Post Pomp (13/22)

[amberfocus]

A/N:  Jack and Rose grow closer and she comtemplates her future. If she stays with Jack will the universe go boom? And can she ever love him fairly when she still has feelings for the Doctor?

Chapter Thirteen:  Two Hundred Fifty Days

“Can I come with you?” Rose asked suddenly, her hand brushing nervously through the dark dirty blond hair that now fell to her chin. They were sitting in the mess hall eating supper, well Jack had been eating supper and Rose had been pushing the food on her plate around nervously as she tried to figure out a way to bring up her question. In the end she had simply blurted it out when Jack paused in conversation.

Instantly his eyes became guarded, his open, happy expression dropping from his face. “Rose, do you really think that’s a good idea? You’re not strong yet.”

“I’m doing better,” Rose insisted. “The medic let me leave the infirmary this morning. I have my own quarters and everything.”

“Five days ago you couldn’t even dance under your own power for more than two songs. Slow dance, if I have to remind you. What happens if we have to run for our lives?” He asked, his blue eyes drilling into hers.

She looked down. “What happens if you don’t come back, Jack?”

Jack’s breath caught at her words. Was it too much to hope for that she had asked what happened if he didn’t come back and not what happened if he didn’t bring the Doctor back? “I’ll come back, Rose.” His hand reached out and rested on top of hers and she slid it around so their fingers threaded together. “I promise you.”

“I almost wish you didn’t have to go,” she said.

“I don’t, Rose. The only reason I’m doing this at all is for you. If you don’t want me to go, if you don’t want me to bring him back, tell me now.”

Rose opened her mouth, shut it, opened it again. “I have to know his reason, Jack. I won’t be able to get on with my life until I do.”

“And will getting on with your life include me?” Jack asked softly.

Her hand tightened on his. “I can’t say yes to that question yet,” she said her eyes full of uncertainty. “But I won’t say no, either.” To break the uncomfortable tableau she picked up her spoon and started to eat.

Jack didn’t press her any further, instead regaling her with the story of his first year in the time agency training program and some of the mistakes he had made. Jack was a consummate story teller and his goal for the rest of the meal seemed to be to try to get her to snort her milk through her nose. If that didn’t put an end to his romantic illusions of her, she didn’t know what would. Though in the deepest part of her heart, she wasn’t sure she wanted an end put to his romantic illusions.

“So where are these new quarters of yours?” Jack asked as they left the mess hall.

“Not too far from the conservatory, actually,” she told him. His hand reached out and clasped hers as they strolled down the corridor. She had always thought that the Doctor’s hand was special, the way hers fit in it so perfectly. It had worked with either incarnation, fitting just right. Her hand had never fit that way with Mickey’s, never fit that way with Jimmy’s. It surprised her then that it fit so well in Jack’s. Maybe not a perfect fit, but close.

She didn’t remember that about him, but then they hadn’t really spent a lot of time holding hands in her past. Dancing, hugging, running for their lives, yes. But her hand had always been firmly in the Doctor’s. Now…so much had changed and she could barely imagine ever holding the Doctor’s hand again. Holding Jack’s felt right. So why did it feel so wrong at the same time?

Spending this time with Jack had made her happier than she’d been in a long time. His focus had been on keeping her happy. It had been so long since the focus had been on her. Her focus had been on the Doctor for so long, on keeping him happy, that she had pushed her own happiness so far into the background she hadn’t even realized it was muted. At least not until Sarah Jane.

Her hand tightened reflexively on Jack’s hand. First had come Sarah Jane, and then the lies the Doctor had told her about never leaving her alone, never abandoning her the way he had past companions. Then came Reinette. And all of his pretty words had turned to dust as he did exactly what he had promised he would never do, and worse, he’d put her life and Mickey’s life at stake to do it.

“This is me,” Rose said as they came to the doorway of her quarters. She placed her palm against the door plate and the reader scanned her print. The door slid open. “It’s not much, but its home. For now.”

He stepped into her quarters, eying the bright pink duvet on her bed that he’d rescued from the other ship. There was little else in the room that showed Rose’s personality. “The ensign who brought me here this morning said the holoplayer is fully loaded. Would you like to watch a movie tonight? Or do you need to get back to your duties?” Rose asked wistfully.

“No duties,” Jack said. “I’m all yours.” The look he gave Rose told her that he meant that in every sense of the word. They settled down on the bed together, the only piece of furniture in the cramped room that was big enough for two people and only just.

