We are Relentless

[amberfocus]

Title:  We are Relentless
Author:  amberfocus
Characters/Pairings:  Ten2/Rose, Ten/Rose
Genre:  Suspense, mild horror, romance
Rating:  Teen
Betas:  amyo67, jeprdyfrndly
Summary:  What if the hand you choose to hold is no longer there to help you through the darkness when the lines between reality and nightmare start to blur?
A/N:  Originally written for the Bump in the Night ficathon over at never_ever_will, but since they don't allow Ten2 at all (even as part of a nightmare, sorry), I guess it's just a fic in limbo now.  I knew what picture I wanted to use right from the start, prompt 14, image 31, but the story wouldn't come until I heard selected lyrics from the song Carjack My Heart by Dance Movie, which will be at the end.  I'm not going to bother with part 2 now.  It stands fine on it's own.

We are Relentless

Rose goes to sleep under warm, soft covers on a fluffy bed with the soft hum of the TARDIS echoing in her ears. The pale, diffused light that is normally everywhere around her while she rests is just on the other side of her eyelids and she feels safe and happy and content. The Doctor is tinkering just across the corridor in the console room and she smiles to herself as his pleasant humming of some song or other filters through to her. She finds it easy to fall asleep, knowing her love is nearby, knowing that nothing bad can ever reach her in the TARDIS.

* * *

The total darkness of the forest surrounds her and for a moment Rose is disoriented. She can smell the deep, distinctive scent of dirt beneath her body, the coldness of the ground, the fingers of the things that live in the Earth reaching for her and she tries to scream, but her throat won’t obey even the simplest of commands. She can’t hear anything familiar, doesn’t know how she came to be here, doesn’t know where the Doctor is or why she has been left behind, unable to get up, unable to speak, unable to wrest herself from the grip of whatever nightmare world this is.

* * *
 

Her eyes fly open and her mouth works furiously, a small sound emerging, but she finds herself in familiar surroundings and she’s fine, she’s fine, she’s just fine as the dim blue and green phosphorescence of her home glimmers around her. She doesn’t need to scream. She can still hear the Doctor and he’s singing now. He’s singing and he’s dancing if the clatter of his shoes against the grating is any indication. She’s home and she’s safe and nothing within the confines of the TARDIS can ever, ever harm her, so she forces every muscle to relax and she shuts her eyes, she can’t keep them open, and darkness descends with terrifying quickness.

* * *

She tries to wiggle the fingers of her hands and where she’s sure, despite her new reality, that there should be satin underneath them, all she feels is dirt and dampness. Something oozes onto her body, and she suddenly feels like she’s drowning, like something’s pressing on her chest and creeping into her lungs and she can’t breathe, she can’t breathe! A hollow sort of drum beat fills her ears and she realizes it’s her heart, just her heart, but her heart shouldn’t be pounding in her ears. It should be safely in her chest, but it’s not. It’s not. And a million little pinpricks suddenly jab at her body and all she wants, all she wants is the Doctor, because he can make this stop, he can make this all go away and all she needs is to find him, find his light in the darkness, find his hand, take his hand, run with him, always run with him. Why can’t she run with him?

* * *

 

“Rose? Rose!” She follows the sound of a name—her name?—drifting, somehow drifting through the forest, part of the forest now. Its dark reach is somehow taking hold of her heart and she hears him, someone—who?—someone. Someone singing a love song in a soft baritone, whispering in her ear and then suddenly shouting loudly and she doesn’t know who it is, doesn’t recognize the voice and she’s scared, because it should be deeper. It should belong to another man, a different man who’s somehow lost his face, somehow become someone else and she knows what that’s like, sort of, because once upon a time she lost her face. And they know that, somehow they know that, too, and they like the fact that she was so scared, that she is so scared, so scared right now while lost in the twilight world between merely existing and being whole and she opens her mouth but her scream is silent and lost and no one will hear her. She knows no one will ever hear her again.

* * *

 

Her eyes open once more, the only part of her not paralyzed, and this time she knows she can’t be on the TARDIS, that she can’t be safe, that there is no forest, but this is not her room, this is not her bed beneath her and the light, the glittering, gleaming light is not the soft glow she’s accustomed to, but a million little fairy lights surround her and she floats, she floats above the surface of the bed and she can almost, almost feel the fabric of the duvet under the one foot that trails downward. She can’t remember her name, she can’t remember anything but warm brown eyes that should be there but aren’t. Where is he? He promised her as much of forever as they can have and now he’s gone, he’s gone and left her. He’s gone. He’s gone. And she doesn’t remember who he is.

