Pain (3/3)

[amberfocus]

A/N:  Can Rose and the Doctor get past all of their misundersandings and finally, finally talk?  Fair warning, my beta swore at me for the way I ended this chapter! *laughs evilly*                                                                                                                       
Chapter Three:  Talk

 

Rose feels warmer than normal as she wakes, feels safe and cocooned, the unfamiliar sensation of weight holding her firmly to the bed. It takes her a moment to realize that this weight is him, is the same thing she feels each night as she drifts off to sleep. It is only unfamiliar because she doesn’t recognize it from this side of sleep.

 

Nor does she recognize the expression on his face from this side of sleep. For asleep he is and for once there is no tightness to his face, no tension.  It is as if he no longer carries the weight of the universe upon his shoulders. His face is simply open, trusting, and gentle. She has seen his face like this only in flashes so brief she thinks she is imagining it whenever it appears. But here it is and she is able to study it without fear of interruption. She finds it beautiful, finds him beautiful, in repose.

 

It is easy to study him because they have shifted in the night so that she now lies on her back and he lies on his stomach. His arm is still wrapped about her, tucked snuggly up against the undersides of her breasts. One of his knees is hooked across her shin, but otherwise their bodies do not touch, separated by a few scant inches. She misses the contact, but thinks it’s just as well, especially as she needs to move away from him soon without waking him for biological necessity. Sleep is too rare a thing for him for her to want to disturb that just because she needs the bathroom. Especially when it is obviously this needed.

 

There are lines on his face that speak of his exhaustion and of having lived a hard life.  She does not think they make him look particularly old, though he may beg to differ. He seems to think he’s too old for her, not even his real age, but his apparent age. That’s always been clear. Until that moment last night in the bed when he sought to touch her breasts and she’d frozen. She’s only beginning to see over these last few weeks that he doesn’t view her as a daughter-figure or a student. She’s thought for so long she was only someone he teaches things to and wants to impress with his intelligence, but not someone he wants to have sex with.

 

Now she is confused, unsure of herself, and scared. She had frozen last night because of that uncertainty. She has longed for an intimate relationship with the Doctor, but she can’t start one now, not when he is going to take her home. Not for ‘thank you for a wonderful time, but now you’ve become a liability’ good-bye sex. Not for ‘I died but came back and we survived and the world didn’t really end’ comfort sex. She wants…she wants ‘I love you’ sex. And he doesn’t do domestic. You can’t get any more domestic than ‘I love you’ sex.

 

Rose wonders when she hit this turning point. The first night he’d come to her bed, she’d been willing to shag him just to shag him. She’d been randy after weeks of danger and no sex to relive the pressure and he’d come to her and she’d thought that’s what he wanted and she’d thought it would be fun to shag an alien and if she could trust him with her life she could trust him with her body.

 

Plus, well, she’d been quite interested the few times he’d held her a little too intimately after a frightening moment and she’d felt something rather intriguing pressing against her stomach. Something that left no doubt in her head he was definitely a male of his species in addition to the obvious outward appearance, even if he hadn’t been in an aroused state. He hadn’t wanted it though.  He’d simply wanted a warm body to hold. Now he wants a warm body to shag, but not to make love to and Rose wants to be made love to.

 

Reluctantly, she wiggles her leg out from underneath his and then moves his arm off her as slowly as she can so as not to wake him, then rolls to the edge of the bed and manages to get out from under the covers and scoot along the wall and off the end without waking him up. She sits there for a moment, glances back at him and then gets up.

 

Rose isn’t sure what to think as she heads sleepily into the bathroom. It should be a big step that he is here this morning when she wakes up, but she can’t help feeling she’s reading too much into it, that the only reason she woke up with him beside her is because he fell into one of his rare deep sleeps. Being eaten by a Reaper couldn’t have been easy on him. It must have really sapped his energy stores.

 

She sighs and washes her face vigorously. She had been so upset the night before she hadn’t removed the previous day’s makeup and it was a mess of mascara tear tracks. She glances at her beauty kit with a frown and wonders if there’s any point in putting anything on today. She’s pretty sure she’ll spend the day in tears when the Doctor takes her back home.

 

She scratches at the side of her neck and is puzzled when her fingers brush against the body-warmed metal of a chain. She fishes it out, glances down at it and has to grab the side of the counter to steady herself as she looks at the gleaming TARDIS key. But…how? She stares at the door that leads back to the bedroom. There is only one way. He put it on her. Does it mean—can it mean—he still wants her here? Her heart leaps and she tries to calm it, telling herself sternly that she has to find out. She can’t live in this limbo anymore. She takes a deep breath, squares her shoulders and leaves the room.

