Leap of Faith: Chapter Twenty-Six

[amberfocus]

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Title:  Leap of Faith (26/?)
Author:  amberfocus
Characters/Pairings:  John Smith (alt!Nine)/Rose Tyler, Toshiko Sato, Jake Simmonds, Mickey Smith, Ianto Jones, Jackie Tyler/Pete Tyler, Tony Tyler, various original characters
Genre:  Romance, Angst, Hurt/Comfort, Action/Adventure, Alternate Universe
Rating:  Adult
Betas:  amyo67, jeprdyfrndly
Summary:  Hiding from the Family of Blood, the alt!Ninth Doctor turns himself into John Smith via the chameleon arch and with his companion Toshiko Sato, takes a job at Torchwood.  He clashes with everyone he meets and Rose Tyler, the beautiful young director of Torchwood Field Operative Training and the daughter of his boss, is no exception.  AU after season 2.
A/N:  This chapter gets slightly smutty towards the end so not work safe, not school safe, not child friendly.

Previous Chapters:  http://amberfocus.livejournal.com/327895.html

Chapter Twenty-Six: In Love

Sorting out the Taltins so they could get the proper documentation to get clearance to work with Torchwood took Rose the rest of the afternoon. Meanwhile, Owen, John and Tosh had gotten straight to work anyway, Delilah recognizing that though protocols and paperwork had their place, saving lives was far more important. Rose just wished she wasn’t the one on the official end of things. She much preferred being out in the field to anything else, but kicking around in the labs was far more appealing than running through what felt like miles of red tape.

Being a Tyler meant that if she really, really had to she could take a pair of scissors to the red tape and throw money at it later even if it was her own money and not Torchwood’s, but that was a privilege she tried not to abuse. She had to admit, that it was probably better for her mind to be buried in the minutiae of bureaucracy then to be given time to think about what Toshiko had told her earlier.

Still it infringed on her conscious thought, bringing with it a slow welling nausea and an all over feeling of dread. Just over half a year and her new best friend and her…second chance at love would be leaving Torchwood. And not just leaving Torchwood, but leaving London, leaving England, leaving…her. She’d taken her emotions out on a limb getting close to anyone again. Now…could she even face having her heart broken a second time?

And why, oh why, did she have to lose them both in one fell swoop? She’d let Tosh become part of her support system, letting the woman break past barriers that had been in place almost as tightly as the ones she’d put up against falling in love again. Losing people hurt and she knew that, yet she’d let her heart go unprotected and she’d taken two very big steps that now…would they even be worth it? She couldn’t imagine not knowing Tosh anymore than she could imagine never having allowed herself to get close to John. She wasn’t sure who it would be harder to lose.

Liar, she thought. Losing Tosh would be difficult, but losing John… Her mind didn’t even want to consider it. She wiped furiously at her eyes. They hadn’t teared over yet, but she could feel a suspicious prickling starting in the corners. Damn it, she was tougher than this. She’d had to be. She’d steeled herself against love and hope and faith and now there was a hole melted through that steel and it was getting bigger every day. It wasn’t fair.

“But when was life ever fair to you, Rose Tyler?” she whispered.

No, she wasn’t going to feel sorry for herself and cry over a man. She’d done that too much with the Doctor and where had it gotten her? If John was just going to leave her and go back to his previous life without even a second thought when his contract was up, there wasn’t much she could do about it. Would she even want to go with him? Would he ask her?

Torchwood was her life. Or it had been her life since coming to this universe. It probably wasn’t healthy to make it so much a part of her life, but it had given her something to cling to when she had nothing else. Now she’d found something else and she’d been building a life. She’d been building a life, she realized, that she’d hoped would be spent with John Smith.

And John had been planning all this time on leaving her when his time was up. He hadn’t even mentioned it to her. He said he was half in love with her. He said he wanted to make love to her, but was perfectly content to wait. Maybe this was the reason why. Maybe he was afraid to take that next emotional commitment that would lead to sex, because if he got that close to her, he wouldn’t be able to say good-bye when he needed to.

Any other man would have been pushing her for sex probably from their picnic at the park the day of the toy boat derby, or at the very least, since their night in the Bed and Breakfast. Instead John had been calm and easy going about it. He didn’t push for anything more because he knew their time was running out. He knew how much more painful it would be if they became lovers and he left. No wonder he wasn’t making a big deal out of her hesitance. He had his own and for very good reason.

