d swung across the Nestene Consciousness on a giant chain risking her life to save his. When her warm little body had crashed into him he’d felt a surge of hormones he’d never had so strongly before in his life. And his body had been aching for her ever since. It came out in many ways, from the constant need to hold Rose’s hand to the ever-growing number of hugs that had stretched the boundaries of friendship with the length of time he’d stayed in them, the amount of pressure used to hold her, the aggressive stance of his hips against her body.

 

The Doctor had found himself kissing the top of her hair or her forehead way too much or allowing her to kiss him on the cheek as often as she wanted to. And he’d convinced himself it was all perfectly innocent until the day that he’d rescued her from a particularly violent and physically dangerous situation and she’d clung to him so desperately, had tried to burrow into him because she couldn’t get close enough, her hands going beneath his jacket.

 

He had pulled her onto his lap and held her until she’d calmed and then when she’d tried to pull away his arms had tightened reflexively because he’d almost lost her and it had affected him just as deeply, and she’d stayed with him. That had been the beginning of the end as far as he could see; his inability to let her go. Eventually his arms had loosened on her and she’d pulled back and looked at him. Then she’d leaned in to kiss his cheek just as he was moving his head and her lips had accidently landed on his.

 

At first Rose had tried to correct it by sliding towards his cheek, but without thought he’d followed her mouth and his hand had risen up to grasp the back of her neck, stilling the movement of her head. She hadn’t stiffened against him or tried to pull away. Instead she’d brushed her lips back towards his, pressing firmly against him, but not attempting to deepen the kiss. She’d been the one to finally pull away from him and when he met her eyes afterwards they were open and accepting of what they’d just done.

 

“Well,” she’d said. “That was different.”

 

“Different bad?” he’d asked his hearts beating out a strange tattoo against his ribcage.

 

“No,” she’d said. “It wasn’t bad. How could it be? It was you and me, Doctor.” She’d smiled at him then, a guarded smile unlike any she’d ever given him. “But what’s it mean?” she’d asked simply, her eyes clouded.

 

“Mean?”

 

“Was it a mistake?” she’d asked him.

 

“Mistake? Do you think it was a mistake?” he’d wanted to know.

 

“I think it was nice,” she’d said carefully. “But I don’t want to presume you meant it as more than an outpouring of relief that I didn’t get myself killed.”

 

“I’m very glad you didn’t get yourself killed, Rose,” he’d said slowly.

 

“That’s what I thought,” she’d replied with a little nod of her head. She’d started to slide out of his lap, but again he’d refused to let her go.

 

“Very glad,” he’d repeated and then his lips had come crashing down on hers and the kiss he’d given her then had lost any semblance of chastity. It had been driven and hungry and consuming and at first she’d not responded to his invasion of her mouth and he’d been sure he’d misread her and begun to pull away only to find her coming alive against him, gripping his head in her hands and responding to him so wantonly it had almost taken his breath away, a pretty impressive feat considering the respiratory bypass system.

 

They hadn’t made love then, not that night, but only because Rose’s exhaustion had precluded the idea of him asking her to accept him. In fact, it’d been a full week of stolen kisses and charged moments before he’d approached her about the idea of becoming his lover. She’d studied his face carefully before asking him if he was sure he really wanted their relationship to change that way.

 

When he’d said he had, she’d grilled him about his sexual history (none so far in this body), any diseases he might have (they’d both had a health check in the infirmary), and then she’d brought up birth control. The idea of needing it had seemed so silly to him. The chances of a successful Gallifreyan/Human conception had been less than half a percent. Even then, the embryo had to survive the two weeks it took to implant itself into a human body.

 

During that time period, the hybrid usually was rejected, bringing the likelihood of a pregnancy down to .0018 percent of implanting. Of course, once it had implanted it was nearly impossible to lose the baby. It took severe trauma, usually so severe that the mother would die anyway, for the baby to abort.

 

He’d been so casual about Rose’s concerns, her pestering him to find out if he was sure being no more than an irritation in his mind. She’d been reluctant to let it happen until he’d assured her it was impossible in the heat of passion and then she’d let go. He’d been so selfish, wanting what he’d wanted and damning the consequences, no matter how minute. And those consequences she’d been so worried about had happened.

 

Maybe Jack was right. Maybe Jack would be a better man to raise this baby with Rose. He had put himself first and now Rose was stuck with this pregnancy and he’d hurt her in his refusal to believe the child was possible or even his. And he’d caused her injuries, too, because if he hadn’t let her leave the TARDIS in the state she’d been in she never would have fallen over the cliff. He was no good for Rose and he’d be no good for this baby.

 

Underneath it all, Jack was a good man. He’d owned up to his mistakes and sought hard to never make them again. He’d been gentle with Rose, caring and considerate and the Doctor had no doubt the man would make a good father. Perhaps it was the best solution all around. So why did the very idea of it fill him with misery?

 

“Because you love her, you git!” he snarled at himself. “And the idea of sending her away and letting any other man have her is ripping you apart.” He thought for the first time about letting Rose stay. He thought of how she would look as her body swelled with his child. He thought about what kind of mother she would be and what a child made from both of them would look like. And none of that bothered him or frightened him. Oh, no. Those things all seemed beautiful.

 

It was only when he thought of the type of father that he would be that he became scared. He’d faced down more monsters then he could recall, but when it came to fighting his own demons he was a miserable failure. He pulled himself together. No matter how much it would kill him, he had to do what was best for Rose and the child. And it was looking very much like what was best for them was not him, but Jack. He set off back to the infirmary. It was time he had an earnest talk with the younger man.

Chapter 6:  http://amberfocus.livejournal.com/74602.html