Exercise Update

[amberfocus]

I swam 40 laps tonight in 55 minutes.  That's 3/4 of a mile plus one lap.  Go me! *laughs*  It feels really good.  I didn't take any long breaks and the longest pause I had at the end of a length was six breaths long.  Mostly I didn't need those, maybe every six laps or so I'd do that.  I am getting stronger and stronger and it is so nice not having to defog my goggles anymore.  The first 20 laps are still the hardest.  After that it's almost like I go somewhere else in my mind.  My focus is on my breathing and how smoothly I cut through the water, and of course, keeping the number in my head so I don't lose count.  But it's like it's no longer exercise.  It's just Being in this watery otherworld.  I really like the feeling of it.  Those first 20 though are definitely exercise, definitely something I am pushing through.  So worth it though.  This was the first time I felt simply tired instead of utterly exhausted after a workout.  I think my body is finally starting to believe this is something that I can do.

Last night I had Chris take my measurements.  I wish I had done this at the beginning, but honestly, I didn't think I was going to stick with it when I started.  I know I've lost inches because I've had to wear smaller bras and I've had smaller shirts start fitting and my jeans are too big, but I don't know how many.  Only my doctor knows what my weight actually is.  I know I've lost ten pounds, but that's all I know, not my start weight.  I have tremendous scale issues from my teenage and young adult years.  I've been in recovery from an eating disorder for 16 years, so I'm kind of scale phobic.  In the very back room of the women's locker room at the club there is a doctor's scale.  I didn't even know it was there until tonight.  I stared at it far longer than I would have liked, but in the end I just walked away.  I don't think I'll ever go back there, but the first step in it was weighing obsessively multiple times a day so...it's better just to not. 

Ultimately I'd like to wear a size medium top and size 12 jeans.  Possibly 14.  We'll see when I get there.  With my child-bearing hips and my body type, going smaller than that is not an option and I don't think I'd look healthy if I tried.  I will always be curvy and that is a good thing because I like curvy.  And so does Chris. *grins*  Mostly I just want to be healthy and strong.  I can't remember the last time I was both.  I still need to continue poking at my diet.  For the most part we eat organic whole foods that I cook because of all of T's allergies, but my weaknesses are Pepsi Throwback (made with sugar instead of high fructose corn syrup), mashed potatoes and gravy, and Olive Garden.  This is not healthy and I know it, but... *sighs*  I'm working on it.  I'll get there.

Comments

[londoca.livejournal.com]

You are doing great. It is hard to start up and you gone to the first step. Keep it up.