 

 

 

The Doctor wakes from the best sleep he has had since the Time War, stretches his rangy limbs, and seeks for the warmth of Rose beside him. His eyes snap open when his hands encounter only emptiness and a sudden fright fills his stomach with dread. He had imagined waking up beside her, his way of letting her know he wouldn’t leave her, would never leave her again. But he’d never imagined waking up in her bed without her there.

 

The dread in his stomach turns to despair and he rolls over, swings his legs to the side of the bed and sits up. Her rejection of him is obvious. She hadn’t wanted him last night and she obviously hadn’t wanted him there this morning. In the dim light he looks around her room and realizes that it is clean. He sees that her rucksack is out of the closet sitting on the arm chair and his heart sinks. He hadn’t seen it in the dark last night, but it’s obvious to him now. She wants to go home.

 

He pounds his fist into his open palm. He’s blown it, blown it so badly he can’t fix it and she wants to go home. All he’s ever wanted to do was give her what she wanted. This time it had been time with her father. He’d never meant it to go so terribly wrong. For a moment he is tempted to go back into his own timeline and interfere, prevent himself from taking her back to see Pete Tyler in the first place, damn any paradox it might cause. It’s not like there are any other Time Lords left to prevent him if he so chooses. He swallows harshly, gets himself back under control and stops himself from carrying out that want.

 

How will he be able to bear Rose leaving him? How has he let himself depend so heavily on this little woman’s presence in his life? He does not wish to go back to the suicidal existence he was barely surviving in before he met Rose. He has spent so much time in darkness since the Time War and the only thing that has chased that darkness away is Rose. Her smiles during the day and holding her body at night. If he loses those things, if he loses her, what will he have left to cling to, to anchor him, to save him?

 

He has to find a way to stop her from wanting to leave him. He’ll do better, be a better man, stop calling her stupid ape and ignoring her opinions, which he ought to do anyway, because really she was quite bright and she’d turned out right more times than he had lately. He’d keep a check on his temper and sometimes take her places that weren’t dangerous, places that were just beautiful. Like he could take her to Woman Wept and show her the beautiful frozen ocean, or there were these dragons on this rather pink prehistoric planet, and of course Barcelona! He could take her to the planet Barcelona and maybe she’d see that life with him could be more than just something that hurt. He could--.

 

“Doctor?” she asks just as her hand comes down and touches his shoulder. He jumps at her touch, but before she can pull away he reaches for her hand and tugs her in front of him.

 

“Rose, oh, Rose, I--.” He breaks off when he sees that she is holding his key in her hand. He holds his breath as she looks at it and then looks at him and for the first time in ages he sees her clearly. There are tears in her eyes as she faces him.

 

“You’re not kicking me out?” she whispers.

 

“No,” he says just as softly.

 

“You want me to stay?”

 

“I do, Rose. Yes. I want you to stay. I want you with me. Please don’t go.” He feels so vulnerable as he pushes the words out.

 

She looks down at the key again and then back up at him. “Never,” she says. “I’ll never leave you as long as you want me here.”

 

He pulls her into his lap, cradles her body against him. Holds her as tightly as he dares while still allowing her to breathe and strokes her hair. “I want you here,” he says.

 

“You do?” He nods against the top of her head.

 

“I really do. Always have. I’ve never…I’ve never asked anyone to come with me twice. Never wanted it like I did with you. You’re different, Rose. You’re...” He shrugs and holds her tighter and she gasps.

 

“Need to breathe, Doctor.” He loosens his arms just a bit.

 

“Sorry,” he says sheepishly. “I just. I don’t want to lose you. You’re my best friend, Rose. My best…the best…I…”

 

“Yeah,” she interrupts softly. “You’re mine, too.” She squirms around until she gets her arms free of his hold and then rests one along the back of his shoulders and with the other she reaches up and slides her fingers along his jaw line, across his cheekbone and then down to his mouth where she traces the outline of his lips.

 

His eyes close and he inhales sharply and that impressive bit of masculinity she’s felt on other occasions begins to make itself known. She moves her hand down to his shoulder then around to the back of his neck and he leans towards her and his lips brush against hers. He starts to pull back, but she stops him with pressure from her hand and leans back into him, her little tongue pushing at the seal of his lips and then he is opening his mouth and sliding his tongue against hers and then the cloister bells begin to shriek. 

To Be Continued in Have: http://amberfocus.livejournal.com/46292.html  

 

 

 

Comments

[wiggiemomsi.livejournal.com]

Ah, CRUMB! Lousy cloister bells just HAD to shriek, didn't they!

