You're What?: Chapter Thirty-Four
Nov. 2nd, 2008 04:38 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
amberfocus
A/N: Sorry about the long delay between chapters. For those of you who don't read my journal on a regular basis I have walking pneumonia and it seriously cuts into my functional writing time.
Chapter Thirty-four: Shopping and Discoveries
“Remind me again why I’m doing this?” the Doctor asked grumpily as Jack pawed through racks of tuxedos in the Doctor’s size.
“Because you promised Jackie you’d dress appropriately for the wedding and denim and leather do not a groom’s wardrobe make,” Jack said a bit testily. It was like dealing with a four-year-old. This was at least the fifth time the Doctor had asked him some variety of the same question in the past three hours.
If the Doctor noted Jack’s irritation he ignored it. “Rose likes me in denim and leather.”
“Stop pouting, Doc,” Jack said.
“I’m not pouting. Time Lords do not pout,” he said irritably.
“Quit sulking then.”
“I’m not sulking, either. Time Lords do not sulk,” the Doctor said sulkily leaning against the nearby wall, crossing his arms, and glaring at Jack with what Jack and Rose privately referred to as the Oncoming Sulk, because this particular Time Lord could and did sulk with the best of them.
“Fine, whatever,” Jack said. Why did I have to be the one to take the Doctor tuxedo shopping? he asked himself, blithely forgetting the fact that he’d lost the coin toss. Though he was starting to think it had been rigged. Honestly, it wouldn’t have been fair to put it on Jackie or Mickey anyway. Jackie had far too much to do as it was in planning the wedding and Mickey shouldn’t be expected to help the Doctor in that manner even if he had agreed to participate in the wedding and give Rose away. Jack tried not to think about the irony of that situation.
Rose had cajoled him into thinking that only his taste would be of any value anyway. Considering the fashion sense of both Rose’s mother and ex-boyfriend, she’d had a point. If anyone was going to get the Doctor looking like a real groom it would be him.
“I think this one will suit you,” he said pulling out a midnight blue tuxedo with silver pinstripes and waiting to see if the Doctor would notice the atrocity of his pun and appreciate it or not. But the Doctor was apparently going to go off on another tangent.
“Pinstripes?” the Doctor protested in horror. If he could have backed further into the wall he would have. “The day I wear pinstripes is the day I regenerate into a babbling maniac with a geeky streak and a god complex.”
“Like the other Rose’s Doctor?” Jack asked sharply.
“Fair point,” said the Doctor. “But it’s not me. No stripes.”
“What do you want then? Come on, Doc, you have to give me some help on this. If we don’t have some success soon, it isn’t you Rose will be mad at. She’ll think you’re just being cute--.”
“Time Lords aren’t cu--.”
“Put a sock in it. No, it’s me she’ll be mad at. Because she thinks I can work miracles with fashion even if the idiot I’m finding clothes for is you,” he said a bit more heatedly than he’d intended.
“Oi! I’m the smartest man you know. Don’t be calling me an idiot,” the Doctor said angrily.
“Then quit acting like one. This wedding isn’t about you.”
“It’s my wedding!”
“Yeah, but it’s Rose’s day. Rose and her mum’s. It’s important to your wife that you do this for Jackie. So stop being such a git and help me pick out a tux you actually like!” Jack snapped.
“Black,” he said after a long glaring moment. “Just black. White shirt, little black bow tie and I think maybe I can deal.”
“And the cut?”
“Like I’d know that? Just pick something, Jack. I’ll try it on. We’ll go from there.
It went a lot easier after the Doctor acquiesced to the process and it took surprisingly little time for them to find something the Doctor liked and Jack thought was sexy. “I’m not aiming for sexy,” grumbled the Doctor when Jack commented on that factor.
“No, but Rose’ll like it,” he replied. “And she’ll enjoy taking it off you even more. Sure I can’t come along on the honeymoon?” Jack asked cheekily.
The Doctor’s eyes narrowed. “I’m sure. No vicarious thrills for you, Captain.”
Jack pouted. “It’s just I’ve always wanted to go to Barcelona.”
“Who said anything about going to Barcelona?” the Doctor demanded.
“You’re always going on about taking Rose to Barcelona,” Jack said.
“And I still want to take her there one day. But how many times have we tried to go there since you came on board?” the Doctor asked.
Jack thought for a minute. “Five?”
“Six,” corrected the Doctor. “And three times before you joined us. And every time we land somewhere else. And usually end up up to our necks in trouble. Last thing I want at this stage of Rose’s pregnancy. So I’m not even going to try for Barcelona. Nope, Rose and I are staying right here on Earth. We’re going to Atlantis.”
