Doubt (6/6)

[amberfocus]

A/N:  Recognizable dialog is from School Reunion.

                                                                     Chapter Six: Revision

When the code finally comes up on the computer screens before the three of them they all feel a tremendous sense of satisfaction. Until, in fear, the Doctor realizes exactly what it is.

“The Skasis Paradigm,” he says in a sort of wondering horror. “They’re trying to crack the Skasis Paradigm. The God-Maker, the universal theory. Crack that equation you’ve got control of the building blocks of the universe. Time and space and matter, yours to control.”

“What and the kids are like a giant computer?” Rose asks.

“Yes,” he gasps. “And they’re learning power is being accelerated by the oil, that oil! From the kitchens. It works as a—as a conducting agent, makes the kids cleverer,” he says.

“But that oil was on the chips, I’ve been eating ‘em,” Rose says.

“What’s 59 x 35?”

“2065,” she says surprising them both. “But that’s not the point. Is it hurting the children? Because, Doctor, the baby…”

He stares at her in dawning horror. “I don’t know, Rose,” he says. He runs his hand over his face until he can compose himself and not let her see the sudden fear that’s washing over him.

“Please, no,” she says then pulls herself together.

“I can fix it when we get back to the TARDIS,” he tells her though neither one of them is entirely sure that’s true. “Right now…”

“We have to stop this,” Rose says.

They are joined a moment later by Mr. Finch who offers the Doctor things no one should ever be offered. “Think of the changes that could be made if this power is used for good.”

“By someone like you?”

“No,” says Mr. Finch. “Someone like you. The paradigm gives us power but you could give us wisdom. Become a god at my side. Imagine what you could do. Think of the civilizations you could save. Arganon, Acinda, your own people, Doctor. Standing tall, the Time Lords, reborn.”

“Doctor, don’t listen to him,” Sarah Jane says.

“And you could be with him throughout eternity, never wither, never age, never die. Their lives are so fleeting. So many good-byes. How lonely you must be, Doctor. Join us.”

“I could save everyone,” the Doctor says slowly.

“Yes.”

“I could stop the war.”

“No. The universe has to move forward,” says Sarah Jane. “Pain and loss, they define us as much as happiness or love. Whether it’s a world or a relationship. Everything has it’s time and everything ends.”

He is tempted, far more tempted than he should be. And not to bring back the Time Lords or end the war, but to have the power to keep Rose with him for the rest of his life, to have that love forever and never worry about losing it again. His eyes lock onto Rose’s and she knows, he can see that she knows exactly what he’s thinking. For her he’d make the wrong choice. She shakes her head no. “I trust you,” she mouths and her faith buoys him up. He crashes a chair through the giant computer screen and breaks the impasse and make good their escape.

From there it is only a short time of planning and the Doctor blowing up yet another building and putting down the alien plot once and for all. It ends in hugs all around and Rose even feeling secure enough to tease the Doctor about blowing up yet another one of her jobs. Even with all the celebrating though, he moves to comfort Sarah Jane at the loss of K-9 and is happy when Rose joins them, offering her own condolences for the woman’s obvious loss. In that moment he decides he’s making her another dog. Sarah Jane, of all his companions, deserves to have that piece of him still in her life.



The next morning Sarah Jane drops by the TARDIS and the Doctor invites her in for a cup of tea. Rose greets her with a smile. The two of them had talked long into the night about their relationships with the Doctor and Rose knows she has made a friend for life. Sarah grins back at her and asks her, “Hey, what’s 47 and 369?”

“No, idea. It’s gone now, the oil’s faded.”

“But you’re still clever. More than a match for him.” Rose smiles so wide she can feel it filling her face.

“You and me both,” Rose says.

“And the baby? No ill effects from the oil?”

“None that we can find. The TARDIS says it should be okay,” the Doctor says coming up behind them and resting an arm around Rose’s shoulders.

“Doctor?” Rose says hesitantly turning her head towards him.

“Erm…we’re about to head off but…you could come with us,” he says. Rose smiles even more broadly at Sarah Jane showing that the invitation is as genuine and true from her as it is from the Doctor.

Sarah Jane looks delighted to be asked but then she sighs. “No. I can’t…do this anymore.” Rose glances back at the Doctor and watches his face fall and is surprised at how disappointed she feels. “Besides I’ve got a much bigger adventure ahead. It’s time I stopped waiting for you and found a life of my own.” The Doctor nods in acceptance.

“Can I come?” asks Mickey unexpectedly. Rose feels shock roil through her at his words. Sarah Jane looks horrified. “Not with you,” Mickey says quickly and turns to look at the Doctor and Rose. “I mean with you.” The Doctor moves over to the TARDIS console and starts fiddling with the switches. “’Cause I’m not the tin dog and I wanna see what’s out there.”

Rose tries to catch the Doctor’s eye and let him know just how very much she does not want this, does not want Mickey on board. They have too much work to do just fixing their own relationship to have to worry about what having her ex-boyfriend on board will do to the dynamics between them. But he’s not looking in her direction at all. He’s looking at Mickey, weighing the boy and judging him carefully.

“Oh, go on, Doctor,” Sarah Jane says with a grin. “Sarah Jane Smith and Mickey Smith. You need a Smith on board.”

“Okay, then, I could do with a laugh,” he says to Sarah Jane. Rose tenses. Yet again the Doctor is making one of his unilateral decisions without thinking to ask her. But Mickey does notice. Mickey always notices.

“Rose, is that okay?” he asks.

“No, great,” Rose bites out meaning the exact opposite of her words but no one can see her face from the angle she holds her body. No one can tell it’s the last thing in the world that she wants. “Why not?” She turns about and sees that the levity seems to be fading from them all and tries to force herself to be happy about it. She can’t have the Doctor to herself forever.

“Well, I better go,” Sarah Jane says a little awkwardly.

She pulls Rose off to the side out of the hearing of the other men.

“He’s putting space between us.”

“Rose,” she sighs, “He does that. It’ll be okay.”

“If he puts me at a distance, if he turns away from me again, I don’t think I can stand it. What do I do then?” she asks. “Do I stay with him?”

“Yes,” Sarah Jane says unequivocally. “Some things are worth getting your heart broken for.” She hugs Rose tightly and Rose takes her words to heart. When they pull apart her friend says, “Find me, if you need to, one day. Find me.” Sarah walks away and Rose watches her leave the TARDIS. As much as she’d like to see the woman again, she hopes it’s never because it’s the day she loses the Doctor.

A few minutes later the Doctor returns to the ship after saying his good-byes to Sarah Jane. He moves quickly to the controls. “So Mickey Smith, where do you want to go?” he asks with forced joviality. “Backwards or forwards in time?”

“Forwards!” Mickey exclaims with shining eyes and Rose is forced to smile. It’s what she chose on her very first trip. The Doctor searches her eyes out and she knows he’s thinking the exact same thing.  He smiles at her and she thinks maybe they can still do this; maybe having Mickey along won't be so bad.

“Forwards it is!” he says and with a few twists, turns, and pumps he sends his beloved ship hurtling into the vortex.

~To Be Continued in Forgotten~  http://amberfocus.livejournal.com/210937.html