You Reap What You Sow (7&8 of 45)

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Chapter Seven:  Desire

Sometime in the middle of the night the Doctor woke with the familiar, yet unfamiliar sensation of Rose’s hand in his. He realized he’d fallen asleep on their bed. A slow smile spread over his face as he realized Rose had not only allowed him to stay, she’d crawled into the bed with him.

It wasn’t much, but to him it was monumental, following as it had on the tail of their kisses earlier that night. It was a definite sign of her trusting him. He slipped his hand away from hers and got up, moving to check on the baby. Dare’s little mind was restless, though not quite at the level of waking.

He slipped off his suit and his shirt, put on a pair of pajama bottoms and slid back into bed, this time under the covers. He sought Rose’s hand and smiled when she sighed in her sleep as he took it. He wanted badly to just pull her into his arms and snuggle her close to his body. For now the contact of her hand would have to be enough. He could wait. He was a Time Lord. He had all the time in the universe.


Rose sat up in bed as the first soft cries of Vandarian reached her. Her hand was warm and she realized it was still holding the Doctor’s. Some time during the night he had gotten up and changed, sliding under the covers with her.

Her stomach turned over in a pleasant yet somewhat scary way as she looked at him. Her dreams had been very erotic and her brain flashed on the way he had kissed her earlier and the way he had kissed her in her dreams. And how she had responded with fiery abandon. She wanted him. She wanted him badly. She was beyond caring if it were right or wrong. He was her husband and she wanted.

His torso was bare and it was all she could do not to slide her hands over his chest, run his chest hair through her fingers and--. Dare let out a slightly indignant cry and she hurried to his side, retrieving him from his crib, changing his nappy and settling back onto the bed with him. Fumbling with her nightgown she took down one side and put him in place.

It was only as he began to nurse that she realized the Doctor was awake and watching her. She swallowed a little nervously, knowing she was exposed to him, but making no move to cover herself up. He was her husband and if she couldn’t give him much of anything at the moment, she could give him this.

He turned away from her and she said, “No. It’s okay.”

“Rose?”

“It’s okay.”

He could feel the turmoil of her emotions as she allowed herself to be vulnerable in front of him. She was so beautiful, doing something so natural and as old as life. His hearts swelled with pride at his wife’s courage and her wonderful mothering abilities that had grown so quickly in the last few weeks.

When Dare was ready to be switched off, she put down the other side of her nightgown, not bothering to cover the first side back up. “Rose, you don’t have to do this.”  The Doctor gulped, swallowed hard, but did not move his gaze from her breasts.  His fingers twitched.

“I want to,” she said. “There’s no harm in you looking.”

They remained silent while the baby finished feeding and then the Doctor slid him out of his mother’s arms, his fingers brushing against her skin and causing an involuntary shudder in Rose.  He burped Dare and lay him back down in his crib. “He should sleep for the rest of the night.” He sighed. “I’ve got some repairs I should work on.”

“Doctor?” Her voice was strained and a little confused.  She hadn't yet redone the top of her nightgown and he was almost afraid to look at her now without the baby there between them.  He wanted her so much.

“Yes, love?”

“Don’t go.”

“Rose, I--.”

“Hold me.”

He broke. “Rose, I can’t. Being near you and not being able to touch you…it’s too hard. You don’t know. You don’t understand. I love you so much. You are the fire in my veins and the beat of my hearts. You are the breath in my lungs and the electricity that fires my nerves. You are everything and to not…to not touch you is driving me insane. I know it’s not fair to you. I know you don’t remember. I know. But I can’t stay here with you right now.”

“You can touch me,” she offered shyly, her want and his blatant need overriding her fears.

“Rose, you’re not ready,” he protested.

“I want you,” she said simply. “I know that we can’t, that it’s too soon to make love, but you have no idea, Doctor. You’ve made me fall in love with you in three short weeks. You’ve waited so patiently. I wish I had my memories. I wish I could remember everything we’ve been to each other and everything we’ve done. But all I can remember is the last three weeks. Three weeks of you showing me exactly how much I mean to you.”

“But Rose--.”

