Doubt (6/6)

[amberfocus]

A/N:  Recognizable dialog is from School Reunion.

                                                                     Chapter Six: Revision

When the code finally comes up on the computer screens before the three of them they all feel a tremendous sense of satisfaction. Until, in fear, the Doctor realizes exactly what it is.

“The Skasis Paradigm,” he says in a sort of wondering horror. “They’re trying to crack the Skasis Paradigm. The God-Maker, the universal theory. Crack that equation you’ve got control of the building blocks of the universe. Time and space and matter, yours to control.”

“What and the kids are like a giant computer?” Rose asks.

“Yes,” he gasps. “And they’re learning power is being accelerated by the oil, that oil! From the kitchens. It works as a—as a conducting agent, makes the kids cleverer,” he says.

“But that oil was on the chips, I’ve been eating ‘em,” Rose says.

“What’s 59 x 35?”

“2065,” she says surprising them both. “But that’s not the point. Is it hurting the children? Because, Doctor, the baby…”

He stares at her in dawning horror. “I don’t know, Rose,” he says. He runs his hand over his face until he can compose himself and not let her see the sudden fear that’s washing over him.

“Please, no,” she says then pulls herself together.

“I can fix it when we get back to the TARDIS,” he tells her though neither one of them is entirely sure that’s true. “Right now…”

“We have to stop this,” Rose says.

They are joined a moment later by Mr. Finch who offers the Doctor things no one should ever be offered. “Think of the changes that could be made if this power is used for good.”

“By someone like you?”

“No,” says Mr. Finch. “Someone like you. The paradigm gives us power but you could give us wisdom. Become a god at my side. Imagine what you could do. Think of the civilizations you could save. Arganon, Acinda, your own people, Doctor. Standing tall, the Time Lords, reborn.”

“Doctor, don’t listen to him,” Sarah Jane says.

“And you could be with him throughout eternity, never wither, never age, never die. Their lives are so fleeting. So many good-byes. How lonely you must be, Doctor. Join us.”

“I could save everyone,” the Doctor says slowly.

“Yes.”

“I could stop the war.”

“No. The universe has to move forward,” says Sarah Jane. “Pain and loss, they define us as much as happiness or love. Whether it’s a world or a relationship. Everything has it’s time and everything ends.”

He is tempted, far more tempted than he should be. And not to bring back the Time Lords or end the war, but to have the power to keep Rose with him for the rest of his life, to have that love forever and never worry about losing it again. His eyes lock onto Rose’s and she knows, he can see that she knows exactly what he’s thinking. For her he’d make the wrong choice. She shakes her head no. “I trust you,” she mouths and her faith buoys him up. He crashes a chair through the giant computer screen and breaks the impasse and make good their escape.

From there it is only a short time of planning and the Doctor blowing up yet another building and putting down the alien plot once and for all. It ends in hugs all around and Rose even feeling secure enough to tease the Doctor about blowing up yet another one of her jobs. Even with all the celebrating though, he moves to comfort Sarah Jane at the loss of K-9 and is happy when Rose joins them, offering her own condolences for the woman’s obvious loss. In that moment he decides he’s making her another dog. Sarah Jane, of all his companions, deserves to have that piece of him still in her life.



The next morning Sarah Jane drops by the TARDIS and the Doctor invites her in for a cup of tea. Rose greets her with a smile. The two of them had talked long into the night about their relationships with the Doctor and Rose knows she has made a friend for life. Sarah grins back at her and asks her, “Hey, what’s 47 and 369?”

“No, idea. It’s gone now, the oil’s faded.”

“But you’re still clever. More than a match for him.” Rose smiles so wide she can feel it filling her face.

“You and me both,” Rose says.

“And the baby? No ill effects from the oil?”

“None that we can find. The TARDIS says it should be okay,” the Doctor says coming up behind them and resting an arm around Rose’s shoulders.

“Doctor?” Rose says hesitantly turning her head towards him.

“Erm…we’re about to head off but…you could come with us,” he says. Rose smiles even more broadly at Sarah Jane showing that the invitation is as genuine and true from her as it is from the Doctor.

