Devastate (3/4)

[amberfocus]

A/N:  From here we go AU. Recognizable dialog is from Parting of the Ways.

Heartbroken

 

Rose throws herself desperately at the doors as she realizes without any doubts in her mind what the Doctor is doing to her. “Let me out!” It is only hearing his voice behind her that makes her turn and see the flickering hologram standing by the console. She knows then that this was planned, not some spur of the moment action to save her life, but deliberately planned by the Doctor to take her out of the line of fire, bring her to safety, and leave him alone to take the risks that could kill him.

 

 

Fury fills her and she rages inwardly that he dare take that choice from her when it should be hers alone where she wants to stand. It is always next to him and it always will be and already her mind is racing trying to find ways around whatever he’s planned. But she calms herself long enough to focus on the words being said by the jittery image of the man she loves.

 

She refuses to believe that he’s going to die despite his words until his voice changes and the hologram strengthens and turns to look at her as if he knows exactly where she’ll be standing in this moment and maybe with his grasp of the time lines he does. He tells her to do one thing for him, to have a fantastic life and all she can do is think it’s impossible for her to do that without him by her side. How can he not know that? She’d rather go down fighting with him than live a life without him in it.

 

His words make her wonder if he might not know that, might not know just how very strongly her feelings for him run. She’s never said it out loud, but she thinks she’s shown it. She knows how he feels about her, can see it in his eyes even in the hologram. Saw it in his eyes whenever he made love to her. Should have seen it when he was pushing her back, flirting with the other girl, trying to establish a bit of distance. His love for her is making him send her to safety. Not because he doesn’t want her there, but because he wants her alive.

 

She gets that, she really does, but his betrayal in sending her away, in not asking her what she wants hurts. Of course, giving her a choice would have meant she’d stay in danger and in this instance it is too much for him to see her in it. Rose knows it would have been even worse if she’d had time to tell him…well, she can’t think about that now. She has to think about how she is going to get the ship to go back. “You can’t do this to me. You can’t! Take me back! Take me back!”

 

She tries to remember everything she’s ever seen him do when flying the ship, but in the end she is useless at it. Not even talking in a calm and focused manner to the TARDIS makes a bit of difference. The ship continues on inexorably, turning a blind mind to Rose’s entreaties until they land.

 

Rose runs for the door hoping against hope that they’ve returned to the game station, but when she looks outside all she sees is dismal, gray London sky and the back of the Powell Estate. She rushes back trying again and again to convince the ship to fly back, but finally admits defeat and gives up with bitter disappointment.

 

Exiting the ship she leans against the outside and starts to cry. That is how Mickey finds her. She collapses against him in tears, broken in a way she’s never been before in her life.

 

 

 

Mickey, being Mickey, takes her for chips and calls her mum. It doesn’t go well and she runs off, runs as far and as fast as her feet will take her, only slowing to a walk when her lungs feel like they will burst. She finds herself in front of the local chemist’s shop staring in the window for a long time before opening the door and making her way to the aisle she needs.

 

She stares blankly at the myriad of boxes in front of her, trying to focus her mind. “Too many choices?” asks a sympathetic pregnant woman who has come up the aisle behind her. She reaches out and snags a box and hands it to Rose. “This one’s easiest, and it’s the most accurate.”

 

Rose takes it from her with trembling fingers. “Thank you,” she says softly staring down at the box like it is the most frightening thing in the world. She knows she doesn’t really need it, that it is just a way of confirming what she knows in her heart has somehow happened, despite the Doctor’s genetics tests saying it never can. Still, if she sees it, has the evidence in her hands, it will help her to think, help her to find a way back to the Doctor.

 

She goes and pays for the box and then takes her purchase back to the TARDIS. The test takes three minutes and when the result come up she doesn’t know whether she wants to laugh or to cry or to scream. All she knows is that if she has to break the console apart to get in to the heart of the TARDIS, she is going to do it. She is going back to him.

 

 

 

Rose calls Mickey and asks him to meet her at the TARDIS. Together they sit on the bench at the old estate playground and Mickey tries to convince her that she needs to start living her old life again, to be a normal person, to forget the Doctor and share her life with him. Rose is afraid that Mickey is heading for a proposal and she looks him in the eyes. “Could you do that, Mickey? Could you live a life with me and help me raise a baby that isn’t yours?”

 

Mickey stares at her dumbfounded. “You’re…pregnant?”

 

Rose nods at him. “You sure it’s his?” Mickey asks his jaw working.

 

“Mickey, you know you and I haven’t…not since…well, you know as well as I do that it’s been too long for it to be yours,” she says softly.

 

“How could you, Rose? How could you be with him? He’s not even human. He’s--.”