Part of her knew she wasn’t being fair. She needed to talk to John, let him tell her his side of the story, but she wasn’t sure she could face him. She was just so afraid of getting hurt again. She didn’t think she was strong enough to pick herself up a second time. And yet…if she looked at things clearly through her fear, she knew she was in love with him. Maybe that scared her more than anything else. She needed time to think.

By the time she had finished calling and faxing all of the relevant people she needed to she had a pounding headache and had firmly convinced herself that every wall that had come down in the past few months needed to go right back up. She glanced down at her watch. Considering she had missed lunch and it was now an hour past the time she usually ate dinner she shouldn’t be surprised. She gathered her paperwork together and then dumped the file on Delilah’s desk. “Going home, Rose?” asked Delilah.

“If you can call the manor house home. John and Tosh still here?” she asked.

“Tosh is working with Mayumi and John’s still helping Owen and the Taltin’s with Marcie.”

“Oh. Well, can you just…if anyone asks can you tell them I’ve gone?”

“Of course.”

She said good-bye and headed outside. The manor house wasn’t that far away and she knew she could find something to eat along the way. She was right and twenty minutes later she was sitting down in a little Greek restaurant to a steaming plate of lamb souvlaki, rice, and baby greens. She took her time, ordering wine and lingering over it. Maybe if she got herself just drunk enough, the fact that the man she’d fallen in love with would be leaving her soon would go right out of her head.



“Have you seen Rose?” John asked Delilah. He’d looked through most of the Hub trying to find his errant girlfriend. He could call her that now, at least in his own head. Everyone else had cut out for the night, but he’d waited around for a while for Rose to show up.

Delilah looked up from her monitor. “She left a couple of hours ago,” the woman said. “She said she was going back to the manor house.”

“Oh,” said John, unable to keep the surprise out of his voice. “All right then. I’m packing it in.”

“How’s Marcie?” she asked.

“Owen didn’t send you a report?” he asked.

Delilah glanced at the stack of folders. “It’s in there somewhere,” she gestured, her voice dry. “Just give me a summary.”

“Stabilized as far as we can tell. There have been no new seizures or regressions. Her brain function seems to be normal for a newborn infant. We don’t think any permanent damage was done to her brain. The Taltins are staying in the nursery with her in case they need to use their tech on her any further.”

Delilah smiled in relief. “And Mayumi?”

“We haven’t gotten that far, yet. If Marcie stays stable through the night, we’re going to try injecting Mayumi with picogenes,” John said. “We have a bit more time with her. Owen doesn’t want to rush it.”

“All right. I’ll see you tomorrow, then. Just remember to sign out,” Delilah said.

John nodded and left without saying anything further, a frown on his face. Not that he expected Rose to be one of those people who always hung off him and waited around for him, but he thought she would have at least said something. He found it odd that Rose would go back to the manor house by herself when she was so creeped out by the man who ran it. He collected his jacket and absently signed out on his way out the door.

He wondered why Rose had left without telling him. It wasn't like he was her keeper, and she was free to do what she liked, but as close as they’d gotten lately he thought she might check in with him before taking off. He’d assumed they’d grab dinner together tonight and then maybe after dinner…well, he’d certainly liked the way the last few nights had ended up. He could not just assume Rose would want to spend the evening making out again, but he lived in hope.

He stopped at a fast food franchise, texting Rose quickly to see if she wanted him to pick up anything for her to eat. He got back one word, a terse “No,” that seemed to dominate the tiny little screen on his phone. He gulped down a quick and unsatisfying meal before walking back to the manor house, his hand feeling terribly empty without hers in it. He had no reason to think anything was wrong, but somehow he felt himself on edge, the closer he got. He hated to think that maybe he’d done something wrong. It worried at him, but he couldn’t think what it could possibly be. Things had been going so well last time he’d been with her.

He entered the manor house and bounded up the stairs his long legs making short work of the steps. He entered his room, his eyes automatically going to the door that adjoined it to Rose’s. He’d gotten himself worked up on the walk back and had almost thought the door would be shut, locking him out, but it stood wide open. No light came from Rose’s room. He hesitated in the doorway. “Rose?” he said softly. When there was no answer he stepped inside. The bed was empty but now he could see a crack of light coming from her bathroom. “Rose?” he repeated loudly.

