amberfocus (![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
amberfocus) wrote2008-06-17 06:32 am
amberfocus) wrote2008-06-17 06:32 am
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You Reap What You Sow (11-13 of 45)
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Chapter Eleven: Holding Pattern Breaks
Jack opened his eyes and coughed. “Anyone get the plate number of the lorry that just drove through my head?” He asked. His mouth made a wry smile that did not completely reach his eyes.
“How are you feeling?” Ianto asked.
“Like I should be dead,” said Jack. He started to sit up but two pairs of hands, Owen’s and Gwen’s, pushed him back down.
Before Jack could do anything, Gwen’s hands were busily undoing his buttons and helping him get his chest exposed. Owen quickly attached the leads and hooked Jack up to a nearby machine.
“Is he going to be okay?” asked Rose.
“Probably,” said Owen. “I’ve seen him come around from far worse than that.”
“Owen’s just being a little old lady,” said Jack. “I’ll be fine.”
“I’ll be the judge of that,” snapped Owen. “That was not a normal coma situation, boss. So you’re going to lay there until I’m done with you.”
“Didn’t know you had that in you,” smirked Jack.
“Shut it, you. When it comes to medical I get to pull rank on you, Captain Harkness. And I’m doing it. Now let me do my job.”
“Hey, no one’s stopping you.” Despite his forced good humor, it was obvious that Jack was not all right to those who knew him best. The experience had shaken the man right down to the core.
“Tosh, I’m going to need your help. Ianto, coffee please. Jack, I’m going to monitor you all night and Gwen…” Owen broke off and turned to her, “Can you stay and sit with him while I’m running tests?” He didn’t say that he didn’t want to leave Jack alone. He didn’t have to.
“Of course, Owen,” said Gwen. “Whatever you need.” She sat down beside Jack and picked up one hand. “You gave us a pretty big scare,” she told her boss while Owen did a quick run to the lab, Tosh following him out of the room.
“I was pretty scared myself,” Jack admitted.
“You had every right to be,” the Doctor said coming forward to the other side of the table. “I never should have let you do that.”
Jack coughed harshly then said, “Let didn’t come into it, Doctor. I was going to do what I was going to do. Did it work? Did we empty the device?”
“Oh, it worked, all right. But the Dorfinian took the engram reader with him. I’m afraid it was all for nothing, Jack,” the Doctor said gently.
“Wasn’t for nothing,” said Jack matter-of-factly, his eyes seeking a pair of soft brown ones. “Was for Rose and that’s never for nothing.”
“Thank you,” said Rose, her eyes filling with tears.
“Oh, no, sweetheart, don’t you cry for old Captain Jack.” He tried to sit up but Gwen pressed him back down again, so he reached out his free hand for Rose. Hesitantly she came near him and shifted the baby to the Doctor. She took his hand. “I’m sorry,” he told her. “So sorry. I really thought it would work. And now there’s nothing.”
“I wouldn’t exactly say there’s nothing,” the Doctor said slowly. “I can share my own memories with Rose. So can you, Jack, if I bring you into the link. The memories won’t be like Rose’s own, since they're our impressions of what happened and not hers, but we can give her what we remember.”
“Is that safe?”
“It’s perfectly safe. Only…well, there’s no way to control the type of memory transfer I’m talking about. She’ll see everything connected with each memory you choose to share. Even parts you might not be proud of,” the Doctor explained.
“If it’ll help Rose, I’ll do it,” said Jack automatically.
“You won’t be doing anything just yet,” said Owen as he reentered the room without Toshiko. “Not until I give you a clean bill of health.” He looked over the readouts on the two machines he had hooked Jack up, to. “I don’t like what the brain monitor is saying. You still have extreme levels of excitotoxins and neurotoxins circulating in your brain. Until those drop to normal, you can’t put any more stress on your mind. I’m sorry, Jack, Doctor, Rose. It’s going to have to wait. A few days at least.”
“I’m sorry, Rose,” Jack said.
“Don’t be sorry, Jack. You’ve already done far more than you should have,” Rose told him. “The important thing now is for you to rest and recover.” She squeezed his hand. “We’ll leave you to it. Good-night.”
Good-nights were said all around and Donna, Rose, the Doctor and Dare returned to the TARDIS.
“Is Jack really going to be all right?” Rose asked once Dare had fallen asleep and she’d settled him in the crib for a good long sleep.