Sarah Jane looks delighted to be asked but then she sighs. “No. I can’t…do this anymore.” Rose glances back at the Doctor and watches his face fall and is surprised at how disappointed she feels. “Besides I’ve got a much bigger adventure ahead. It’s time I stopped waiting for you and found a life of my own.” The Doctor nods in acceptance.

“Can I come?” asks Mickey unexpectedly. Rose feels shock roil through her at his words. Sarah Jane looks horrified. “Not with you,” Mickey says quickly and turns to look at the Doctor and Rose. “I mean with you.” The Doctor moves over to the TARDIS console and starts fiddling with the switches. “’Cause I’m not the tin dog and I wanna see what’s out there.”

Rose tries to catch the Doctor’s eye and let him know just how very much she does not want this, does not want Mickey on board. They have too much work to do just fixing their own relationship to have to worry about what having her ex-boyfriend on board will do to the dynamics between them. But he’s not looking in her direction at all. He’s looking at Mickey, weighing the boy and judging him carefully.

“Oh, go on, Doctor,” Sarah Jane says with a grin. “Sarah Jane Smith and Mickey Smith. You need a Smith on board.”

“Okay, then, I could do with a laugh,” he says to Sarah Jane. Rose tenses. Yet again the Doctor is making one of his unilateral decisions without thinking to ask her. But Mickey does notice. Mickey always notices.

“Rose, is that okay?” he asks.

“No, great,” Rose bites out meaning the exact opposite of her words but no one can see her face from the angle she holds her body. No one can tell it’s the last thing in the world that she wants. “Why not?” She turns about and sees that the levity seems to be fading from them all and tries to force herself to be happy about it. She can’t have the Doctor to herself forever.

“Well, I better go,” Sarah Jane says a little awkwardly.

She pulls Rose off to the side out of the hearing of the other men.

“He’s putting space between us.”

“Rose,” she sighs, “He does that. It’ll be okay.”

“If he puts me at a distance, if he turns away from me again, I don’t think I can stand it. What do I do then?” she asks. “Do I stay with him?”

“Yes,” Sarah Jane says unequivocally. “Some things are worth getting your heart broken for.” She hugs Rose tightly and Rose takes her words to heart. When they pull apart her friend says, “Find me, if you need to, one day. Find me.” Sarah walks away and Rose watches her leave the TARDIS. As much as she’d like to see the woman again, she hopes it’s never because it’s the day she loses the Doctor.

A few minutes later the Doctor returns to the ship after saying his good-byes to Sarah Jane. He moves quickly to the controls. “So Mickey Smith, where do you want to go?” he asks with forced joviality. “Backwards or forwards in time?”

“Forwards!” Mickey exclaims with shining eyes and Rose is forced to smile. It’s what she chose on her very first trip. The Doctor searches her eyes out and she knows he’s thinking the exact same thing.  He smiles at her and she thinks maybe they can still do this; maybe having Mickey along won't be so bad.

“Forwards it is!” he says and with a few twists, turns, and pumps he sends his beloved ship hurtling into the vortex.

~To Be Continued in Forgotten~  http://amberfocus.livejournal.com/210937.html 


 

Comments

[catyuy.livejournal.com]

Please don't kill us shippers in the next story.
I can't take anymore pain after the most recent Heroes episode.

[kk-animation.livejournal.com]

I'm completely worried about how Forgotten will be. It was painful enough to watch it and Rose wasn't even pregnant, now it'll be ten times worse to read that is if you're sticking to the main elements. YAY for the Sarah Jane/Rose friendship. I think they should do a CIN clip with Rose, Donna and Sarah Jane ended meeting together and make fun of the Doctor and then have the Doctor walk in asking where all the bananas went or to help him fix his tie or something.

[ehmi.livejournal.com]

*sigh*

I'm on the edge of my seat, here. <8-S

[angelfireeast.livejournal.com]

Great ending!

[corusca.livejournal.com]

JUDE/TOMMY ICON!

Sorry. I don't find many Instant Star fans out here in geekdom :-D *done now*

[corusca.livejournal.com]

Stupid, unobservant Doctor! And stupid Mickey wanting to come along and cause problems...:-P!

Ohhh GitF is gonna break my heart, I know it.

[jesmel.livejournal.com]

Things are okay now but I'm not looking forward to the next adventure. My heart is already clenching! Please don't break me completely!