He heard a loud sloshing sound and then Rose’s startled voice. “John? Is that you?”

“Yeah. Who else would it be?” he asked acerbically.

“I’m taking a bath,” she said.

“I kind of figured that,” he said, “what with all the wave action going on. Will you be in there long?” He tried to keep his voice neutral.

“I’ll be out in a little bit,” she said.

“Okay.” He paused. “Rose?”

“What?” she asked and he was sure he could hear an impatient huff to her voice.

“Are you okay?”

“Will you just let me finish my bath please?” she said with a sigh.

“Fine,” he said shortly. He backed away from the bathroom door and sat down on her bed, flipping on her lamp and picking up the magazine she’d left on her nightstand, trying not to think about the fact that she hadn’t really answered his question. He listened to the sounds of her bathing instead as he skimmed through it relieved that she had not filled out the little quiz that asked, "Is He the One?" with a corresponding no, and tried very hard not to think about what might be wrong between them.

Instead he imagined what watching her take a bath would be like, her skin naked and all rosy and flushed from the warmth of the water. He’d volunteer to wash her hair, his fingers sinking into the thick shampoo as he massaged her head. He’d pour water over it next, letting the suds rinse down her body, across her gorgeous breasts and their rosy peaks, and then he’d take the soap and gently rub it across them and down to her creamy thighs. His imagination was filling in just fine for the fact that he’d not seen certain parts of her body yet.

His trousers were getting tight and he almost wished there was enough time for him to take care of his problem before she came out. He didn’t dare risk Rose catching him wanking to the melody of her bath water. He’d much rather make love to her, but he knew if he rushed things now it probably wouldn’t end well. Not when he was feeling out of sorts and slightly desperate. Even if, now he’d thought about it, burying himself in her body was all he wanted to do.

Yeah, thinking that was not going to help him behave himself when she came out. He was smarter than his sex drive, he could control it. He just needed to think of something else, something work related. He mused over the problems of the day. It helped to have a brilliant mind to work through things like this, he thought, as his body began to calm back down.

He laid back, arms crossed behind his head, and stared up at the ceiling, running cell slides through his head instead. The patterns formed in Marcie’s blood after being injected with the Taltin’s picogenes had been quite interesting. There was definitely something more than picogenes active there. He’d seen a foreign material that was almost fighting against the tiny little machines, as if they were two sets of invaders declaring war on her system. That was exactly what it was, really, only one process seemed much more biological. So it was probably an infection of sorts, this other rejuvenation…

Rose emerged fifteen minutes later and he sat up abruptly. She was clad in a thin, floral-patterned, silk dressing gown that clung to her flushed skin. Her hair was wrapped in a light blue bath towel. His eyes wandered from the gap at the top that showed a little more of her breasts than he was used to seeing, down to the exposed half of her thighs and her pretty, shapely legs. His fingers twitched to reach out and untie the belt keeping it all together.

Rose sat down on the edge of the bed. “You look at me like that and I’ll think you’re never going to leave me.”

“Do you want me to leave you?” he asked in confusion. “I thought…we’ve been spending all this time together, and you left without me tonight, and I wanted…to see you. Is that wrong? Did I…do something wrong?”

Rose shrugged. “I don’t know. I don’t know if it’s wrong or if I should feel what I’m feeling,” she said unwrapping the towel and roughly drying her hair with it. “I’m a little drunk. And I don’t suppose it really matters what I want. Life’s gonna do what it does and you’re gonna leave me.” She removed a comb from the gown’s single pocket and began working through her tangles.

“Course it matters. Who said anything about leaving you?”

She shrugged again and yanked at her hair. “Tosh,” she said sullenly.

“Let me do that,” he said removing the comb from her hands and sliding up behind her, a leg on either side. He took a damp lock of hair and carefully began untangling it. “What do you mean, it doesn’t matter what you want?” She didn’t answer him. He worked through the rest of her hair silently and then handed her back the comb. “Well, you gonna let me in on whatever it is you think I’ve done wrong?”

