That Which One Cannot Be Without (1/9)
Apr. 30th, 2009 04:02 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
amberfocusTitle: That Which One Cannot Be Without (1/9)
Author: Amberfocus
Characters/Pairings: Nine/Rose, Jack
Genre: Romance, angst, hurt/comfort, fluff, smut (eventually)
Betas: Amyo67, JeopardyFriendly
Rating: Adult
Warnings: In this story Rose will be having flashbacks to a violent incident where she was beaten by a prison guard and hurt by another man. This is not rape fic and will not touch on that issue at all. I will keep the explicitness to a minimum, but I know this sort of thing can trigger memories in the victims of violence so wanted to post fair warning.
Summary: Rose has lost her equilibrium after a terrible experience and being back on a similar planet is not helping. The Doctor isn't quite sure what to do to rebuild her spirit, but he has to try because losing her is not an option. Neither is letting her go home.
Author's Notes: This fic was written for Wiggiemomsi who won me and 15,000 words in the Support Stacie Auction.
Chapter One: Level of Affection
The Doctor did not like patriarchal societies. As much as he liked telling Rose what to do to the point of bossiness, he definitely enjoyed the way she stood up to him, the way she put forth her own ideas that quite often saved the day like they had today, and the feistiness with which she normally did it. Seeing how subdued she’d been on this planet, the first “unsafe” place he’d taken her since she was nearly murdered by a psychotic despot three weeks ago, bothered him to no end. Normally she’d be chafing at seeing women put down like this and fomenting some kind of rebellion that would change things for the better for females all across the planet. Not this time.
Even though she’d offered up her idea, she’d done it without her usual spirit, practically whispering her plan to him, and he knew she had to be remembering what had happened the last time they’d been on a similar planet and she’d spoken up. It had taken him six hours, even with his advanced equipment, to repair her severed vocal cords. It had taken him six minutes to irrevocably destroy the man who had tried to permanently take Rose’s power of speech and leave behind a shining example of what happened to men who treated women like their thoughts didn’t matter simply because they were female. Or to men who hurt the woman that he...had vowed to keep safe.
The whole thing had rocked his companion to the core and she’d clung to him during this adventure, her usual boisterous personality all but gone in public. The only time she seemed even halfway herself lately was when they’d been safely on his ship. It’d been several days now since he’d seen that spark that made Rose so vibrant and it was starting to worry him. He feared it was just too soon, that she simply wasn’t ready to stand up to that kind of authority yet. He simply wouldn’t accept that she wouldn’t get that back. She was too strong to let this take her down on a permanent basis.
He comforted himself with the fact that they’d be leaving soon enough. Come morning they’d wipe their feet of this place and if he had any say in it, he’d never return in any future incarnation. He’d go now but Rose was clearly too exhausted for a five mile trek back to the TARDIS and Jack looked like he was on his last legs. The man hadn’t made an innuendo or sexual reference in nearly eight hours and his spirit, too, was sagging. Jack liked feisty women around him, not browbeaten ones and he didn’t care at all for the type of men who did the browbeating. Truth be told, the Doctor was tired himself. It’d been… well, it’d been three weeks since he’d grabbed any shut eye at all, and even that was by accident.
He’d been holding Rose to comfort her after the incident on Drifalia where she’d been imprisoned for a week and…well, he still wasn’t sure what had happened to her after having her vocal cords severed because she’d refused to talk about it other than to tell him she had not been raped when he’d asked. He could tell she’d been beaten by the guards and it had made him want to tear apart who’d ever done it.
He’d managed to mend the bruises that she’d let him see, fix the broken ribs and black eye and cut lip, the chafed skin around her wrists and ankles where the manacles had worn through the top layer, but she’d not let him do anything else for her other than that she’d requested hesitantly that he stay with her that night and he’d held her while she’d dozed fitfully, the warmth of her body seeping into him and allowing him to relax enough to drift off himself. It had been the first time he’d slept without nightmares waking him for as long as he’d been in this body.