“What, the lost city?” Jack asked.
“No, the resort in the Bahamas. Honestly, do you think I’m going to risk taking her anywhere that has a cataclysmic event in its history?” the Doctor asked. “Besides, I’ve been to the city before twice and I wouldn’t want to risk running into myself. Not with a pregnant human wife in tow. The explanations would be…uncomfortable.”
“Why? You’re not ashamed of Rose, are you?” Jack demanded.
“No! I’m proud Rose is my wife,” he said firmly. “But…those versions of me wouldn’t understand and if he pushed, if he read my mind, he might gain future knowledge about the time war. Knowledge he should never have.”
“I see.” Jack wasn’t entirely sure he did see, but he decided to let it pass. The Doctor was quite touchy on the subject of the time war, with great cause. “If you like this one, I’ll just go and have a word with the tailor and we can get you measured.”
“Yeah, this one’s fine,” the Doctor said.
Jack returned quite a bit of time later than he should have done with a smug expression on his face and a dazed looking tailor in tow. The man said very little but kept shooting Jack looks that made the Doctor very suspicious. He took the Doctor’s measurements and told them when to expect that the altered tuxedo would be ready. The Doctor paid for the tuxedo, they’d decided to buy and not rent in case Jackie finagled him into any other fancy events, and then the tailor wrote his phone number on a business card and handed it to Jack. “Call me.”
“You can bet on it,” Jack told him.
“Really, Jack, you’ll flirt with anyone,” the Doctor said as they left the shop and the moon-eyed tailor behind.
“Did more than flirt, Doc,” said Jack proudly. “I got us a 25% discount.”
“I don’t want to know how.”
“Let’s just say you can do an awful lot in eight minutes in a locked fitting room with a willing partner,” Jack said amused at the Doctor’s discomfort.
“I said I didn’t want to know!” growled the Doctor. “To think I ever thought leaving such a randy sod with Rose was a good idea!”
“What?” Jack was astonished that the Doctor was bringing that up and now of all times.
“You. You wouldn’t have been faithful to Rose for one minute. You’d have been off with some pretty boy or girl the moment I’d left.”
“I can’t believe you!” snapped Jack. “I cannot believe you are bringing this up now. You damn hypocrite. It was never my idea in the first place to abandon Rose and Charlie. It was yours. I would have gone with them, sure, taken care of them, of course. I love Rose and I would have made her my wife if she’d have let me and I damn well would have been faithful to her if she was because it would have been important to her and I’d never knowingly hurt the girl. So don’t you dare judge me for what I’m doing now because you have no idea how I feel or just what I would do for that girl even now!”
“Jack--.”
“Do you know that she’s still afraid you’re going to leave her? That you’re going to find some way to back out of this wedding and run as far and as fast as you can, future be damned?”
“I won’t leave her. She’s my wife. Rose doesn’t think that,” the Doctor insisted.
“She’s not forgotten, you know. How you reacted in the beginning. It scarred her. There’s a piece of her that’s afraid to trust you one hundred percent. And because of all the grousing you’ve been doing about the wedding, all your resistance to things like tuxedo shopping and helping out with anything, she’s doubting your commitment,” Jack replied.
“Rose forgave me for hurting her,” the Doctor said softly. “A long time ago.”
“Forgiveness is one thing. Forgetting another thing entirely,” Jack pointed out.
“Has she said something to you?” demanded the Doctor.
“She doesn’t have to. I can read Rose. I see the look on her face every time you make a negative comment about the wedding. There’s hurt and doubt and just that little bit of fear. You need to shape up, Doc and let her know that you want this wedding as much as she does,” Jack said.
“It’s Jackie who wants this wedding,” the Doctor replied. They had reached the doors to the TARDIS and he pulled out his key. “Not Rose.”
“And if you think that, Doctor, then you don’t know your wife at all.”
“I do so. Rose has said none of this is important. We were married the day we were hand fasted. All the trappings don’t matter. She’s said so.”
“No, the trappings don’t. But a legal Earth wedding does. You need to talk to your wife. Let her know that this wedding isn’t an imposition. Let her know that you aren’t going to get cold feet and run off on her at the last minute. Reassure her how much you love her. Don’t leave her twisting in uncertainty,” Jack advised.
“She isn’t! She knows!” insisted the Doctor.
“How sure of that are you?” Jack queried. “I’m going to head up to Jackie’s and let her know we found a tux. And you need to do some serious thinking about what I said.”
