Devastate (3/4)

[amberfocus]

A/N:  From here we go AU. Recognizable dialog is from Parting of the Ways.

Heartbroken

 

Rose throws herself desperately at the doors as she realizes without any doubts in her mind what the Doctor is doing to her. “Let me out!” It is only hearing his voice behind her that makes her turn and see the flickering hologram standing by the console. She knows then that this was planned, not some spur of the moment action to save her life, but deliberately planned by the Doctor to take her out of the line of fire, bring her to safety, and leave him alone to take the risks that could kill him.

 

 

Fury fills her and she rages inwardly that he dare take that choice from her when it should be hers alone where she wants to stand. It is always next to him and it always will be and already her mind is racing trying to find ways around whatever he’s planned. But she calms herself long enough to focus on the words being said by the jittery image of the man she loves.

 

She refuses to believe that he’s going to die despite his words until his voice changes and the hologram strengthens and turns to look at her as if he knows exactly where she’ll be standing in this moment and maybe with his grasp of the time lines he does. He tells her to do one thing for him, to have a fantastic life and all she can do is think it’s impossible for her to do that without him by her side. How can he not know that? She’d rather go down fighting with him than live a life without him in it.

 

His words make her wonder if he might not know that, might not know just how very strongly her feelings for him run. She’s never said it out loud, but she thinks she’s shown it. She knows how he feels about her, can see it in his eyes even in the hologram. Saw it in his eyes whenever he made love to her. Should have seen it when he was pushing her back, flirting with the other girl, trying to establish a bit of distance. His love for her is making him send her to safety. Not because he doesn’t want her there, but because he wants her alive.

 

She gets that, she really does, but his betrayal in sending her away, in not asking her what she wants hurts. Of course, giving her a choice would have meant she’d stay in danger and in this instance it is too much for him to see her in it. Rose knows it would have been even worse if she’d had time to tell him…well, she can’t think about that now. She has to think about how she is going to get the ship to go back. “You can’t do this to me. You can’t! Take me back! Take me back!”

 

She tries to remember everything she’s ever seen him do when flying the ship, but in the end she is useless at it. Not even talking in a calm and focused manner to the TARDIS makes a bit of difference. The ship continues on inexorably, turning a blind mind to Rose’s entreaties until they land.

 

Rose runs for the door hoping against hope that they’ve returned to the game station, but when she looks outside all she sees is dismal, gray London sky and the back of the Powell Estate. She rushes back trying again and again to convince the ship to fly back, but finally admits defeat and gives up with bitter disappointment.

 

Exiting the ship she leans against the outside and starts to cry. That is how Mickey finds her. She collapses against him in tears, broken in a way she’s never been before in her life.

 

 

 

Mickey, being Mickey, takes her for chips and calls her mum. It doesn’t go well and she runs off, runs as far and as fast as her feet will take her, only slowing to a walk when her lungs feel like they will burst. She finds herself in front of the local chemist’s shop staring in the window for a long time before opening the door and making her way to the aisle she needs.

 

She stares blankly at the myriad of boxes in front of her, trying to focus her mind. “Too many choices?” asks a sympathetic pregnant woman who has come up the aisle behind her. She reaches out and snags a box and hands it to Rose. “This one’s easiest, and it’s the most accurate.”

 

Rose takes it from her with trembling fingers. “Thank you,” she says softly staring down at the box like it is the most frightening thing in the world. She knows she doesn’t really need it, that it is just a way of confirming what she knows in her heart has somehow happened, despite the Doctor’s genetics tests saying it never can. Still, if she sees it, has the evidence in her hands, it will help her to think, help her to find a way back to the Doctor.

 

She goes and pays for the box and then takes her purchase back to the TARDIS. The test takes three minutes and when the result come up she doesn’t know whether she wants to laugh or to cry or to scream. All she knows is that if she has to break the console apart to get in to the heart of the TARDIS, she is going to do it. She is going back to him.

 

 

 

Rose calls Mickey and asks him to meet her at the TARDIS. Together they sit on the bench at the old estate playground and Mickey tries to convince her that she needs to start living her old life again, to be a normal person, to forget the Doctor and share her life with him. Rose is afraid that Mickey is heading for a proposal and she looks him in the eyes. “Could you do that, Mickey? Could you live a life with me and help me raise a baby that isn’t yours?”

 

Mickey stares at her dumbfounded. “You’re…pregnant?”

 

Rose nods at him. “You sure it’s his?” Mickey asks his jaw working.

 

“Mickey, you know you and I haven’t…not since…well, you know as well as I do that it’s been too long for it to be yours,” she says softly.

 

“How could you, Rose? How could you be with him? He’s not even human. He’s--.”

