amberfocus | Pride (4/4)

Title: Pride (4/4)
Series: Moments in Darkness
Author:

amberfocus
Characters/Pairings: Ten/Rose, Mickey Smith, Jackie Tyler
Genre: Romance, Angst, Baby!fic
Rating: Teen
Beta:

amyo67
Summary: Things still aren't right between the Doctor and Rose after his betrayal with Reinette and he fears they never will be. Rose wants to trust him again for the sake of the baby, but she's not sure she can. Tired of being a helpless observer in their love life, Mickey decides it's time to move on. Thirteenth in the Moments in Darkness series and follows on from Forgotten. Set after Girl in the Fireplace. Here's a link to the first story in the series: http://amberfocus.livejournal.com/36302.html. All stories are now linked to the following story in the series.
A/N: Recognizable dialogue is from the episode Rise of the Cybermen.

Ch. 1: http://amberfocus.livejournal.com/358910.html Ch. 2: http://amberfocus.livejournal.com/359795.html
Ch. 3: http://amberfocus.livejournal.com/360681.html

Chapter Four: Forgiveness

Don’t let go, don’t let go. The words echo through her head as she tries desperately to hang on. She can feel it as her fingers slip one by one, as her grip falters. Her body hangs there and she can feel herself being pulled, pulled away from the life she’s always wanted, the life she’s only just gotten back. She twists desperately in the Doctor’s direction, sees the terrified look on his face as he holds one hand out to her like he can somehow stop this, somehow catch her, but he can’t and she knows that he can’t. She knows it on a level so deep it horrifies her. He howls her name as her hands finally give and she’s falling through space, falling faster, falling and falling and falling and she can’t stop and no one’s ever going to catch her, no one’s ever going to catch her again.

She wakes up screaming. Her shrieks fill the TARDIS corridors and she hears the pounding of two pairs of feet as Mickey and the Doctor both come running. Mickey beats the Doctor by a hair’s breadth and considering he’d been four rooms closer, it’s a testament to how quickly the Doctor had run. The Doctor shoves past Mickey, who lingers in the doorway, and scoops Rose into his arms, holding her so tightly she can barely breathe.

He rocks her gently back and forth. “What is it, Rose?” he asks. “What is it?”

“Just a dream,” she manages to say, her words shaking as much as her body. She clutches him desperately, her fingers digging into the fabric of his suit jacket. The rough material beneath her fingers begins to root her back into the real world again, a solid world where she can hold on, is holding on to the man in front of her.

“More like a nightmare,” says Mickey.

Rose nods, her face buried against the Doctor’s chest. “Can you tell me?” the Doctor asks.

“I was falling,” she says. “I just…I couldn’t hang on anymore. I was falling and you couldn’t stop it, you couldn’t catch me, you couldn’t…”

“I will always catch you,” he says.

“You can’t know that,” Rose cries out, a soft hiccup interrupting the final word.

“I know that,” he declares. He kisses the top of her head. “I will not let you fall.”

Rose doesn’t take comfort in his words the way she might once have done. The fear goes too deeply, the sense of foreboding, of her future being ripped from her grasp is too strong. “I’m so afraid,” Rose says, unable to shake off the fear of her nightmare. “I’m so afraid I’m going to lose everything.”

“I won’t let that happen,” the Doctor says. “It’s just a dream, I promise you, Rose.”

“It felt so real.”

“Maybe it’s about Mickey leaving,” the Doctor hazards. “He’s always been your safety net, someone to catch you when you fall, and with him leaving you’ve got no one but me to rely on and that’s what scares you. You’re afraid that I won’t be there when you need me. The nightmare is your way of working things out in your head.”

Rose unburies her face from his chest and looks over at Mickey. “Maybe it is,” she says doubtfully.

“Maybe I should stay a while longer,” Mickey offers.

“No,” Rose says immediately and Mickey blanches. She softens her tone. “It’s not fair to you, Mickey. It’s taking advantage and I’ve already done that too much. I’ve got to find a way to stand on my own two feet without you. I have to find a way to trust the Doctor again, to know he’s gonna be there for me when I need him.”

“Because you don’t need me anymore,” he says.