* * *

“Please. Please!” He’s not singing anymore and he’s not dancing, but he’s there and she feels his presence, feels him there, she feels her skin again and she struggles as something eases its grip on her lungs and she screams, she finally screams and her shrieks echo back at her and the weight of her body is there and she crashes down into the valley of sudden gravity and for one brief moment everything is real and solid again and then it’s gone. He’s gone and she feels nothing, just a cold, empty place where her heart used to be.

* * *

 

I never win. I never win. The words race through her mind and she tries to find her fortitude because she recognizes the thoughts as foreign, as placed there, as not belonging to her, but she can’t. She sees him tip his hat—when did he start wearing a hat?—and she curtseys back, and they are back, suddenly, a million fireflies in the shape of him piercing her mind and she just lets them in and she doesn’t know anymore if this is dream or reality because it’s been so long since she’s just been herself, whoever she is. She screams again, feeling it in her throat, hearing it, tasting it with salt and too much iron and whatever is happening is killing her. “Why won’t you stay?!”

* * *

Come back, come back, come back. The words are gentle, insistent, and a different sort of light flares into being. Her loneliness, her utter loneliness in the dark, is gone. It’s just a whisper. Just a breeze, but it brings hope with it. It is relentless. They are relentless. Somewhere a war is being fought and all she has to do is remember what side she’s on. If she can remember, if she can just see the way back to where she was happy, to the person who makes her happy, she’ll be fine. Eyes the color of chocolate, little wrinkles at the corners when he smiles. Freckles. A double heartbeat suddenly made single. I can spend it with you. If you want. Suddenly there’s a path and a hand to hold and all she has to do is take it and she’ll be free. She does. Her fingers find his. Her love. Her love. How could she have gotten so lost as to not remember this? “Rose.” The name is breathed like air. Yes. Yes. She is Rose. Yes.

* * *

 

Morning comes. Morning comes at last and she opens her eyes and whatever it was that has held her in its thrall all night has passed. He sits on the floor on his knees, his head pressed into her stomach and his hand firmly holding hers. The bed, for she is indeed on a bed, is theirs in their little flat in London. The baby TARDIS glows in the corner, casting a soft blue green glow and humming. She’s safe and he’s here. He’s here. The Doctor. Her Doctor. She reaches for his hair, runs her hand through it and he turns to look at her. “What—?” Her throat is dry and she coughs. “What happened?” He sits up, but doesn’t relinquish her hand.

“You were infected by Silurian imps,” he says tiredly. “They almost took you away from me.”

“I—I—was so lost.”

“I found you.”

“You stayed.”

“I’ll always stay,” he says. He lifts her hand to his mouth and kisses her knuckles softly. “Don’t you know that by now?”

She nods. “Of course I do. Will they come back?” she asks.

“No,” he says. “They’re gone.”

“I couldn’t fight back,” she said. “Not even in my dreams.”

“But you did,” he says with a soft, sad smile. “You did or you wouldn’t be here. I’d have lost you.”

“I heard you singing.”

“Gallifreyan lullabies,” he says wryly.

“They had such things?”

“Once upon a time.”

She smiles. “I love you.”

He nods. “Rose Tyler, I love you.”

* * *

He crawls onto the bed and he holds her until she falls asleep again, soft, muted breathing coming from her lungs. She’s fine. He reassures himself again and again that she’s fine. Everything will be okay now. He closes his eyes. Closes his eyes and wanders into the darkness and remembers that Rose isn’t really here, she’s locked away in a parallel world with another version of him, and he was never the one to say the words, never the one to stay. That he didn’t save her, because she isn’t really here to need saving, and that she didn’t really save him, either. It’s just another symptom of the disease, of a life without her, of a life lived in his own private hell, a product of his imagination. He can remember her name but he’s forgotten his own and he’s done fighting. I never win. I never win.

Fireflies light the room and the imps descend.


Lyrics

But I can’t fight back even in my dreams
My Fortitude is nothing like it seems
At night they come and I just let them in
I never win, I never win

As it stands you tip your hat
When I walk by and curtsey back
No one who knows us both would ever guess
What could be next
We are relentless

But I can’t fight back even in my dreams
Your valor’s short and useless like a scream
At night they come and take your face away
You never stay, you never stay