“I want you to touch me,” she said. “I can see how much you need it.  And I want to touch you, too. Please,” and she pulled the nightgown off over her head and held out a hand to him, “Come to bed.”

He made some kind of strangled whimpering sound and then he let his better judgment leave him as he slid beneath the sheets and took his willing wife into his arms. He kissed her, somewhere between tentative and raw, refusing to overwhelm her again. She kissed back, her warm body pressed close to his slightly cooler one.

He could feel her breasts pressed against the hard muscles of his chest and his hands reached down and lightly caressed them. He was careful not to manhandle her. A nursing mother’s breasts would be tender and he didn’t want this to give her any pain or reason to back away from his seeking fingers.

She moaned lightly into his mouth and her hips thrust against his, instantly firing his erection. He wanted her so badly, wanted to slide into her warmth. ‘Too soon, too soon,’ the words echoed in his head. Until they’d gotten the okay from Dr. Visily sex was out of the question. But as his wife’s body continued to rub against his in a particularly delightful and aggressive way, he was pretty sure that wasn’t going to be a problem.

His hands moved onto her naked back and he felt hers fumbling with his pajama bottoms, pushing them down and out of the way. His length lay against her, captured between their bodies in just the right place.  She locked her legs around him, met his gaze with her own, and she began to deliberately writhe against him. He was surprised at just how quickly it was before she shuddered against him. All thought that she had been doing this only for him fled his mind at the violence of her orgasm.  Then she resumed her movements and it did not take much longer for her to bring him off and his sticky warmth shot across her stomach. “Rose,” he gasped out. “Oh, Rose. My beautiful Rose.”

She smiled against his lips. "I needed that," she told him.  "We both did."  As his breathing returned to normal he turned to her. “I could use a shower,” he told her. “Care to join me?”

Rose smiled at the playful tone in his voice. “I think I’d like that.” And she did like it very much indeed.



Rose woke in the Doctor’s arms and it felt like the most natural place in the world for her to be. “Good morning, beautiful,” he whispered against her ear.

“Good morning,” she said, her voice still thick with remembered passion. She turned her head to his, offering her lips for a kiss. He leaned in and took advantage of the offer.

He pulled away a full minute later with a lusty sigh. “I really do have to go check on the flight plan,” he said. Rose pouted. “And the baby will be waking up any minute. Then we can have breakfast.”

“Fine, fine, real life intrudes,” said Rose. He gave her another long, slow kiss before leaving her breathless to go work in the console room. She picked up Dare. “All right, little darling. Time for brekkie.”

When she was done feeding him she tucked him into the cradle of her arm and headed towards the kitchen. Donna was already there whipping up pancakes, eggs, bacon, sausage, hash browns, and ham.

“Goodness, what brought all this on?” Rose asked.

“I figured you were celebrating,” Donna said.

“Celebrating?”

“The Doctor was whistling on his way to the console room this morning. He only whistles when the two of you have been…” She trailed off for a moment.

“Been what?”

“Going at it like a pair of randy teenagers. Work some things out, did you?” Donna asked.

Rose blushed. “We’ve come to an understanding.”

Donna snorted. “Nice euphemism." She plopped a full plate down on the table in front of Rose and then scooped Dare up into her arms. “I’ll hold him, you eat.”

“What about you?”

“I’ve already done.”

The Doctor wandered into the kitchen. “All’s well and we should be landing in Cardiff in about five hours to refuel. And then we’ll have a little talk with Captain Jack and see if he can’t help with your memories.”

“How can Jack help?” Donna wanted to know.

“I don’t know if he can, but surely he’s got some kind of alien tech in his storage vaults that might help.” The Doctor sat down with a plate of food. “Brilliant cooking as usual,” he commented after tasting it.

Donna smiled. “So what do you want to do to pass the time for the next five hours?” Rose asked.

“Oh, I don’t know. I suppose we could always play Monopoly.” Rose wondered why Donna was suddenly choking. She stood up and retrieved her son from the other woman.

“Sounds like fun,” said Rose. “Want to play, Donna?”

“Really, really don’t,” she said. “I’ve got plenty to keep me occupied. I’ll be in the garden.” She practically ran out of the room.

“What’s wrong with Donna?” Rose asked. “Why didn’t she want to play with us?”