“I think so. From what I was able to ascertain there’s been no real brain injury or lasting psychic damage, but he may have post traumatic stress brought on by the extreme fear,” the Doctor said truthfully. “Jack’s a strong man, though. He’ll push through it. His team will make sure he does.”
Rose sighed and looked down at her hands. “Can you really share memories with me?” She wanted to know.
“I can.”
“But?”
“The best memories to share are the most intense ones. I know that what I remember could very well overwhelm you. I don’t want to do that until you’re ready.” He explained.
“I just want to remember so badly,” she said, pounding a fist lightly into her thigh. “I get so frustrated. It’s one step forwards, two steps back and I’m sick of it. And it’s not fair to you.”
“I don’t want you worrying about what’s fair to me and what’s not. I’ll be here for you whether you remember or not. I won’t push you for more than you’re ready to share with me,” he told her. “There’s no reason to rush on anything.”
Rose bit her lip. “I want to remember how much I loved you,” she said. “Please. What memory can you share with me that shows me that?”
The Doctor looked down at his feet for a moment. He looked nervous when he finally met her eye. “Well, that would be the bonding, Rose. But…that’s the most intense thing I’ve ever felt in my life. And our son was conceived that night. If I share that memory with you now, it might be hard to hold off from acting on that memory.”
Rose blushed as she took his meaning. “You mean we might give in to our emotions? Our passions?”
“It’s likely,” said the Doctor. “And it hasn’t been six weeks.”
“Dr. Visily said I’m healed,” she told him quickly before she lost her courage.
“What?”
“He said we could whenever I’m ready,” Rose admitted.
“And are you ready, Rose?”
“I don’t know. I’m nervous and a bit scared, but I’m not against it, either. I’m not sure it’s not too soon, but…if the memory can’t be contained, if we can’t be contained, it won’t damage me if we carry through,” she said seriously.
“So you want me to do this? To show you my memory of our bonding?”
“Yes,” she told him. “That’s exactly what I want you to do.”
Chapter Twelve: Incomplete
The Doctor knocked lightly on Donna’s door and waited until she opened it. “Donna, could you do us a favor and keep an ear out for Dare? He should be down for the next several hours but…” The Doctor ran his hands through his hair.
“Of course,” Donna said. “You’re going to try to help Rose get back her memory?”
He nodded. “We’ll be in the garden if there’s an emergency, but erm…it might be kind of intense and I don’t know how things might end up…so you probably don’t want to go in there if you can help it…in case…you know, you walk in on…something.”
“You can be so adorable when you’re embarrassed,” snorted Donna. “Now get going and fix Rose.”
“This won’t fix her.”
“Well, it’s a start, isn’t it?”
“I suppose.”
The Doctor went across the hall to his own bedroom and stopped in the doorway. “Okay, Rose, Donna’ll listen out for Dare.”
Rose got up off the bed and joined the Doctor in the hallway. He held out his hand to her and she took it hesitantly, suddenly shy. Slowly they made their way down the corridor to the garden.
Once through the doors the Doctor could feel the tension leaving Rose’s body. The garden had always had a soothing effect on Rose and today was no different. They walked down the shell path towards the waterfall.
“Maybe the bonding is too intense a place to start,” the Doctor said, his calm assurance that he was doing the right thing suddenly leaving him. “We could just start with the wedding.”
Rose turned to look at him. “What are you afraid of, Doctor?” Her eyes were so open, warm and earnest, so easy to get lost in.
“I’m afraid I’m going to hurt you, Rose and that you won’t want to stay with me.” It wasn’t common for him to let her see how vulnerable he was, but right now he wanted her to know that she wasn’t the only one who was scared.
“That’s never going to happen. You would never hurt me.”
“Oh, Rose, if you only knew some of the things that I’ve done. There’s so much I’m not proud of.”
“Did you love me?” Rose asked, stopping his self-recrimination before it had a chance to start.
“Yes, I did.”
“And would you ever have intentionally tried to hurt me before?” she asked him.
“Of course not, Rose. You were my life. You were my everything!” he told her.
“Then what’s there to be afraid of?” Rose asked.
“Everything. There’s so much--.”
She interrupted him, unbelieving, before the excuses could fall from his lips. “I can tell that you don’t really want to do this. And if you’re not ready to do this, Doctor,” she said dropping his hand, “Then we don’t have to.” She focused all of her energy on keeping even the slightest trace of the disappointment or hurt that she was feeling off her face, but she wasn’t sure it was working.
“That’s not it, Rose,” he said but he wouldn’t look her in the eye and a wave of uncertainty radiated from him.
