Wolf Moon: Chapter Eighteen

[amberfocus]

Talking and Wanting

 

“Doctor, are you in my head?”  She demanded suddenly pulling away from him and rolling towards the wall until she was out of his reach.  He whimpered and put his arms out for her.  “No!” she said sharply.  “I don’t like people going into my head without asking.”

 

“I didn’t,” he said.  “I wouldn’t.”

 

“You did something,” she insisted sitting up and crossing her arms over her chest.  “Or you wouldn’t have heard what I was thinking.”

 

“It might not have been me, you know.  You could have been broadcasting your emotions,” he said, wondering how long she was going to stay mad at him and when she was going to let him touch her again.  His body was starting to itch again and he didn’t like it.  Worse, he didn’t like the emotional distance that was suddenly between them.

 

“I’m not telepathic!” she protested and when he opened his mouth again she added, “I’m not empathic, either, before you ask.”

 

The Doctor narrowed his eyes.  “And how did you know I was going to ask that next, then?”

 

“I didn’t.  I was guessing.”

 

“Look, I didn’t go into your mind without asking.  I just heard one sentence spoken as plain as day.  It wasn’t even like thought speech, okay?  It was like a regular conversation.  All appropriate sentence structure in place and everything.  My telepathy works more in images and concepts not direct thought transference.  I should be able to put an idea in your head if I try, or view your memories, but actually speaking to you?  That’s reserved for…”  He trailed off and stared at her in wonder.

 

“What?” she asked.  The look on her face was starting to make him think she was softening about closing the distance between them again.

 

He rolled onto his back and watched the ceiling as if it were the most fascinating thing he’d ever seen.  “There’s an extremely intimate level of telepathy that is achieved…that was achieved by my people.  It was very rare and it took place only on the highest level of emotional bonding.  My race didn’t allow it often because it tapped into something extremely primitive for us and only happened through extreme intimacy, something so rare in the last several millennia.”

 

“But I’m human and we haven’t been intimate,” Rose said.

 

“Not sexually, no, but with all the pheromonal changes and the rewiring of your DNA, perhaps your mind is seeking that bond earlier in the process.  Romana’s plan entailed full bonding between the Bad Wolf and the Oncoming Storm, something that could not be broken easily, for the survival of the species.  I think the bond link is trying to assert itself prematurely,” he explained.

 

Rose let out a disparaging noise.  “Why would it?  We’re not even--.”

 

“I don’t understand you,” he told her turning his head to catch her eyes.  “You as good as offered me a blow job and then you fall to pieces at the idea of emotional intimacy?”

 

Rose glared at him, blushing ferociously.  “Hand job,” she said darkly.  “Assume much?”

 

“Maybe a little,” he said with the slow, lazy grin that he was beginning to recognize as the one that drove her a little bit crazy.  “But my point is still valid.”

 

“Physical stuff is not the same as emotional stuff,” Rose said.  “I mean I wouldn’t do physical stuff with just anyone, but my mind is…”  She huffed impatiently at her inability to say things the right way.  “I knew the other Doctor for a long time and I never let him into my mind.  I’ve known you for half a week and we’ve already…we’ve done…so much.”

 

“Rose, is this even about telepathy or are you feeling like you’re betraying him by being here with me and getting close enough for me to hear what you thought when you and he...?” he suddenly asked.  His hands clenched at the sudden jealousy at that thought.  Jealous of himself?  Stupid.

 

Rose gave him a scornful glance.  “I was never like that with him.”

 

“But you wanted to be.”

 

“I’m not betraying him.  He wasn’t my boyfriend.  I mean, I thought we…I thought we might have got there one day, but…I’m not betraying him.  If I’m betraying anyone, it’s Davin,” she told him.

 

The Doctor frowned.  “What?  What are you talking about?”

 

“Never mind, it’s not important.”

 

“Well, it must be or you wouldn’t have brought it up,” snapped the Doctor as a second wave of jealousy washed through him.  “Who is this Davin?”

 

“Davin’s not important.  He was just some man I’ve been dating for a while.  But I walked away from all of that,” she told him.

 

“You have a boyfriend?”  His arms crossed over his chest.

 

“I walked away from all of that,” she repeated.  “And he wasn’t…we were just casual.”

 

“How casual?  Were you sleeping with him?” asked the Doctor.

 

“What?”

 

“You heard me.”

 

“How is that any of your business?  And are you jealous?  Of something that happened before I met you?” Rose asked.

 

“Yes,” he told her.

 

“What?”

 

“Yes.  I’m jealous.  I’m jealous of anyone who had you before me.  Jealous of the idea of anyone having you that isn’t me,” he told her.

 

“I’m twenty-nine, Doctor.  I’m not a blushing virgin,” Rose told him.

 

“Didn’t think you were,” he told her.

 

“Look, Davin and I, we’ve been dating off and on for the last five years.  And we probably would have gotten married in a few more years if you hadn’t shown up.  But that’s over.  It’s been over since the minute I opened the door to my flat and saw you standing there,” she admitted.

 

“But you loved him enough to think of marrying him?” the Doctor was not pleased.

