Repercussions (12/55)
May. 9th, 2008 04:42 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
amberfocus
Banner by Megz33
Chapter Twelve: Pieces of the Puzzle
We sit at the kitchen table. My mum has gone out to see if the grocer is up and running now that the war's ended. My dad is fast asleep. And the Doctor is across from me, staring at me like he’s seen a ghost.
“I don’t understand any of this, really,” I tell him. “But I think my memories have been tampered with.”
“Why do you think that?” He looks calm now. He even sounds calm, but I can see a slight bit of fear in his eyes.
“Doctor, how do you feel about me?” I ask.
“I love you. You know that.”
“But you…he…my Doctor didn’t ever tell me that. He always made it clear that we were friends. Only friends. He knew I loved him, but…it wasn’t something he did.”
“You’re just remembering things wrong. We're more.” He stands up and pulls out his sonic screw driver, shining it in my eyes.
“What are you doing?”
“Checking for concussion. How hard did you hit that wall?”
“I don’t have a concussion, Doctor. And it’s not just me, is it? It’s you, too.” I press forward.
“No, it’s not.” His face is set and his arms cross defiantly. He looks at me in stubborn refusal of the facts.
“Your Rose had blue eyes. And you said Daleks.”
“When did I say Daleks?”
“When we first found Mum. She asked you if the robots were gone. You said the Cybermen were gone and the Daleks, too.” I insist. “And I don’t remember there being Daleks. But you do. Don’t you?”
He leans forward, putting his face in his hands. I reach out and gently pull his hands away from his face. “Don’t you?” I ask him softly.
“I remember them,” he admits. “But I also remember them not being there, too.”
“You want to know what I remember? I remember you…I mean, I remember my Doctor falling into the Void. His lever didn’t lock and he had to fix it and then he couldn’t hold on and he fell. He died. But I woke up against the wall, with you.” I don’t have the nerve to tell him what I had done, that after he fell, I’d let go. “Do you remember anything else? Anything different from how we woke up?”
“You. In my memories it was your lever that didn’t lock and you fell towards the Void and your father appeared out of nowhere. He was holding a device and he grabbed you and disappeared. He took you…he took you to a parallel world.”
“A parallel world? There are parallel worlds?” I ask in surprise.
“It’s where the cybermen were coming from, I think, and it's not supposed to be possible to travel between them. Not anymore.” He rubs his face and then runs his hand through his hair, making it stand up crazily. “But if your…if your Doctor died and I don’t belong here, then how did I get here? And how do I get back…to…to my Rose?”
The idea of him going back to someone else, even another me, makes my stomach clench in rejection. I suddenly don’t care that this isn’t the man I’ve been travelling with for three years. This is a better version. He might not be my Doctor, but he could so easily become mine. I have to shake that thought from my head. If there is another Rose out there who had been with this man who sat before me, who loved him and was loved by him, then she deserved to get him back. I couldn’t do that to anyone, let alone another me.
“We’re going to figure this out together,” I say. “And then we’ll find a way to fix it.”
“Why do you think that?” He looks calm now. He even sounds calm, but I can see a slight bit of fear in his eyes.
“Doctor, how do you feel about me?” I ask.
“I love you. You know that.”
“But you…he…my Doctor didn’t ever tell me that. He always made it clear that we were friends. Only friends. He knew I loved him, but…it wasn’t something he did.”
“You’re just remembering things wrong. We're more.” He stands up and pulls out his sonic screw driver, shining it in my eyes.
“What are you doing?”
“Checking for concussion. How hard did you hit that wall?”
“I don’t have a concussion, Doctor. And it’s not just me, is it? It’s you, too.” I press forward.
“No, it’s not.” His face is set and his arms cross defiantly. He looks at me in stubborn refusal of the facts.
“Your Rose had blue eyes. And you said Daleks.”
“When did I say Daleks?”
“When we first found Mum. She asked you if the robots were gone. You said the Cybermen were gone and the Daleks, too.” I insist. “And I don’t remember there being Daleks. But you do. Don’t you?”
He leans forward, putting his face in his hands. I reach out and gently pull his hands away from his face. “Don’t you?” I ask him softly.
“I remember them,” he admits. “But I also remember them not being there, too.”
“You want to know what I remember? I remember you…I mean, I remember my Doctor falling into the Void. His lever didn’t lock and he had to fix it and then he couldn’t hold on and he fell. He died. But I woke up against the wall, with you.” I don’t have the nerve to tell him what I had done, that after he fell, I’d let go. “Do you remember anything else? Anything different from how we woke up?”
“You. In my memories it was your lever that didn’t lock and you fell towards the Void and your father appeared out of nowhere. He was holding a device and he grabbed you and disappeared. He took you…he took you to a parallel world.”
“A parallel world? There are parallel worlds?” I ask in surprise.
“It’s where the cybermen were coming from, I think, and it's not supposed to be possible to travel between them. Not anymore.” He rubs his face and then runs his hand through his hair, making it stand up crazily. “But if your…if your Doctor died and I don’t belong here, then how did I get here? And how do I get back…to…to my Rose?”
The idea of him going back to someone else, even another me, makes my stomach clench in rejection. I suddenly don’t care that this isn’t the man I’ve been travelling with for three years. This is a better version. He might not be my Doctor, but he could so easily become mine. I have to shake that thought from my head. If there is another Rose out there who had been with this man who sat before me, who loved him and was loved by him, then she deserved to get him back. I couldn’t do that to anyone, let alone another me.
“We’re going to figure this out together,” I say. “And then we’ll find a way to fix it.”