[amberfocus.livejournal.com]

You're not the only one. I love Jude/Tommy. I am far, far too old for that show but...*shrugs* love it anyway.

[soniced-up.livejournal.com]

Can we maybe just skip the next bit and go straight to RotC. Pretty please, with nekkid Nine on top????

[salimali.livejournal.com]

As the others have said, things seem ok now, but next adventure...oh, I'm not looking forward to that one!

[amberfocus.livejournal.com]

Kill? Never? Wound? Maim? Well... I'm actually hoping to have Rose handle things with a sort of broken maturity, really.

[amberfocus.livejournal.com]

It might hurt a bit in places, but I promise not to totally drown you in angst.

[amberfocus.livejournal.com]

Oh, dear. That's not a comfortable place to sit for too long.

[amberfocus.livejournal.com]

Thank you.

[amberfocus.livejournal.com]

I don't think the Doctor is quite as unobservant as he seems. I think he's creating a bit of distance. He more or less admitted he loved Rose and know he's kind of afraid a bit of his feelings being so out there. Mickey creates a buffer zone.

[amberfocus.livejournal.com]

Sorry. I promise not to rip your heart completely to shreds.

[amberfocus.livejournal.com]

Um...no. But I'll take the nekkid Nine and play with him. *grins*

[amberfocus.livejournal.com]

Well, but we can't get to the good and the full healing until we get through the next one, now can we? I guess we probably could, but we won't.

[corusca.livejournal.com]

Heh...I just graduated from college, and one of the sad sad facts of my life is that a friend and I would spend many of our Friday nights not out drinking and being twenty-ish, but at home watching Noggin for Instant Star, Degrassi or The Best Years (whichever was in season at the time) and then IMing/texting each other about the developments. We were also significantly out of the target age group, but then again, the target age group for DW is even younger still....

[corusca.livejournal.com]

So basically the same reasoning as he had on the show. Ptthh.

Of course, why Mickey wanted to go at this point (even on the show) is a bit of a mystery to me...I mean, sure, there's awesomeness to see but it was obvious that Rose didn't want him there, and he didn't like the Doctor. It never seemed terribly logical.

[aquakittie.livejournal.com]

oh, this was a good ending. A nice spot to stop on before the possible pain of GitF. I did prepare myself by re-watching it earlier this evening, so I'm looking forward to what you do with it.

[electrictoes.livejournal.com]

Wonderful, of course.

I think Forgotten and GitF may break me...

[togetheragain21.livejournal.com]

I hope Rose listens to Sarah Janes words very closely.
I can understand Mickey wanting to go with them,he's curious and wants to see what's out there.Plus my believe was that he had to go with them in order to find his place in the world(or parallel world).

Can't wait for 'Forgotten'.Just don't rip our hearts out to much,okay?

[yenly-gozal.livejournal.com]

So far so good. I'm glad that Rose and SJ are getting along well XD The next part should take place in GtiF. I got the feeling that their relationship is going to get downhill again, drastically.

[kneazle.livejournal.com]

You know, as I was reading through the comments, I realised it's no exactly going to be easy for Rose and the Doctor to talk, even after GitF, unless you deliberately put time between Girl and Rise -- because Rose actually voluntarily leaves the Doctor to search out her father in Rise of the Cybermen. Gingerbread houses and all.

So, even if she's feeling resigned over Reinette, (whom the Doctor might not even have a romantic interlude with, for we know, he could see her and think, *OMG what if I have a daughter as fantastic as Reinette and her life is this short? OMG SPAZ*) Rose is going to do the same to him until he decides to chase after her in the parallel universe.

Just... ouch until Impossible Planet. And even then, he leaves; in Idiot's Lantern, things would probably finally settle... but then again, there's no point in me trying to stretch my imagination out that far to wonder what you'll do. You manage to surprise me something wild each time, so I'll just sit on my chair, fold my hands in my lap, and continuously click F5 to refresh the page.

Oh, and Instant Star fan? Interesting. I never liked the show, despite it being filmed here in Toronto. Probably because I was an extra on it once and I didn't like the way the cast treated us... although, at the same time, it was a bit ago, so I could be coloured on what happened with dulled memories.