“You’ve given me so much these past few weeks. I understand if you don’t want to give me any more, if you don’t want to share this much of yourself with me. I can accept that. I mean why would you? I’m not the girl you fell in love with. I’m not the woman you married. I’m not the woman who gave birth to your child.” Her voice trembled. “I’m just…what you see before you. Incomplete. Broken. I’m sorry that I’m not enough for you,” she told him. “I guess I never will be again, if I ever really was.”
She turned away from him and ran past the waterfall and into the denser foliage. Tears started to fall and she rubbed her fists against her eyes. “Rose!” She heard the Doctor calling her, but she moved away from his voice and further into the vegetation. She felt so frustrated at that moment. And so very alone.
“Rose!” the Doctor called again. “Rose Tyler, you come back to me.” There was a hint of restrained anger in his voice. She didn’t answer him. She was too hurt, too confused, too bewildered by everything that had happened in the past three and a half weeks. He had said he’d wait for her; he’d said he’d do whatever it took but when it came right down to it, he wouldn’t even share his most important memory with her.
“Please, Rose! Please! I need you!” The desperation in his voice was palpable. Then she felt an awakening fury in her mind as the link between them flared brighter than it ever had before and she felt the driving onslaught of the Oncoming Storm coming towards her. She felt something predatory come alive inside herself and she howled, her mind racing for the fire in the darkness, seeking out the collision of minds.
The Doctor cradled the body of his wife in his arms. Her eyes were open and staring and she had gone completely limp, but she was not unconscious. He hadn’t meant for that to happen, not even for one minute. The TARDIS had located her precisely for him, her mental tone extremely angry at him for losing control. He felt bad enough for what he had done without the TARDIS putting her two cents in.
His control had slipped. He’d done everything he could to be patient and gentle with Rose only to lose it all in one moment of frustrated anger at the situation, and if truth be told, at her. He’d simply hesitated and she had taken it so personally. He’d thought he’d gotten through to her, reassured her of how much he loved her. He’d had his own moment of nervousness and had managed to scare her off like a frightened deer.
He had been so careful to withhold everything, to keep all of his emotions bottled up tightly as he dealt with her. He’d had no outlet for his own fears and desires, frustrations and pain at losing the Rose he loved. Then there had been that one night between them and he’d thought the steps backwards were over. But after this…he might never make a step forward again. He might never repair the damage of this night.
It had been like watching from outside of himself as he’d seen the link come active, seen it fire violently, felt his mind fling itself towards hers completely out of control. She’d already had her mind violated less than four short weeks ago. He knew how fragile it was and he’d worked so hard to rebuild her trust, to give her a place of safety to recover in.
And what did he turn around and do? He’d taken her mind by force. He’d taken it completely against her will, though in that moment she’d had no will for he had consumed it all. What was wrong with him that he could do that to the woman he loved? How could he allow himself to break when everything depended on him being strong? How could he break her?
Tears streamed down his face at the gravitas of what he’d done. He hated the word rape, hated what that word said, but it was the only one that came to mind when he thought of what he’d just done to his wife. Violated her mind in a way he’d have killed a man for doing if he’d done it to either Rose’s body or mind.
He rocked her body to and fro, waiting for the activity in her mind to reach a background din, but it was so noisy in there now. He kept his eyes glued to her face, waiting for her eyes to refocus, her thoughts to become less chaotic as she returned to reality.
“There’s…there’s so much,” Rose whimpered. “It’s too much. Doctor, it’s too much.”
“I’m sorry, Rose. I hurt you. I lost my temper and I hurt you.”
“What...?” She had to clear her throat and start again. “What are you talking about?”
“Your mind. I raped your mind.”
“No, you didn’t,” she managed to gasp out. “That’s not…no you didn’t.” She pushed away from him and turned so she could look at him. Her eyes were wide but not in fear. “Don’t think that. You don’t know what you did, do you? Take a closer look, Doctor.”
She picked up his hands and lifted them to her temples. “Look,” she implored. “I met the Oncoming Storm. I welcomed him. I cried out to the heavens. I went into your mind. I almost got lost there. And now I know you.”
“You remember me?” he asked.
“No. I said I know you. And I’m not afraid. I just need help calming the images. What do I do?” she asked wiping at the heavy perspiration that had broken out on her brow.