The Doctor frowned and entered the TARDIS. There was no way Rose doubted how he felt about her. No way at all. Jack was just seeing shadows where there weren’t any; that was all. His Rose knew just how much she meant to him. He slumped into the jumpseat and frowned. Of course now that Jack had brought it up, he’d be wondering about it all the time.
He loved Rose and he knew that Rose loved him. They didn’t say the words very often, but they had said them and not just within the throes of passion, but when they were clear minded and simply talking to each other. But love didn’t wash away all the hurt and he knew that when he’d first found out about their pregnancy he’d hurt her badly. He’d thought he’d made up for that, but maybe Jack was right. Maybe his acting like a prat about the Earth wedding was hurting his bride.
“What do you think?” he asked his ship. “You think Rose is still afraid I’ll leave her behind?” Dizzying emotions washed over him as his ship bathed him in her thoughts. Normally vague and ephemeral, the TARDIS made clear her opinion on the matter that Rose was indeed still frightened. “What can I do?” the Doctor asked reeling at the vivid impressions.
A large book thumped to the ground at his feet and he leaned down and picked it up, hefting it into his lap. A bright red ribbon, edged with gold gilt marked a page in the middle of the book. He opened the heavy tome to the saved place and began to read. It took him a half an hour to read the relevant chapter. Normally he could read much faster than this, but Gallifreyan was a complex language. There were many layers within a single page, the depth of the symbols and thoughts indicated dropping into various dimensions that he had to chase for full understanding.
Once he achieved full understanding, he agreed fully with his ship. “Is Rose on board?” he asked.
The TARDIS sent him an image of a sleeping Rose tucked into their bed. He smiled fondly at the image and then began setting the coordinates for a tiny moonlet in the Ophiuchus sector. Once on the way he carried the book back to the library and placed it on the coffee table. He’d need to refer to it again and there was no reason to put it away.
He headed to the bedroom next and shed his jacket and boots, then his jeans and jumper. He slid under the covers and up against Rose’s back, his body spooning into hers and his arm wrapping around her. “Mmm,” Rose mumbled as his hand settled on her stomach. “Doctor?”
“Shh, go back to sleep.” She settled back into the pillow and sighed. He tried to let his fears fade away as he held her. It would be several hours before they’d land on Sori and he didn’t want to think about everything that Jack had told him.
Rose eased back into sleep and when he was sure she was unconscious again he raised his hand to her temple and brushed lightly across it with his fingers. As gently and unobtrusively as he could he sent a tiny tendril of his awareness creeping into her mind. Rose’s head was surprisingly complex, with more twisting and turning than he had ever expected.
He knew he shouldn’t be invading her privacy this way but he had to know the truth. It took him a while. It was almost like she was blocking him from finding it. Passage after passage led him firmly back to the glowing, brilliant gold love for him that she held. But he persisted, wandering down every single path until eventually he found it. The door was very small, barely big enough to crawl through, and it was boarded over tightly.
Even in her mind he had his sonic screwdriver and he made short work of the boards that had been nailed into place. The door was painted blood red and in the middle of it was an enormous gouge, as if some wild animal had raked it with vicious claws. The lock snicked and he pushed the door open. The room was awash in muddy colors, ugly browns and yellows and a yawing black darkness beyond it. He had to know. He crawled inside.
The door slammed shut behind him and he was suddenly sucked to the dead center of the room, through thick, black sludge. The floor moved beneath him, the rhythmic pulse of a heart beating and then it stopped. A violent ripping noise thrashed through his eardrums and the far wall tore open. Dark, heavy red liquid seeped down the crack on the wall. He forced himself to his feet and staggered against winds that rose from nowhere, trying to hold him back. He reached forward with one hand and finally touched the wall.
He drew it away and brought it to his face, sniffing. It was heavy with iron and smelled of copper. Blood. A place inside Rose’s mind was bleeding. He touched the wall with both hands and found it then. Her pain at his actions when he’d first been told about the baby. She’d buried it deep inside herself, so deeply it had taken him hours to find it, but it was here. All of her feelings of betrayal and doubt and uncertainty and worthlessness at his rejection of her bubbled to the surface and smeared themselves against that wall. And her continued fears that it might rise up again within him, that he might yet turn away from her hit him square in the chest.
He closed his eyes, the pain of it causing his stomach to roil in nausea. He forced himself to regain control and then he began to radiate peace and calm, acceptance and love, full faith and desire to be with her forever. He sent forth healing thoughts and slowly began to stitch up the tear in the wall of her mind’s heart. The bleeding dribbled off to an end and a large pink scar formed over the stitches.
