amberfocus | Wolf Moon: Chapter Thirty-Six

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Sorting Things Out

The way his voice went up at the end as he said the word wife made it sound like a question. “Wife?" Rose repeated. His voice wasn’t the only one to rise. Rose’s had skipped a full octave.

“Well, that is…if we were on Gallifrey…we’d be considered…don’t you want to be?” he asked sounding just a little bit hurt.

“Want to be what?” she asked.

“Married. To me.”

“Oh,” she said trying to keep the exasperation out of her voice. “Just like that? No ceremony? No pledging a life to each other? No, I don’t know, asking me, maybe?”

“We shared minds.”

“Well, yeah, but--.”

“Difference of cultures,” he said. “Besides, we’ve talked about spending our lives together, having children, the whole future of my race…” Her eyes narrowed. “Our race,” he hastily corrected himself. “You know, epic love story across time and space and universes and realities. I kind of thought it was a given.”

“But you haven’t even asked!” Rose protested sharply. “You’re planning out my life again and you haven’t even asked. What if…it’s not even been three weeks, Doctor.”

“But we…I mean we…”

“Yeah, mated. I get it. I was there, remember? I certainly have the scars to prove it!” she snapped. Her eyes closed and her hand flew to cover her mouth. “I didn’t mean--.”

“I think you did mean,” he said his face closing off.

“No, I didn’t,” she said hastening to explain herself. “I didn’t. I’m just…I got hurt. I got really hurt and maybe I’ve been glossing over it because I do love you. I’m still wanting you, still wanting to be with you, but part of me is scared…that’s why I’ve been pushing so hard for tender lovemaking, something to replace the savagery of the first time. It’s coming back to me at night, in flashes and it does frighten me, Doctor. I didn’t want you to know.” Her head hung down.

“Why have you been keeping it from me?” he asked slowly.

“Because you couldn’t help what you did. I know that. In my head and in my heart I know that. And during it, well, during it I was on such an adrenaline and endorphin and pheromone high that I didn’t…it didn’t hurt like it should have done. Not until after, not until I tried to get up and move and was completely in my body again. But no matter how hard I try to push it back, I still remember what was done and even though I tell myself that it won’t happen like that again, a little piece of me is afraid it will. I need to know it won’t through actions, not words.”

The Doctor’s face fell. “I shouldn’t have assumed. I’m always doing that with you, aren’t I?” he asked softly. “Shouldn’t assume it was as easy as you said it was to get over.”

“Doctor--.”

“No, Rose. We’re not brushing this aside to make things more comfortable for ourselves. We’ll deal with it. As for whether or not you’re my wife… If you don’t feel like you are we can…have a ceremony. I mean, if you wanted one. A…wedding.”

“Are you asking me to marry you?” she wondered. Her eyes widened as his expression changed, softened, his eyes fastening on hers with extreme vulnerability.

“Yeah. I am. I mean, I already feel like we are, but then, it seems like maybe you don’t? So…do you want to?”

“It’s not necessary,” she said.

“Didn’t ask if it was. I asked if you wanted to,” he said.

Rose looked at him in confusion. “Do you want to? Not just for me but for you?”

“Wouldn’t be asking if I didn’t,” he said. “I think it could be pretty important to us. So, do you want to have a legal Earth wedding to me or not, Rose?” he asked.

“Yeah.”

“Okay, then. After we take the egg back to Ambigere, we’ll go back to Earth and get married. I’ll just need a few minutes on the internet to create a legal identify for myself and then we can do it as soon as we get there.”

“Now?” asked Rose. “You don’t want to live with the decision for a while. Maybe be engaged for a time?”

“No,” he said. “I want to be married to you, right now. But,” he hesitated a moment before continuing, “If you need more time, I understand. I can be your fiancé instead of your husband until you’re ready to be my wife.”

Rose bit her lip. She didn’t want to hurt his feelings by saying she wanted to wait a little longer, but she wasn’t as ready as he was to rush into this. In her heart she knew without a doubt she wanted to spend the rest of her life with this man, have children with him, and share her future. Still, an engagement would show him she was committed to making this work without jumping straight into a marriage.

“I think I’d like to be engaged,” she said to him. “We still have so much to learn about each other.” At his look of disappointment she added, “I’m fully committed to this, to making us work, to living the rest of my life out with you. Don’t doubt that. It’s like you said, though. Cultural differences.”

“Okay,” he said. “Okay.” He smiled at her. “I can live with engaged.” He picked her up off the examining table and started off down the hall with her.

“Doctor, what are you doing?” she asked. “I can walk.”

“I know you can, but this can’t wait and I’m not doing it in the medical bay.” He carried her down the corridor, stopping in front of the door of the Gallifrey room. He nudged it open with his foot and set her down on the scarlet grass inside, leading her over to a boulder. She sat down on it when he pressed her shoulders lightly then looked up above him into the branches of one of the beautiful silver trees with its crystal leaves.

He grabbed hold of one of the branches and pulled himself up into the tree until he was sitting sturdily above her. He grinned down at her happily. “Doctor?”

“Yes, Rose?” he asked his eyes bright and shining.

“What the hell are you doing up in a tree?” she demanded.

“I’m—oh, oops,” he said. He dropped back down to the ground. “Sorry, I forgot again. Cultural differences. I think you do it more like this on your planet.” He dropped down onto his knees in front of her and took one hand in his.

“I’ve been carrying this around since we mated, Rose and now I want to give it to you.” He pulled his other hand out of his leather jacket and held out an elaborate silver bracelet engraved with the seal of Rassilon in deep red. She gasped at its beauty. “Will you marry me, Rose Tyler?” He gave her a slow, sensual smile.