Glad to see this chappie up well before midnight; I can actually go to bed on time tonight, woo-hoo!

Are you SURE this is Nine? He's actually making a move -- FINALLY -- on Rose??? Eager to read more!

*Smut is coming, right???*

[wiggiemomsi.livejournal.com]

Oooh, Oooh, I was FIRST!!

*Does happy, In Your Face, Everyone Else! dance*

[slvrcrystalc.livejournal.com]

...and then the cloister bells begin to shriek.

Arghh! So close! At least they've shared a kiss now. =)

Rassilon's Great Fluffy Bunnies of Happiness, They've kissed! Shall all be good and love-y now? But wait! Cloister bells are ringing, and Jack is a-coming! How will their fragile dynamic survive Captain "Shags anything" Jack Harkness?

[amberfocus.livejournal.com]

Rassilon had great fluffy bunnies of happiness? Oh, dear, does he keep them with his great frilly knickers? (that's my favorite). Yeah, so close and then they had to run into The Emtpy Child.

Well, Captain Shags-a-lot will do his gallant best to get between them and... You can bet Nine will sulk.

[amyo67.livejournal.com]

Oh man. No. Please not cloister bells. Ugh.
Great chapter though. I was so on the edge of my seat. Thank you so much for posting tonight. Now I can go to bed happy because I got to read one of your stories.
Thank you.

Seconds

[othermewriter.livejournal.com]

I so second all of that & I am also seconding your beta's reaction you cruel author you.

Hugs to you anyway.

[nattieb.livejournal.com]

Well that was one way to stop nine from taking Rose right then and there. Well done! Now that we have a few misconceptions out of the way, and Jack is coming these two can finally take that final step. Of course I am excited to see the Doctor's reaction to Jack.

[amberfocus.livejournal.com]

It'll be interesting to say the least. *smiles* And definite non-baby type steps will be taken.

[honorh.livejournal.com]

*hearts* That's so sweet. Isn't it funny how, when they actually talk, they understand each other? Absolutely love this. Though I think I'm going to love the next bit better. Was that kiss your way of placating Nine so he'd behave?

And now I have the lovely mental image of Nine sleeping. He really is beautiful, isn't he?

[amberfocus.livejournal.com]

Umm, no, I pretty much had to write out half the smut scene from the next story to get him to behave. But he liked the kiss very much. *giggles* He is a lovely man. *sighs*

[angelfireeast.livejournal.com]

Oh how I love your writting you will never fully know since I can't seem to put it into words. Evil place to leave it though.

Can't wait for more. Please tell me the next story will be called "Shag" lol:p

[amberfocus.livejournal.com]

Oh, I think you're pretty good at putting it into words. And you've made me such lovely pictures as thank yous. I think I know. *grins* No, the next story isn't called Shag. It's called Have, remember? *grins*

[lostwolfchats.livejournal.com]

How could you?!!!!!!


Sulking now.

[amberfocus.livejournal.com]

How could I? It's not like I put them on an alien moon with no food, no water, no shelter, very little clothing and nobody aware of their abduction like SOME people I won't name *coughs* lostwolfchats *coughs* Cliffhanger payback's a pain, isn't it, lovey? *grins* No, really it had to end there because they ran into the start of The Empty Child. So... *shrugs* But there will be sex in the next story, okay? Promise. *smiles* You could, you know, always write some lovely Nine/Rose smut yourself. I still haven't gotten over Sonic Envy. Or Ten/Rose. I know you just did, but no one's objecting to more over here. *laughs*

[sunnytyler001.livejournal.com]

Damned cloister bells !!!
Lol! God, I LOVE this story!

[amberfocus.livejournal.com]

Thanks. I love writing it. And yeah, those cloister bells sure went off at an inconvenient time. *grins*

[salimali.livejournal.com]

I've been ready this series and not reviewing - *smacks self* sorry .
But I just had to say these stories are brilliant, so well written I can believe this is whats going on between the actual episodes.

I'm not really a Nine/Rose shipper, but between you and Lostwolf I am certainly becoming more accepting of it. You two are the only Nine/Rose fics I read. Thank you and keep up the fab work :)

[salimali.livejournal.com]

Oops I meant 'reading' this series *duh*

[yenly-gozal.livejournal.com]

Aaaargh!! *screaming and staring unbelieving at the monitor*
Why did you make that damn bell rang?! Oh, that was soo close...! Alright, at least they kissed. There will be smut in the next chapter, right? Guess I'll just sit here quietly and wait for the smut.

