amberfocus | You're What?: Chapter Six (Reply)

Chapter 5: http://amberfocus.livejournal.com/72863.html
A/N: Okay, this chapter may make you a wee bit irritated with the Doctor's behavior. He's going to get a major revelation in the next chapter, though, so just hang with the git behavior a little while longer. And hope Rose is willing to forgive him.

Dissemble

The Doctor frowned as he entered the infirmary and saw Jack caressing Rose’s foot. The other man’s familiarity with the woman was grating and annoying and all he wanted to do was knock his hand away, possibly knock the man to the floor then pull Rose out of the machine and show Jack just who the woman belonged to. He pulled himself together sharply. If he was going to send Rose away to live with Jack he was going to have to accept that his place as Rose’s lover was about to be usurped and there was nothing he could do to change it as it was an event that would be of his own making.

When he was sure he had himself back under control he coughed and made Jack aware of his presence. The younger man hastily dropped his hand from Rose’s foot as if he’d been caught doing the unthinkable and eyed the Doctor warily. “Jack,” the Doctor began.

“Oh, no,” said Jack rising to his feet, holding up one hand and backing away from the Doctor. “I know that look. And I want nothing to do with it.”

“What look?” the Doctor asked.

“The one that says you’ve made up your mind what’s best for everyone and now we all have to abide by what you say,” Jack said.

“What’s so wrong with that?” he wanted to know.

“Because usually, Doc, every time you do that everything goes to hell,” Jack said flatly. “And if you try to make up Rose’s mind for her, you know she’ll fight you every step of the way just on principle.”

“She can’t fight me on this,” he said stubbornly. “I won’t allow it. I’m going to teach the two of you everything you need to know about a Gallifreyan pregnancy and then I’m taking you to Earth and you can do what you threatened Jack. Stay with Rose and raise the babe.”

“What the hell? Doc, no. That wasn’t what I--.”

“You won’t do it then? You won’t take care of her?” the Doctor questioned.

“Of course, I would. I will, just…what are you thinking? You love Rose. You…you need to accept this baby, have this baby with her. You can’t just not. You said you’d try!” Jack exclaimed.

“That was before I found her at the bottom of a cliff injured because she was too upset to think straight because of me that she hurt herself,” he said angrily. “All that will happen if she stays with me is I’ll hurt her. And I’ll hurt the child. I’d rather see them with you than allow that to happen.”

“Doc, people hurt each other all the time. They make mistakes and then ask for forgiveness and they apologize and they move past it. Abandoning Rose on Earth…there won’t be any coming back from that. She’s a wonderful girl and she’ll forgive a lot of things, but if you turn your back on her when she’s pregnant she won’t be able to get past that. You have to know that.”

The Doctor looked down at the floor. “I do know that. That’s why I’m counting on you to stay by her side, take care of her. She’s…she’s going to need someone and despite our differences, I know that underneath it you’re a good man, Jack. You’ll be there for her in a way I never could be. And I have no doubt you’ll make a good father.”

“Oh, and it’s going to be just that easy for you to give her up? You’re going to let me be the one who touches her, holds her at night, makes love to her?” Jack asked pushing all the buttons he could reach. “Night after night for the rest of our lives, me and Rose in bed together and you never being able to touch her again? Can you really stand there and tell me you can live with that?”

“Jack,” the Doctor said warningly.

“I’ve heard the two of you at night, Doctor. I know how she makes you whimper and cry out to a god you don’t believe in. I hear how you make her scream. Now I know that I can make her scream like that, too. I’ve no doubts on that score. But the question is…are really going to let me?”

“Long as I don’t have to see it, then I can live with it,” the Doctor snarled at him. The Doctor’s hands had clenched into fists and his nails had dug in so hard he’d drawn blood. He could smell it and he focused on the scent instead of Jack’s words as he reined his temper back in. It was only partially successful. He still wanted to wipe the smirk off of Jack’s face.

The machine beeped and the table holding Rose began to withdraw from its recesses. Instantly the Doctor was at her side easing the mind block that had kept Rose unconscious while the device healed her.

Rose blinked her eyes open slowly and it took her a moment to focus. By the time she had, the Doctor had moved away and out of sight to check the readout of the machine. Jack was standing beside her and he picked up her hand. “Hey there, Rosie,” he said softly. “You gave us quite a scare.”

“My baby?” Rose asked, her free hand going to her abdomen. “Is my baby okay?”

“Yes,” Jack said softly stroking her hair back from her face. “Your baby is just fine.”

“Where’s the Doctor?” she asked just barely above a whisper. “Is he still mad at me?”

“He’s right around the corner. And I don’t know. Why don’t we ask him? Hey, Doc, you still mad at Rose?” Jack asked in a challenging voice.

The Doctor spun around and stalked to the other side of the divider. “I was never mad at Rose,” he snapped.

Rose winced and cringed away from the anger in his tone. “Could’ve fooled me,” she said softly.

“I’m not mad at you, Rose,” he said gently. She reached out her hand towards him, but he stepped back before she could touch him. Instead she brought her thumb up to her mouth and bit the edge of it and stared at him in disbelief. “I’m not mad. Really, Rose. It was an accident. I know you didn’t hurt yourself on purpose.”