“I need you too much. And that’s not right,” she says. Mickey looks miserable. “I’m sorry, Mickey. So sorry for all of it.”

Mickey nods. “Well, if you don’t need me, I’ll be going back to bed.” The hurt is clear in his voice as he turns abruptly on his heel and leaves them alone.

“I don’t know if he’ll ever get over you,” the Doctor says.

“’Course he will,” Rose says.

“I wouldn’t,” he admits. “If I lost you, I wouldn’t.”

“You’re not going to lose me.”

“Feels like I already have.”

“Well, you haven’t,” she says. He pulls back from her and pushes her hair back from her face. “We’re going to get through this, Doctor.”

“Will we?”

“Yes. I…” She plucks at the fabric of his suit coat. “I forgive you,” she whispers on a rush. And she does, she realizes as the words come out of her mouth. She really does forgive him.

He goes very still. “You do?” She nods. “Oh, Rose.” There’s a timbre in his voice she hasn’t heard in a long time as he says her name. She settles back onto the bed, yawning loudly.

“I think I’ve calmed down enough to try to get some more sleep.”

“Ah,” he says. “I’ll leave you to it, then.”

She reaches out her hand and grabs his, anchoring him to the bed as he tries to rise. “Stay with me,” she offers.

His face fills with surprise as he searches her eyes for the validity of her invitation. He gives a short, sharp nod and Rose scootches over in the bed. He pulls back the covers and takes off his shoes before settling beside her. She rolls into him, settling her head in the crook of his shoulder. His arms wrap around her and she sighs. “This is nice.”

“I’ve missed it,” he admits.

“Me, too.” This time when she falls asleep she doesn’t dream.

A night spent being held again does much to restore the balance between them and though the Doctor doesn’t expect everything to be perfect the next morning as he prepares the ship to make a drop into the proper time stream and from there send it to Earth, he thinks from here on out everything will get better. Mickey lugs his bags, he’d packed more than Rose the Doctor notices with astonishment, into the console room.

“You can stay, you know. I’m not trying to run you off, Mickey.”

Mickey just shakes his head. “No. I gotta do what’s right for me, Doctor. Just wish I’d had a chance to learn a bit more about how to fly this thing. I may not like you all that much, but I think I’m in love with your ship just a bit.”

The TARDIS hums happily and the Doctor gives the time rotor a grumpy glare. “Flirt,” he says. The lights flash and Mickey laughs, a genuine sounding laugh, for the first time since…well, the Doctor isn’t sure he’s heard Mickey laugh like that before.

“You can help fly her if you like,” he says begrudgingly. After all he taught Jack once upon a time, and he’s been teaching Rose all along.

“Really?” Mickey asks eagerly. “What can I do?”

“See that button there?” he says pointing to it. “Go ahead and push it. Hold it down. It helps stabilize the inertial dampeners.”

Mickey smiles and presses the button.

Rose wanders into the console room with a smile on her face and Mickey can’t help but feel slightly better than when he’d left her the night before. She’d slept well after the nightmare and waking up in the Doctor’s arms this morning had done wonders for her well-being, even if she had grumbled about having to go rummage in the wardrobe room for the slightly larger trousers and red jacket she’s put on to disguise the little baby bump. It's done nothing to destroy the small bit of peace she’s found. She’d wandered off for breakfast then, which he’d already had before heading to the console room with his bags.

She sinks down on the bench next to the Doctor and they begin to talk, and it saddens him a little as they begin to reminisce about some planet they’d visited shortly before he’d called them home to deal with the Krillitane. He knows he can never truly be a part of what they have, even if they weren’t together. It’s special, the Doctor and Rose, and it’s definitely time he bowed out.

“And that weird munchkin lady with the big eyes. Do you remember the way she looked at you?” the Doctor asks laughing at Rose’s smiling face. “And then she opens her mouth and fire comes out!.”

“I know,” Rose giggles. “I was gonna get frazzled.”

“I know, one minute she’s standing there and the next minute roooowrrr,” roars the Doctor.

Mickey laughs a little self-consciously wanting to join in. “Where was that? Then what happened?” he asks.

