amberfocus | You're What? (1/?) (Reply)

A/N: So Devastate is hiding from me and Hunger Moon is playing hard to get and this has been rumbling around in my head for awhile. It's kind of angry at first, but will settle down more into the usual angstiness I think with some lighter moments to break it up. So, it's an entry into the Ninuendoes and Miss Communications series, more in the miscommunications part of that category, not connected to Take it Back at all. Nine/Rose, angry baby!fic, romance, hurt/comfort.

Chapter One: Breaking the News

I’m going to kill him. I’m going to find a new, unusual and extremely uncomfortable and satisfying way of doing it, too. Not to mention painful. I’m going to make it last a long time, too, make him suffer. He’s going to beg for mercy by the time I’m done with him. He’s going to--. Rose’s angry thoughts broke off as she desperately grabbed for cool porcelain, leaned over the toilet bowl and vomited forcefully into it.

When she got herself back under control again she wiped at her face with tissue and blew her nose hard, then managed to flush the remnants of her stomach’s contents away before dragging herself over to the sink and washing her face and brushing her teeth.

Bloody, stupid, know-nothing, idiot Time Lord! She looked at the stick on the sink one last time, saw the little pink + sign and decided that death was too good for him. He was going to suffer every step of this so-called impossible pregnancy right along with her and he was going to be the one to explain things to her mum. With grim determination she went to find the father of her child.

“You’re what?” the Doctor growled at her, a fierce scowl washing over his face. It was as if he thought if she repeated herself she’d say another word.

“I’m pregnant,” Rose said firmly.

“How the hell did that happen?” he asked her.

“If I had to take a guess, I’d say it was probably all of the sex, Doctor, unless your species has some other way of conceiving you haven’t shared with me,” she replied tartly. “Excessive hand-holding, perhaps?”

“Don’t be silly,” he said. She glared at him. He looked uncomfortable and argumentative and downright grumpy. She felt irritated, hot, sweaty, and slightly green. They stared at each other in a long stand off until he blurted out, “But, well, it’s mine then?”

She smacked his arm, hard. “Who the hell else’s would it be?”

“I dunno. Mickey’s? Jack’s?” He sounded almost hopeful.

Rose flushed angrily. “You calling me unfaithful?” she bit out. “You think I’d cheat on you? How dare you!”

The Doctor backpedaled furiously. “Rose, I wasn’t--.”

“Yes, you were.”

“No. I wasn’t. I know you wouldn’t. I meant from before. Before we started sleeping together. Not after!” he said. “It’s possible, isn’t it? Only been a couple of months. You wouldn’t have been showing. You’re not showing at all,” he said his gaze trailing down to her flat stomach and curving hips and his eyes going off on a wander of their own as he took in the rest of her figure.

“Eyes up here, Doctor,” Rose said pointing to her face.

“Sorry,” he said not looking like he really was. “Look, Rose, it’s much more likely it’s a human baby. It’s nearly impossible for us to have--.”

“Nearly?” squeaked Rose. “Nearly?”

He had the grace to look sheepish. “Didn’t I say that before?”

“No, you did not. You said impossible! That’s what you said when I mentioned maybe needing birth control, Doctor. ‘Oh, it’s not possible, Rose. Incompatible genetics, Rose. I can’t get you pregnant, Rose. They don’t make condoms big enough, Rose.’” She glanced down at his crotch. “Least that one was true.”

“I wasn’t lying. It shouldn’t be possible--.”

"Yeah, well, looky here, Doctor.” She smacked the pregnancy test down on the TARDIS console. “If it were any more positive it would be carrying a charge.”

“Rose, I just…I don’t know what to say. I don’t believe it.”

“You calling me a liar now, Doctor?” she asked furiously.

“Rose, No, I’m sorry. It’s…unexpected.” He said unexpected, but his tone said unwanted and she flinched. She had expected him to moan and groan, but she figured he’d at least help her cope. Now she was thinking that wasn’t going to be the case.