She nodded dumbly at him as he snapped the bracelet over her wrist. “It was used amongst my people as a sign of commitment over two millennia ago. It’s used as a betrothal bracelet or a marriage band. In our case, it’ll be for an engagement.” He met her eyes and she smiled.

“I can get you a ring, too, if you want one, when we go back to Earth,” he added shyly. His hand dipped into his pocket again and he pulled out a larger metal band. “This one’s mine.” He handed it to her. She looked up at him in confusion. “I can’t put it on myself. You have to put it on me to symbolize your commitment,” he instructed and held out his wrist to her.

She blushed and smiled and then slipped it onto his wrist, slapping the wider band into place. She held onto his hand. He leaned forward and she met his lips with hers, sealing their engagement with a gentle, loving kiss. It was the first time they’d kissed since they’d mated and Rose felt her heart beating frantically against her chest. The Doctor did not deepen the kiss, perhaps realizing that Rose was still a little unsettled by things between them.

“I’m not going to hurt you again,” he said when he pulled away. He brushed a loose lock of her light brown hair back from her face and then stroked her cheek softly. “Never again. It kills me that I did and I swear that you will never have any reason to be afraid of me again.” Rose felt her thumping heart begin to calm. She was starting to believe him.

She leaned in and gave him another kiss before smiling against his lips. A moment later she was giggling. “What’s so funny?” he asked as he pulled back from her light kiss.

“Your men proposed by climbing up trees? And what? Hollering the proposal down at the woman?” she asked.

“What’s wrong with that?” he wanted to know.

“I don’t know. Seems more specific to apes than the noble Time Lord race, hanging out in trees does,” she said.

“Nothing wrong with proposing from a tree. And what’s so romantic about kneeling in the dirt anyway, Rose?” he asked.

“Well, when you did it, I’d say it’s because it put us on eye level. And looking into your eyes is one of the most romantic things I could ever do,” she answered simply. “It also showed your level of sincerity quite clearly.”

“You doubted my level of sincerity?” he asked sounding a bit offended.

“No, not yours. Never yours, Doctor,” she said hastily. “Just, eyes don’t lie. And your eyes in particular, I can believe what they say to me. That’s all.”

She reached out her hand and ran it through his hair. Already his hair was longer than she’d ever seen it on the other version of him. As her fingers stroked through it she decided she liked the change. The Doctor was leaning into her hand, like a cat being pet and if the look on his face was any indication he was about to start purring.

“One day I will be your wife,” she promised him.

“Until then, I’ll just have to settle for you being my life,” he told her. And for that particular statement he was rewarded with her flinging her arms around him and pulling him into an enthusiastic hug that overbalanced him and had them tumbling backwards onto the ground, his body shielding hers from the fall.

She rolled slightly to one side and they lay together in the scarlet grass, his arms around her protectively. The TARDIS changed the ceiling above them into a fiery sunset that soon faded into twilight and then into a brilliant star-filled expanse of sky. Rose felt her hesitation and fears finally begin to ease away.

She tucked her hand up under the fabric of his t-shirt and splayed her fingers across the smooth expanse of his abdomen. She felt his sharp intake of air as her hand wandered up to his pectoral muscles, stroking slowly across them. “Rose,” he began softly. “We can’t yet.”

“We can’t touch?” she asked him.

“I thought you were scared?” he questioned.

“I…I don’t know. But this feels all right,” she said running her hand over his chest again. He loosened his grip on her and rolled onto his side to look at her. His eyes dropped to the front of her nightgown but he made no move to touch her. She took her hand out from under his shirt and lifted one of his up to her lips where she kissed his fingertips one by one.

“There’s only one way to find out how it’s going to be when you touch me again, Doctor,” she whispered. “So let’s find out.” She brought his hand down and placed it lightly against her breasts. His fingers gravitated to the right one and he gently cupped her, and when she didn’t push him away began stroking softly through the silk.

She slipped her hand back under his t-shirt again and found one of his nipples, brushing it lightly with the tip of her index finger, making little circles around the areola and then outwards to caress the entire muscle before circling inwards again. The Doctor gave a quiet moan and then his mouth was on hers as his fingers squeezed her flesh gently.

Her mouth opened against his with only the briefest hesitation and he kept the kiss extraordinarily gentle. No fierce demanding tongue, only soft little strokes against hers. He played at her teeth, running the tip of his tongue along them and then up across her gums before pulling back to suck at her top lip. He took his time and eventually allowed her to take over the kiss so she had her own share of exploring his mouth and lips.

His hand strayed from her breast down to the curve of her hip and lightly caressed her bum. She felt him shift his weight until his body came into contact with hers and she was pressed backwards into the grass. She could feel his arousal where it pressed into her thigh but the Doctor kept it light and slow and didn’t push past kissing and caressing. He made no move to rest his body more fully above her, content with having only one thigh over her own.

It was slow and easy and he never once tried to push for more than what they were giving to each other in the moment. Rose felt the last of her fear begin to dissipate. She didn’t know what her nightmares might bring that night but for the moment, she truly believed that the Doctor would never hurt her again.

Ch. 37: http://amberfocus.livejournal.com/21628.html

Current Mood: tired
Current Location: home
Current Music: Daughtry

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

From:

dragonmom64.livejournal.com

I'm first? Really?
Well...this was just so lovely, and beautiful, and touching...on so many levels. They both needed this, but especially Rose. Love the bracelet concept, and the idea of proposing from a tree, and...*big, happy sigh*

From:

Not Rose-Colored Glasses

Wolf Moon: Chapter Thirty-Six

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