He needed very little sleep but he had to admit he hadn’t been getting as much as he needed because of those nightmares. Holding Rose had been just the tonic. Keeping her nightmares at bay had done the same for his. He forced himself to try to ignore anything else that he remembered about that night; how her skin had felt so soft, how her hair had tickled his chest, how her pliant young body had molded to his, and how very much he had wanted to--.
“Sleeping accommodations?” Merick said with a bit of a leer at Rose. “Why yes, we can manage to put you up quite well for the night. Least we can do for you and your…companions. Will that be three rooms then?”
The Doctor flinched. He knew that if he left Rose in her own room for the night, she would have quite the unwelcome visitor before dawn. Unmarried of age women on this planet occupied a place not too far above chattel. Not that married women were elevated that much higher, but they tended to be safe and considered off limits to men like Merick if escorted by their husbands.
“No, two rooms will be enough. One for young Jack, and Rose and I will stay together.”
“I’m sorry, Doctor. It is known that in much of the explored galaxy it is common for the unwed to share accommodations, but the custom on our planet is that unmarried males and females cannot share a bed. It is, in fact, illegal.”
“That isn’t at issue,” the Doctor said quite calmly. “Rose and I are married.”
For her part, Rose managed to keep her head from snapping around or showing any other sign of her shock at his announcement. “I was unaware. She’s not banded.” He pointed to Rose’s bare wrist.
The Doctor thought quickly, unfolding Rose’s hand from where it was clenched tightly around his and grabbed her other hand as well. He murmured, “Open your hands,” and when she did he showed Merick her fingers. “On Rose’s planet of origin, a woman’s fingers are banded, not her wrists. The more rings, the more beloved the wife,” he lied smoothly. “The wife normally starts out with two. I wed Rose with three and I’ve added two for each year we’ve been married. She’ll soon not have enough fingers to show my true level of affection for her.”
He tried not to tense at Rose’s intake of breath at his words. He hoped desperately that she wouldn’t give away the ruse. His hand tightened warningly against hers and she settled.
“Very well, then,” Merick said with a short pause after taking in the four rings on Rose’s right hand and the three on her left, “this way.” He led them down the corridor and gave them two rooms, Jack’s just across the hall from theirs.
“See you in the morning,” Jack muttered wearily and they bid him good-night.
“If you need anything—,” began their host.
“We won’t.” The Doctor shut the door firmly in Merrick’s face.
Rose waited until she heard the footsteps of their host receding down the hallway before she shut the door and snicked the lock closed. She leaned against it hard, grateful to shut out the awful man and his so-called hospitality. The Doctor moved over beside her and sealed it shut with the sonic screwdriver for good measure then pulled her gently away from the door and led her over to the bed where he pushed down on her shoulders until she sat.
“What did you tell him we were husband and wife for?” Rose asked. There was no accusation in her voice, just uncertainty and curiosity. When he didn’t respond quickly enough for her liking he caught a look on her face he remembered well. There was just a trace of her old spirit bubbling to the surface. “Well?”
“To keep you safe,” he told her. That was not a break in his voice, he told himself firmly.
“Safe from what? Merick? You’ve taught me enough self-defense for me to handle the likes of him.”
“Last time we went to a planet like this and I didn’t know enough to claim you as my wife you ended up in prison!” he burst out.
“I haven’t forgotten,” Rose said bitterly.
“I know you haven’t,” he said in a different tone.
Rose looked down. “I’m fine, Doctor.”
“Well, I’m not!” He stopped himself at her startled expression. He gentled his voice. “They took you, Rose. And they hurt you. I can’t bear for that to happen again.” He tried to keep the anguish from his voice as he remembered how he’d found her. “I said you were my wife to protect you. Otherwise they’d have put us in separate rooms and I wasn’t having that. Not with that man lurking about. Not when it’s so clear he meant to have you whether you wanted it or not.”
“I…I hate it here,” she said.
“I know. We’ll go in the morning. Just as soon as you and Jack have rested enough.”
“ And what about Jack? Is he safe on his own?” Rose asked.
“Jack can take care of himself.”
“So can I,” she insisted.