He could scarcely believe she was giving him this chance, that he hadn’t done something horribly unforgiveable after all. He put his hands to hers and raised them to his temples, then put his to hers. Slowly he entered her mind and showed her how to sort the chaos of information that she seemed to have uploaded into her brain from his.
Her breathing slowed to normal, her hearts beating at a regular rhythm once again as he showed her how to sort through and slow down all the images and feelings and emotions he’d managed to transmit to her. He’d given her his memories, but not the ones involving her. He’d shared with her his deepest fears, pains, regrets, the deaths of Gallifrey and so many other planets. The annihilation of species and galaxies.
She was panting as he finished sorting through the onslaught. As the immediacy of it stopped burning through her mind she was slowly able to use his help to shut it out. “You’ve shown me all of your pain. Now share with me again, Doctor. Show me all of your love and share with me the memory you were afraid to lose. Share with me our bonding.”
The Doctor took a deep breath.
Chapter Thirteen: Cohesion
“All right,” the Doctor said. “I’m ready.” He held out his hand and clasped hers, leading her to the Gallifreyan portion of the garden. A light breeze wound through the crystal leaves and the light tinkling sound of bells filled the meadow. The silver leaves on the other nearby trees flashed brilliantly in the filtered orange light.
“Take off your shoes and socks, Rose,” the Doctor said, following suit as she leaned down and removed the garments. Together they stepped onto the brilliant scarlet grass.
“It’s so soft,” Rose said as they walked together to a nearby tree with a purple flowering vine. The Doctor reached up and broke a long length of the vine free from the tree.
“This is the Time Vine, Rose. It’s used in the bonding process.” He brought it round her left wrist and watched it make Rose squirm as it climbed up her arm. He clasped her left wrist with his own and the vine began to climb his arm as well.
“It tickles,” she said with a bit of a giggle.
“I know it does,” he said. “Just relax into it, let it entwine us.”
Rose took a deep breath. “It smells like centuries passing,” she murmured from behind closed eyes. She felt the vine wrapping about her body and pulling her closer to the Doctor. As their chests pressed together she opened her eyes and saw his looking down at her with so much love and longing and warmth.
“What now?” she asked him, absolute trust suddenly shooting through her so strongly she nearly gasped aloud. She could feel the pounding of both hearts in her ears.
“Now you place your fingers here.” And he touched his temples. “And I place mine there.” And he touched hers. “Now close your eyes and hold.” Her eyes fluttered shut and she waited. Slowly the stress left her body until she was hanging limply against him; the only thing keeping her upright was the Time Vine holding her body to his.
She felt a soft warmth begin in her chest, gently suffusing her body in a radiant wave. The warmth slowly increased, the area of heat just above her hearts expanding and reaching out towards the Doctor. She sought his mind instinctively, dropping all of her barriers and finding the matching heat rising from his own chest. She felt the rhythm of their heartbeats slow to a matching tempo, the quadruple thump running through her body as their breathing synchronized.
The heat expanded, rising to a searing fire, as inch by inch it crept across her skin, until no part of her body was left untouched. Flames licked at her and she felt the sweat break the surface. A desire so passionate she fell to the ground swept through her mind. She was vaguely aware that the Doctor had fallen with her; that they lay upon the scarlet grass. Everything she was feeling was suddenly echoed, boomeranging back and forth between them each mind enhancing and raising the level of longing and unbridled need.
The tightness of the Time Vine gave way. Whisper soft, the heat took on brightness, searing through every cell in her body, lighting her from the inside and shining intensely through the Doctor’s body as his DNA called out to hers. She saw him as a vivid silver light, twining about her own golden one. Felt the fire between them begin to consume.
Perspiration rolled down her skin, a cooling path in the wake of the fire. A second wave of heat rolled off the Doctor and fired through her body and she felt herself trembling as her body’s physical need began to overwhelm her. She felt him shaking as their hands dropped to each other’s bodies. She felt naked skin beneath her fingers and wondered at what point that had happened.
Desire ricocheted between them and she gave in to its intensity. His fingers, generally cool to the point of being cold, slid down her body without diminishing the blaze. Rather, they stoked it higher. She didn’t know how she would survive this heat, felt like she would explode with the violence of its burning.
Then his lips were capturing hers and she felt his tongue slipping in to seize ownership of her mouth. She yielded to him without thought or compunction, simply gave herself over to the claim he was staking. As he kissed her, slow waves of bliss travelled from breasts to groin and she wondered if she might come just from his slow possession of her tongue.
