That Which One Cannot Be Without (5/9)
May. 6th, 2009 07:51 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
amberfocusTitle: That Which One Cannot Be Without (5/9)
Author: Amberfocus
Characters/Pairings: Nine/Rose, Jack
Genre: Romance, angst, hurt/comfort, fluff (eventually), smut (eventually)
Betas: Amyo67, JeopardyFriendly
Rating: Adult
Warnings: In this story Rose will be having flashbacks to a violent incident where she was beaten by a prison guard and hurt by another man. This is not rape fic and will not touch on that issue at all. I will keep the explicitness to a minimum, but I know this sort of thing can trigger memories in the victims of violence so wanted to post fair warning.
Summary: Rose has lost her equilibrium after a terrible experience and being back on a similar planet is not helping. The Doctor isn't quite sure what to do to rebuild her spirit, but he has to try because losing her is not an option. Neither is letting her go home.
Author's Notes: This fic was written for Wiggiemomsi who won me and 15,000 words in the Support Stacie Auction.
Ch. 1: http://amberfocus.livejournal.com/240768.h
Ch. 3: http://amberfocus.livejournal.com/242739.h
Chapter Five: Inarguable Evidence
“Oh, I know you are. Want me to pass her a note during class? Dear Rose Tyler, do you like me? Check yes or no. Love, the Doctor.”
The smirk on Jack’s face really needed to be wiped off it. And if he didn’t feel incredibly wrong-footed enough as it was he was sure he could have come up with a scathing retort that would have made Jack cower in a corner somewhere for hours.
“I was being serious, too. Well, before the note passing thing. Rose is in love with you. I’ve got serious evidence to back up my theory,” he said.
“Let’s hear it then,” the Doctor said, reserving judgment for the moment.
“Well, she broke up with Mickey to stay with you. Despite what happened to her on Drifalia she’s not asked to go home. And she’s turned down every offer I’ve made her to join me in my bed. That alone shows me she’s pretty serious about someone, Doc. What other man does she spend so much time around but you?” Jack asked.
“That’s not a reasonable conclusion to draw. Just because she doesn’t want to shag you—.”
Jack held up both hands. “Hey, she never said she didn’t want to shag me. She said she wasn’t going to. Not quite the same thing, there.”
The Doctor snorted at Jack’s wounded pride. “She told me she doesn’t want you like that, Jack.”
“And just what were you talking about me for?” he asked. "Other than the fact that I am a fascinating topic for conversation, I mean."
“I sort of accused her of maybe wanting to be in your bed.”
“Oh, Doc, you didn’t,” Jack groaned.
“She got really angry about that, told me it was the last place she wanted to be.”
“The last place?” Jack said looking insulted.
“Well, words to that effect.” At Jack’s glare he admitted, “Okay, okay, she just said she loved you but not like that,” the Doctor admitted grudgingly. “The point is, though, that she’s not going to fall prey to your charms, Harkness.”
“I could’ve told you that the first night I came on board. She likes me, even likes to flirt with me, but it’s always been clear to me that her heart lies with you. Why do you think I’ve never seriously tried to seduce her?” he asked.
“Because you couldn’t make up your mind which one of us you wanted more so were hoping to get us together first and then take us both to bed?” the Doctor asked shrewdly.
“Is that an option? Because if that’s an option, Doc—.”
“No!”
Jack grinned at the vehemence in the Doctor’s response. “Afraid of the competition, Doctor? Two of us, one Rose…I know you don’t like to share but think of the possibilities.”
“That’s enough,” the Doctor said firmly. “I’m not sharing Rose with anyone. Not that way.”
“What about watching? That’s not quite the same as sharing,” Jack said.
“Hope really does spring eternal in you, doesn’t it? No one is watching Rose and me and I think that’s putting the cart before the horse. Rose isn’t ready for any kind of romantic relationship with me. She’s been through a trauma and she needs time to recover.”
“Well, you know what they say about sexual healing,” said Jack.
“I know it’s a bad song from the 1980’s,” the Doctor retorted. “You think that sex fixes everything Jack. I don’t think that’s going to be the case here. Rose made a big step tonight, but I really don’t think making romantic advances towards her now is the right thing to do. I offered to take her home to Jackie so she could feel safe, but she didn’t like that idea.”
“Maybe she thought you were trying to get rid of her,” Jack said.
“Why would I do that?” the Doctor asked in obvious confusion. “I want her with me. She’s just so lost right now.”
“I think Rose thinks she’s superfluous. You’ve got me now and I can help with the ship and I tend to be able to not need as much looking after.”
“I like looking after Rose,” the Doctor said. “And you could never replace her.”
“Does she know that?” Jack asked.
“I don’t know. I’ve never told her how much I like having her on board.”
“I wouldn’t wait too long. Knowing the way Rose’s mind works she’ll end up thinking you don’t want her. Especially now when things are so messed up in her head,” Jack said.
“Talking about…stuff like this, human emotions are very—.”
“Alien?” Jack supplied.
“Pretty much, yeah.”
“I think she needs to hear it. She needs to know that she didn’t mess up, that what happened to her was not her fault and that you don’t blame her for it,” Jack said.
“Blame her for it? Why would I blame her for it? It’s not her fault she was taken. I was the one who took us to that planet. I was the one who wasn’t keeping an eye on her when I know she has a penchant for wandering off and getting herself into trouble. I knew what that society was like, but I figured I could protect her. And if I’d been paying attention I would have been able to,” the Doctor said.
“It’s not your fault, either, Doctor,” Jack said soothingly.
“Yeah, it is. Rose was right about something she told me. If I hadn’t been so caught up in playing the hero after we’d rescued Abraya I would have noticed something was wrong a lot sooner. As it was the time I wasted preening was all the time that was needed for them to take Rose away from me. And what they did to her, all that she went through, it’s my fault.”