Scared with her inability to realize how grave things might be for her if he left her on her own again he snapped, “Oh, really? That why you’ve been clinging to me like you’re scared of your own shadow?”
Rose stiffened, her entire body becoming rigid and unwelcoming. “I wasn’t aware my holding on to you was such a problem. I’ll be sure to keep my hands to myself in future.”
“Rose, that’s not what I meant. I just…” He hung his head. “I know that you can take care of yourself.” After the last time, neither one of them was entirely sure that was still true, but he felt that Rose needed to think he believed it. Still, this planet was not safe and he couldn’t quite allow her to think she could keep herself safe here.
“I can.”
“I know. Under normal circumstance you can. Just…not here. Please, just trust me on this one, okay? Let me take care of you. I need to. I couldn’t handle it if something else happened to you. Not after last time. Not after they hurt you. I don’t even want to imagine it happening again. Please, Rose. Just let me take care of you. Just this one time.” He kept his voice soft and undemanding, his posture as unthreatening and open as possible. “Can you do that for me?”
“Okay,” she yielded, her shoulders slumping. He stared at her intently for a long moment making sure she wasn’t just giving him lip service, but she just looked small and broken. He reached out to touch her hair but hastily yanked his hand back as she looked up and met his eyes. “It really hurt you, too, didn’t it?” she asked softly.
“More than you can know.” She stared at him for a long time. Finally he broke their gaze and looked away. “There’s food,” he said with a gesture to the table set with bread, cheese, and fruit. “If you’re hungry, you should eat.”
“Yeah,” she mumbled. “Join me?” Her voice was slightly plaintive, as if she thought he’d turn down her offer and he once again cursed the men who took her confidence from her. He nodded and sat down at the little table across from her. He wondered how long it was going to be before Rose was back to normal. He wondered how long it would be before he was. He knew that eventually it would happen, but in the meanwhile there was so much need that he didn’t know what to do with. And it wasn’t the fact the she needed him right now that was worrisome. It was just how much he needed her to be okay. Because if he couldn’t help her get better then he was going to lose her, she would leave him and go home, and then where would he be?
Ch. 2: http://amberfocus.livejournal.com/241908.html
Author: Amberfocus
Characters/Pairings: Nine/Rose, Jack
Genre: Romance, angst, hurt/comfort, fluff, smut (eventually)
Betas: Amyo67, JeopardyFriendly
Rating: Adult
Warnings: In this story Rose will be having flashbacks to a violent incident where she was beaten by a prison guard and hurt by another man. This is not rape fic and will not touch on that issue at all. I will keep the explicitness to a minimum, but I know this sort of thing can trigger memories in the victims of violence so wanted to post fair warning.
Summary: Rose has lost her equilibrium after a terrible experience and being back on a similar planet is not helping. The Doctor isn't quite sure what to do to rebuild her spirit, but he has to try because losing her is not an option. Neither is letting her go home.
Author's Notes: This fic was written for Wiggiemomsi who won me and 15,000 words in the Support Stacie Auction.
Chapter One: Level of Affection
The Doctor did not like patriarchal societies. As much as he liked telling Rose what to do to the point of bossiness, he definitely enjoyed the way she stood up to him, the way she put forth her own ideas that quite often saved the day like they had today, and the feistiness with which she normally did it. Seeing how subdued she’d been on this planet, the first “unsafe” place he’d taken her since she was nearly murdered by a psychotic despot three weeks ago, bothered him to no end. Normally she’d be chafing at seeing women put down like this and fomenting some kind of rebellion that would change things for the better for females all across the planet. Not this time.
Even though she’d offered up her idea, she’d done it without her usual spirit, practically whispering her plan to him, and he knew she had to be remembering what had happened the last time they’d been on a similar planet and she’d spoken up. It had taken him six hours, even with his advanced equipment, to repair her severed vocal cords. It had taken him six minutes to irrevocably destroy the man who had tried to permanently take Rose’s power of speech and leave behind a shining example of what happened to men who treated women like their thoughts didn’t matter simply because they were female. Or to men who hurt the woman that he...had vowed to keep safe.