“Oh, it was on, umm, on this, umm, planet like asteroid thing. It’s a long story. You had to be there,” the Doctor says coming down a bit from his high as he looks at Mickey, realizing he’s still there. Mickey feels even more a third wheel than he already has been. No getting between them ever. He sighs. “Umm…what are you doing that for?” the Doctor asks looking in puzzlement at his finger on the switch he’d told him stabilized the inertial dampeners.

“’Cause you told me to,” Mickey says in surprise.

“When was that?”

“About a half an hour ago.”

“Umm…you can let go now,” the Doctor says. He’s fighting to hold back a smile and Mickey suddenly feels like the butt of a very large joke. He lets go and Rose stifles a giggle.

“Well, how long’s it been since I could have stopped?” he asks slightly indignant.

“Ten minutes,” the Doctor says. “Twenty.” Looking sheepish he adds, “Twenty-nine.”

“You just forgot me!”

“No! No, no, I was just, I was calibrating. No, no, I know exactly what I’m doing,” the Doctor replies reassuringly, but that reassurance disappears when part of the TARDIS console suddenly explodes showering sparks everywhere and they are all thrown to the floor.

“Rose, you all right?” the Doctor yells as he pulls himself up onto the least damaged part of the console.

“Yeah,” she says, “Just winded. Take care of her.” The ship rocks violently and begins to spin out of control and Rose and Mickey clutch at the grating to keep from being tossed about too hard. The Doctor manages to get a little bit of stabilization going and his two companions haul themselves to sitting positions, grabbing onto the console for support.

“What’s happened?” Rose asks worriedly.

“The Time Vortex is gone,” the Doctor says and his tone of shock does nothing to reassure Mickey. “That’s impossible, it’s just gone!” The TARDIS plummets downwards and the Doctor manages to wrap his body around Rose’s protectively. “Brace yourself,” he hollers over the console at Mickey. “We’re going to crash!”

Mickey doesn’t have enough time and he flies into the railing as the ship comes to a sudden, grinding halt against something solid. “Everyone all right?” the Doctor asks. “Rose? Rose!”

“Yeah,” she says weakly.

“Mickey?” he calls in a bit of a panic when the other man doesn’t answer right away.

“Fine, I’m okay, sorry, yeah,” he says.

The Doctor stands up carefully pulling Rose to her feet as Mickey scrambles to his own. He takes out the sonic and quickly scans it over Rose’s belly. “Baby’s fine,” he says before turning to look in fear at the central column. “She’s dead,” he says in horror. “The TARDIS is dead.” He circles the console in disbelief.

“But you can fix it,” Rose says, her faith in him absolute on this score.

“There’s nothing to fix. She’s perished.” He tries flipping a few switches despite the certainty in his tone as he says the words. “The last TARDIS in the universe…extinct.”

“We can get help? Yeah?” Rose asks trying to keep the panic out of her voice.

“Where from?” the Doctor asks. Mickey walks towards the doors. If there’s help to be gotten, it’s not going to be found waiting around in the TARDIS.

“Well, we’ve landed. We’ve gotta be somewhere,” Rose says.

“We fell out of the Vortex, through the Void, into nothingness. We’re in some sort of no place.”

He opens the door and looks outside onto a perfectly normal street. A street he recognizes.

“The silent realm. The lost dimension,” continues the Doctor.

“Otherwise known as London,” he says looking back at the Doctor and Rose with a cheeky grin. So the Doctor isn’t infallible about everything. He can’t help feeling a bit happy about that. It’s his turn to laugh and he does so as he steps outside. “London, England, Earth,” he says with a sweep of his hands as the others follow him out into the soft green grass.

“Hold on,” he says seeing a newspaper on the pavement. He jumps down and retrieves it. “First of February this year. Not exactly far flung, is it?” Rose puts her hand on his shoulder and he reaches out to help her as she jumps down beside him to look at the date for herself.

“So this is London?” the Doctor questions jumping down himself.

“Yep,” says Mickey.

“Your city?”

“That’s the one,” says Mickey proudly.

“Just as we left it,” he says looking up at the sky.

“Bang on,” replies Mickey.

“And that includes the zeppelins?” he asks. Rose and Mickey whirl around to look up at the sky as the giant behemoths float overhead. Mickey sighs. It looks like he’s not going home today after all.

~To Be Continued in Loss~