“No. You know what? You don’t have to be happy about this baby. I’m not exactly doing cartwheels about this baby. I’m nineteen, for goodness sake. Didn’t figure I’d be doing this for a good seven or eight years and I’m sure as hell not ready to do it now. So, no you don’t have to be happy, but you don’t have to be an arse about it either,” she said hotly.

“I’m not. Can’t you give me a minute to adjust, Rose? You’ve obviously had a little time to deal with this. You can’t expect me to just…accept it with open arms and jump up and down and say, ‘Yippee. I’m going to be a father.’ I’m not…I don’t want…” He trailed off.

“You don’t want it.” The anger went out of her voice so suddenly she felt like a deflated balloon and she ducked her head down. Despite her earlier bravado, if he didn’t want the baby or her anymore because of it, she wouldn’t try to force herself on him, wouldn’t force the child on him either. “Just…take me home,” she said softly. “You can go on back to your life, pretend you never met me, and I’ll…raise our baby on my own.”

“You’re going to keep it?” The Doctor sounded shocked.

“’Course I am,” she told him. “He’s a part of you, isn’t he? You think I’d just get rid of him? Might be easy for you to chuck people out of your life just like that, but if he’s all I get to keep of you after you dump me off, then he’s all I get. I’ll live with it, Doctor. I’m a big girl.”

“You’re a child, Rose.”

“Yeah? A child, am I? That’s convenient, isn’t it? I’m a woman when you bury yourself inside my body and scream out my name when you come. But I’m a child when I want to stand up and take responsibility for letting you? That’s rich, Doctor. You’re a right bastard, you know that?”

“Rose--.”

“And just for the record, I’ve never slept with Jack and I haven’t slept with Mickey since I met you. Git.”

She turned away from him and stormed out of the TARDIS. The night was bright and full of stars and she stomped her way towards the beach. She stood on the overlook staring out at the crashing waves and wishing that she’d never allowed the Doctor to touch her. Angry tears came to her eyes as she thought about what she was about to go through.

She knew what it was like to grow up without a dad and she couldn’t even imagine what it would be like for her own child who’d be half alien on top of it. With no one to talk to about where he’d come from. And what would Rose tell him? Your dad’s a time travelling alien from a mythical race that no longer exists because he killed them all and then knocked me up and walked away? It’d be true, but she’d never be able to tell him that. She loved the Doctor too much to make him out as the man he was currently being.

Rose paced back and forth on the edge of the bluff, her mind awash with all of her doubt and uncertainty. How was she going to do this? How was she going to do any of it? Once he left her, she knew she wouldn’t see him again. And he never had any money, so it wasn’t like she could expect a monthly support check.

Hot tears streaked down her cheeks. It wasn’t fair. She loved him and she was pretty sure that he loved her, least he acted like it most days and he was an unexpectedly big cuddler after sex and men didn’t do that, not in her limited experience or from what her girlfriends told her anyway, unless they were head over heels.

The idea of an abortion flitted through her head and flitted right back out again. She couldn’t do that. No matter how much easier it would make the rest of her life. Not to a baby she had made with him. Not ever. She just wished…well, he wouldn’t be the last anymore, would he? There’d be another of his kind, true half human, but still beggars couldn’t be choosers and she knew how hard it had been on him being so alone in his great big, old empty, Time Lord brain. And her child…her child would share that telepathic loneliness because he wouldn’t be there to lessen it.

Rose couldn’t even consider adoption because who knew what kind of weird alien quirks might come up. Two hearts? Allergies to human medication? Different colored blood? Not that she could give away his child any more than she could abort it. No, she was going to be a mum. And she’d be doing it without him.

A horrible pang shot through her as she realized what that meant. No more Doctor in her life. No more Doctor. She sobbed suddenly as the full impact of that loss hit her, and her knees collapsed as she fell to the ground. As she did so she overbalanced, slipped over the side of the bluff and fell down the cliff face to the sand on the beach below.

Chapter 2. http://amberfocus.livejournal.com/68071.html