 

“No,” Rose said.  “We were good friends and I was comfortable enough with him that if no big love was ever going to walk into my life again he’d be a satisfactory person to spend my life with and raise some children with.  I want kids, Doctor, some day.  And if they couldn’t be my other Doctor’s then Davin would do.  That’s all.”

 

“You’d have married a man you didn’t love?”

 

Rose sighed.  “I didn’t say I don’t love, Davin.  I’m just not in love with him.  He was okay with it.  And it hardly matters.  Any children I’ll be having now are going to be yours.  No man but you is ever going to touch me again.  So you can stop being jealous now.”

 

The Doctor expelled a large rush of air.  “Oh.”

 

“You act like you don’t know where this is all going to end up.”

 

“Well, but choices, remember?  You said you were upset with me and Romana for taking away your choices,” he told her.  “You sure that’s what you want?  My children?”

 

“Found some things out since then, haven’t I?  Bad Wolf set up the quest, set up the loophole to get around what you and Romana did.  But she never reordered time and space to stop it from happening, did she?  She only offered other ways of getting there.  If I hadn’t agreed on some level that I wanted to end up with any you, Bad Wolf would have disallowed it.  But she didn’t,” Rose said.

 

“I suppose so,” he agreed.  Then because he couldn’t help himself he returned to the previous subject.  “But were you and he sleeping together?”

 

“Doctor, I…”  She sighed.  “Why is this so important for you to know?”  He couldn’t answer her.  “Yes,” she said softly.  “We were dating five years, Doctor.  But it’s over.  The only man I will ever be with from now on is you.”

 

“How can you say that with such certainty?” he asked unable to keep the vulnerability out of his voice.

 

“Because I am certain,” she said.  “I walked away from my life for you.  Not the other Doctor.  You.  Before I even knew you or anything about any of this, my gut and my heart said go with you.  I’m scared about how fast everything is going and how out of control my hormones are when I’m around you, but…I know it.  I feel it.  It’s right between us.  And I won’t trade it away for anything.”

 

“Even if he comes back?”

 

“He’s not coming back, Doctor,” Rose told him.  “He can’t.  Not ever.  If he could have, he would have done a long time ago.”

 

“Not what I asked.”

 

Rose pushed away from the wall and edged back into his arms.  She was quiet as he wrapped them around her.  Her face pressed into his chest again and slowly she nodded her head.  “Yeah.  Even if he came back.”

 

“You would?”

 

She nodded.  “I’m not saying it wouldn’t be hard.  ‘Cause I loved him, with every piece of me.  Loved him more than I ever should have, probably.  And I think he loved me, too.  But not like…  Not in any way that ever held this type of a future.  And if I can have that type of future with you…then yeah, I’d choose you.”

 

“And if you could have that type of a future with him?” the Doctor couldn’t stop himself from asking.  He raised a hand to stroke her hair and his fingertips grazed her temple though he wasn’t meaning anything by it.

 

Rose still tensed.  “You’re not going to try to get inside my mind again, are you?”

 

“I wasn’t in it to begin with.”

 

“Look, these questions hurt.  I loved him but I’m with you.  I plan to stay with you.  Can we not talk about my other Doctor anymore?” she asked softly.

 

“All right,” he said and the tension left Rose’s body.

 

‘How would I tell you, anyway,’ Rose continued softly, ‘that I’m already falling in love with you?  That you don’t have to worry because you’ve already become a part of me and that’s never going to change?  And how can I be feeling this way?  It hasn’t been long enough and this isn’t just tweaked hormones, I know it’s not.  It’s you, Doctor.  I want you. This you with your open heart and your honesty and that look I keep seeing in your eyes.  But I don’t want to scare you so don’t make me tell you yet.  I don’t want to ruin what we’re building.  Oh, a girl could go mad thinking this way.’

 

Realizing she was thinking loudly at him again he slowly raised his shield.  He wasn’t going to tell her this time that he’d heard her.  But nothing could make him drop the smile that had come onto his face.  Because too soon or not he was falling in love with this woman himself.  He pressed a kiss into her hair and she sighed contentedly.

 

“Rose?”

 

“Yeah?”

 

“Are you under control now?” he asked.

 

“Yeah.”

 

“Can I kiss you?” he wanted to know.

 

“You’re asking first?”  She sounded amused.

 

He shrugged against her.  “Thought I should.  Don’t want to get you wound up if you’re still hot and bothered.”

 

“And you think kissing me won’t wind me back up?” she laughed.

 

“Really no thinking involved here, Rose,” he answered.  “Just felt like kissing you good-night.”

 

“You’re leaving then?”  She sounded disappointed.

 

“No,” he said.  “I’ll lie with you all night, if that’s okay.  Don’t need the sleep, me, but I…”  He stopped and with a little less confidence he resumed a moment later.  “Is it too presumptuous?  This soon?  Wanting to be in the same bed with you every night and not be apart that long?  Wanting to hold you and keep you close and just be together?  Even if it stays innocent.”

 

“You want to sleep with me?  I mean, stay with me while I sleep?” she asked and he could hear that she was startled.