 

“I love him, Mickey. I love him and he’s out there in the future fighting for all of us, for every human being on this planet and he doesn’t even know that there’s more to fight for. More than me or Jack. I’ve got the future of his race growing inside of me and he doesn’t even know. He’ll think it’s okay to sacrifice himself, because I’ll be safe and that maybe it’s okay that his line ends with him. He won’t know that it doesn’t. He won’t know that this child will grow up and not know anything about his people except what he’s told me and that he’ll be leaving it all alone. And he can’t make a choice like that without knowing!” Rose cries out.

 

“Well, you can’t get back, Rose. There’s no way. And yeah, it’d take some doing, but we could still have that proper life together. We could work this out. I’d do that for you. I’d raise his child with you. I care about you that much.” Mickey stares at her, but her eyes have lost their focus on him, are drifting to the spray painted concrete that someone has scrawled graffiti on.

 

Bad Wolf. Rose stands up and walks away from him until she is standing amongst letters taller than herself. She gazes all around the playground and sees the words everywhere. And slowly the connections begin to be made in her mind. Bad Wolf in the future, Bad Wolf everywhere they went, Bad Wolf following her. It isn’t a warning. It’s a message. A message telling her she can get back. Now she just has to find the way.

 

She runs to the TARDIS heedless of Mickey’s words. Eventually, when even trying to pull the console open with his car doesn't work, Mickey calls her mum again. Jackie comes and tries to convince her to walk away. “Dad wouldn’t give up,” Rose says suddenly trying not to feel regret at the flash of hurt that wells up in her mother’s eyes.

 

“Well, he’s not here, is he?” Jackie says softly. She took a deep breath. “And even if he was he’d say the same.”

 

“No, he wouldn’t,” Rose replies her brow wrinkling in confusion that her mother would say such a thing. Pete Tyler, the man she met would never say that. “He’d tell me to try anything. If I could save the Doctor’s life, try anything.” The conviction in her voice startles her mother.

 

“Well, we’re never gonna know,” Jackie says refusing to meet her daughter’s eyes.

 

“Well, I know. ‘Cause I met him. I met Dad.”

 

Jackie’s eyes leap to Rose’s. “Don’t be ridiculous,” she says trying to hold back her anger, but her hurt at such a statement is clear and it is also clear she doesn’t believe Rose.

 

“The Doctor took me back in time and I met Dad.”

 

“Don’t say that!” Jackie protests.

 

“Remember when Dad died? There was someone with him. A girl, a blonde girl. She held his hand.” Jackie’s face begins to soften, the edges of belief in her eyes. “You saw her from a distance, Mum. You saw her!” Rose can’t keep the tears from her eyes and her voice is shattering. “Think about it. That was me. You saw me.”

 

“Stop it!”

 

“That’s how good the Doctor is.”

 

“Stop it! Just stop it!” Jackie cries out angrily. She turns to go, but Rose calls her back.

 

“Please, Mum. It’s true. I met him and I know what kind of man he was. A good man, but crazy enough to try anything. And I had to grow up without him.” Rose got to her feet and grabbed hold of her mother’s hand and placed it flat on her belly. “I don’t want that for my baby, Mum. It needs to grow up with the Doctor in its life.”

 

Jackie looks from her hand to Rose’s face, horrified then she swallows hard, backs away, and runs from the TARDIS. Rose lets the agony of quiet sobs free at last. Without her mum’s support, however is she going to face this?

 

It’s Mickey again who comes for her, and miserable for her pain he takes her outside and tries to convince her not to give up. It amazes her that even in this moment he can be this good to her. Despite everything, he’s not going to let her stop now that he understands just how deeply she wants it. He pushes her not to give up when she is finally ready to accept the inevitable that her mother was right.

 

“No!” says Mickey firmly. “We just needed something stronger, something bigger, something…like that!”

 

Rose stares in amazement at the rescue and recovery truck that is pulling up in front of the TARDIS, stunned even more when it is her mother driving it. Jackie dismounts and comes to her daughter’s side as Rose starts to laugh for the first time in what feels like years.

 

“Right, you’ve only got this until 6:00, so get on with it.” 

 

“Mum, where the hell did you get that from?” she asks.

 

“Rodrigo. He owes me a favor, never mind why,” Jackie says. “But you were right about your Dad, sweetheart. He was full of mad ideas and it’s exactly what he would have done.” She nods and throws her keys to Mickey. “Now get on with it, before I change my mind.” She hugs Rose tightly to her. “You save that man’s life and you bring that no account back here to deal with me for knocking you up,” she whispers fiercely in Rose’s ear.

“Mum!”

 

“He’s going to be a proper dad to this baby, Rose. You mark my words. Or he’ll see the wrath of a Tyler woman. Now get on with you.”