The Doctor sighed. “Honestly, it was nothing. She walked in on us playing one little game of Strip Monopoly in the console room…”

Rose burst out laughing. “Now that’s a memory I definitely want back.”

“Well,” said the Doctor. “We could just make a new one instead.”

“We could just skip the board game altogether and just skip to the stripping,” Rose said.

“We could. But first we need to get Dare to go to sleep.”

“Sounds like a job for you, the rocking chair and another lullaby.”

“Ah,” said the Doctor, lifting Dare from his wife’s arms. “I have just the one.” Moments later he was settling into the rocking chair and singing.


O my luve is like a red, red rose
That's newly sprung in June;
My love is like the melodie
That's sweetly played in tune.
As fair art thou, my bonny lass,
So deep in luve am I;
And I will luve thee still, my dear,
Till a' the seas gang dry.
Till a' the seas gang dry, my dear,
And the rocks melt wi' the sun;
I will luve thee still, my dear,
While the sands o' life shall run.
And fare thee weel, my only love!
And fare thee weel, awhile!
And I will come again, my love
Though it were ten thousand mile.

As the last note died out, Rose smiled softly at her husband. “Do you pick these songs for Dare or because you want to sing them to me?”

“Ah, six of one, half dozen of the other,” he said grinning with her. “If it puts him out and romanticizes you at the same time, where’s the harm?”

“And what’s with all the traditional Scottish songs?” she wanted to know.

"Spent a year trapped in Scotland once. Learned a lot of them. Why? Don’t you like them?” he asked.

“I love them,” she said. “Did he fall asleep?” She nodded towards the baby.

“He did indeed, love of mine.” The Doctor rose and laid the baby down in his crib then turned around to find his wife standing close to him.

“So then, whatever shall we do?” she asked him.

He eyed the bed and then turned back to her. “Make out like a pair of randy teenagers?” he suggested with a silly grin.

“I think I can do you one better,” Rose said. She dropped the robe off her shoulders and in the process dropped the silly grin right off his face.

A/N:  A Red, Red Rose is a 1794 song in Scots by Robert Burns based on traditional sources. The song is also referred to by the title My Love is Like A Red, Red Rose or Red, Red Rose and is often published as a poem.


Chapter Eight:  It's Who You Know

The TARDIS materialized in front of the Millennium Center, her hum turning almost greedy as she sucked up massive amounts of energy from the Rift. The Doctor eyed the time rotor with a little concern and put one hand on the console seeking answers. “Is she all right?” Donna asked him. “That doesn’t sound normal.”

“We stayed too long, I think.”

“We’ve been there longer than that before,” Donna said.

“Not when she was already so low on her reserves. She’ll be all right, but we’ll have to be more careful in future when we go swanning off to the alternate universe,” he said.

Rose emerged from the corridor, a freshly bathed Dare in her arms. “He smiled, Doctor!” she said jubilantly.

The Doctor moved over to her side quickly. “What were you doing?” he asked.

“I just stroked my finger across his cheek and he smiled.” The Doctor reached out and repeated her movement and a broad grin broke out on his own face to echo the little one on Dare’s.

“Isn’t it a bit early for a smile?” Donna asked. “Are you sure it’s not just gas?”

“Telepathic, me,” said the Doctor. “He’s happy. He’s smiling. Besides, he’s not even fully half human. He’ll do things earlier.” And when Donna had turned away from him he did something very immature and stuck his tongue out at her back.

Rose stifled a giggle but she knew how the Doctor felt at Donna’s comment. It was definitely a smile. “Come on,” said the Doctor, taking Dare from her arms and then holding his hand out for hers, “Let’s go find Jack.”

They emerged from the TARDIS and made their way to the little travel agency that hid the entrance to Torchwood proper. The door was locked this late in the evening and Ianto wasn't present at the front desk, but the Doctor’s sonic screwdriver made short work of it. “Maybe we should come back in the morning?” Rose asked as the Doctor strode behind the counter and pressed a button.

“Oh, Jack’ll be here,” said the Doctor. A panel in the wall popped open like a door and the little group made its way forward. The interior was darkly lit and somewhat gloomy. As they made their way to the center, Donna peeled off.