The movie was essentially mindless fluff between rounds of adventure and Rose found herself blocking it out and thinking hard. Though it was becoming harder to think with Jack’s arm wrapped around one shoulder and his body warm and alive next to hers. Her feelings were mercurial, changing from one moment to the next.

When she’d first seen Jack’s face again, she’d been so happy to be rescued and that joy had increased ten fold when she realized who he was. She had never thought she’d see him again. He had died on the game station and even with time travel, it hadn’t occurred to her she’d ever run into a younger version of him, because he hadn’t known her or the Doctor when they’d met.

Of course, he’d had those missing two years in his memory, but from what he’d said at the time, he was just coming off that experience. It hadn’t happened when he was this young. So he should remember meeting her before she’d met him. Sometimes thinking about time travel made her head spin, but there was simply too much here that wasn’t adding up.

She wondered if what she was doing right now was changing history. If she chose to stay with this young version of Jack, how long could she do it before it caused a paradox? He’d told her his age, he’d be turning 23 within the month. That gave her twelve years before his memory loss if she was calculating correctly. Twelve years they could spend together before time turned on its ear if they stayed together any longer.

Twelve years with Jack just might be enough. But…the Doctor. A girl could go mad thinking about it. She wished she knew what she wanted. If she knew that the Doctor felt the same way about her that she felt about him it wouldn’t even be up for debate. That much she knew. But his actions in abandoning her had proven to her that he didn’t. And now, despite the fact that her heart was taken up so much with the Doctor, she was able to see another life stretching before her.

She didn’t realize that Jack had turned off the holoplayer for a long time. “What’s on your mind, Rose?” he finally asked.

“Paradoxes,” she said, because she didn’t know what else to say. “Jack, if I stay with you I think the universe might go boom one day.”

“You’re thinking about staying with me?” he asked. The hope in his voice was so palpable she could almost see it.

“I’m thinking about the universe going boom if I do,” she sighed.

“Don’t you think maybe the universe can take care of itself?” Jack wanted to know.

“Now, I’m pretty sure they don’t teach you to play chicken with paradoxes in the Time Agency training program,” Rose said reprovingly.

“They do teach us how to prevent them.”

Rose sighed. “At the most,” she said slowly, “We’d only have twelve years together, Jack, before I’d have to leave you.”

“That’s a long time.”

“But…I know how it ends. I know what happens. I know it’s what is supposed to happen, but I know myself. I’d try to stop it. And if I stop it, the universe goes boom. Or at least it gets overrun by Daleks and--.” She popped a hand over her mouth.

“Daleks?”

“I’ve said too much. See, this is exactly what I’m talking about. If I tell you your future you’ll have the means to change it,” Rose told him.

“Daleks, Rose? Those are myth, legend.” He turned her in his arms to look at her.

“They’re as real as Time Lords,” she said.

“Time Lords are a fairy story,” Jack snorted.

“No, Jack. They’re not. That’s what the Doctor is. He’s a Time Lord. The last of his kind.”

“But the Time Lords were supposedly all powerful over time and space, so what’s he doing not coming back to you?!” Righteous indignation welled up in Jack.

“Yeah,” said Rose bitterly. “I imagine it’s very much what he’s doing that is the reason why he’s not coming back to me.  Or who he's doing.”

“I’d never do that to you, Rose.”

“I know you wouldn’t.”

“Forget this Doctor. Stay with me, Rose. For as long as we have, even if it’s only twelve years,” he said the intensity in his voice suddenly burning like fire.

“Even if it means you’re second place in my heart, Jack Harkness? How is that ever fair to you?” Rose asked him.

“You let me worry about that, Rose. I’m pretty sure I can convince you I’m more than just the runner up. I’m the best in show.”

Rose couldn’t help herself. She started giggling. “Same ego as ever.”

“Not kidding, Rose,” he said pulling her to him. His mouth came down on hers and he proceeded to show her very clearly just how much he was not kidding. When he released her, she was breathless. She lay there stunned as he pressed his forehead against hers.

“Well,” she said giving him a mischievous smile, “I think maybe I might need just a little bit more convincing.” And she pulled his head closer, her hand threading through his hair and kissed him back like her future depended on it. Because maybe, just maybe, it did.

10.  http://amberfocus.livejournal.com/41761.html