 

It takes several minutes to hook up the truck and several minutes more of pulling before the console snaps open and Rose finds herself staring into the heart of the TARDIS. And with awe she feels the heart of the TARDIS look into her.

Ch. 4:  http://amberfocus.livejournal.com/70559.html

 

Comments

[lostwolfchats.livejournal.com]

oooo v- more , more!!!!!

[amberfocus.livejournal.com]

In a day or two.

[azriona.livejournal.com]

OMG. Rose is pregnant? I HAD NO IDEA, NONE AT ALL. Totally took me by surprise. I mean, the Doctor said she couldn't get pregnant, and of course the Doctor is ALWAYS right!

Ack! That means the Doctor was WRONG. And if the Doctor was WRONG about this...what else could he be wrong about? My world is shattered. Completely torn to pieces. One could say I'm...devastated, even.

Rose finds herself staring into the heart of the TARDIS. And with awe she feels the heart of the TARDIS look into her.

I like this - it's a scene we've all seen a gazillion times, and somehow, putting it this simply works really well, and gives the idea that Rose and the Tardis are simply sizing each other up.

I do wonder - halfway through, when Rose takes the pregnancy test, you changed tenses (from past to present). Was that on purpose, or did it just come out that way? It was a little jarring - but I think it worked. I liked the second half being in present tense, anyway. Are you going to keep it up?

[amberfocus.livejournal.com]

Oh, I know, took me utterly by surprise, that pregnancy, but you know these characters when they get ideas into their own little heads. *giggles* I wonder if it's a little blonde moppet? So yeah, for the moment, Rose is currently pregnant.

As for the tense shift, the whole thing was supposed to be in present tense. I accidently put up the unbeta'd copy instead of the beta'd one. It should all be in present tense now like the rest of the series has been.

[catyuy.livejournal.com]

Oh yippee.
Wonder where you got the idea for this part from:
“I don’t want that for my baby, Mum. It needs to grow up with the Doctor in its life.”
please still have the angst of regeneration.

[amberfocus.livejournal.com]

Just did. I love your icon, using the Labyrinth words.

Um, as for the angst of regeneration, the time line is going to split in another couple of chapters and it will become two different stories running somewhat parallel. In one, it will follow the regeneration and the change into Ten and how Rose adapts and how their relationship changes and it's going to have the same major angst issues as the rest of this series has had so far. Rose will have a much harder time adapting to the change than she does in season 2.

The other story will be utterly AU and Nine won't regenerate and Jack will stay with them. They'll still encounter some of the same adventures as Ten and Rose, but it'll be completely different how things play out. I took a poll a while back and I had a fairly even split on where my readers wanted me to go with it, so I'm doing both!

[fiducia.livejournal.com]

AWESOME!!! *dances* Love how you tied in the dialogue from the show with your AU story. LOVE Jackie's last few lines! LOVE!! :)

[amberfocus.livejournal.com]

*grins* I think she'd react that way, I really do. I'm glad you liked the way I tied the dialog in. That's always so tricky to do.

[nattieb.livejournal.com]

I love this chapter, the feelings that all three of them deal with, and I just want to squish Mickey.

Now the questions comes, does he transform into Ten or does he stay Nine?

*crosses fingers* Nope, not telling which one I want to happen.

[amberfocus.livejournal.com]

I think Mickey really loves Rose enough to let her go, even if it takes him a bit to get to that point. And Jackie coming through for Rose like she does in this episode always amazes me, I loved playing with that.

[yenly-gozal.livejournal.com]

Oooh.... I love this! I definitely love this! Rose's pregnant! Congrats! *hug Rose* Time babies on the way and Nine will be a Dad *dance*
Can't wait for The Doctor to go back and face Jackie. I'd love to know what would she do that he made Rose pregnant *grin*

[amberfocus.livejournal.com]

Yes, Nine will be a dad. It'll be fun to do a possessive!Nine hovering over a pregnant Rose. She's going to have to be quite firm with him to get out of the TARDIS. Rose may have a hard time getting Nine to go back and face Jackie at all! *grins*

[amyo67.livejournal.com]

That was a great chapter. I loved the way you weaved in new aspects with scenes we've all seen a hundred times. I am looking forward to the split time lines coming up, although I am not sure I want to read the super angsty 10 version. I like them happier. But I might read both.
Does this mean HM is on a haitus? If so, for how long do you think? OH and OTVB. Thanks for a great chapter.

[amberfocus.livejournal.com]

Thank you. Oh, you need to read both, you really do. The journey will be worth it. No, I'm still working on Hunger Moon but it's probably going to drop down to once a week. I just can't keep up the volume when it's being this difficult. Vortex is on hiatus until I get Ten's voice back. Which will probably happen with the angsty version of MiD after a bit.