The whole thing had rocked his companion to the core and she’d clung to him during this adventure, her usual boisterous personality all but gone in public. The only time she seemed even halfway herself lately was when they’d been safely on his ship. It’d been several days now since he’d seen that spark that made Rose so vibrant and it was starting to worry him. He feared it was just too soon, that she simply wasn’t ready to stand up to that kind of authority yet. He simply wouldn’t accept that she wouldn’t get that back. She was too strong to let this take her down on a permanent basis.
He comforted himself with the fact that they’d be leaving soon enough. Come morning they’d wipe their feet of this place and if he had any say in it, he’d never return in any future incarnation. He’d go now but Rose was clearly too exhausted for a five mile trek back to the TARDIS and Jack looked like he was on his last legs. The man hadn’t made an innuendo or sexual reference in nearly eight hours and his spirit, too, was sagging. Jack liked feisty women around him, not browbeaten ones and he didn’t care at all for the type of men who did the browbeating. Truth be told, the Doctor was tired himself. It’d been… well, it’d been three weeks since he’d grabbed any shut eye at all, and even that was by accident.
He’d been holding Rose to comfort her after the incident on Drifalia where she’d been imprisoned for a week and…well, he still wasn’t sure what had happened to her after having her vocal cords severed because she’d refused to talk about it other than to tell him she had not been raped when he’d asked. He could tell she’d been beaten by the guards and it had made him want to tear apart who’d ever done it.
He’d managed to mend the bruises that she’d let him see, fix the broken ribs and black eye and cut lip, the chafed skin around her wrists and ankles where the manacles had worn through the top layer, but she’d not let him do anything else for her other than that she’d requested hesitantly that he stay with her that night and he’d held her while she’d dozed fitfully, the warmth of her body seeping into him and allowing him to relax enough to drift off himself. It had been the first time he’d slept without nightmares waking him for as long as he’d been in this body.
He needed very little sleep but he had to admit he hadn’t been getting as much as he needed because of those nightmares. Holding Rose had been just the tonic. Keeping her nightmares at bay had done the same for his. He forced himself to try to ignore anything else that he remembered about that night; how her skin had felt so soft, how her hair had tickled his chest, how her pliant young body had molded to his, and how very much he had wanted to--.
“Sleeping accommodations?” Merick said with a bit of a leer at Rose. “Why yes, we can manage to put you up quite well for the night. Least we can do for you and your…companions. Will that be three rooms then?”
The Doctor flinched. He knew that if he left Rose in her own room for the night, she would have quite the unwelcome visitor before dawn. Unmarried of age women on this planet occupied a place not too far above chattel. Not that married women were elevated that much higher, but they tended to be safe and considered off limits to men like Merick if escorted by their husbands.
“No, two rooms will be enough. One for young Jack, and Rose and I will stay together.”
“I’m sorry, Doctor. It is known that in much of the explored galaxy it is common for the unwed to share accommodations, but the custom on our planet is that unmarried males and females cannot share a bed. It is, in fact, illegal.”
“That isn’t at issue,” the Doctor said quite calmly. “Rose and I are married.”
For her part, Rose managed to keep her head from snapping around or showing any other sign of her shock at his announcement. “I was unaware. She’s not banded.” He pointed to Rose’s bare wrist.
The Doctor thought quickly, unfolding Rose’s hand from where it was clenched tightly around his and grabbed her other hand as well. He murmured, “Open your hands,” and when she did he showed Merick her fingers. “On Rose’s planet of origin, a woman’s fingers are banded, not her wrists. The more rings, the more beloved the wife,” he lied smoothly. “The wife normally starts out with two. I wed Rose with three and I’ve added two for each year we’ve been married. She’ll soon not have enough fingers to show my true level of affection for her.”
He tried not to tense at Rose’s intake of breath at his words. He hoped desperately that she wouldn’t give away the ruse. His hand tightened warningly against hers and she settled.
“Very well, then,” Merick said with a short pause after taking in the four rings on Rose’s right hand and the three on her left, “this way.” He led them down the corridor and gave them two rooms, Jack’s just across the hall from theirs.