“What?” She was dumbfounded and her brow furrowed as she looked at him. “What?” she repeated.

“Falling off the cliff,” he said off-handedly not meeting her eyes. “I know it was an accident. I’m not mad.”

“You thought I’d…?” she asked in horror.

“Just said I didn’t, didn’t I, Rose?” he replied hesitantly.

“It’s the way you said it, though, isn’t it?” she answered bitterly. “You do, don’t you? You think I let myself fall. To what? Get rid of the baby? I’m not the one who wants to get rid of the baby! You are!”

“Wishing he had not been conceived is not the same thing as wanting to get rid of him,” the Doctor said with quiet dignity.

“Yeah, well finding it inconvenient to be pregnant at my age is not the same thing as throwing myself off a cliff to cause a miscarriage!” she roared. “You,” she began and her voice broke. She took a deep breath. “You really think so little of me as that?” she asked him sitting up on the table and shaking off Jack’s supportive hand. “I thought you knew me, Doctor.” She slid her legs to the side of the table and stood up.

“Rose, you shouldn’t be up yet,” Jack said. Rose didn’t even hear him.

“And I thought I knew you.” She shook her head and fought back her tears. She would not cry in front of him. “Thought we were more than two bodies seeking pleasure in the night. You and me, I thought we were something special.”

“It was a good time, Rose,” he said. “That’s all it was. You were a good time.” Rose felt a sick churning in the pit of her stomach at his words. She ran from the infirmary and barely made it to the nearest bathroom before she was ill.

Jack’s fist slammed into the Doctor’s jaw and he reeled across the infirmary. “You bastard. You think I don’t know what that was all about? There was no call for you to hurt her like that!”

The Doctor rubbed angrily at his jaw and glared at Jack. “I feel bad enough as it is.”

“Then why?”

“I have to make her hate me, Jack. I can’t let her convince me that she should stay,” he said simply.

“She doesn’t have to hate you. Can’t there be some middle ground here?” Jack pleaded. “Can’t you do this without destroying her?”

“It’ll be easier if she hates me,” the Doctor said.

“Oh, I get it. It’s not that it’ll be easier on her if she hates you. It’ll be easier on you. Easier to cut the ties knowing she won’t want you anymore,” Jack snapped. “Where the hell is your humanity?”

“I’m not human, Jack! Why should I have humanity?”

“You may be an alien, Doc, but you’re more human than just about any man I’ve ever met! You rail on about domestic, but if you didn’t want it, you’d never have taken Rose as your lover in the first place! Hell, you wouldn’t even be travelling with humans, the most domestic species in the known universe, if you didn’t. You may think you don’t deserve it because of your sins, but you can’t hide the truth. You crave it. You crave home and hearth and family and most of all, you crave Rose!”

Jack took a deep breath. “And that’s not going to go away. You’re going to crave it even when she’s gone and it’s going to drive you mad that you sent away the one thing that has made your life tolerable and kept you on the right side of sanity.”

“You think I can’t find another person to travel with me in a heartbeat? You think I can’t replace Rose?” the Doctor argued.

“Oh, I’m sure you can find someone to go with you. But replace Rose? Never. And why you don’t see it…oh, you blind, blind fool. You’re right, Doctor. You don’t deserve her. And I’m taking the damn gloves off.”

Jack strode from the room and followed the sounds of Rose’s retching to the bathroom. He shoved the door open and saw her clinging desperately to the side of the toilet bowl. He fell to his knees beside her and gingerly pulled back her hair.

“It’s going to be okay, Rose,” he said soothingly. “I’m going to take care of you.” And he did. When she was finished he helped her rise, shaking, to her feet and led her to the sink. He took a soft wash cloth down from the shelf and ran some cool water onto it, then gently washed her face, then found her a cup so she could rinse out her mouth.

“What happened to him, Jack?” she whispered heartbrokenly. “I thought he loved me. How could I be so wrong?”

Jack pulled her into his arms and stroked her hair as she began to sob against him. “I don’t know, sweetheart. I don’t know.” He held her while she cried and when she was finally done he led her to her old bedroom and gently tucked her into bed. Then he settled into her recliner and pulled a spare blanket over himself. “I’ll stay with you tonight in case you need anything,” he told her softly.

“You’re a good friend, Jack,” Rose said.

“I meant it when I said I’d take care of you, Rose. I will. Even if he won’t. I know it’s not the same, but you don’t have to be alone with this, all right? I’ll help you every step of the way,” Jack reassured her.

“Thank you,” she said. He listened as her breathing deepened and she fell into an uneasy sleep before he closed his own eyes and allowed himself to drift off.

The Doctor stood outside Rose’s door listening with a heavy heart. He knew it was for the best, all of it. But why did it have to hurt like this? It was all he could do to stop himself from pushing the door open and banishing Jack and gathering Rose into his arms and telling her he was sorry, that it was all going to be okay, that he’d love her forever and they’d find a way to make life with this baby work for the two of them.

But it wasn’t that easy. It never could be. He was making the right decision and come morning, he’d greet the pair of them and begin lessons on Gallifreyan gestation and child care. It’d take at least six weeks to teach them both what he could. Then it’d be time to say good-bye and return them both to Earth.

Chapter 7: http://amberfocus.livejournal.com/74934.html