[amberfocus.livejournal.com]

Oh, come on, I said no sex until after the Doctor Dances. Why is everyone so surprised? *giggles* There will be smut in the next story, which is called Have, however I'm not saying if it's in the first chapter of the next story or not. Because I am evil, just a bit, on my mother's side.

[bluevolvic.livejournal.com]

Arghhhh! the cloister bells, dam them! well at least there was a kiss :D .I wanted to smack their heads together when he woke up and saw her bag and though she wanted to go home.

Can't wait for Jack to make an appearance, and see how The Doctor reacts :P

great update :D

[amberfocus.livejournal.com]

Yep, at least there was a kiss. And they are a bit slow on the uptake over the fact that they like each other, aren't they?

[ambrosia-1.livejournal.com]

Bloody cloister bells. Bet the Timelords built them in just to stop anyone from having any fun. And to stop fangirls from squeeing.

[amberfocus.livejournal.com]

Or to warn them that the TARDIS is tracking the Chula ambulance from The Empty Child through the Vortex? Just a thought... Or was that a plot? Oh, in PWP, too.

[kammgirl.livejournal.com]

You are cruel. LOL

[amberfocus.livejournal.com]

*grins*

[ramblinsuze.livejournal.com]

Yep, your beta was right. Evil. Totally evil. ;D

Can't wait for the next one!

[amberfocus.livejournal.com]

It's done and JeopardyFriendly promises me a fast turn around.

[thatlibrarylady.livejournal.com]

Now I understand why your beta swore at you! These stories have been absolutely wonderful. You write Nine so well.

[amberfocus.livejournal.com]

*giggles* Thank you. I love writing Nine now. I used to be afraid to.

[tardislullabye.livejournal.com]

OH, evil... pure pure evil.

Oh, I love it!

[amberfocus.livejournal.com]

*grins* Thank you. But the sex is coming up soon.

[maniacalshen.livejournal.com]

Mauve alert! And here comes Jack to stir things up. XD

I love that these two have finally actually spoken to each other. Now maybe they can stop being so... dumb. Even if dumb in regards to relationships is quite in character. XD

[amberfocus.livejournal.com]

Well, a bit more dumbness but I promise it ends well and in the first chapter of the next story, too.

[solarflar3.livejournal.com]

Gah! Bloody Cloister bells! How could they?

[amberfocus.livejournal.com]

Because they were jealous. It's been too long since the Doctor has polished them and they noticed how he was rubbing up against Rose, so... *laughs*

[brilliantomega.livejournal.com]

You're evil like me.

[amberfocus.livejournal.com]

*laughs* Could be...

[nina-ds.livejournal.com]

See, I'm just thinking you showed great restraint in not dragging out their mutual misunderstandings - which, while nice, and angsty would be seriously wearing at this point!

I loved the "watching him sleep" moment. I've always been fond of that story trope generically, but for Nine especially, it seems quite profound.

[amberfocus.livejournal.com]

Well, I've always planned for them to get it together after The Doctor Dances, so going any further on the will they/won't they would be a bit much at this point. I really like the watching him sleep bit, it's something I think anyone would want to do... Esepcially Rose, since it's something so rare to see.

[sword-etc.livejournal.com]

GODDAMMIT.

That's my swear word.

[amberfocus.livejournal.com]

Pretty much what Jep said, too. *laughs* Smut coming soon.

[dragonmom64.livejournal.com]

Echoing the GROAN....bloody cloister bells....moment here!
And I just love all these little glimpses of how those unseen moments could have been......

[amberfocus.livejournal.com]

I'm glad. It's been a trip writing them. A trip into slightly psychotic angstville, but a trip nonetheless. *grins*

[ascendant-angel.livejournal.com]

Still adoring this, but dam those bloody bells!

[amberfocus.livejournal.com]

Almost there, I promise. It's in the next story.

[starrynights24.livejournal.com]

*headdesk* Oh so close!

Here's hopin' that Cap'n Jack'll be the catalyst needed - once Nine gets over his sulk. . .

Absolutely loving this series. I was okay when it was originally going to be a one shot, but I'm very, very happy that it has continued on.

[amberfocus.livejournal.com]

I had so many people protest the idea of it being only a one-shot. Apparently I'm not allowed to do oneshots unless they have sequels! *grins* I've spent too much time with the longer stories and building up the characterization and introspection that it's gotten to be expected. Still, there really was so much more there when I went looking for it...so I'm happy.

[cathica.livejournal.com]

Poor Nine. I bet those bells aren't the only things shrieking. I'm looking forward to more from you soon. (btw, would it be okay if I add you to my friends list? )

[amberfocus.livejournal.com]

Of course, you can. *smiles*