amberfocus (![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
amberfocus) wrote2010-07-24 02:46 pm
amberfocus) wrote2010-07-24 02:46 pm
Entry tags:
Feeling Better
I just wanted to say thank you to all of the people who sent me support and words of encouragement this week. There was a lot of stuff going on emotionally and I was at my breaking point. I am used to bending. I'm not used to breaking. It was...weird. I am so much better now. I've gotten my confidence back and have seen the nasty missives for exactly what they were. I've sorted things out with my friend and we are good again. I'm not going to answer the comments because that would mean unscreening them and I don't want to do that in case my friend was to read them. You were lovely jumping to my defense, but I don't want her to feel bad because she never, ever meant to hurt me and feels bad enough that she did. So just know that what you all said really meant a lot to me and I appreciate it all.
I'm still not writing fanfic and probably will take a full week to ten days away from it. I decided to work a bit on The Caretaker's Daughter after not writing for two days. I guess not writing at all for very long is too difficult for me. The Caretaker's Daughter is just a working title, but it was either that or Cemetery Girl and that sounds a bit flip, like something Buffy would say. It's interesting working with Catrin and Nathaniel again. Writing from the point of view of a fifteen year old girl and a 19th century ghost puts my head in a different mindset than the Doctor and Rose. Still got the age gap, though. *laughs* I want to write the whole thing for NaNo this year. It's been in my head for two years now.
I've made a lot of changes this week, decided to start doing things for me. One was going and getting pampered at the salon. It's been...at least a year since I got my hair cut. Generally I just snip my own bangs and ends when needed, but the ends were getting bad because of all the sun and chlorine and needed more than I can manage to do on my own. I was tempted to make a really huge change, maybe cut off 18 inches of hair or so and have it at chin length, but instead I just got a few inches taken off the bottom, long layers put in, and an extreme amount of thinning (let's just say the pile on the floor took three dustpanfuls to dispose of). It's curling like crazy with all the weight off it. It rests at the end of my shoulderblades instead of my waist now.
I love this salon. They spend twenty minutes just washing your hair and doing a scalp massage and deep conditioning. It's heaven. The hairdresser kept complimenting me on my hair and it made me feel really good. I love my hair and take really good care of it. Most people wash their hair far too often and with long hair that's just not good. Even if it's hard to go three days sometimes, it really is what is healthiest for your hair. But she just kept talking about how much she loved it and how well I took care of it and how shocked she was to see someone who actually did, because she sees a lot of abused hair. It sort of made my day.
She spent a lot of time styling it, working with my curls instead of trying to flatten them out like most hairdressers do. I like my curls. Anyway, she showed me a new method of styling that I really loved the result of. She used this great spray on pommade that doesn't make your hair crispy. It just stays nice and soft, but holds the curl. Unfortunately the salon was out of it, but I got the name and am going to see if I can find it online.
Well, that and Rose went with me to the salon and got her first fancy hair cut. Usually she just goes to Great Clips and has never cared about a style. Now she has this lovely style and she's really happy about it and it's making her excited about high school. It looks really good on her and I loved that we got to go together. After that we went to Hot Topic and got her a shirt and then to Penney's to get a hoody with built-in earphones and a couple of tops. Then we bought her some nice make up, just eyeliner and shadow as she has gorgeous porcelain skin with a natural rosiness to her cheeks, and I taught her how to put on eyeliner so it enhances her eyes but doesn't make her look like a hooker or her cousin who wears it more heavily than Rose Tyler at her worst.
Rose suggested a mani/pedi, but I can't stand the stink of those places. They usually reek of acrylics. I wish we had a Butter around here, since they use all natural ingredients. The closest Butter is in Seattle, though. *sighs* Living in such a granola town as this, I'd think they'd have something, but not so's I've found. Maybe in Fairhaven, it's the most granola area of the county. I'll have to call around and see. I've never had one, but my husband has gotten mani/pedis at the airport a couple of times when he forgot to clip his nails before heading up to Alaska. There's a Butter at Sea Tac. So I'm jealous and want one but not if it smells bad.
We signed up for an athletic club family membership yesterday and used the pool and today we came back for orientation on the Cybex machines (for us), the strength training (for Rose) and the raquetball courts and cardio equipment (both kids). Cybex had twenty machines and I was pretty happy just to make it through the circuit once doing 15 reps on each machine. They have weight plates as opposed to the hydraulics type I used at Curves years ago, but they aren't hard to change The goal is to do the circuit three times. Well, I'm pretty out of shape, but I'm hoping maybe I can work up to it after a month. I'm going to get some personal training sessions as well. I know what I need to motivate myself and that's accountability to another person outside of my family. Plus, I'll have someone there to make sure that I'm not overstressing the bad knee and that I'm doing the exercises to build the strength there back up again properly. I don't want to risk another knee injury. I'm doing pretty well since the surgery in December, but I want it to be even better.
Exercise helps me with stress reduction and it also helps me get out a lot of my anger and frustration so I think this will be good in helping me continue to get my equilibrium back and prevent another depressive cycle from getting out of hand if it should arise. I just have to make sure it doesn't go too far in the other direction. I hate managing this disorder sometimes, but at least the new dosage is working. Now if my world doesn't collaspe on top of me the next time I need a dosage modification, life should be good again. I just want to know how the lirkenwanqs knew the worst possible time to strike. Oh, well, I'm better now and I'm going to do everything in my power to make sure I remain better.