“See you in the morning,” Jack muttered wearily and they bid him good-night.
“If you need anything—,” began their host.
“We won’t.” The Doctor shut the door firmly in Merrick’s face.
Rose waited until she heard the footsteps of their host receding down the hallway before she shut the door and snicked the lock closed. She leaned against it hard, grateful to shut out the awful man and his so-called hospitality. The Doctor moved over beside her and sealed it shut with the sonic screwdriver for good measure then pulled her gently away from the door and led her over to the bed where he pushed down on her shoulders until she sat.
“What did you tell him we were husband and wife for?” Rose asked. There was no accusation in her voice, just uncertainty and curiosity. When he didn’t respond quickly enough for her liking he caught a look on her face he remembered well. There was just a trace of her old spirit bubbling to the surface. “Well?”
“To keep you safe,” he told her. That was not a break in his voice, he told himself firmly.
“Safe from what? Merick? You’ve taught me enough self-defense for me to handle the likes of him.”
“Last time we went to a planet like this and I didn’t know enough to claim you as my wife you ended up in prison!” he burst out.
“I haven’t forgotten,” Rose said bitterly.
“I know you haven’t,” he said in a different tone.
Rose looked down. “I’m fine, Doctor.”
“Well, I’m not!” He stopped himself at her startled expression. He gentled his voice. “They took you, Rose. And they hurt you. I can’t bear for that to happen again.” He tried to keep the anguish from his voice as he remembered how he’d found her. “I said you were my wife to protect you. Otherwise they’d have put us in separate rooms and I wasn’t having that. Not with that man lurking about. Not when it’s so clear he meant to have you whether you wanted it or not.”
“I…I hate it here,” she said.
“I know. We’ll go in the morning. Just as soon as you and Jack have rested enough.”
“ And what about Jack? Is he safe on his own?” Rose asked.
“Jack can take care of himself.”
“So can I,” she insisted.
Scared with her inability to realize how grave things might be for her if he left her on her own again he snapped, “Oh, really? That why you’ve been clinging to me like you’re scared of your own shadow?”
Rose stiffened, her entire body becoming rigid and unwelcoming. “I wasn’t aware my holding on to you was such a problem. I’ll be sure to keep my hands to myself in future.”
“Rose, that’s not what I meant. I just…” He hung his head. “I know that you can take care of yourself.” After the last time, neither one of them was entirely sure that was still true, but he felt that Rose needed to think he believed it. Still, this planet was not safe and he couldn’t quite allow her to think she could keep herself safe here.
“I can.”
“I know. Under normal circumstance you can. Just…not here. Please, just trust me on this one, okay? Let me take care of you. I need to. I couldn’t handle it if something else happened to you. Not after last time. Not after they hurt you. I don’t even want to imagine it happening again. Please, Rose. Just let me take care of you. Just this one time.” He kept his voice soft and undemanding, his posture as unthreatening and open as possible. “Can you do that for me?”
“Okay,” she yielded, her shoulders slumping. He stared at her intently for a long moment making sure she wasn’t just giving him lip service, but she just looked small and broken. He reached out to touch her hair but hastily yanked his hand back as she looked up and met his eyes. “It really hurt you, too, didn’t it?” she asked softly.
“More than you can know.” She stared at him for a long time. Finally he broke their gaze and looked away. “There’s food,” he said with a gesture to the table set with bread, cheese, and fruit. “If you’re hungry, you should eat.”
“Yeah,” she mumbled. “Join me?” Her voice was slightly plaintive, as if she thought he’d turn down her offer and he once again cursed the men who took her confidence from her. He nodded and sat down at the little table across from her. He wondered how long it was going to be before Rose was back to normal. He wondered how long it would be before he was. He knew that eventually it would happen, but in the meanwhile there was so much need that he didn’t know what to do with. And it wasn’t the fact the she needed him right now that was worrisome. It was just how much he needed her to be okay. Because if he couldn’t help her get better then he was going to lose her, she would leave him and go home, and then where would he be?
Ch. 2: http://amberfocus.livejournal.com/241908.html
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Date: 2009-05-01 06:55 am (UTC)