Rose squared her shoulders and turned around to glare at him. Her hair pulled away from him and she took a deep breath and poked him hard in the shoulder. “You,” she poked. “You’re just,” she poked again, “letting me fall,” poke, poke, poke, “for you.” He caught her hand, stilling her movements and she turned back away from him. “And then one day you’re just gonna be gone!” she burst out.

“What?”

“Well, you’re leaving, aren’t you? At the end of your contract?” she asked so accusingly she sounded like her mother. She must have recognized it, too, because she winced and modulated her tone, but he could tell she was still hurt and upset. He resumed combing her hair, at a loss as she continued. “Tosh said you were only signed on with Torchwood for a year and then you’d be going back out in the field…or somewhere…else.”

“That was the plan, yeah,” he said.

“And I’m just…I’m just going to be here.” She waved with her hand a little too expansively and he steadied her when she lost her balance. “I’ll be here,” she repeated. “And you’ll be…you’ll be…not here.” She fell silent as he finished combing through her hair.

“It was the plan. It used to be the plan,” he said finally, admitting the truth to both himself and to her.

“Used to be?” she asked her voice hitching.

“PRT,” he said, his fingers playing with the wet hair, making sure the tangles were all gone.

“PRT?” she questioned.

“Pre-Rose Tyler,” he said. “Before I started dating you. Now, I don’t know what I’m going to do when my contract is up, but we’ll figure it out when the time comes. Together.”

“Together?” she asked in surprise.

She turned towards him and he let her slippery wet hair fall from his grasp. “Of course, together,” he said indignantly. “I know you’re drunk, but damn it, Rose, that’s what we’re working towards, isn’t it? Being together?”

She got to her feet and started to pace. “I thought…”

“You thought what? That I’d just leave you here?” he asked disparagingly. “Did you think that I care so little for you that I wouldn’t stay for you? Or ask you to come with me? That you’d have no bearing on things at all?” He felt irritation growing within him. If she’d thought that…

“I…you hadn’t mentioned it before and I…”

“Got it into your silly little head that I’d walk away from you?” he asked incredulously.

“My head’s not silly,” she said in annoyance. “Don’t treat me like I’m stupid!”

“Your head is very silly if you ever thought that,” he said sternly. “And I know you’re not stupid. Is this why you left without me today? Because Toshiko said something that made you think I’d leave you behind and instead of asking me about it you decided to get drunk and sulk?” He was more than indignant at that thought. He was angry. She moved away from him and he stood up, arms crossed.

“It’s stupid, I know it is, but…I’ve already lost so much and if I’m going to lose you, too, then it should just happen now. Maybe we shouldn’t—.”

“No,” he interrupted furiously. “No way, Rose. You aren’t backing away from me, from us, because you get a little scared. I’m not leaving you, end of contract or not. I’m crazy about you and you’re stuck with me as long as you’ll have me!” He was almost shouting at her.

“Don’t yell at me!” she snapped. “I can’t…I can’t think.” She paused, found her train of thought and added, “I’ve been left behind…or—or sent away so many times and I—.”

“I’m not him!” roared John and Rose jumped.

“Who?”

“The man who abandoned you. The man who you lost. The man that hurt you so badly you’re afraid to open your heart completely,” he snapped.

“That’s not fair! He’s—he’s gone and—.”

“I know. I know. You said he died, but it’s nearly the same thing, isn’t it? I am not that man. I am just John Smith and I know where my heart is and I’m not gonna lose you if there’s any way in the world that I can prevent it. Do you understand? Can you get that through your thick…heart?”

Rose bit her lip and crossed her arms protectively over herself. “I don’t…I don’t know if I can do this…”

John ran his hands through his hair trying not to pull it out. “You’re a stubborn woman, Rose Tyler, even when you’re sober, but I’m an even more stubborn man. I’m not letting you get all freaked out about us. I’m not going to let you walk away from me because you’re afraid you’ll lose me or that I’ll walk away first. I won’t. I’m bloody well in love with you,” he hollered.

“What?” she squeaked.

“Not falling in love with you,” he continued his voice still angry. “Not half in love with you. In love. Completely, stupidly, utterly in love with you and I’m not throwing that away for anything and I damn well won’t let you do it, either ‘cause you’re scared!”

