amberfocus | Devastate (2/4)

Chapter Two: Betrayal

“And now for my next trick,” the Doctor says. She is a time machine and he knows that now of all times, he must make a little time to put things in order. So when the missiles collide and the force field works, and it looks to the Daleks like they have been destroyed, he slips into the Vortex giving himself and Jack just that little bit more of the time that is needed.

Jack’s aware of what he has to do, they’ve discussed it, and he nods at the Doctor in acknowledgment as he heads off to put everything in order in case it comes down to the unwanted resort of keeping Rose safe. He’s thought about it for weeks now, since they unexpectedly spent three months in 1336 Kyoto battling the forces of Emperor Go-Daigo at the rise of the first Ashikaga Shogunate. He nearly lost Rose in the Battle of Minatogawa and he and Jack have been working out backup plans just in case.

He feels like he’s betraying Rose as he flips on the recorder and starts to speak. “This is Emergency Program One. Rose, now listen, this is important…” As he gets to the end of the message he wants to tell her what he has so far been unable to tell her. He wants to say he loves her, but he cannot bring himself to say the words for the first time and not be able to see her face when he does.

Unfair of him, he knows. She should be able to have that much from him, knowing what he’s likely about to do to her. Instead he smiles softly, the smile reserved only for her, the smile usually given to her after making love or when she wakes up in his arms rumpled from sex and sleep. For a moment tears well in his eyes and he tries to show everything she means to him in that one last look. The machine clicks off and his face hardens. He knows what he has to do.

With grim determination he strides back to the control room, slips the holocube into a slot on the console, and looks up at Jack. “You’re doing the right thing,” Jack says.

“How can this be right, Jack?” he asks in a rare moment of self-doubt.

“She’ll be alive,” Jack says placing a hand on the Doctor’s shoulder. He gathers strength from his friend, nods once, and moves to program the computer to lock onto Rose and materialize around her body in the midst of the Dalek fleet.

Rose is stunned into inaction as the TARDIS materializes around her. One moment she is grieving and the next she is rescued. It takes her a moment to understand that the Doctor is yelling at her to get down, fear in his voice, a further moment for her to process why. As she sees that the Dalek that was beside her is now in the ship with her, she ducks behind one of the coral support struts as Jack blasts the top off the monster.

As the smoke clears she stands and says, “You did it.” She expects him to run to her, is confused at his slow walk to her side. His arms tighten around her, but they do not stay there for as long as she wants them to. He pulls back and she frowns uncertainly, clings a bit to his jumper, trying to pull him back to her but he’s walking away from her, heading to the smoking remnants of the Dalek. She hugs Jack, all the while aware that his arms are the wrong arms. Jack holds her longer than the Doctor did and it makes her fret, feel something is wrong under the surface with both men.

The Doctor speaks of the Time War, tells her more in a moment than he has in bits and pieces since she’s known him, then turns flip and she knows in that instant that something is very, very wrong. Not with the situation, but with the Doctor. She tries to force the emotion down. They’ve still got a battle to fight.

Rose clings to the outside of the ship as the Doctor tells off the Daleks, tells of the Oncoming Storm, and she can’t help but feel incredibly turned on by his manner, despite the inappropriateness of the moment. But then he sees the emperor and goes flip again and Rose knows he’s scared despite his bravado. They make good their escape and when they are safely onboard the game station, Rose hopes there will be a minute for a moment with the Doctor, but there isn’t.

He seems to have a moment, however for the girl who wouldn’t leave the station because of him. Her eyes flicker back and forth between the Doctor and this girl and she feels a slight sting of jealousy, tries to push it away, knowing how the Doctor feels, knowing he would never hurt her that way.

Yet, when his little Lynda shoves her way in and becomes his cheerleader as he lays out his plans and he doesn’t even look at Rose, she feels fear settle in her belly, deeper than the fear she felt on the Dalek ship. Her hand goes unconsciously to her stomach as the pangs of jealousy wash through her and then just as quickly she moves her fingers, hoping no one saw the surreptitious movement.

She shakes off her unfounded jealousy and puts her mind to following the plan as Jack lays it out, but at the last minute the Doctor calls her over to help him instead. Perhaps he doesn’t want her around guns or perhaps he just wants her with him for as long as possible or perhaps it’s just that he truly does need an extra set of hands. Whatever the reason, she is grateful, hopes she can talk to him. She has so much to tell him and there just hasn’t been time. So many things that he needs to know. Reasons for him to fight like he’s never fought before.

When Lynda comes over to thank the Doctor for everything he’s done for her, Rose feels a cold chill grip her as the Doctor leans in for a moment. Is he about to kiss her? Hug her? But then he seems to remember Rose’s presence and gives the girl a simple hand-shake. What the hell is going on? What happened between those two when Rose wasn’t with them? The jealousy is back, twisting in her gut, followed by betrayal and anger. Again, she forces them down. There’s no time for them.

When Jack kisses her good-bye she knows it’s worse than anyone is letting on. Jack would never kiss her in front of the Doctor. He knows better than that. Unless he wasn’t expecting to come back. And the Doctor isn’t even angry, making her suspicions even worse. When he bravely kisses the Doctor good-bye as well, she knows they’re all going to die. She girds herself up, decides that at least if she dies beside the man she loves; it won’t be the worst thing in the world. Only… She sighs and her hand drifts again to forbidden territory before she forces herself to go back to stripping wires.

He throws it out as an option, that they could take the TARDIS and run away. He knows Rose never would even consider such a choice, but he still offers it to her, hoping that she will. Because for her, he would run away and let history take its course. For her, he’d do anything. But she won’t ask and she won’t accept and he knows there is no other choice, because he has to keep her safe. For her he will do anything and that includes giving her up, sending her back to her mother and losing the TARDIS forever. It’s worth it.

He forces himself into false mania, kissing her desperately on the forehead and giving her hope. He can see it on her face and it sickens him that he is lying to her and making her believe that he will save the day, that everything will come out right, that they will succeed in defeating the Daleks and they will do it together. It is a deception on a massive scale that tears at both hearts, but it is the only way he can see out of this mess.

He chatters non-stop at her, not giving her time to think as he races to the TARDIS, Rose on his heels. Once inside he parks her by the console, tells her to hold down a button, spins out his deceit and makes for the doors. He dashes out them and down the aisle of ripped out wiring then comes to a halt, the mania vanishing from his face as quickly as it had appeared there.

He tells himself he has to do this, has to to keep her safe from harm. She’ll live and that’s all that matters, his blessed, beloved, beautiful Rose will live and that is more than enough for him to give his life for. With a heavy heart he turns back to look at his ship, imagines the face of his precious girl on the other side of those doors and ever so slowly he lifts the sonic screwdriver. With a flick of a button, it sends a signal to the TARDIS, inputting preset coordinates and slowly his ship and his life begin to disappear.

He hears Rose screaming from inside the ship, begging to be let out as she realizes what he has done, that he’s tricked her, betrayed her and is sending her away from him. Forever. It kills him, and yet he’d do it again in a heartsbeat. His hand falls back to his side, his mind heavy, and he blinks hard to keep the tears from forming in his eyes. He turns away and whispers, “I love you, Rose.”

Ch. 3: http://amberfocus.livejournal.com/69017.html