I'm still not writing fanfic and probably will take a full week to ten days away from it. I decided to work a bit on The Caretaker's Daughter after not writing for two days. I guess not writing at all for very long is too difficult for me. The Caretaker's Daughter is just a working title, but it was either that or Cemetery Girl and that sounds a bit flip, like something Buffy would say. It's interesting working with Catrin and Nathaniel again. Writing from the point of view of a fifteen year old girl and a 19th century ghost puts my head in a different mindset than the Doctor and Rose. Still got the age gap, though. *laughs* I want to write the whole thing for NaNo this year. It's been in my head for two years now.
I've made a lot of changes this week, decided to start doing things for me. One was going and getting pampered at the salon. It's been...at least a year since I got my hair cut. Generally I just snip my own bangs and ends when needed, but the ends were getting bad because of all the sun and chlorine and needed more than I can manage to do on my own. I was tempted to make a really huge change, maybe cut off 18 inches of hair or so and have it at chin length, but instead I just got a few inches taken off the bottom, long layers put in, and an extreme amount of thinning (let's just say the pile on the floor took three dustpanfuls to dispose of). It's curling like crazy with all the weight off it. It rests at the end of my shoulderblades instead of my waist now.
I love this salon. They spend twenty minutes just washing your hair and doing a scalp massage and deep conditioning. It's heaven. The hairdresser kept complimenting me on my hair and it made me feel really good. I love my hair and take really good care of it. Most people wash their hair far too often and with long hair that's just not good. Even if it's hard to go three days sometimes, it really is what is healthiest for your hair. But she just kept talking about how much she loved it and how well I took care of it and how shocked she was to see someone who actually did, because she sees a lot of abused hair. It sort of made my day.
She spent a lot of time styling it, working with my curls instead of trying to flatten them out like most hairdressers do. I like my curls. Anyway, she showed me a new method of styling that I really loved the result of. She used this great spray on pommade that doesn't make your hair crispy. It just stays nice and soft, but holds the curl. Unfortunately the salon was out of it, but I got the name and am going to see if I can find it online.
Well, that and Rose went with me to the salon and got her first fancy hair cut. Usually she just goes to Great Clips and has never cared about a style. Now she has this lovely style and she's really happy about it and it's making her excited about high school. It looks really good on her and I loved that we got to go together. After that we went to Hot Topic and got her a shirt and then to Penney's to get a hoody with built-in earphones and a couple of tops. Then we bought her some nice make up, just eyeliner and shadow as she has gorgeous porcelain skin with a natural rosiness to her cheeks, and I taught her how to put on eyeliner so it enhances her eyes but doesn't make her look like a hooker or her cousin who wears it more heavily than Rose Tyler at her worst.
Rose suggested a mani/pedi, but I can't stand the stink of those places. They usually reek of acrylics. I wish we had a Butter around here, since they use all natural ingredients. The closest Butter is in Seattle, though. *sighs* Living in such a granola town as this, I'd think they'd have something, but not so's I've found. Maybe in Fairhaven, it's the most granola area of the county. I'll have to call around and see. I've never had one, but my husband has gotten mani/pedis at the airport a couple of times when he forgot to clip his nails before heading up to Alaska. There's a Butter at Sea Tac. So I'm jealous and want one but not if it smells bad.
We signed up for an athletic club family membership yesterday and used the pool and today we came back for orientation on the Cybex machines (for us), the strength training (for Rose) and the raquetball courts and cardio equipment (both kids). Cybex had twenty machines and I was pretty happy just to make it through the circuit once doing 15 reps on each machine. They have weight plates as opposed to the hydraulics type I used at Curves years ago, but they aren't hard to change The goal is to do the circuit three times. Well, I'm pretty out of shape, but I'm hoping maybe I can work up to it after a month. I'm going to get some personal training sessions as well. I know what I need to motivate myself and that's accountability to another person outside of my family. Plus, I'll have someone there to make sure that I'm not overstressing the bad knee and that I'm doing the exercises to build the strength there back up again properly. I don't want to risk another knee injury. I'm doing pretty well since the surgery in December, but I want it to be even better.
Exercise helps me with stress reduction and it also helps me get out a lot of my anger and frustration so I think this will be good in helping me continue to get my equilibrium back and prevent another depressive cycle from getting out of hand if it should arise. I just have to make sure it doesn't go too far in the other direction. I hate managing this disorder sometimes, but at least the new dosage is working. Now if my world doesn't collaspe on top of me the next time I need a dosage modification, life should be good again. I just want to know how the lirkenwanqs knew the worst possible time to strike. Oh, well, I'm better now and I'm going to do everything in my power to make sure I remain better.
no subject
I'm glad you had some "me" time and time with your daughter. You'll both cherish that as she gets older.
I love your writing but I'm glad you're taking a little time off. Sometimes you need that to keep from burning out. just take care of yourself. When you're ready your muses will start talking again.
*hugs*