 

“I love him, Mickey. I love him and he’s out there in the future fighting for all of us, for every human being on this planet and he doesn’t even know that there’s more to fight for. More than me or Jack. I’ve got the future of his race growing inside of me and he doesn’t even know. He’ll think it’s okay to sacrifice himself, because I’ll be safe and that maybe it’s okay that his line ends with him. He won’t know that it doesn’t. He won’t know that this child will grow up and not know anything about his people except what he’s told me and that he’ll be leaving it all alone. And he can’t make a choice like that without knowing!” Rose cries out.

 

“Well, you can’t get back, Rose. There’s no way. And yeah, it’d take some doing, but we could still have that proper life together. We could work this out. I’d do that for you. I’d raise his child with you. I care about you that much.” Mickey stares at her, but her eyes have lost their focus on him, are drifting to the spray painted concrete that someone has scrawled graffiti on.

 

Bad Wolf. Rose stands up and walks away from him until she is standing amongst letters taller than herself. She gazes all around the playground and sees the words everywhere. And slowly the connections begin to be made in her mind. Bad Wolf in the future, Bad Wolf everywhere they went, Bad Wolf following her. It isn’t a warning. It’s a message. A message telling her she can get back. Now she just has to find the way.

 

She runs to the TARDIS heedless of Mickey’s words. Eventually, when even trying to pull the console open with his car doesn't work, Mickey calls her mum again. Jackie comes and tries to convince her to walk away. “Dad wouldn’t give up,” Rose says suddenly trying not to feel regret at the flash of hurt that wells up in her mother’s eyes.

 

“Well, he’s not here, is he?” Jackie says softly. She took a deep breath. “And even if he was he’d say the same.”

 

“No, he wouldn’t,” Rose replies her brow wrinkling in confusion that her mother would say such a thing. Pete Tyler, the man she met would never say that. “He’d tell me to try anything. If I could save the Doctor’s life, try anything.” The conviction in her voice startles her mother.

 

“Well, we’re never gonna know,” Jackie says refusing to meet her daughter’s eyes.

 

“Well, I know. ‘Cause I met him. I met Dad.”

 

Jackie’s eyes leap to Rose’s. “Don’t be ridiculous,” she says trying to hold back her anger, but her hurt at such a statement is clear and it is also clear she doesn’t believe Rose.

 

“The Doctor took me back in time and I met Dad.”

 

“Don’t say that!” Jackie protests.

 

“Remember when Dad died? There was someone with him. A girl, a blonde girl. She held his hand.” Jackie’s face begins to soften, the edges of belief in her eyes. “You saw her from a distance, Mum. You saw her!” Rose can’t keep the tears from her eyes and her voice is shattering. “Think about it. That was me. You saw me.”

 

“Stop it!”

 

“That’s how good the Doctor is.”

 

“Stop it! Just stop it!” Jackie cries out angrily. She turns to go, but Rose calls her back.

 

“Please, Mum. It’s true. I met him and I know what kind of man he was. A good man, but crazy enough to try anything. And I had to grow up without him.” Rose got to her feet and grabbed hold of her mother’s hand and placed it flat on her belly. “I don’t want that for my baby, Mum. It needs to grow up with the Doctor in its life.”

 

Jackie looks from her hand to Rose’s face, horrified then she swallows hard, backs away, and runs from the TARDIS. Rose lets the agony of quiet sobs free at last. Without her mum’s support, however is she going to face this?

 

It’s Mickey again who comes for her, and miserable for her pain he takes her outside and tries to convince her not to give up. It amazes her that even in this moment he can be this good to her. Despite everything, he’s not going to let her stop now that he understands just how deeply she wants it. He pushes her not to give up when she is finally ready to accept the inevitable that her mother was right.

 

“No!” says Mickey firmly. “We just needed something stronger, something bigger, something…like that!”

 

Rose stares in amazement at the rescue and recovery truck that is pulling up in front of the TARDIS, stunned even more when it is her mother driving it. Jackie dismounts and comes to her daughter’s side as Rose starts to laugh for the first time in what feels like years.

 

“Right, you’ve only got this until 6:00, so get on with it.” 

 

“Mum, where the hell did you get that from?” she asks.

 

“Rodrigo. He owes me a favor, never mind why,” Jackie says. “But you were right about your Dad, sweetheart. He was full of mad ideas and it’s exactly what he would have done.” She nods and throws her keys to Mickey. “Now get on with it, before I change my mind.” She hugs Rose tightly to her. “You save that man’s life and you bring that no account back here to deal with me for knocking you up,” she whispers fiercely in Rose’s ear.

“Mum!”

 

“He’s going to be a proper dad to this baby, Rose. You mark my words. Or he’ll see the wrath of a Tyler woman. Now get on with you.”

 

It takes several minutes to hook up the truck and several minutes more of pulling before the console snaps open and Rose finds herself staring into the heart of the TARDIS. And with awe she feels the heart of the TARDIS look into her.

Ch. 4:  http://amberfocus.livejournal.com/70559.html