The room began to brighten, the muddy colors being replaced by lighter, easier shades of blue and green and white. He turned to the door and found it was no longer tiny but was large enough to walk through. He opened it and made his way out. The door vanished then, leaving only an open doorway.
He trudged back through the corridors of her mind, weak and tired, as if he had fought a major battle. He felt warm golden light suffusing him as he slowly withdrew from her thoughts. He rolled away from his sleeping wife and edged out of the bed so as not to wake her.
The Doctor walked into the bathroom and turned on the shower, putting the water at the highest temperature he could stand. Though he could not see the blood on his hands or the black sludge that he had crawled through, he could still feel it on himself. He scrubbed himself until he could no longer feel the painful emotions lingering on his skin. It would be a long time though, before they left his mind.
Ch. 35: http://amberfocus.livejournal.com/160694.html
![[identity profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/openid.png){kind=small}
no subject
Date: 2008-11-03 01:23 am (UTC)*heads off to reread it*
no subject
Date: 2008-11-03 01:24 am (UTC)Do I get a prize now? ;-D
(no subject)
From:no subject
Date: 2008-11-03 01:30 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2008-11-03 04:00 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2008-11-03 01:32 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2008-11-03 04:01 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2008-11-03 01:40 am (UTC)PS. I love his comment about the pinstripes.
no subject
Date: 2008-11-03 04:02 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2008-11-03 01:45 am (UTC)and my favourite line just has to be...
'“The day I wear pinstripes is the day I regenerate into a babbling maniac with a geeky streak and a god complex.”
ROFLMAO
Wonderful, love *hugs*
no subject
Date: 2008-11-03 04:04 am (UTC)Oh, that's me picking on Ten again, but I can't help myself, even though I love Ten dearly.
no subject
Date: 2008-11-03 01:47 am (UTC)I might've laughed at this line longer than you intended. My brain took me to a funny place where One's head just about exploded.
Go Jack! Putting jerk Nine in his place for Rose's and his own sake (unfaithful, indeed!). And what Nine did with that information was interesting and, I think, highly beneficial.
no subject
Date: 2008-11-03 04:05 am (UTC)Yeah, Jack did a good job of taking Nine down a peg and making him see that the damage he did to Rose isn't completely gone. It will be good for Rose, what he did, but she's going to know about it.
no subject
Date: 2008-11-03 02:06 am (UTC)Unfortunately I'm incapable of wishing him harm. So...*hugs poor Nine*
I'm glad you're feeling a bit better, I hope it continues! *sends well-wishes*
no subject
Date: 2008-11-03 04:06 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2008-11-03 02:22 am (UTC)On one hand, I'm glad that the Doctor felt he needed to get in there and help heal the psychic damage that he caused to Rose (love the imagery, btw), but I'm not sure she'll feel the same way if she finds out what he did. Hm.
no subject
Date: 2008-11-03 04:07 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2008-11-03 02:42 am (UTC)And while I think what the Doctor did could be good for Rose, I'm not sure how she'll feel about it if/when she realizes. I hope she'll be able to see that he was trying to show her his feelings in a way that couldn't be misunderstood or mistrusted.
no subject
Date: 2008-11-03 04:09 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2008-11-03 03:01 am (UTC)Absolutely loved the bantering between Jack and the Doctor. I was laughing out loud about the "pinstripes" bit and the "25% discount" too!
no subject
Date: 2008-11-03 04:10 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2008-11-03 03:36 am (UTC)Glad Jack set him straight, although his seduction of the tailor -- to get a discount! -- was icky. Not that he fancied the tailor and dallied, but that he did it to get the discount.
no subject
Date: 2008-11-03 04:12 am (UTC)Jack didn't seduce the tailor to get a discount. He's not that big a skank. He did it for fun. The discount was just a bonus the tailor threw in.
(no subject)
From:(no subject)
From:no subject
Date: 2008-11-03 04:59 am (UTC)Even in her mind he had his sonic screwdriver and he made short work of the boards that had been nailed into place.
I giggled at that line. Always prepared, our Nine :)
no subject
Date: 2008-11-04 07:48 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2008-11-03 05:02 am (UTC)Good for Jack, putting the Doctor in his place like that! He most definately deserved it, and I liked the way he went about trying to fix it. Can't wait to read Rose's reaction!