“I’ll go find, Jack,” she said. “He’s probably in his room.”

“What’s that?” Rose said a few moments later, looking at a large creature that was perched on a rail above them, its head under one wing.

“That’s Jack’s pet pterodactyl. Myfawny, I think she’s called. She fell through the Rift.”

Arms suddenly encircled Rose from behind and lips pressed into her neck. She could see the Doctor beside her and felt a sudden spike of panic. Without putting any thought into it, her right arm came up in an elbow strike, she twisted and followed with an uppercut at the same time bringing her leg round in a sidekick and knocking her attacker across the room.

The man groaned. “Rose, if you don’t like the way I say hello you could have said something in the past.”

“I’ve always told you that you need a safer way to say hello to my wife,” the Doctor said, a light glimmer of annoyance under the amusement in his voice.

“She’s never complained before.”

“But I have.”

“Who the hell are you?” Rose demanded.

A head appeared over the railing above. “Jack’s not in his room. Shall I…oh,” Donna said. Rose hazarded an upward glance and saw a slight smirk appear on Donna’s face.

The man was staring at Rose dumb-founded as she edged closer to the Doctor. She stopped herself as words flashed through her mind. I am a warrior, not a victim. What? She shook her head and stood up straight. “I’m waiting,” she said imperiously.

“I’m Jack,” he said, hurt coming into his tone.

Rose’s glance swept over him then away dismissively. “I expected more.” Rose inwardly shook herself. Where was this hostility coming from? He was supposed to be an extension of her family, Dare’s bond father.

Jack scrambled to his feet, his eyes narrowed as he approached them. As Rose went into a defensive kicking stance, he slowed his steps. “Down, Rose,” the Doctor said mildly. “He’s a friend.”

“Doctor, what’s going on?” Jack demanded.

“Rose has lost some of her memories. She doesn’t know who you are.”

“Well, she obviously remembers who you are,” he said resentfully.

“I know who he is,” Rose corrected. “I don’t remember him. Not this him.”

Jack’s eyes trailed to her hand in the Doctor’s. “But you’re hanging all over him.”

“He’s my husband.”

“And let’s face it, Jack, I was always better at some things than you,” the Doctor said, his meaning quite clear.

Jack growled. “Let’s not forget who brought her back to you. I think I’m still better at some things.”

“I was on my way to get her myself. You got in the way,” the Doctor growled.

“And I helped you get her back when that maniac kidnapped her!”

“Yeah, and met your wife, so do you really think you should still be trying to make time with mine?!” the Doctor snapped.

“Will you two quit bristling like cats in a territory fight?” Donna said from behind them, having made her way down while they were facing off. “Rose, Jack’s harmless.”

“Hey!” Jack turned on her.

“To you,” she amended. “He’s harmless to you.”

Rose instantly relaxed her posture and gave a short nod to Donna. She trusted Donna completely on an instinctive level. “What are you doing here, anyway?” Jack said, letting his irritation drop away. “You need something?”

“As I said, Rose has lost her memories. The last four years of her life, to be exact. She remembers me, the old me, up to just before we picked you up. Figured you might have something in the vaults that could restore them,” the Doctor said.

Jack frowned at him and the Doctor knew instantly that Jack had thought of something. “What? What is it?”

“I can’t help you,” Jack said, keeping a tight hold on his facial expression.

“Do you have something or not?” The Doctor’s voice had darkened.

“I…it’s not safe, Doctor. You can’t control it,” he said.

“Let me be the judge of that.”

“Doctor, I’ve seen what it can do--.”

“Four years, Jack! Rose has lost four years. She needs those memories. Don’t you want her to remember you?” the Doctor asked.

“Now that’s just hitting below the belt,” Jack snapped back. “Of course, I want Rose to remember me. But I’m not going to risk her safety to do it. It’s not--.”

“Do I have a choice?” Rose asked softly. Both men looked at her like they’d forgotten that she was in the room. “Explain to me the risks, and then let me make my own choice.”

“Ever the voice of reason,” said Donna. “I’m with Rose on this. Tell her the dangers and then let her decide.”