 

“I do, yeah.  If you don’t mind.”

 

“I don’t mind.”  She paused and he could feel her smile against his chest.  “And I don’t mind you kissing me good-night, either.  Or good morning.  Or hello.  Or welcome to the kitchen.  Or the console room.  Or the--.”

 

He stopped her light-hearted banter by sliding a little lower in the bed and bringing his lips to hers.  The kiss they shared was gentle and thorough and explored every crevice of her mouth.  His tongue ran slowly across her teeth, learning the little dips and the sharp tips, then moving upwards to softly caress at her gums before delving deeper and brushing upwards to the roof of her mouth.  Finally moving to her tongue he stroked slowly against it before pulling it into his mouth and sucking hard.

 

When he released the pressure he felt her tongue begin to creep about his own mouth, searching out the hidden recesses and figuring out what made him whimper and what made him moan.  She delighted in doing both to him and he could feel that despite the fact that his shields were raised against what was now clearly her mentally broadcasting to him.  Passionately and thoroughly, Rose made love to his mouth and he could sense from her that she was imagining what it would be like to do the same to his body.  Words battered their way through his shield.  ‘Want.  Need.  Now.’

 

With a slight growl he took control back of the kiss and flipped her over onto her back, his mouth plundering hers, his tongue sliding faster against hers.  Somehow her legs had come open and he was resting between them and he felt her hips jerk upwards.  ‘Too soon, but…now.  No, we can’t…I want you…I want.  Now.  I should stop you.  Don’t want to stop you.’

 

He broke the kiss, breathing hard, both of his hearts racing in his chest.  He felt her lips fasten against his shoulder, felt her teeth scraping against him.  He told himself to move off of her, that neither one of them was ready for this, that they couldn’t just give in and let it happen yet.  It was too soon and control was not firmly enough in place.  The thought of hurting her, of not controlling his passion if they did this now, was the only thing that could calm him.

 

‘Stop,’ thought Rose.  'Yes.  Stop now.  Please.  But…want.  Want you.  Need you.  I…can’t think anymore.  What’s right, what’s wrong, want you.’

 

Rose bucked and the Doctor rolled off of her.  She whimpered at the loss of him but the chaos in her mind began to calm.  “If that was how you kiss good-night,” she told him in a passion drenched voice, “then I’m really looking forward to how you kiss good-morning.”

 

“I kissed you good-morning this morning.  Or did you forget?”

 

“That was me kissing you,” she said dryly.  “Quite a big difference.”

 

The Doctor laughed low in his throat and pulled Rose tightly up against his body.  “Still, I think maybe any more good-morning kisses should be saved until after I develop a stronger serum.”

 

“You’re probably right,” said Rose.  "You know, I’m not really ready to go to bed.  I’d like to eat something.”  The Doctor’s breath hitched.  “That came out sounding far dirtier than I meant it.  I’m hungry, Doctor.  For food.”  Humor filled her voice.

 

“Kitchen, then?”

 

“Yes.  Kitchen.  Food.  Then bed.”  Her eyes were lowered as she said the last word.

 

The walk from Rose’s bedroom to the kitchen had never seemed so far.

Ch. 19:  http://amberfocus.livejournal.com/12692.html

Comments

[amberfocus.livejournal.com]

Ah, the whole TARDIS/TARDII question. Quite tongue in cheek I like Time and Relative Dimensions in Infinitum as a definition of plural TARDIS. But I've always gone with TARDIS as a plural itself, like deer or sheep. Yes, my mind has wasted time on this all important issue. *giggles*

No, Rose didn't take the serum. The Doctor made it for himself, it's a blood serum from Rose's blood, so the TARDIS can't prevent him from getting the ingredients.

They aren't going to hit the sheets until some time after the first task is completed for the very reasons you list, just some more teasing between then and now.

Of course, he's jealous of himself. He wouldn't be the Doctor if he wasn't! He thinks he's being stupid but he's just being the Doctor. *laughs*

Well, I haven't read any HP fanfic, but I've seen the vids on youtube and yeah, I'd have to agree with the whole idea of what you say. Especially the Draco/Hermione ship.

For good DW canon stuff I'd go to Outpost Gallifrey at http://www.gallifreyone.com/guides-canon.php or for a less comprehensive guide look at Wiki, they're decent enough.

[amishamj.livejournal.com]

may i first mention that dispite this being the 7th or 8th time i'm rereading this, I still love it ever so much. and by this i mean the entire fanfic of Wolf Moon.
On the issue or plural Tardis, I always thought since the name TARDIS is an acronym made up by Susan, that it might just be TARDIS for plural, since the acronym is in english, and not gallifreyan. Time and Relative Dimentions in Space might just be the english translation for the long impossible Gallifreyan name, since i doubt the stuffy old timelords would lower themselves to using english in the names of their stuff, let alone a TARDIS. But I do really love the TARDII idea, more than my own theory.

[amberfocus.livejournal.com]

*laughs* I was always under the impression that the stuffy old Time Lords didn't really call their ships anything other than "my ship." TARDII is just plain fun, though. I'm glad you've enjoyed the story so much as to read it that many times!