[bklyangel.livejournal.com]

GAHHHH
I LOVE IT!!!!

[amberfocus.livejournal.com]

Thank you. *smiles*

[angelfireeast.livejournal.com]

Brilliant update!

[amberfocus.livejournal.com]

Thanks. I love that icon. It's beautiful. Is it one of yours?

[fishface44.livejournal.com]

Wonderful! Loved the explanation that he flirted with Lynda in order to set up a bit of distance with Rose. You always do well with the character voices, and you have written Mickey beautifully (even if Rose isn't really listening to him.)Thanks for the update.

[amberfocus.livejournal.com]

I always hated that he did that. I wanted a reason that made sense! I feel so sorry for poor Mickey because his heart is so good and he's wasted on Rose who doesn't love him with the same intensity. I think that tends to be why I make him happy in so many of my AU stories by setting him up with good women or Jake in solid relationships.

[maniacalshen.livejournal.com]

“You save that man’s life and you bring that no account back here to deal with me for knocking you up,”

Bwahahahaha. The Doctor better feel lucky that he's going to be a delirious mess when he gets back to the Powell Estate.

Great chapter, and so much love for Mickey.

[amberfocus.livejournal.com]

Well, one of him is going to be a delirious mess. The version of him that doesn't regenerate will have all his faculties about him.

[dragonmom64.livejournal.com]

Wow! Reliving the desperation of that episode! More! Please?

[amberfocus.livejournal.com]

Working on it! *smiles*

[honorh.livejournal.com]

Cool! I like the additions to accomodate Rose's pregnancy--and yes, the Doctor's going to have to face mum-in-law after Rose rescues him. Love it!

[amberfocus.livejournal.com]

The Nine version will try to hold off on that, I can tell you!

[sunnytyler001.livejournal.com]

Ha! Brilliant!
You know what? I love even more your version that RTD's!!!

[amberfocus.livejournal.com]

I doubt Russell will ever do baby!fic. Glad you like it. *smiles*

[ageless-aislynn.livejournal.com]

Jackie's last line was SO perfect! Somehow, I think the Doctor is in for another smackin' whether he's Nine or Ten, lol! ;) I'm definitely looking forward to following both "branches" of the story! I like the idea of the Ten-angst but my inner fangirl is practically doing cartwheels over the prospect of getting to keep Nine! Woooooo! *cartwheels again* ;) ♥!

[amberfocus.livejournal.com]

Thank you. I thought she'd say something like that. Well, the Nine version is going to be quite a bit happier than the Ten version, so more cartwheels for it, I think. The Ten version will be more faithful to the series but with uber angst.

[absolutbritish.livejournal.com]

This is so wonderful, I can hardly wait for the next chapters. Absolutely fantastic.

[amberfocus.livejournal.com]

Thank you.

[bluevolvic.livejournal.com]

Yay! great update :D so glad to see a new chapter.

I loved the pregnancy test bit writtten in, it fits in perfectly to the cannon story ^___^,they just edited that part out of the boxset and deleted scenes hehe!

[amberfocus.livejournal.com]

Yeah, I enjoyed slipping that bit in. Just had to find the place to do it!

[starrynights24.livejournal.com]

*quietly sobs* Oh I should not have read this after having listened to "Double Income, No Kids Yet" at work this afternoon. *grabs tissues*

Another lovely update. Can't wait for the timeline split. Definitely looking forward to seeing how Nine reacts to some of the S2 stuff.

[amberfocus.livejournal.com]

Time line split is coming soon. Very soon. Sorry to make you cry!

[wiggiemomsi.livejournal.com]

Oh, I so agree with sunnytyler001; your version IS much better than RTD's. I firmly believe that your stories should be considered canon!

The voices of all the characters are spot on. Mickey is more fleshed out and believable than I've seen him before, and Jackie is just super as a concerned mom. Rose is so mature and responsible; I really, really like the "Roses" in your stories because they're brave and strong and -- mostly -- very adult when it comes down to the wire.

Finally, the Doctor. Nine is ... challenged. Happiness challenged. Full of self-fulfilling unhappiness. And he can be SUCH a git!

Thank you for continuing to write such enjoyable, enjoyable stories. *Hugs*

[amberfocus.livejournal.com]

I wish they were canon. Thanks. I'm glad you like how I write everyone. I mostly keep Rose mature, but I do like to add flashes of immaturity or childishness to both her and the Doctor.

Yes, but we love Nine anyway, don't we? *pets purring Nine clone* Glad you like the stories and I will keep writing as long as I have ideas and people to read them. *grins*