Her body jerked upwards, her hips thrusting against him involuntarily. Her eyes rolled backwards in her head as the slow circling of his tongue around hers translated through her body and the violent surge of orgasm crashed through her. She let out a strangled scream against his kiss but he did not let up and soon she was slipping back into the fire.
When he let up on her mouth to move his lips to her jaw, she panted to regain her breath, still reeling from the explosion that had ripped through her moments before. She was given no time to think, nor did she really want it as his lips began to move further down to settle at her neck. She felt his hands move on her body, slide from her hips up to cup her breasts and she moaned as his thumbs found the delicate skin underneath them, gently caressing until she thought she just might lose her mind.
If she kept her eyes closed she could see the marks his lips left on her skin as pools of silver. She raised her own hands, lightly raked her nails across his back, saw them as slashes of gold. Her breathing began to skitter out of control again as his mouth found the nipple of her right breast and slowly circled it, so slowly she didn’t know how he restrained himself.
She brought a hand around to his pectoral muscles and flicked at his right nipple. She felt his breath hitch and his body rise up away from hers before settling back down close to hers again. His tongue had sped up its circling, bringing her to a sharp focus, as if her entire existence was concentrated onto that one spot.
Her thumbs began to gently rub at his nipples and his body squirmed against hers, shifting just enough to deny her access. His other hand trailed down her stomach to her thighs and as he began to stroke the soft inner skin she groaned, raising one hand to tangle in his hair. The other hand she ran down his side, feeling the wiry muscles around his ribcage. She brushed her hand down his waist to rest at his hip bone, then ran her fingers back up, this time digging in her fingernails slightly. Again, the golden tracks echoed in her mind.
But now he had transferred his attention to her other breast and the heat between her legs was growing ever stronger as his hands slowly approached, almost teasing in their refusal to quite touch where she wanted him to touch. She bucked again and felt him smile against her breast and at that point she wasn’t sure if she wanted to take the smile from his face or make it bigger.
She decided to make it bigger and ran her hands back down his body until they met at his abdomen and slid lower, grasping his length between them. He gasped and let up his assault on her breast and let her take control, her hands stroking him firmly as her mouth began to leave a trail that began at the double pulse point in the side of his neck and trailed down the center of his chest, following the path of hair to his navel, where she took her time circling it with her tongue.
She kissed her way back up and gave attention to his nipples and found that she, too, could make him buck against her with just a few flicks of her tongue. She grinned into his skin then and again followed the chest hair back down past his belly button. She stopped, opened her eyes and waited. His gaze focused groggily on hers for one moment before she smiled and moved lower.
He cried out in a strangled growl as her mouth descended, hot and warm. His eyes fluttered madly as he tried to maintain some semblance of control while she did everything she could think of to make him lose it. When she suddenly sucked in a mouthful of chill air, the ice contrasting so strongly with the heat that had been burning through him, he lost it. His orgasm thundered through him.
When she released him her hands continued to stroke him and amazingly he hardened again almost immediately. As he caught his breath he took control again, his fingers moving with purpose between her thighs and pushing them apart as he shifted his body and brought that delightful tongue of his back into play.
Her hands returned to his gorgeous brown locks, burying themselves and encouraging his enthusiasm until he had her bucking unrestrainedly against his mouth. His arms wrapped around her thighs as his tongue drove against her, raising her to a new level of sensation, focusing all of the searing heat into that one little point on her body until it exploded again and spasms wracked her.
When she could think, and even then it was only briefly, she was pulling him upwards by his hair, urging him to bury himself inside her though she spoke no words. Her body spoke for her and he did not need more than that. He plunged his length into her inviting warmth and stilled at her sob.
“Want you,” she managed, her eyes flying open and meeting with his. Their gazes did not break again as he began to move with slow even strokes inside her. She brought her legs up and locked them about his waist, granting him deeper access to her depths. Fire raced through her veins and again the expansive heat above her hearts soaked her body in its flame.
As her cells began to sear again with the brilliant intensity she increased the force used between them, her hips rising up with greater strength to meet his thrusts. He matched her until she was satisfied and together they raced forward to an orgasm so intense that silver and gold flared from their bodies, encompassing the entire garden in their light, the after-image taking minutes to fade from their temporarily blinded vision. The echo of their screams, the words ‘Doctor’ and ‘Rose,’ died away slowly.
When at last they returned to their right minds the Doctor wrapped his arms tightly around her and she snuggled into his side, never wanting to leave it again.
Ch. 14&15: http://amberfocus.livejournal.com/90552.html
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