You're What?: Chapter Fourteen

[amberfocus]

Chapter Thirteen:  http://amberfocus.livejournal.com/80953.html

Kiss and Make Up?

 

Rose eyed the Doctor carefully. Saying he wanted to try was probably all she was going to get from him. At least for now. She knew how hard it had been for him to open up to her at all and she supposed, and she groaned inwardly at the pun, she’d have to watch him make progress in baby steps.

 

“Would you like to see the baby?” the Doctor suddenly asked her.

 

“What?” she replied startled.

 

“The baby. Would you like to see him?” the Doctor repeated. “I have a holographic imaging device.  Your ultrasound machines on Earth would be a very primitive version of the same sort of technology given about 100 years to advance. It’ll give a three dimensional representation of our son,” he told her.

 

“You can do that?” she asked.

 

“I can do that,” he nodded smiling softly at her.

 

“Okay,” she told him.

 

The Doctor walked over to the wall and pulled a machine out of a compartment there and hauled it over to Rose’s side. “I’ll need access to your abdomen,” he told her. Rose bit her lip and nodded at him. With gentle hands he flipped her blouse up to just beneath her breasts and then looked at her. “Umm…the trousers need to come down a bit…and…and the knickers.”

 

Rose almost snickered as the Doctor’s ears turned bright pink. “You’ve seen me naked plenty of times, Doctor,” she said. “I don’t think touching my knickers is going to undo you.”

 

“It’s been two months since we’ve been together, Rose,” he murmured quietly. “It just might.”

 

Her eyes flew to his. “You mean you still want me?” she asked shocked.

 

“Yes!” came out in an agonized hiss. “Always.”

 

“I mean, you said, for the baby, and I, but then…” She stopped and tried to rein in the confusing whirlwind of emotions that overtook her.

 

“I never stopped wanting you, Rose. I just…stopped thinking I had any right to you. But I miss being close to you, holding you, loving you, making love to you.” The naked honesty in his eyes ripped through her.

 

Rose swallowed hard trying to adjust to this turn of events. “But…but you said…what you said to me, about it only…that it was only…”

 

“It was only everything,” he told her quietly.

 

Rose blinked hard then shifted her hips, slipping her trousers and knickers down lower until they just barely still protected her modesty and exposing her belly to the Doctor. “That enough?” she asked in a rough voice.

 

“Yeah,” he said staring at the small, rounded expanse of flesh that gave evidence it housed their four-month-old fetus. After a moment he shook himself and reached for a container of gel, lifting it from its warming tray. Rose giggled as it impacted her stomach and the Doctor’s eyes lit up as they met hers. “You haven’t laughed in so long,” he said wistfully.

 

“Yeah, well…” She shrugged.

 

“I know. That’s been my fault. I’ll promise you this, Rose.  I’m going to fill the rest of your life with laughter. If you’ll let me.” Rose didn’t answer him. She couldn’t. She wasn’t sure she could believe him no matter how it made her heart leap with hope to hear him say those words.

 

He lifted the holographic sounder and rubbed it in his hands to warm it, then pressed it into Rose’s abdomen. It took him a moment to locate the baby, still quite small in her uterus. The image projected above the top of the machine in a little more detail than Rose was expecting.

"Where's the actual baby?" she asked.

"Right here," the Doctor said poking his finger into the light beam at a peanut-shaped object.

"He's so small," she said.  "Why's he making such a big bump if he's so small?"

"All the baby growing paraphenalia," the Doctor said with a shrug.

 

“What is all that stuff?” she asked. “Those…ropy things?”

 

“Well, the way the baby feeds off your system is different. It doesn’t just use the umbilical cord to take in nutrition and remove waste products; it tucks itself into all of your major organs and your nervous system. It’s a more efficient way of handling the fetal growth of a Gallifreyan baby and it secures it in your womb in such a way as to prevent almost any form of fetal death,” he told her. “We’re very sturdy stock, my people. Well, we were.”

 

“And will be again,” Rose said softly.

 

“Don’t know about that. Two people aren’t much of a race renewal, Rose,” the Doctor muttered.

 

“It won’t always be just the two of you. There’ll be others eventually,” Rose told him.

 

The Doctor’s eyes leapt with eagerness as he met her gaze. “You mean you’d want another…” He trailed off as her expression suddenly closed off. “You meant when Charlie had children.”