P.S. Hope you get to feeling better!
no subject
Date: 2008-11-04 07:49 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2008-11-03 06:01 am (UTC)The images of the damaged bleeding part of Roses mind that still held her fears and doubts was very vivid and painful to read. Poor Rose.
I'm glad you're starting to feel a bit better. I hope you are fully recovered soon.
no subject
Date: 2008-11-04 07:49 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2008-11-03 06:41 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2008-11-04 07:50 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2008-11-03 07:02 am (UTC)Stares at screen waiting for next chapter....
Still staring....
no subject
Date: 2008-11-04 07:51 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2008-11-03 08:36 am (UTC)I loved the conversation with Jack -- definitely believable, especially in this verse. But what I really adored was the imagery you used to describe the Doctor inside of Rose's mind, healing the damage he did with his initial, very hurtful reaction to Rose's pregnancy. I know it will be good for Rose to have that gaping wound in her psyche closed... and I definitely laughed out loud at the Doctor having the sonic screwdriver, even inside of her mind.
I'm looking forward to the next part of this -- seeing you write interactions between couples is my very favorite part of your writing, and I have a feeling we're getting to the really good emotional stuff (like Rose's first reaction to him healing her mind without her permission or knowledge...) here pretty quickly!
no subject
Date: 2008-11-04 07:53 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2008-11-03 09:13 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2008-11-04 07:53 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2008-11-03 12:24 pm (UTC)I had to laugh at this cause my desktop picture is Chris in a pinstriped suit. Brilliant chapter, I'm glad now that the Doctor is finally seeing sense, and I'm really curious about the book the TARDIS gave him.
no subject
Date: 2008-11-04 07:54 pm (UTC)Thank you!
no subject
Date: 2008-11-03 03:54 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2008-11-04 07:54 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2008-11-03 08:15 pm (UTC)Loved the dig about pinstripes. I think 9 would be horrified by 10: pretty, huge hair, a SUIT.... To be honest, I'm dying to see multiple Doctor stories where 9 meets 10 - it would be as hilarious as 2 and 3's constant squabbling.
Loved the part about meeting his prior incarnations with a pregnant wife. Especially with his granddaughter! I'm reading a webcomic called "The Ten Doctors" right now, and it's got a panel where 3 (and 7) accuse 9 of having a major midlife crisis: "I must say I'm a bit concerned about the relationship you seem to have with Rose. ... Lying about your age, unhealthy relations with your pretty young companion...shaved head...leather??" 9 and 10 would be razzed to death about Rose!
Loved Jack, as usual. And what a pouty, whiny Time Lord!
I do wonder what Rose would think about the Doctor poking around. I'm sure she wouldn't be even half as angry as she was in "EotW", just because she knows him longer and loves him and would know he did it for her benefit, but she seems like an independent type who'd at least like to know beforehand. And it's so sad but so realistic about how torn and hurt she was.
no subject
Date: 2008-11-04 07:58 pm (UTC)Aren't I mean to poor Ten? I was a bit angry at DT for leaving when I wrote that bit. *laughs*
Where's that webcomic at? I'd love to see it.
Rose will let the Doctor know what she thinks, but it is in a different way than EotW.
(no subject)
From:(no subject)
From:ooo
From:no subject
Date: 2008-11-03 10:04 pm (UTC)Thanks for updating! *hugs* I hope you're getting better!
no subject
Date: 2008-11-04 07:58 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2008-11-03 11:13 pm (UTC)Well, now that you mention it....
Honestly, do you think I’m going to risk taking her anywhere that has a cataclysmic event in it’s history?
Honestly, Doctor, what makes you think you can avoid it? I mean, apart from the fact that Amber's writing this and would have dozens of angry fangirls at her door if she did write you and pregnant!Rose in danger, in which case she'd just hand the cooking and cleaning and teaching duties off to them/us and go back to write another chapter.
Hmm. Doctor, I think you're doomed.
no subject
Date: 2008-11-04 07:59 pm (UTC)He might not be able to avoid it but that doesn't mean he has to aim for it, now does he? *laughs*
no subject
Date: 2008-11-04 12:49 am (UTC)And I really enjoyed his little journey into Rose's mind, although my favourite image was the final one of the chapter, with the Doctor in the shower, trying to get rid of the feel of the blood and sludge.
no subject
Date: 2008-11-04 08:00 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2008-11-04 11:22 am (UTC)Loved the pinstripes gag- like everyone else here LOL.
Hope you are beginning to feel better *hugs*
no subject
Date: 2008-11-04 08:01 pm (UTC)