amberfocus | You're What?: Chapter Nine

Chapter 8: http://amberfocus.livejournal.com/75631.html

Confessions

Rose was shocked when the Doctor entered her room barely more than a minute later and strode directly to her side. “Jack says you’re keeping nothing down?” he asked.

“I told you the morning sickness was bad,” she said annoyed.

“You didn’t tell me it was this bad. Come on; let’s get you to the infirmary.” He held out his hand to her to help her up, but she ignored it and rose to her feet under her own power. She took a few steps only to sway dangerously to the side.

The Doctor reached out and steadied her. “Please don’t touch me,” she said softly as the tingles that she always felt when he did raced through her body despite her abject misery.

“Rose, you nearly fell over,” he said in frustration. “Am I supposed to let you just fall down?”

“You didn’t seem to care if anyone was there to catch me for the last several weeks, now did you? I can manage,” she said stubbornly and edged along the bed until she could lean towards the door. She grabbed hold of the knob and pulled herself out of the room and then leaned against the wall. “I just need to rest a minute.”

“This is nonsense. You’re in worse shape then you think, Rose.” He came up behind her and picked her up in his arms.

“Put me down,” she said. “I can do it.”

“No,” he said and strode off at a sharp clip to the infirmary despite her feeble protests. Once there he set her down gently on the bed, then reached out and touched her skin.

“Don’t,” she said trying to pull away from his fingers.

“Rose, I was checking for dehydration. Let me get an IV line into you and start a nutrient drip and then I need to run a few tests.”

“I’m fine!” She sat up.

“Stop it,” he said. “You are clearly not fine. You’re sick. Sicker than you should be and I’ve been too arrogant to pay attention to you when I should have done. Now lie down and let me do my job.”

Rose lay down but continued to glare at him. He washed his hands and used a sterilizing fluid on them then pulled on latex gloves and approached her with a needle. “There’ll be a bit of a prick,” he said as he reached for her hand.

“Won’t be the only one in the room then,” she muttered under her breath. The Doctor froze for just an instant as the insult hit home before rubbing a swab over the back of her hand and gently inserting the needle. Then he hooked it to an IV bag and began the drip.

He moved to her other side with a syringe, found a vein in her elbow and as carefully as he could took three vials of blood. He had Rose hold a cotton swab over the needle hole while he started the blood in the centrifuge. When he was finished he pulled a chair up to the side of her bed and looked at her.

“What?” she finally asked when she couldn’t stand it any longer. It took him a long time to speak.

“I lied to you,” he said when she’d given up on him ever doing more than staring at her.

She frowned as she tried to figure out what was going on in his head and why she should care about it. “About what?” she prompted when the curiosity got the better of her.

“When I said all you were to me was a good time. I lied.”

Rose tried to keep herself perfectly still and not cringe at the words ‘good time.’ He’d probably destroyed that phrase for her for the rest of her life. “Why you telling me this?” she asked. “You going to tell me I wasn’t even that now? That I wasn’t any good in bed?” she demanded.

“No,” he said gently looking down into his lap where his hands were steepled. “I’m not going to say that. Rose, you were…” He looked down and she suspected that the flushing of his skin might actually be a blush. “It was amazing. But what I’m saying is it was more than just having a good time in bed. You were more…we were more.”

“I don’t believe you,” Rose said.

“No reason for you to, but I needed to tell you,” he said meeting her eyes and then skittering his gaze away at the quickly masked pain he saw in them.

“Oh, well, so long as your conscience is clear then all is right with the world, isn’t it, Doctor?” she asked bitterly.

“Nothing’s right with the world, Rose. I made everything wrong. I always do. That’s who I am. That’s why…” He met her eyes and they were cold and unyielding. “I’ll go ask Jack to sit with you. I’m sure you’d prefer his company to mine.”

“I thought you had to check my blood samples,” she said before she could stop herself from responding.

“They have to spin for an hour. I’ll be back then. I’ll send Jack in,” he said. Rose watched him go. His shoulders were slumped and he looked…well, he looked as miserable as she felt.

No way, she told herself, are you going to start feeling sympathy for him! He doesn’t deserve it. Whatever is going on with him, it’s not about you. It’s about him. It’s always about him. Don’t fall for it. “Doctor?” Damn it.

“Yes, Rose?” he asked without turning.

“Is…is the baby going to be okay?” She couldn’t keep her voice from trembling and he turned back around to look at her.

“He should be. The pregnancy is going to be pretty protected. Your body will funnel everything to the fetus first before it’ll look after you.”

“Is that a Gallifreyan thing?” she asked.

He walked back over to the exam table and sat down beside her. “Not really. It’s a mother thing. Most species, the fetus will rob maternal stores to get its requirements if they aren’t coming in through your food supply.”

“So I haven’t hurt him?” she asked without meeting his eyes.

“No, I don’t think so. If we’d gone much longer without catching this, it might have harmed him. I’m sorry I wasn’t listening to you when you said how sick you were, Rose. I never meant to put either of you in jeopardy.”

Her eyes met his again and held them for a moment before she nodded once. “I worry,” she said suddenly.

“About what?”

“That I’ll lose him.”

“You won’t.”

“How can you be so sure of that?” she asked.

“Because I’m going to make sure of it,” he said. “This little babe is coming into the world as healthy as I can make him be. I promise, Rose. I’m going to take care of you both.”

“Why?” she asked. “You were going to send me away, give me away to another man just a day ago. Why have you changed your mind?”

“I was wrong,” he said. “Rose, you don’t…you can’t fathom how scared I’ve been. How scared I still am.”

“Do you think I haven’t been scared?” she asked him softly. “I’m still scared. Because I don’t feel like I can trust anything you’re saying right now. Because I know you could just turn around and change your mind again and push me away. How can I trust you?”

“I don’t know. All I can say is I’m sorry. I’m sorry I treated you like you didn’t mean anything to me. I’m sorry I accused you of sleeping with another man. I’m sorry I made you think I thought you’d tried to lose the baby by throwing yourself over a cliff. I’m sorry I kept the truth from you about there being even a remote possibility you could conceive in the first place. I’m sorry I decided I knew what was right and didn’t give you a choice or an opinion in the matter. I’m sorry I pushed you away from me and towards Jack.” He reached for her hand and then pulled it back just before making contact.

“I’m an idiot, Rose. A scared, scarred, tired old man who doesn’t deserve someone like you in his life. I’m so sorry for everything I’ve done so wrong these past few months.” This time he did reach out and take her hand. Rose bit her lip, but didn’t try to pull away. “But most of all I’m sorry I never told you how much you mean to me. I love you.”

Chapter 10: http://amberfocus.livejournal.com/76758.html

Current Mood: calm
Current Location: home
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Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

From:

nattieb.livejournal.com

Well, this is a start. I love that he is opening up a little and I am also happy Rose is taking it all with a grain of salt. This shouldn't be easy for him, and it kills me that it has to be difficult for Rose, but even if he didn't mean it he has a lot of damage to undo. He will also need to learn that actions speak louder than words.

From:

Not Rose-Colored Glasses

You're What?: Chapter Nine

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