 

“You don’t want children. You told me you don’t want children. You’re going to accept Charlie. You’ve said that now. But another child? Are you…are you seriously telling me that after all of this, after everything, you think I’d want to go through any of this again?” Rose demanded.

 

The Doctor hung his head. “I don’t know what I’m thinking. Rose, I’m so confused. I…I thought having kids was the last thing I wanted, but…just for a second, when you said that…my hearts leapt at the idea of a big family with you.” He raised his eyes. “I do want it, Rose. I want it all. And I want it with you.”

 

Rose was silent for a long time, her head turned to look at the image of their baby. “I can’t promise you anything, Doctor. I can’t. Not…not yet. I need to know that you’re telling me the truth. That you’ll be here for me and Charlie and that you’ll look after us and keep us safe and…and love us.”

 

He sighed. “You can’t expect me to just…to just…get over it like nothing happened.”

 

“I’m not,” he said. “I swear, Rose, I’m not. I’ve mucked stuff up so badly and I don’t have any right to feel upset that it’s going to take you some time to get through this. I just…I miss you.”

 

The depth of emotion in his steel blue eyes stirred something within her and she reached out and touched his face, cradling his cheek in her hand. “I miss you, too,” she told him.

 

He turned his head to kiss her palm then took her hand in his. Keeping his eyes on her the entire time to gauge her reaction he kissed the underside of her wrist, his lips lingering on the vivid blue veins under the thin skin there. She watched him warily, but did not pull her arm away from him. Encouraged, he kissed his way up to the bend of her elbow.

 

“Doctor,” she said softly. “Stop it.”

 

“I’m sorry,” he said. “I--.”

 

“Stop it,” she told him. “And kiss me properly.”

 

“Rose, are you sure?” he questioned in surprise.

 

“Don’t ask me that,” she told him, closing her eyes. “Because I’m not. But kiss me.”

 

He leaned forward and his lips brushed against hers hesitantly. They were cool against her warmth, firm against her softness. When he was sure she wasn’t going to change her mind and push him away, he began to layer little kisses along her bottom lip, going slowly, taking his time. He moved onto her top lip, sucking it softly into his mouth a little bit at a time.

 

Rose made a garbled sound beneath him, sighing into his kisses. Tentatively he swept the tip of his tongue along her bottom lip, begging admittance. Rose brought the hand not encumbered by her IV up to rub against his cropped hair and then slowly allowed him access to her mouth. He entered cautiously, still uncertain that she’d allow this, but her tongue met his eagerly. They slipped against each other; old friends long parted making a new acquaintance.

 

He kept himself from getting too passionate, but he made a thorough exploration of her nooks and crannies, delving into the recesses of her teeth and brushing across the roof of her mouth. Rose’s light moan encouraged him further and as her tongue began to slip frantically against his, he forgot himself and brought one hand up under her blouse to fondle her breast.

 

The Doctor knew he’d made a mistake the minute her body filled with tension and she turned her face away from his. She pushed his hand away from her body. “I said kiss me, not cop a feel,” she said in exasperation.

 

“I’m sorry, Rose,” he said ashamed of himself. “I just want you so badly.”

 

“Yeah, and I want you too, but the thing is, I’m not ready to let you have me,” she said tartly. “Sex is about trust more than it’s about anything else, even love. And until I can trust you again, Doctor, trust in you completely, then you can’t be doing things like that.”

 

A soft ding rang across the room and the Doctor hastily scrambled away from Rose. The term ‘saved by the bell’ had never seemed more apt. He hurried over to the little machine and watched as it spat out dozens of tiny green tablets. He funneled them into a bottle and then took one, found a small cup and filled it with water and walked over to Rose. “Your medicine is ready,” he said.

 

She sat up and he handed her a pill and the water and she downed it. “We’ll give it an hour to work and then we’ll try feeding you something semi-solid,” he told her not looking at her. “If Jack will let us out of here, anyway.”

 

Rose reached out and caught his hand. “I’m not mad about it, Doctor,” she told him. “I’m just not ready for it.”

 

He squeezed her fingers reassuringly. “I can wait, Rose. I’m a Time Lord, me. I have nothing but time.”

Chapter 15:  http://amberfocus.livejournal.com/85666.html