“Fine. Come on.” Jack led them to a conference room and they settled around the table. The Doctor moved Dare into a more comfortable position on his shoulder and the baby quickly fell asleep now that voices were lowered.

“When we first found it, we called it the ghost machine. Because when you use it, it’s like looking at a ghost, lost between here and whatever else there is. But it wasn’t ghosts we were seeing. It was an echo of a moment of strong emotion spent in that place. When you were in it, you felt the pain or fear of whatever imprint had lingered in that place, whatever the original person was feeling at the time. You lived through it as if it were happening to you.” Jack swallowed convulsively.

“But there’s no way to control it or direct it. You’re in the memory until it let’s you go. And more often than not it was violent memories that it wanted to show. I don’t know if it would even work for joyous moments. Would you want to recover only the bad memories, Rose? Because I think that might be all you’d get with this device. And there have been some bad ones.”

“I don’t know.”

“That’s not all it does, either. It can also show echoes of future moments. Again, the only moments my team ever saw with it were ones of violence and pain. When we first got it, it was in two pieces, but after it was reassembled we weren’t able to get it apart again. I couldn’t even guarantee you it would give you your past. It might give your future. The bad parts of it. One thing travelling with the Doctor taught me is it’s just better not to know some things.”

“Can I see it?” the Doctor asked.

“What?”

“The device. Can I see it? I might be able to identify what it is. Rose needs to make an informed choice, Jack. You might not be able to control it, but I might. I might be able to reprogram it.”

Jack stared at him for a long moment and then nodded curtly. “I’ll get it. But I’m gonna go on record and say I don’t like this.”

“Noted,” said the Doctor, and Jack rose and left the room. It was twenty minutes before he returned.

“Sorry,” muttered Jack. “The vaults are getting quite full.” He set the device down in front of the Doctor.

The Doctor picked it up, examining the black object with all its little flashing lights and the two large buttons opposite each other. His hands moved on the underside of it in a complicated pattern and it separated into two pieces. He scanned it with his sonic screwdriver. “You should not have this,” the Doctor said in an almost absent voice.

“Do you know what it is, Doctor?” Jack asked.

“Oh, yes. It’s an etherical engram reader. Dorfinian in origin, from the human year 100,900. You had it right, Jack, what it can do.”

“Can it help me?” Rose asked.

The Doctor didn’t answer her for a long time. He looked down at the two pieces in front of him. “It could do, Rose,” he finally said. “But it could hurt you in the process. The Dorfinian’s feed off the fear engendered by the users of their devices. It’s stored in here.” His hands lightly covered the objects.

“When the battery is fully charged with fear it emits a signal and someone will come to retrieve it. Problem is, when they empty the batteries into themselves, the last person it drew energy from can be backtraced. If they had a strong enough reaction, they may try to do a direct power drain from the source of the fear. It usually kills the victim.”

He sighed. “The battery is almost full. The next person to use it will most likely top it off. We can’t risk it, Rose.”

“What if--.” Jack broke off.

“What if what?” Rose said, her eyes rising to meet his.

“What if I used it? What if I charged it up? Would they come for me?”

“They’d kill you,” Rose said.

“Wouldn’t matter,” said Jack. “I’d just come back.”

“What?”

“He’s immortal,” said the Doctor. “Can’t be killed. At least, not permanently.”

“If the device is drained, Rose could start over with an empty one. She could get back some of her memories safely. The only question is will they leave the device once it’s drained?”

“I think so,” said the Doctor. “The Dorfinians need to feed quite often. If they’ve found a good feeding ground, they’ll leave their trap in place.”

“It’s a plan, then,” Jack said. “I’ll take it to the field where I faced Abaddon. The fear memory should be impossibly strong there. Not to mention the pain one.”

“Jack, you can’t…you can’t just die for me.” Rose was feeling really guilty for her earlier treatment of the man across the table from her.

“Of course I can, Rose. Wouldn’t be the first time a man has died for you and come back.” He cracked a cocky grin in her direction. “I’ve told you before and I’ll tell you again, since you can’t remember. You’re worth fighting for.”

“And dying for?” she demanded.

He nodded. “Even if it meant it was permanent.” 

Ch. 9&10:  http://amberfocus.livejournal.com/81305.html