Rose stared at him for a long moment and then launched herself at him, wrapping her body around him and knocking him onto the bed. Her mouth fastened onto his with such passion he immediately hardened against her. He could feel the heat of her damp skin through his clothes, her soft breasts merging into his chest, the heat between her legs a little too close to him. The idea of peeling that little gown right off her body loomed large in his mind. He wanted her so badly in that moment that any thought of slowing things down was met with obstinacy. Her tongue took over his mouth in large, sweeping strokes and he lay almost dumb-founded beneath her.

It took him a few seconds to find his control, decide he actually wanted to use it, and then to break their kiss long enough to say, “Rose, we need to slow down here. You’ve been drinking.”

“I’m so tired of going slow,” she murmured sitting up and staring down at him.

“I know.” He took a deep breath. “Believe me, I know. And don’t think I don’t want you, because right now,” his eyes trailed down her body and he nudged his erection up against her making her gasp, “I want you. I don’t think you can possibly know just how much I want to make love to you. It goes past the pure, visceral, physical attraction I’ve had for you since the day I met you. Way past me wanting to shag you senseless. Way past anything I’ve ever wanted with any woman.”

He took a deep breath. “But if we make love and you regret it in the morning, Rose Tyler, it will break what’s left of my heart. It wasn’t easy for me, letting you in, either, but now I have and I want…I want a future with you, not some quick tumble that means nothing.”

“It wouldn’t be quick,” Rose said darkly wiggling against him.

“Stop that,” he growled.

“Well, it wouldn’t,” she insisted.

“I know it wouldn’t, because I would lay you down on this bed and make the slowest and most deliberate love to you. I would pleasure you until you sobbed with the sheer ache of it. I want to make you come with my mouth and with my fingers and with this,” he nudged up into her again with his penis, “over and over again until you can’t even remember your own name and I won’t care to try to remember mine,” he declared. “I want to make love to you until you burn with a passion so fierce that nothing in your history can ever match it and you will know that it is all that your future holds. I want you to ache with wanting me until you can’t stand it and then I want to soothe that ache and light every nerve ending you have on fire.”

“John, I want that, too.” She bit her lip, her eyes focusing on his mouth, her body writhing on top of his.

His breath hitched, but he pressed on. “Rose, please. You need to be sober. And…if you don’t love me, then I want to wait until you do. It means too much to me. It can’t mean nothing to you.”

“It wouldn’t mean nothing,” she told him firmly. “It would mean everything.”

“Everything?” he asked with hopeful eyes. “What are you saying, Rose?”

“John Smith,” she said, “I’ve been scared as hell almost from the day I met you that it might come to this, but it has and I don’t want to be afraid of it anymore. I am insanely, ridiculously, and totally in love with you, too.”

The grin that split his face could probably be seen from outer space it was so bright. “Yeah?”

“Yeah.”

“You’re not just saying that because you’re drunk?” he asked.

“Why the hell do you think I had too much wine?” she demanded. “This is…this is me talking. I just love you.”

He reached up a hand and gently cradled her jaw. “Yeah?”

“Yeah.”

“Then what are we going to do about it?” he asked her.

She got up off of him and he watched her with heavy eyes as she went to the bureau and opened the top drawer. She picked up something out of it, something small, and walked back to him. Opening his hand she placed a condom in it. “Take the next step,” she said softly.

“Are you sure?” She opened her robe and let it fall to the floor. His eyes feasted hungrily on her body. “You’re beautiful,” he said reaching for her hand, despite knowing that he should wait for the wine to wear off.  There was only so much control he could manage and as she stood before him completely naked, the last of it fled. He was, after all, only human.

“And you—.”

A sudden violent pounding on the door was followed by Mickey shouting, “Rose? Rose, you in there? Hey, Rose!” John swore loudly and fluently and sat up, moving a pillow to cover his lap. Rose sighed as her doorknob rattled. “Rose!”

“Keep your shirt on, Mickey!” She hurried back to the bureau and quickly pulled on some clothes and opened the door.

Ch. 27: http://amberfocus.livejournal.com/384391.html

Comments

[ladyprydian.livejournal.com]

GODDAMMIT!!
*snerk*

Poor Mickey, Rose is never going to let him live that down. Unless he's got some important Torchwood based case solving information on hand.

*snerks again*

[amberfocus.livejournal.com]

Well, she just might. There could be a reason for him being there that has nothing to do with Torchwood.