“No, it’s not.” The Doctor spun around at the soft words spoken from the doorway to the corridor. A tired looking Rose stood there wearing a fluffy lavender bathrobe and her hair was still partially damp from her shower. “It’s not your fault that I got hurt, Doctor. It just happened. You can’t blame yourself and I have to stop blaming myself.” Silence hung over the console room for a long moment before Jack broke it.
“Thought you were taking a nap,” Jack said going over to Rose and giving her a long hug. The Doctor glowered at his back when it took longer than it should have for Jack to release her.
“I’m tired but…every time I close my eyes I keep seeing Triven coming at me with that scalpel. Thought maybe one of you could stay with me while I fell asleep.” She glanced at the Doctor.
“Sure,” said Jack. “Not a problem.”
“You need to finish up with the gravitational stabilizers,” the Doctor said quickly. “I’ll go keep Rose company. I’m done here.” He tapped the panel back into place.
“You sure, Doc?” Jack teased. “I know you have a lot more maintenance to do.”
“Nothing you can’t handle,” the Doctor said trying hard not to growl at Jack. The man was doing this deliberately. He wiped his hands off on a rag and walked across the room to Rose. She slipped her hand into his and they headed for her room.
He hesitated at the doorway but she tugged him inside with her. Without even appearing to think about it, Rose shrugged off her robe and hung it on a hook by her bed. She was wearing one of her little camisole and shorts pajama sets. The ones that skimmed her body and didn’t leave much to the imagination. Or possibly they did and his imagination simply didn't need any help.
She crawled under the covers while the Doctor maneuvered a chair close to the bed. Rose stared at him for a minute. “Was kind of hoping…” She stopped herself from finishing her sentence and looked away from him.
“What?” he asked.
“Nothing.”
“No, what?” he repeated.
“I’m fine. This is fine.” She reached out for his hand, her arm hanging in the air between them as she clasped his.
“That can’t be comfortable,” he told her after a few minutes.
“Don’t want to let go of you,” she said sleepily.
“Shove over,” he said. “I didn’t manage to sleep last night. My mind wouldn’t stop. I could do with a kip.” Rose moved over while he removed his boots and socks, then stood up and took his leather jacket off. He hesitated a moment.
“Mind if I get comfortable?” he asked, hand on his belt.
Rose blushed. “It’s okay.”
The Doctor stripped down to his boxer briefs and this time Rose didn’t turn her back or hide her eyes or glance away. She looked. A moment later she met his eyes and he smiled at her. He slipped into her bed and this time she snuggled right up to him.
“Lights down, please,” Rose said and the TARDIS dimmed the lights to a faint glow. She sighed.
“You all right?” he asked her.
“Last night was rough,” she admitted to him. “The nightmares, do they fade with time?” she asked.
“I’m probably the wrong person to ask. I don’t sleep enough to be comparable to a human,” he told her.
“But your dreams, you said you have bad ones every time you sleep, except…”
“Except when I slept with you,” he finished.
Rose shifted against him and one of her hands drifted up to rest over his hearts. He wondered if she could feel the steady thud thump beneath her fingers. “How long’s it been since the war?” she asked him.
He stiffened, but Rose began a slow stroking across his sternum and he found himself starting to relax again. “Awhile,” he managed. “A year and a half.”
“And you still—?”
“Yeah.”
“Guess it’s stupid of me to think I’d be okay in just three weeks then. Not that I’m comparing what happened to me to what you went through or anything,” she said.
“You’re as wounded as any prisoner of war, Rose. You were…you were—.” He broke off, unable to continue.
“Shh, Doctor, I’m okay. I’m safe now. I’m with you and I’m safe.” Rose shifted against him and he turned his head to see what she was doing just as her lips landed against his. He let out a startled gasp.
Rose jerked back. “I’m sorry. I’m sorry, I was aiming for your cheek and you turned your head. I didn’t mean to—.”
Whatever else she’d meant to say was cut off by the Doctor pulling her to him again and ever so gently pressing his lips to hers. It seemed to calm down her immediate panic and it took her only a few seconds to return the pressure and start kissing him back. The kiss did not last long and it remained chaste but it left him feeling as if a tremendous weight had just been lifted from his shoulders. He broke the kiss and tenderly stroked the hair back from her face.
“I think you’ll find that I did mean to,” he told her.
“Okay,” she said softly. "That was...good."
“Yeah?”
“Yes.”
He loosened his arms and she eased onto her back again, her head nestled against his shoulder. “Try to get some sleep.” Rose nodded her head against him.
He thought she’d drifted off, but about ten minutes later she murmured, “Doctor?”
“Hmm?”
“Can we go somewhere nice next?”
“Yeah. I set the coordinates for New Haven,” he told her.
“What’s that like?” she said with a sleepy yawn.
“Tropical paradise, really.”
“Are there beaches?”
“As far as the eye can see. Beaches made of coral sand in shades of blue and pink and green,” he told her.
“What else?” she asked.
“No bad guys.”
“Like the sound of that. And?” She adjusted her body against his side and curled her arm around his waist.
“Oceans of turquoise blue, tall waving palm trees. Pineapple fields and banana groves,” he said.
“Sounds like paradise,” she said as her eyes drifted shut and she let out a soft sigh. Her breathing slowed and she fell into sleep.
“Yes, Rose Tyler, I fully intend to take you to paradise.” His voice had fallen into a husky whisper. Despite the cheesiness of the line he meant every word. He pressed a kiss into the top of her head. Rose didn’t stir.
Ch. 6: http://amberfocus.livejournal.com/244402.html
